If You Wish For Something Useless - Chapter 5 – Different From The Original (1)

On the third day after arriving in the Principality of Fedora, Ethan had a light breakfast in his bedroom and suddenly walked away after looking at the scenery outside the window. Leaving the bedroom excitedly, he headed to the castle wall.

When he climbed to the place where he could see the landscape outside the castle at one glance, the blue sea filled Ethan’s view.

The sea meeting the blue winter sky was sparkling. The snow that had piled up everywhere reflected the sunlight; it was dazzling.

The scene made Ethan recall the image of Fedora Castle, which remained hazy in his memories. Too much had changed.

He couldn’t believe he was seeing with his own eyes the place he remembered.
He realized that almost twenty years wasn’t a short time.

Perhaps because the environs that contain the unfamiliar appearance were also familiar.

Holfman, where the siege was located, was the largest port city in Fedora. Thanks to this, it was easy to see the ships that filled the harbor when they climbed the wall.

To this day, there are a total of eight ports that have prospered to the extent that their names are known throughout the continent. Three of them were in the fedora. It means that trade through Fedora impacted the entire continent.

A city more prosperous than the one in his memory, a vast port, and even the ships that filled the shoreline.

Ethan saw it all and thought it was amazing.

“19 years…”

It was the time it took for the young child to leave this place and come back again as an adult. A time that could never be called short had passed, and so many things had changed for Holfman in the meantime.

But, strangely enough, he didn’t think it was unfamiliar to him. Perhaps it was because the location that contained the unfamiliar appearance was somewhat familiar.

“Oh, that…”

“Yes?”

Philman, the escort knight, tried to say something, but Ethan wasn’t listening.

A rocky mountain towering in the middle of the distant sea remained where he remembered it. The familiarity he found among unfamiliar things gently loosened Ethan’s lips.

“Here… I think it was around here.”

Mumbling to himself, he looked around and walked a little further from where he had stood originally.

As he remembered, the flag of the Principality of Fedora soared up next to the rocky mountain. The flag fluttering in the rough sea breeze contained a magnificent figure, as he recalled. A symbol of the blue dragon, the guardian of the sea mentioned in mythology.

“Here it is…”

“Young Master?”

“It’s nothing. I’m just thinking about something from the past, so don’t mind me.”

After answering Philman, Ethan continued to watch the view unfold before him. As if trying to engrave the landscape into his eyes.

‘If I keep it like this for a long time, I think I will be able to remember it even if I leave this place again.’

“Back then… I think I saw it on the railing like this…”

Most of his memories were hazy. But among them, the memories with a high field of view were the clearest. The memories of being held in the arms of the Archduke or Sylvia stuck with him. It was the same memory that contained that big rocky mountain. He vaguely remembered the young Grand Duke holding him and smiling.

In the past, he was here in the arms of the Grand Duke.

“It’s a strange feeling…”

It was a twenty-year-old memory that stayed in his mind, but he hadn’t thought it would remain so clear. It must have been glorified and distorted over time. But when he saw the same scenery again, it felt the same.

Ethan looked for a long time at the rocky mountain, lost in thought. Covered in plain snow, the place remained as he remembered it.

The empty longing that existed deep in his heart began to fill. Affectionate, cozy, and warm. He definitely missed this place.

However, it wasn’t for him.

He arrived in Fedora only three days ago, but it had been over 20 days since he left the Duke of Orman’s residence.

The emotions that filled his mind thinking of the place he left were enough to tell.

When he thought of the Orman’s residence, its presence in his heart showed as a vivid and intense longing, incomparable to and overwhelming the yearning he felt while looking at the rocky mountain.

After realizing it, he could clearly tell.

His place was in Orman.

Ethan smiled, confirming the fact anew.

“Ethan?”

He heard an unfamiliar voice call. Ethan looked back at the sound and found Archduke Fedora, who had risen above the wall.

“Father.”

As if hesitating for a moment, the Archduke approached him. Philman, who had stood next to Ethan, took a couple steps back in silence.

“Were you taking a walk?”

The Archduke, standing on the wall alongside Ethan, started a conversation.

“Yes, I wanted to check if my childhood memories were right.”

“Childhood memories? What do you mean?”

“… I think it was around here, did Father ever come here with me, holding me in his arms?”

“Aahh… quite often, actually. Because you liked high places.”

“I — Really?”

Ethan asked, feeling puzzled. He had never particularly preferred or enjoyed high places during his youth.

Unlike the perplexed Ethan, the Archduke nodded with a nostalgic smile.

“Especially, you used to go up the steeple or the wall. Thanks to that, your servants and escorts chased you around all the time hahaha.”

The Archduke laughed softly and told Ethan about the past he couldn’t remember.
“Then there was a dangerous time when you climbed a spire and fell through the window you opened! Since then, the spire entrance was blocked, and you cried your eyes out to be allowed to climb it again!

Ethan could feel his face burning. He hoped that this past he couldn’t remember was an exaggeration.

“After repairing the spire, I opened it up again… you kept crying during the repair, so I brought you here often. Do you remember that? You were three years old.”

