If Only I Could Disappear - Chapter 3

Sotis Marigold Mendez was born to become an empress.

When Sotis was born, the Duke and Duchess of Marigold were extremely delighted as they firmly believed that this child could change the future of the ducal family, who was gradually falling into decline.

“You have to choose wisely. To prevent us from only living as aristocrats in name and turning into history’s dust, the moves we make in the future are extremely important, Madam. You have to do anything for the sake of this family.”

At that time, the Marigold family, which was a time-honoured ducal family, stood at the crossroads of their rise and fall. That road was actually more like a downhill road.

The Marigold Duchy didn’t have any territory or plausible military power that was passed on from generation to generation. With members of the family assisting the Imperial family with politics, the family barely managed to maintain its reputation. However, there weren’t any decent talents even after a few generations, and it’s almost a decade since they were treated as a useless family with a long history.

At this rate, they will be forgotten by everyone in the most trivial manner.

With the purpose of becoming a nobleman, the duke married his wife, the ducal family’s only daughter, and became a member of the Marigold family. As such, it was impossible for him to return to his commoner status, no, it was lesser than that of a commoner.

Fortunately, the duke was considerably famous for his intelligence network when he was still a commoner. He wielded the wealth of most high-ranking nobles, even including the current emperor’s wealth, in his hands.

If he could fully utilise the cards in his hands, the dream of reviving the family wasn’t unachievable. He had nothing to lose. The Duke of Marigold made up his mind.

“Are you fearlessly threatening me with the dirty linen belonging to the Empress and I?”

“What do you mean threat, it isn’t unreasonable. This is just a deal. There’s only one thing I want, Your Majesty. Please accept our child, who will be born in the future, as a member of the royal family.”

At that time, the emperor only had a son, so if the ducal family also had a son, there wouldn’t be a marriage contract. If she found out that an eldest son was born to the Marigold Duchy, the empress would never have a second child.

The Duke and Duchess of Marigold prayed and prayed to all the gods in the world that the child they barely managed to have will be a daughter. Because only this daughter was the key to changing both of their futures.

And God ruled in favour of the ducal couple.

Sotis Marigold Mendez was a child that’ll be sold to the Imperial family for the sake of the ducal family.

* * *

Having a fiancé from birth was something that’s both strange and romantic.

Sotis was told to be an excellent crown princess, so much so that she was sick and tired of it. The one she will be marrying is the one and only emperor that will rule the Mendez Empire in the future, and she was to become this country’s mistress.

“You’ve changed the entire future of our family. You’re such a great child.”

Whenever that happened, Sotis wanted to say. Mother, all I did was to be born. Father, am I someone that can save people just by existing? But that’s the reason why Mother and Father’s gazes are so cold.

However, she’ll definitely be scolded for asking such a presumptuous question if she asked like that. At that thought, Sotis fell silent. The ducal couple seemed to treat her kindly, but it wasn’t warm. Their expectations of her were strict and rigorous, and the moment she toed the line, she would be faced with frightening and cold gazes.

‘It’s probably in order to raise me as an outstanding adult.’

From that single sentence, Sotis understood all of the ducal couple’s actions and words. There were many forms of love, and she thought that the ducal couple’s love that was prepared for Sotis was only one amongst them.

It wasn’t that she never thought of getting upset. But Sotis still held it in. Luckily, it was bearable. At least Sotis didn’t have to starve. And she didn’t need to wear shabby clothes or go outside and look for errands. There are countless such children in the world.

Although being satisfied with one’s situation because of another’s misfortune was cowardly, Sotis still decided to understand her own situation like that.

If she becomes an outstanding person, her parents will also become affectionate.

‘Someday, they’ll hug me and say that it’s enough.’

Every night, Sotis always held such a wish while falling asleep.

* * *

When did she understand what it meant to be promised the position of crown princess?

Sotis speculated that it was probably the day she secretly listened to the maids that looked at her and whispered amongst themselves in the Imperial Castle.

“Apparently, that person is the one that’ll become the crown princess…”

“I heard that her father is an information broker. Rumour has it that not a single aristocrat has ever caught the Duke of Marigold’s weakness.”

“Goodness, so isn’t selling his daughter to the Imperial family a weakness? That’s why they aren’t even selecting a candidate for the position of empress?”

“Shh! The Young Lady is going to hear!”

At first, she would occasionally feel anxious and uncomfortable as she didn’t understand the reason behind the cold gazes directed at her, but it disappeared like melting snow the moment she found out the reason.

So that’s why.

That’s why they flattered her as a child that changed the family’s future, and was Marigold’s hope.

That’s why she was told to grow up and become an outstanding adult.

Originally, the crown princess is selected by shortlisting the five most talented young ladies from the aristocratic families, and after the empress re-selected three candidates out of these five, the crown prince would select the one he favoured the most.

Ignoring all the procedures, Sotis was decided to be the crown princess. As such, it was natural for all the noble young ladies to dislike her, and for the attendants and maidservants in attendance to find fault deliberately.

An honourless position that she was qualified for.

That’s the kind of position Sotis was about to ascend to.

“Sister, if you don’t want to become the crown princess, quickly give it up to me. Father tells me daily that daughters that can’t even have a family are useless. Sister was chosen as the crown princess, so the young ladies were offended by me. Since that’s the case, I’ll be the empress. That’s why, if you aren’t interested, give it up to me. I’m sick and tired of looking at Father’s face whenever he laments about me not being a son!”

