If Only I Could Disappear - Chapter 31

“I have a favour to ask of you.”

The maids nodded eagerly, as though they would immediately soar up and pluck a star from the sky as long as Sotis could regain her vitality.

“Please speak, Lady Sotis.”

“No matter what it is, we’ll do our utmost best.”

“That’s right!”

“……Thank you. Then, Miss Rosaline, please head to the guest house before sunrise and meet the vitality sorcerers that Marianne invited in. It’ll be better if you leave now, in order to avoid the gazes of others.”

Sotis rummaged through her luggage and handed her a pearl necklace that the Duke of Marigold had given her when she was the crown princess.

“Use this as compensation. He doesn’t have to come in person. My request is for him to make a medicine that would warm the body, instead of restoring my lost vitality.”

“Medicine? That would take some time to make, Lady Sotis.”

“It’s not for me. Once it’s completed, please pass it to Her Highness Fynn.ier Rosewood.”

The maids jumped in surprise. They began speaking habitually without realising it.

“……Your Majesty! What do you…? Ah, no, Lady Sotis…….”

“A healthy baby will only be born when the body is warm. Father will only give up on hope only when Her Highness Fynn ascends to the empress’ throne in a stable manner.”

“However, Her Highness Fynn……”

Her Highness Fynn was the one that repaid Sotis’s grace with ingratitude. The maids swallowed down those words. It was because Sotis was looking at them with a determined expression.

“Miss Michelle, please place this luggage in the carriage in advance, and if Lord Lehman arrives while I’m away, please tell him to wait for a moment. Please complete the preparations so that I can leave immediately upon arrival.”

“Where will Lady Sotis be going?”

“I’m going to make a trip to the western detached palace.”

“…The western detached palace?”

* * *

“L—Lady Sotis, what brings you here… at such an early hour…?”

“I’m here to see Her Highness.”

The maid, who was on standby outside the bedroom, looked at Sotis with a troubled expression. The deposed empress came without a maid and asked to enter with a resolute expression. On the face of a timid and weak woman that didn’t have any followers within the imperial castle, an anxious and fearful expression suddenly appeared, but she still didn’t step down.

At the manner that seemed like she had to convey something, the maid hesitated.

“I—I’ll try to wake Her Highness Fynn, but… His Majesty Edmund has just left a while ago, so she might have just fallen asleep. She might refuse to meet.”

“I don’t have much time. I have to leave when the sun rises completely, so please tell her that I really want to meet her.”

“……I mean, even so……”

Although she wasn’t being pushy, the maid still felt nervous for no reason in particular. She kept wringing her hands and agonised over whether she should wake Fynn up or not.

Even amongst the maids, Sotis was one of the most difficult characters to deal with. Even throughout the entire imperial castle, Sotis was the only noble that would use honorifics to a maid that wasn’t a lady-in-waiting.

Although she wanted to listen to her polite words, it was questionable whether Fynn, who was with child, would suddenly become temperamental.

“……I’ll try, please wait for a moment……”

Just then, the sound of the door opening behind the maid’s back rang out.

“Come on in.”

Fynn, who was standing on the other side of the door, spoke to Sotis. There wasn’t any sign of sleepiness on Fynn’s face.

Was she not asleep since Edmund left? Sotis stared at Fynn’s pale face blankly and entered the imperial consort’s bedroom.

“Would you like to have a seat?”

“It’s alright, Your Highness. My apologies for paying a visit so early in the morning. I’m just here for a short conversation.”

Instead of sitting on a chair or the bed, Sotis leaned against the eastern facing windows slightly.

There was a mess all over the dark room. Two teacups were also on the table. It probably meant that Edmund was once here.

The emperor had never stayed in Sotis’ room for that long. As such, her room was always rather tidy. She couldn’t help but feel weird, despite knowing that she doesn’t love him anymore.

But this foreign sense of nausea will soon turn better. Sotis smiled faintly.

“Are you feeling better?”

Fynn answered casually.

“The baby is doing quite well.”

“No, I asked if Your Highness was feeling well, and not the baby.”

“Are you curious about that?”

Sotis replied with a smile.

“Of course.”

“…….”

“I will leave the Imperial castle in the morning. It’ll probably take half a month to return. Even if I return for a while after that, I’ll be coming and going quite frequently. And one day.”

She never thought that she’d say this in her entire life. Sotis inhaled briefly and continued softly.

“There will be a day when I’ll never come back.”

“…….”

“After you’ve given birth to the baby, if nothing happens, Her Highness Fynn will become the empress. As you’re aware, to become the empress is to take care of state affairs with His Majesty. I will assist you to a certain extent, but you must, no matter what, prevent this country’s collapse.”

“If Sotis leaves the Imperial castle?”

“For the time being, His Highness Abel will assist you with me.”

“Grand Duke Abel…….”

Fynn pondered for a moment and asked.

“Was your care for the Mendez Empire because of your love for His Majesty Edmund?”

“Similar.”

Sotis admitted graciously and smiled.

“At first, I thought that I’d gain recognition if I became a great empress. There’s no poorer political choice than throwing away a useful empress. Perhaps it began with impure intentions, but… Before I knew it, I truly fell in love with this country. Even if it started out of a desire to win His Majesty Edmund’s heart.”

