I’m A Villainess, Can I Die? - Chapter 21

Inside the rattling carriage, Lucas looked at Selena, who was sleeping opposite him. She seemed tired from the outing.

Earlier, the carriage seemed uncomfortable, so she was awkwardly shuffling in her seat but now she was sleeping soundly on her chair. Every time the wagon rattled, her little head bumped into the chair, yet she didn’t wake up.

Lucas looked at her face for a long time, then turned his gaze to the side. Although they were out of the Plaza, the clock tower was still visible. He frowned and closed the car window.

After a while, Lucas opened his eyes at the coachman’s words saying that they would arrive soon. He guessed he fell asleep without realizing it.

It seemed like the sleeping bird Selena opened the window again while he dozed off, as a red sunset light leaked into the carriage and wet the wagon with red.

Sky-blue eyes and light-blue hair fluttered helplessly in his blurred vision. The sight of her, surrounded by red light, looked so suffocatingly dangerous that Lucas slowly opened his eyes.

“Did you wake up?”

However, due to her subsequent calm and quiet voice, he had no choice but to blink his eyes awkwardly.

‘What, what was that just now?’

“Yes, I woke up, too.”

“I woke up a while ago, we’re almost at home.”

“Yes, I heard,”

Selena spoke to him, her gaze still fixed out the window. And then there was silence for a while.

Lucas fumbled with his fingertips, feeling like he had to say something. Even the smile, which was always well-made, felt a bit stiff and made his lips feel sore. He didn’t know why. His heart was impatient, and he constantly wanted to confirm her presence. The breathtakingly dangerous figure he saw earlier kept flashing in his mind.

‘But what should I talk about?’

It had been a long time since he felt this nervous inside. Lucas looked out the window, following Selena’s gaze.

The crimson sky was eerie and beautiful. Just like the sunset he saw on a picnic with his mother and father back in the past.

Lucas rubbed his temple, feeling dizzy. Selena, who was still looking out the window, turned her head to look at him.

“What’s wrong?”

‘Yeah, what is wrong? Why am I doing this? And you… why are you like this?’

Lucas swallowed every word, shook his head slowly, and leisurely raised the corners of his mouth as usual.

“It’s nothing.”

At Lucas’s words, Selena shrugged and looked out the window again. Now he could tell what that action meant.

‘It’s that so? Then never mind.’

Lucas burst into a small laugh at the calm, cool voice that popped into his mind. But Selena, uninterested in him, still looked out the window, not caring for whether he laughed or not. And he only stared at the side of her face.

“Don’t tell my family what happened today.”

Selina opened her mouth by the time the carriage was about to stop.

“Why?”

“I don’t want to make them worry. They’ve had enough for now.”

‘Worried…’ Lucas smirked inwardly. ‘I never thought you would think about that.’

“I’ll think about it.”

They arrived at the mansion and went their separate ways. The first thing he did was go to the Duke’s study to report about the outing.

“Was there anything special today?”

“No, Duke. Nothing special. Oh, there was one.”

The Duke in front of him sighed as if he was relieved and immediately lifted his head at Lucas’s words.

‘Tell me anything, I’m counting on you,’ The Duke’s eyes were saying.

Lucas was always grateful for that endless trust. It was because of that gaze that he decided to dedicate his body and soul to the Duke from a young age. Therefore, he hoped that none in the duchy would be unhappy. Nor the Duke, the Madam, the Young Master, and now… Selena.

“I met a priest I liked.”

* * * 

After meeting with the Duke, Lucas was caught by the Duchess and Aaron one after another and had to repeat the same words. His conscience felt heavy because of the lies, but everything worked out in the end, so…

‘Well, it’s not a total lie, is it?’

Before going to bed, Lucas had a drink alone in his room inside the Duke’s mansion. A crescent moon was floating in the dark sky.

As the glass filled with red wine swung around in his fingers, the liquid spilled, leaving traces on the glass. He slowly closed his eyes. Lying deeply on the sofa, he turned the glass with one hand, slowly recalling the memories under that red sunset.

* * * 

“Mom! Dad! Come on!”

“Wait, Lucas! You know your mother is unwell!”

A young silver-haired child jumped up and down the hill with the sunset as if excitedly, then sprinted to his mother and hugged her. The woman holding the child tenderly smiled with a pale face.

“It’s okay. I came out today because I’m feeling good, so don’t worry. If Lucas is happy, that’s the best medicine for Mom.”