As the Archduke talked, Ethan felt ashamed when he imagined himself crying.

“…It’s just a brief memory. Now, I don’t really like to go to high places, so I didn’t know that happened.”

A chagrined Ethan answered with his reddened face bowed.

“Yeah, Via told me. After going to Orman, you’ve never been to a higher place. She must have been curious about that too.”

Ethan looked at Archduke Fedora involuntarily while his face cooled down.

“Mh?”

The Archduke looked at his face with a straight gaze that made him feel a little uncomfortable.

“Do you want to ask something?”

“Not that, it’s just…”

Glancing to the side, Ethan answered with a shy smile.

“It’s just… I can’t believe it…”

There were moments when it didn’t feel real even though it was obviously Fedora. Even when he sat facing Evelyn, and even now.

“…yeah, me neither.”

And that seemed to be the case with the Grand Duke.

–It’s okay, I feel the same.

No, not only them but Evelyn as well.

It was a little awkward, but it wasn’t all that bad.

Ethan remained silent while the Archduke took in the scenery Ethan had been surveying.

“Maybe.”

When the Archduke opened his mouth again, Ethan flinched involuntarily.

“You — don’t you resent me?”

The Archduke stared into the distance while holding himself rigidly. As if afraid to look at Ethan.

Instead of answering right away, Ethan pondered the Archduke’s question for a moment. It wasn’t something he could casually deny. Because he did feel that way when he was younger.

He had vivid memories of living with resentment. The object of resentment was his parents for not keeping their couple’s oath. He hated his mother for taking his father away from him, and he was angry with his father for abandoning him. But…

“Not anymore.”

This time, it was the Archduke who flinched. Ethan was withdrawn as he looked into the distance.

In the year Ethan was four years old, the Archduke and Sylvia each met their loved one as if they had made a promise. It was a love that was passionate enough to break the oath they once made.

The two soon found out that they were fond of each other, and proceeded to divorce through an amicable agreement. And Ethan headed to the Hereos Empire at the earnest request of the Duke of Orman. After giving birth to Ethan, Sylvia was unable to have children again, so she desperately needed a successor.

Sylvia was the only one with a child between her and Duke Fedora, and at the time of their marriage, they even promised to send their second child as the heir to the family.

Grand Duke Fedora conceded the issue of succession between the families. However, this did not mean that the Archduke deprived Ethan of his succession rights. The Archduke left all that Ethan was entitled to as his son.

There may be a succession dispute over the control of Fedora in the future, but his will was strong. That was probably the least amount of parental love that could be shown to a young son who experienced his parents’ divorce. It was a story he didn’t know and couldn’t accept when he was younger.

But not now.

“One day, I understood.”

Now he is old enough to listen to his parents and discuss understanding rather than resentment.

Sylvia, living Duke Orman, who was unfamiliar and hateful at first, was beautiful every day.

“If the two of you in the past had put me first and didn’t divorce, I think I wouldn’t see anything like now so… it’s fine.”

From that moment on, in his fifteenth year, he became fond of his half-sister and missed his father, who lived far away.

“Ethan…”

It was a gloomy call. Ethan smiled brightly and asked.

“Were you also happy with the Grand Duchess?”

To that brave and friendly question, Grand Duke Fedora answered with a smile.

“Absolutely.”

“That’s a relief.”

Confronting the son who had healed his own wounds and now comforting him himself, the Archduke felt conflicting emotions that could not be expressed with words. At first it might have seemed like pride, and in a way, it might seem like gratitude, but those feelings might also be guilt.

“So don’t worry about it. Just because you two decided to divorce doesn’t mean you don’t love me.”

“…”

“Now I know that.”

“…Thank you and I’m sorry.”

After smiling at each other, the two continued to share memories on the wall for a while. Ethan broke a brief silence that came between them.

“And the Grand Duchess…”

“What, You’ve already sent me a memorial!”

The Archduke smiled at him with eyes full of nostalgia and memories. The Grand Duchess, who had chosen to be with the Grand Duke Fedora, died three years ago due to a debilitating illness. It would be a lie to say the separation didn’t hurt, but luckily the wound wasn’t that big.

It wasn’t that she left him without time to prepare his heart, but rather that she had spent quite a long time in bed fighting the disease. It’s sad to say, but the Archduke and Evelyn were able to prepare for parting.

Of course, it was difficult when they finally had to let go… but they endured well.

“It was a relief that Eve endured it better than expected.”

“Ah…”

The moment the Archduke mentioned Evelyn’s name, Ethan was reminded of what happened the previous day. In the office, the impression of the Grand Duke and her awkwardness, which he had seen in the private room, remained.

He didn’t notice it the first day. He was nervous and too busy looking around the inside of the castle, which was exactly as he remembered.

But yesterday he saw it. The scene unfolding before his eyes was something Ethan had never experienced before.

Unlike him, she had lived with her father since birth and they would be together for the rest of their lives so, why?

“I…”

“Mh?”

“It may be a rude question to Father, but…”

After hesitating several times, Ethan spoke with difficulty.