Whenever Sotis felt troubled or in low spirits, her younger sister Cheryl would flare up like a bolt of lightning. Whenever Cheryl shouted that it was Sotis’ fault she was being treated as a punching bag, Sotis wanted to protest.

I didn’t do that.

I didn’t do that…

But if it weren’t for me, you would be the one that’ll become the crown princess, Cheryl.

Cheryl’s words might not be wrong. As such, Sotis couldn’t bear to say anything. Duke Marigold’s will to make her the crown princess would never change, so all Cheryl could do was tremble at her fate of being sold under the name of marriage, or flare her temper at Sotis.

This was nothing compared to the hardships that Cheryl will face in the future.

Hence, Sotis would quietly listen to Cheryl with a pained smile whenever she poured out all of her hostility.

“If the crown princess was chosen through the normal procedure, the Duke of Marigold wouldn’t even be able to show his business card.”

“Of course. There aren’t just one or two prominent young ladies in their generation. There’s the sole daughter of the Margrave, and the youngest daughter of Count Trish. What about the Roshanak Viscounty? They’re all incredibly beautiful, and also are exceptionally talented.”

Within the imperial castle and the mansion, there were only red eyes of those eager to find fault with Sotis. When Sotis made a small mistake, they’d argue excitedly, asking how did such a person become the crown princess, embarrassing her, and even deceived her or gave her insulting looks on the sly.

“I have faith in you, Sotis.”

“……Yes, Father. I will never harm the Marigold family’s reputation.”

If she was pulled down from here, then she really wouldn’t be capable of doing anything. The entire world would mock her, and be anxious to talk about how lacking and improper she was.

With all her might, Sotis grew up dignifiedly.

Sotis had to be smart, wise, and impeccably faultless. It was as though she was stumbling on a single wooden bridge by herself, but Sotis gritted her teeth and endured, as she didn’t want to fall down the precipice that spanned vastly beneath her feet.

Fortunately, she was intelligent and wise. Although her body was weak from a young age, she was faster at learning than anyone her age, and moved with caution and grace. Having a beautiful appearance and gentle personality, she didn’t cause conflict with anyone, and often made contributions by solving problems that others found troublesome within and outside of the imperial family.

The imperial family didn’t have a reason to break off the engagement, and so they had no choice but to make Sotis the crown princess.

“A coronation ceremony for the crown princess will take place in ten days. You can think of it as an engagement ceremony. Do you have any questions, Sotis?”

“Well…”

Sotis pondered for a long time and answered with difficulty.

“I’d like to meet with His Highness Edmund at least once.”

Even though the marriage was decided from birth, the crown prince had never come to see Sotis before. When Sotis requested an audience, he would always have lessons, or respond that he was busy attending banquets and going hunting. As the future emperor, she could understand that he was bound to be busy, but it felt lonely to hold an engagement ceremony with someone whose face she didn’t know.

Perhaps because he thought that it couldn’t be avoided anymore, the crown prince allowed Sotis an audience ten days before their engagement ceremony.

“I’m Sotis Marigold. Greetings to His Highness the Crown Prince.”

At that time, Sotis’ fatigue and loneliness were at its peak. Although she tried desperately, no one recognized her efforts. It became natural for her to do well, and she’d be chided like it was an unforgivable crime for her to not do well, and this reality was so lonely that she dreamt of a life where she ran away after giving up on everything everyday.

However, although she dreamt of freedom, she was afraid of life outside the cage that she’d never experienced, she couldn’t actually go through with it.

Is there an end to this exhaustion? Is there a way out of this loneliness?

As she harboured such thoughts, she looked up and saw the crown prince.

“I’m Edmund Lez Seton Mendez.”

When she saw that face, her mind turned blank and a single thought came to mind.

‘I’m glad that I didn’t give up.’

‘I’m glad that I endured and reached all the way here. I’m so proud of myself. Although no one will know, despair and sadness wasn’t what awaited me at the very end.’

Is this what it felt like to fall in love at first sight?

Golden hair seemed to consist of melted sunlight spun into strands, and black eyes were like a starless and moonless night sky. Sharply distinct features and cold yet firm air.

None could easily look down on him, and none could easily beat him, the man that seemed like he was made to be an emperor.

“……I will do my best for the Mendez Empire.”

She knew that Edmund felt differently from her. She matured so quickly that there was no way she didn’t know what the feelings in his eyes were.

She already knew from the first time she made eye contact with the crown prince. How cold his black eyes were, how strictly he found fault with her. And even the fact that he felt regret about how he couldn’t find any flaws on Sotis, be it internally or externally.

But that was alright. After all, Edmund couldn’t refuse Sotis. The engagement will go ahead as scheduled, and Edmund will welcome Sotis as the crown princess.

He would hate it as it was a marriage that he had no say in.

Sotis tried her best to understand him.

‘It’ll be fine if I do well.’

If she became a smart and wise woman for the imperial family and for the empire, and quietly supported and took care of this country, Edmund would have no choice but to admit himself.

There would be a day where he’d look at her, who was valuable, warmly.

Her heart became tender, to the point of complacency.

* * *