If Only I Could Disappear - Chapter 5

Sotis was clever and quick-witted, and she managed to remember Lehman.

As Sotis sat by the window, she closed her hazy eyes and fell into thought, recalling the events that occurred then like she was dreaming.

Just as the wizard had mentioned, it occurred when Mendez welcomed a boiling hot summer. The ground was much hotter than past years as it didn’t rain at that time, and the people, who had remained gloomy due to the forecasted bad harvest, were delighted and pleased with the rare imperial marriage.

It was more than five years ago, but less than ten years ago.

Sotis, a fledgling crown princess, was very passionate. She wanted to do everything to make the world a better place, and to let Edmund, the crown prince, acknowledge that this marriage was the best choice for him and the Empire.

“Your Highness the Crown Prince, why don’t you take a look at how the country works with your own eyes before ascending the throne?”

After she became the empress, she would have to support this country with the emperor. Certain territories had the suffrage, while other places that had more influence than the emperor did.

Of course, Sotis wasn’t the woman chosen by Edmund, so she was bound to have more restrictions imposed on her than previous empresses did. In addition, since she didn’t have a very assertive personality, she wasn’t the type to come forward and settle the empire’s internal affairs one by one.

Even so, Sotis wanted to step up for the Mendez Empire at least once. She studied really hard for his sake.

Once they leave the imperial castle, a world that’s completely different from all they have ever known will unfold before their eyes. The disparity between the rich and the poor was as obvious as day and night, and innocent people died one after another in the blind spots of safety. Whenever things like a year of bad harvest, famine, and infectious diseases affected people’s lives, grief-stricken voices erupted from all over the empire.

Although Sotis had only understood their lives through her studies, it didn’t mean that she didn’t feel responsible for all their grief.

“Although I’m not required to attend the council yet, I think that it would be good to tour around the empire in commemoration of the wedding and soothe the forlorn hearts of the people.”

Sotis had even prepared a report that could support her claim. She couldn’t even sleep for a few days as she had to organise the places that they should visit during the imperial tour and their focus, as well as each region’s age-old problems and recent happenings.

But Edmund mocked Sotis coldly without even giving the report she had brought a glance.

“Do you want to flaunt the fact that you’ve become the crown princess in front of the people that badly?”

“……”

Sharp thorns grew out of those words, and dozens of those thorns pierced Sotis’s heart, which was full of anticipation, brutally.

“If I permit it, you will go and order a pair of gold earrings and new dresses right now. As that is the image that should be shown to the imperial citizens.”

In the face of an obvious insult, Sotis bowed her head and answered firmly.

“……As long as the people will brighten up, I’m entirely willing to do that.”

Edmund doesn’t know how much consideration Sotis had for their country. No, he wouldn’t even want to know. If he did that, he would have no choice but to acknowledge Sotis. As if he did that, he wouldn’t be able to mock Sotis, undermine her efforts, and take the choices she made as wanting to show off and humiliate her based on that.

Sotis left Edmund’s office and went to look for her father. She extended the report that she’d prepared all night long, amidst his nagging about how she should just focus on preserving her position and why she was doing such things.

“Please raise this matter during the council, Father. It will definitely help. This is for the sake of the people.”

The Duke of Marigold said it was meaningless, but he eventually did as Sotis wanted. It was because he thought that the contents of the documents prepared by Sotis were quite sound, and that the crown prince and princess could stabilise the people’s sentiments.

However, when the Duke of Marigold revealed Sotis’ documents, the emperor merely mockingly said that everyone was working hard to justify the crown princess’ actions.

“Lady Sotis, even if you don’t do this, you’re still this country’s crown princess. As such, don’t do things that will invite difficulties onto yourself, please.”

The Duke of Marigold grabbed Sotis and said.

“Please don’t do anything.”

“…….”

“You’re helping many people by doing nothing. So please, just… Please remain still like you’re dead.”

When Sotis made a sad expression, an ‘oh no’ look appeared on the Duke of Marigold’s face. However, the water was already spilled, and the duke easily justified his words and actions, saying that he didn’t say anything wrong.

Sotis lowered her head, feeling stifled.

Don’t do anything. Telling her to remain still like she’s dead.

Shouldn’t she be given a chance, even if it’s only once? Was it that difficult of a task that he’s telling her to maintain her position quietly like a doll?

Why?

“Your Highness the Crown Princess. Would you like to go outside for a moment?”

Although she eventually went on a tour of the empire as she wanted, Sotis’s gloominess didn’t disappear that easily. As she slumped down in the barracks and patted her chest, a maid that was watching her sadly approached while holding out a thin coat.

“……If I go out secretly, I will be castigated by His Highness the Crown Prince.”

“However, His Highness the Crown Prince went to attend the banquet. He doesn’t have any interest in you, Lady Sotis.”

The maid was almost in tears as she continued.

“The festival outside is currently in full swing, Lady Sotis. I don’t know how encouraged people are to hear that you’re here. Don’t go too far, just a little in front of me. What? If you return by midnight, I’ll do my best to stall until then.”

“I’m afraid that people will recognise me.”

At Sotis’s words, the maid clenched her fist and took out some clothes from her luggage.

“……Please wear my clothes, Lady Sotis! People won’t be able to recognise you if you wear this and a cape with a thin hood. Let’s braid your hair together and hide it in the back.”

“Can I really do that?”

When Sotis still hesitated, the maid stuffed her clothes into Sotis’ hands.