“See, Dad?”

“Still, you shouldn’t make it too difficult for your mother. Come on.”

A tall man reached out to the child, but the child pouted his lips and turned his head. It was a clear expression of refusal.

The woman smiled at the innocent look, and the man laughed at her beautiful smile.

A short walk under the sunset. This was the most beautiful and happiest memory for Lucas. But their happiness did not last long.

“Mom! Mom!!”

Lucas was restless at the abrupt cough that came out of his mother’s mouth.

‘Dad must come back soon… Dad, who went to work, will come back after dinner.’

The little boy could only cry while holding his mother’s hand as she lay on the bed. Lucas’s father did not return until the sun went down.

“Dad!”

“Lucas…”

As soon as he heard the doorbell, Lucas ran to the door, crying. Dad stared blankly at him and ran into the room, dropping everything he had in his hands to the floor.

“Honey!!”

It was a series of days like that. Every day was a precarious, terrifying day. Yet…

“The hunger is bearable now. I can stand the cold. It’s nice not to have friends my age. It’s no longer sad to see Father going to work while deceiving his status, making sarcastic remarks about whether a poor nobleman is still a nobleman. Therefore… please…”

“Mom… you can’t leave me behind…”

“Of course. Where would I go without my son? Don’t worry. Mom will be healthy soon.”

His mother’s gentle hand brushed his cheek. The skinny hands from not being able to eat were very rough, but nonetheless, they were so warm… Lucas wept.

Then, one day. On a dark night, while thirsty, Lucas left his room and stopped in front of his parents’ door.

The two were having a conversation, and even as a young child, the tone was not unusual.

“If Rosenta could help…”

“Honey, you said you’d stop saying that. Rosenta doesn’t think of us as family… You know that.”

“But… But! But, how did our family end up like this?! It’s not like we’re asking for that child’s dowry! Besides, the marriage was originally planned saying it would be good for the two families. But, so coldly… to say we’re no longer family so we don’t have to go visit… Ha…”

“Louis, Lucas will listen. I can endure it. Therefore… Don’t be too hasty.”

Lucas clenched his fists outside the door. Unbearable cries were gathered in the small fist. If it was Rosenta…

It was his aunt’s name. She was his father’s younger sister and, like his father and himself, she had silver hair.

After visiting a few years ago and talking to his parents, she gave Lucas some silver coins and disappeared. He was so happy from receiving the pocket money that he didn’t know what to do, but it turned out it belonged to his own family. Somehow, the expressions on his parents’ faces as they looked at him being happy seemed very awkward.

‘If I had that money… If they didn’t lend it to her… My mother… My mother’s illness…’

Lucas quietly returned to his room, still clenching his fists. His thirst became anger.

His sick mother’s face flashed in his mind. Even the figure of his father leaving every morning at dawn. All the shimmering scenes became anger and heated his body. He couldn’t sleep, feeling his body burning.

During the day, he laughed, pretending not to know anything, yet he became dark inside. Whenever he looked at the skinny cheeks of his mother, it seemed that tears would burst out of his eyes. Because of that, every night, the pillows were always wet from shedding tears that he couldn’t shed during the day.

After a few nights of tossing and turning in anger, Aunt Rosenta came to his house.

“Rosenta…”

“It’s been a while, Brother, Bella. Oh, Lucas has grown up a lot too. Last time I saw him… He was seven years old.”

“Six years old.”

Lucas looked at Rosenta with eyes full of hostility.

Rosenta, who had greeted him naturally, snorted at the child’s burning eyes.

“Yeah, you must be 11 years old now. He’s at the peak of his age.”

Then she just walked into his own house, as if it was her own. The three of them looked at the imposing figure in amazement and followed behind.

Rosenta was wearing a red dress and a hat full of quills. The necklace around her neck was studded with bright blue jewels… No matter how one looked at it, it was a noble figure in full splendor.

‘If it wasn’t for that person, my mother would have surely lived a life like that in a healthy shape…’

Lucas clenched his teeth. He thought that she had taken everything that belonged to his mother.

“Lucas, what’s the matter?”

With a small voice, the pale-faced woman’s hand caressed the back of Lucas’s hand. Only then did he look up at his mother and forcibly raise the corners of his mouth and shake his head.

‘Even if she’s angry, she wants to hide it, so even if you want to burst in anger…’

“It’s nothing.”