It was also an extension of love. But at some point, her feelings became separated. While she was not in love with Edmund, it didn’t mean it was fine to let the country fall to ruins.

Sotis was born and raised in Mendez. Sotis loved Mendez, even if she had never explored every part of it with her own two legs.

“I don’t wish for understanding. I only hope that all the love I’ve given will not become shabby.”

Sotis spoke nonchalantly.

“Instead of living a comfortable life where you wouldn’t be kicked out for the rest of your life, why not take care of the country?”

“I’ll think about it.”

Fynn replied in an emotionless voice, and scanned Sotis with her green eyes.

“How are you feeling?””

“I’m fine, thanks to your concern.”

“Do I seem concerned about you, Lady Sotis?”

Sotis smiled clearly.

“……Yes.”

There was a brief silence.

Fynn let out a vague sound, and it was unknown whether it was a laugh, a sigh, or a click of the tongue.

Sotis Marigold. A woman without standing or honour. A foolish woman that bore duties that no one had forced her to bear. Someone that stumbled everywhere but never broke.

Fynn pulled up the low neckline of her gown such that her shoulders were clearly exposed. After a moment of contemplation while smoothing out her red hair, a corner of her mouth eventually curled upwards.

Fynn, who got out of bed, rummaged through the desk drawer with her cold hands. Soon, Fynn handed two parchment scrolls to Sotis.

“This is His Majesty’s exit permit and a blank scroll for emergencies. It has the emperor’s seal on it.”

Sotis opened the scroll with a startled expression.

Fynn’s words were the truth. It was marked a few hours ago, and the emperor’s seal clearly decorated the bottom right of the parchment.

“How did this…”

“If Lady Sotis continues to remain in the empress’ palace, the Duke of Marigold will continue insisting on conferring you as an imperial consort.”

Fynn replied like she was annoyed.

“You said that you were going to enter and exit like this, and end up leaving outright. If you’ll do that, I can afford you this much assistance.”

Her cold words were close to sarcasm, but Sotis smiled brightly and squeezed Fynn’s hand.

“……Thank you, sincerely. Your Highness, thank you very much.”

“…….”

Even if Abel stepped up to settle the situation, having the emperor’s direct approval would be much better. The faint pale shade on Sotis’ face completely vanished, and her smile was crystal clear and spotless.

“You don’t have to be so grateful. In any case, it…”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Sotis wrapped the back of Fynn’s hand, which felt colder than before, in her palms and transmitted her warmth while whispering.

“If you want the position of empress, so be it. Because I don’t want that position anymore. If Your Highness ascends to that position, I should congratulate you too.”

“……”

“I’ve asked the vitality sorcerers to make medicine that warms the body, so please take it regularly. For some reason, I keep feeling that Your Highness Fynn is getting emptier day by day. While it’s good that the child is healthy, you should also consider your own health.”

“Don’t be nice to me.”

Fynn shot back sharply.

“You know this, don’t you, Lady Sotis? I’m not the kind of woman that won’t forget the grave I was bestowed till the day I die. I’m not a woman born in luxury, and I’m not as kind-hearted as you. It’s useless to be this nice to me.”

“I can’t help it.”

The ends of Sotis’ eyebrows lowered as she laughed softly.

“I don’t know how to not be nice to you. I’m afraid I’ve never done that to anyone…”

Sotis’ cheeks turned red as she said that. It was because of the dawn that shone through the window.

The sunlight from the rising sun entered through the windows, subsiding the endless darkness.

“Please take care of Mendez, Your Highness Fynn.”

Fynn lowered her gaze and looked at Sotis’ hand.

Instead of a vain and extravagant wedding ring on her left ring finger, only the faint mark of a ring was present.

* * *

“I heard that you went to the western detached palace.”

When Sortis returned from her conversation with Fynn, Lehman, who had been waiting in the palace garden, approached her.

“You didn’t sleep a wink.”

“I had something to say to Her Highness Fynn. I didn’t want to delay the departure time because of that, so I went there in advance.”

Sotis examined Lehman’s face. His eyes were warm, but his eyebrows were furrowed.

Was her behaviour inappropriate? Sotis tilted her head quietly. Come to think of it, it didn’t seem like those actions were easy to understand. After all, there weren’t many that could go and meet the woman that pushed them out and took their place early in the morning.

Of course, for Sotis, Fynn wasn’t someone that could be easily defined.

“Is it strange?”

Lehman said after a moment of consideration.

“I was just worried.”

Lehman still felt hate and resentment wriggling in a corner of his mind at the thought of what Edmund and Fynn did to Sotis. Even though it didn’t concern him, he was just that angry and irritated that the person he liked had suffered.

But it was just the feelings of a third party. Lehman had no right to express his feelings. As such, he decided to silently obey Sotis’s decision without saying a word.

If that’s what she chose, if she wouldn’t have any regrets.

Lehman made a slightly wrinkled expression.

“If you’re ready, would you like to ride in the carriage?”

Sotis hesitated and held out her left hand. The hand, which felt much lighter than usual, landed on Lehman’s gloved palm gently.

“I look forward to working with you.”

“I’ll serve you with all my heart.”

* * *

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