If Only I Could Disappear - Chapter 9

There were only two days left before Finnier Rosewood’s imperial consort conferment ceremony.

Sotis Marigold Mendez was still floating in her soul state near her body, which was asleep. She looked glum. That’s because she heard from Lehman that Fynn, of all people, found out that her soul was separated from her body, and was conversing with him while in that state. 

Lehman wanted to console her, but anything that he said seemed like a poor excuse, so his head was bowed like a sinner.

“I’m sorry, Your Majesty. I should have been more careful.”

— There’s no such thing as a lasting secret, Lehman. It is something that can’t be helped.

Sotis sat by the window and looked at the butterflies that were flitting around her.

— Since Lady Fynn is aware, it’ll only be a matter of time. I don’t know what His Majesty would say. I’m afraid, no matter how he reacts. How much more will he ridicule me? Perhaps she isn’t preparing for the Imperial Consort’s conferment ceremony, but the Empress’ conferment ceremony. She must have been delighted to have gained a golden opportunity. 

Sotis’ murmuring gradually trailed off, and she seemed hazier than the butterflies flitting around her. Lehman rose from his seat fearfully. Although he wanted to approach her, he was worried that she would be offended, so he couldn’t bear to close the gap and just looked at her earnestly.

“I won’t let that happen. Even in the Imperial Family, there should also be a process. I had looked around the Imperial Castle in the morning, and it was calmer than I expected. At least, rumours didn’t seem to have spread around. There’s still time.”

— Time?

Sotis shook her head as though she was tired.

— Is this the end of the line before I become a deposed empress? It’s over now, Lehman. The kindness that you’ve shown me has definitely made me happy and touched, but I can’t find a way back to my body. Even if I returned, there’s nothing that I would want to do. 

“Your Majesty Sotis……”

Lehman habitually tried to ask for a little more time, but he gave up.

Sotis might be someone that should have disappeared long ago. What if she’s a soul that should have already died, but she was just lucky enough to maintain a human figure? If her soul has left her body according to her will… If he requested for more time with the reason being that he wanted to repay her kindness, his feelings would just fetter her.

Once he realised that fact, he didn’t dare to say anything. Sotis’ reality was cruel, heartless, and only served to break her heart, while Lehman didn’t have the power to save her.

For such a Sotis, what is the value of asserting that she had a duty to live her life? Is a life that only brings her pain really a blessing? Is there anything worth looking forward to in her future?

As Lehman bowed his head gloomily, Sotis furrowed her brows and gave a faint smile.

— Lord wizard. 

“……Yes, Your Majesty.”

— Why are you going to so much trouble for my sake, Lord wizard?

Lehman raised his head to look up at Sotis, like he was asked about something very strange. His amber eyes moved around like he was about to shed tears.

Sotis hmmed and opened her mouth.

— I know that I’m your benefactor, but it wouldn’t be good if it puts your position in jeopardy. You’re part of a delegation from the Kingdom of Beatum that came here at my request. That fact alone might cause His Majesty to find you objectionable. I’m worried that it might implicate you. 

Sotis’s shoulders curled inwards slightly and she tilted her head, causing the light purple hair to flow gently down her shoulders.

— Even if you pretend to not know me, I won’t blame you. 

Lehman immediately refuted.

“If everyone says that this can be disregarded and turns their heads away, the world will be cold, like you’ve been trapped in an everlasting winter. Your Majesty was the one that showed me a world that isn’t like that.”

He dragged a chair towards the soul form of Sotis, and not the Sotis that was asleep, and quickly changed the subject.

“Your Majesty, aren’t you curious about what happened to me after you saved me?”

Sotis listened to his words reflexively.

— You said that you came to Mendez to find your teacher, Lehman. You should be fine for a few days after selling the brooch, but… Did you successfully find that person and return back?

“Don’t get me started. After I sold the brooch to a wandering jeweller the next day and bought a donkey to transport supplies with the remaining money, my teacher staggered out of an alley, drunk.  It turns out that as he wandered about, he saw an extremely dazzling soul in the vicinity, and even looked around the festivities..”

— A dazzling soul?

“Yes, my teacher was born with eyes that can examine the soul’s goodwill. He can see how kindhearted and brilliant their hearts are, and how much deceit and sins have caused it to blacken.”

Sotis was captivated by Lehman’s story before she knew it.

— Such a soul is actually in Mendez?

“From how it left that village the next day, it doesn’t seem to be a resident. At that time, rumours about the newly conferred Crown Prince and the Crown Princess going on an imperial tour had spread, thus it attracted a lot of people. He wanted to follow the trail of the person that left, and although he could do that……At that time, there was a difficult situation in Beatum, so my teacher’s presence was urgently required. As a result, it’s unfortunate its identity wasn’t confirmed.”

— It’s a relief that you didn’t have to wander for a long period of time. You must have had a hard time because you didn’t come over as a distinguished guest.

Lehman smiled broadly.

“I didn’t have any financial woes after meeting up with my teacher, so I tried to repurchase the brooch that Your Majesty gave me. But the wandering jeweller has moved on, and I lost him while I was uninformed. Eventually, I asked my teacher for his understanding and started to look for my benefactor’s brooch.”

— …You went to get it back? Why?