“Of course! If not now, you may never get another chance, Your Highness the Crown Princess. While it hasn’t been long since I started serving you, I still respect you and like you very much. You’re kind, not only to me, but also to the other maids, and…”

The maid whispered as she loosened the strings of the uncomfortable corset that was squeezing Sotis’ body and dressed her in comfortable and simple clothes.

“Lady Sotis is very smart and very kind. I know that fact better than anyone else. That’s why, please don’t feel too hurt by those that ignore and mock Your Highness’ efforts…”

The maid smiled at Sotis, who looked like she was about to cry, and quickly used the hood to cover her face.

“Oh, honestly, Lady Sotis. Now isn’t the time for you to be like this. Come on!”

Just like that, Sotis looked at the outside world for the first time.

Instead of the ducal mansion or the imperial castle, but the bustling town and square where many people come and go.

It was a sweltering hot midsummer night that was buzzing due to the festival, and the people had radiant expressions.

The corsetless dress, which she had never worn since she matured, fluttered near her ankles freely, and the low heeled shoes were so comfortable that she felt as though she could fly. Although it was very stifling inside the hood, Sotis couldn’t help but smile brightly whenever a gust of cool breeze blew past.

It was her first time experiencing freedom.

So this was how people lived in these places.

“Erm… Are you okay?”

After wandering around for hours, Sotis found a man in a back alley. That man wore a hood that practically covered his entire face like Sotis, and was leaning against a pile of discarded boxes helplessly, his shoulders drooping down.

He looked very tired and despondent, and his eyes seemed to be hurting from how he rubbed his eyes with his palm from time to time.

Sotis couldn’t bear to turn a blind eye and approached carefully.

“Do you…… Do you need any help? Mr. Traveller.”

Unable to walk past a citizen that was in need of help, the crown princess looked around with a troubled expression. After a moment’s hesitation, she offered the drink that she bought at the market.

“Would you like some of this? The weather is very hot.”

“Thank you……”

The man rubbed his cloudy eyes and looked up at Sotis.

He was Lehman Periwinkle. When he heard that his teacher, who had vanished without a trace, was at Mendez Empire, he came here without any countermeasures and started looking for him, and ended up drifting to this place.

Lehman, who was suffering from severe eye pain due to his spiritual eye’s awakening, couldn’t distinguish anything about the woman before him, other than the refined manner of speech that aristocrats would use, and the friendliness and warmth of her voice.

Lehman quickly moistened his throat.

“I’m not a traveller. If you really wanted to know, I’m more like a nomad. I was looking everywhere for my teacher, but it seems that he didn’t head in this direction. I intended to go to the capital, regardless of whether I bought a donkey or hitched a ride on a wagon. But…my wallet was stolen. At this rate, I won’t even have a place to sleep today, let alone head to the capital. I’m quite pathetic, right?”

Sotis felt heartbroken at the sound of his despairing voice.

Of course, she had never ridden a donkey, nor had she been anxious about getting on a wagon. She’d never personally carried a purse before, and she didn’t have to worry about her meals and accommodation for her entire life.

For someone wealthy like her, it was akin to someone else’s business, but she could at least understand his despair.

It was owing to the long efforts Sotis had placed into understanding others’ feelings and sympathising with them, as well as learning how to laugh and cry together.

“Give me a moment.”

Sotis didn’t take too long to consider. She took off the brooch that held the thin cloak together resolutely and handed it to Lehman.

The emerald within the leaves made of gold was sparkling.

Even when it was faintly visible, he could tell that it was a very valuable item. Startled, Lehman nearly dropped the brooch.

“Is it not enough for your travel expenses? But you won’t have to be troubled over not having a place to sleep tonight.”

“W, w, why are you giving this to me…?”

“This is…”

As you’ll eventually be one of my Imperial citizens that I’ll have to take care of. Sotis smiled, unable to give him a reply. There was nothing good in letting him know that she was the crown princess.

“This is too expensive. Erm, Miss… You don’t have to help me so much, as we’ve only just met. I’m greatly indebted to you just by receiving something to drink.”

“It’s alright. I’ll be very happy if this can help you in any way. If you think that I’ve helped you too much…”

Sotis replied after careful deliberation.

“Just as I’ve helped you, if you ever meet anyone that’s going through hardships and sadness, please don’t turn a blind eye and render them assistance. The world will definitely become a better place if you return the good intentions that you’ve received unto others.”

This was also the future that Sotis hoped for the Mendez Empire. The future which the Duke of Marigold actively dissuaded her by saying that it was impossible, and Crown Prince Edmund ridiculed her for her unrealistic idealism.

But no matter what they said, Sotis had no intention of bending her ideals. Nothing will change if all they did was remain cynical without even attempting it.

She’ll do anything. She believed that if she started from the places she could reach, changes would transpire even if only one thing was altered.

“……I, I’ve got to go now……”

With a breeze, the hood that wasn’t fixed in place by the brooch fluttered along it and revealed Sotis’ face. Her braided hair came loose without her knowledge and her purple hair flew everywhere, causing Sotis to flush with embarrassment.

What if he finds out about it?

Would he mock her goodwill, calling it the arrogance of the haves? What if he asked if she was sympathising with him and became angered?

She really just wanted this person to get out of his predicament.

Sotis left the man behind and hurried back. She went straight back to the barracks urgently, and had to gasp for air for a while after arriving safely.

* * *

— So it was you. 

Sotis opened her eyes.

The woman, who clutched her pounding heart and worried over the safety of the man she didn’t know the name and background of, was still lying down with her eyes closed like a painting.

Sotis’ soul murmured quietly amidst the silence.

— You’re that person. 

She remembered him now.

Lehman Periwinkle, the Wizard of Salvation.