“I didn’t feel too good because I kept recalling about selling another’s kindness, which was rendered to save me, at a bargain price. In addition, only with the brooch can I gain the pretext of finding the object’s owner. That way, wouldn’t I be able to visit my benefactor and repay her for her kindness?”

It was something completely unexpected. Sotis stared at Lehman with surprised round eyes.

It was alright if he traded it with a loaf of bread. If it could save him from hunger, Sotis wouldn’t have felt sad or upset at all. But to think that he actually had such an incredible thought.

Has anyone ever valued her choices like he did ever since she was born? Her heart tickled inadvertently and she smiled slightly.

Lehman’s voice was both amiable and low, so it sounded very good, and the way he kept smiling gently while talking about the past made her want to ask what had he seen and felt.

Sotis leaned forward slightly and asked with an expectant voice.

— So, did you manage to find it?

“Let me skip the journey’s details, and I did find it in the end. It’s one of the things that I treasure very much. I placed it in the magic tower in hopes… that I can present it back to you one day. I had such a hard time catching the fast-paced wandering jeweller. You’ll be so surprised when you hear about it!”

— It sounds like it was quite a chase. 

It was quite hard to imagine Lehman Periwinkle, who rarely makes loud noises, run hurriedly to catch someone.

At the curiosity within Sotis’ water-coloured eyes, Lehman said with a rather exaggerated voice.

“Don’t even mention it, Your Majesty. After about ten days of hard work, I was rushing to the south as I’d finally heard that the jeweller had visited a certain village. The donkey that was unable to eat properly was exhausted, and so I just left it to my teacher, and I cut through a cornfield hurriedly… However.”

Suddenly, Lehman’s expression became very serious.

“The ground was pounding and something was chasing me from behind.”

— …Something was following? What was it?

When he did not answer immediately, Sotis’ curiosity grew. He dawdled deliberately, to the point where others would find him cruel.

What in the world was chasing after him? Was it the local garrison that found him suspicious? Was it the residents that were angered as he entered the cornfields without permission and ruined the crops?

When Sotis looked at Lehman nervously, a mischievous smile spread on Lehman’s serious face.

“There was a boar chasing from behind!”

— Goodness. 

“After years of drought, there was nothing to eat in the barren mountain, so the wild boar came down to the place where people lived. The boar was chasing me from behind, but I couldn’t give up on the jeweller, otherwise he’d leave for another place…”

Sotis asked gravely, even though it was all in the past.

— So… What happened?

“It was a complete mess then. I called the jeweller while shouting, and that jeweller was so shocked at that appearance that he ran away while shouting like he’d seen a ghost…….Think about it. The appearance of two outsiders and an animal madly dashing through the cornfield… The villagers were laughing so hard. It was an experience that was both dizzying and absurd.”

Lehman laughed and added.

“The villagers who saw that scene gave out some corn. After many setbacks, I finally managed to grab that jeweller and paid extra to purchase the brooch again. Although I fell and tumbled around in the cornfield and got scolded by my teacher for turning into such an unkempt state, I don’t regret it.”

As he said that, Lehman smiled brightly. His face was filled with unwavering joy and respect.

Lehman told Sotis the story in detail. It was as though he wanted to convey everything he saw, experienced, and felt at that time.

He rose from his seat and suddenly reenacted the situation when he was chased, and he deliberately made it out to be very comical despite the urgent situation, making Sotis burst into laughter.

He had the power to bring warmth to people’s hearts and make them laugh together.

“I was given three baskets of corn, and about that. I ate them one by one and was only left with its husk. Then I threw the cornstalk back like this.”

It was just a lie in hopes that Sotis would be in awe. At a period of time when the entire land has dried up due to famine and drought, and even wild animals would wander around human settlements, would a villager give three baskets of corn to an outsider?

Sotis didn’t believe that line, but at the same time, she knew that Lehman was purposefully exaggerating and hoped that he was amusing to her.

Sotis pretended to be deceived and laughed, saying.

— Thank you, Lehman. Thanks to you, I feel happier.

The mischievous expression slowly faded from Lehman’s face. When the corners of his mouth, which had been lifted up high, dropped a little, he smiled like he was about to cry.

“It can’t get any worse than this as time goes by, Your Majesty Sotis. Your Majesty has done nothing wrong, so everything will return back to normal.”

— ……

“I’m a foreigner, so there’s not much I can do in this country. First of all, Your Majesty should pick someone that you can trust and rely on, and explain the current situation.”

To comfort her, Lehman added.

“I heard that ever since Your Majesty was the Crown Princess, you have consistently strived for projects that would stabilise the people. In particular, the instability of Mendez’s environment in recent years, which led to famine and an epidemic, which has killed many people. There are many incidents of people that were unable to hold a funeral in time and those that have died wrongfully appearing like illusions, tormenting the living and giving them nightmares.”

— Yes. After careful deliberation, I thought that there might be something bad going on in the empire. It’s a coincidence that Beatum had a wizard that could guide souls, so I wanted to request for their help.

Lehman smiled and placed his hand on his chest.

“I’m here because I’m the one that’s most suitable for the job. Your Majesty, please cooperate with me so that I can assist the souls and the people of this place. In order to do that, we need a collaborator, and Your Majesty has to adjust your mentality and wake up.”

Sotis asked with an uneasy voice.

— …Can I do that?

Lehman responded resolutely.

“It’s something that can only be achieved by Your Majesty.”

* * *