I’m an Infinite Regressor, But I’ve Got Stories to Tell - Chapter 142

The Lucky One IV

I had often mentioned that I was highly respected by the Magical Girl Association in the Japanese archipelago.

This was partly because I frequently helped the magical girls. However, human relationships in East Asia didn’t flow purely based on such pragmatic calculations.

In this land, ‘true exchange’ only occurred when the temporal constraints of human perception, which could only ever recognize the ‘present,’ were overcome.

Blood ties and regional ties.

Who you were in the present was a secondary issue. What mattered more was how long ‘we’ had built our bond over time, thus overcoming the temporal limits of the human race.

The Japanese had also deeply internalized this truth.

Even in a romantic comedy, no matter how many charming characters emerged, it was the childhood friend who secured ‘regional ties’ with the protagonist before the story even began who ultimately won. This showcased the wisdom of the Japanese.

How could I not emulate them?

Upon arriving in the archipelago to procure the ‘Hate Pill,’ I first sought out my old connections.

“Aah, Undertaker-san! It’s been a while! How have you been?”

“Yeah. Have you been well too?”

“Yes! Oh, Dok-seo, it’s been a while for you too!”

“Ah, yeah. Hi. Long time no see, sis.”

Sure enough, my old acquaintance greeted me with her unique nickname for me, not just the common alias ‘Undateikeo,’ showing off to those around her that our relationship was special.

This was also a long-standing Japanese custom.

Her dignified manner of calling me ‘Undertaker-san’ instead of ‘Undateikeo’ silenced the other magical girls around us.

“Uehara, you seem much more lively than when you were in Busan. Is it because you’re back home?”

“Hehe. Yes! Welcome to Fukuoka, Undertaker-san!”

Uehara Shino.

In my heart, her nickname was ‘MacGuffin.’ Koreans called her ‘The Alchemist.’

Those with a good memory might recall.

Yes, Uehara Shino was one of the ‘Supreme 399’ forcibly summoned to the Busan Station tutorial dungeon. To Oh Dok-seo and me, she was practically an original member.

In today’s terms, we shared the same ‘public ties’.

“I really owe you a lot in Busan. This time, let me guide you around!”

In Busan, she had always been timid, but here in her hometown, she confidently led a group of magical girl trainees.

Initially, Uehara Shino stayed in Korea for several cycles. Securing a ship to return to Japan wasn’t easy, and local conditions were harsh.

After hearing that in the archipelago, the term ‘awakened’ had to be replaced with ‘magic girl,’ Uehara Shino tearfully chose political asylum.

Even during the 90th cycle, when I ran a convenience store, Uehara stayed in Korea. She once wrote this on a bill:

[Thank you sincerely. But I think the store name and the clerk’s t-shirt are strange. Are you perhaps a member of the Red Army? Sincerely, Uehara Shino.]

By the 590th cycle, circumstances had improved in many ways.

The most crucial turning point was the Inunaki Tunnel.

After the entity that had isolated the regions, reverting the archipelago to the feudal era’s 60-plus countries, disappeared, the magical girls finally breathed a sigh of relief.

With some breathing room, the Magical Girl Association began to reclaim the skilled individuals who had gone overseas.

Being ‘from the same public ties as the Undertaker and being ‘highly skilled,’ Uehara Shino was a top priority for repatriation.

-Even if it’s as a magical girl…

-Oh, but we’ll promote you rapidly!

She was offered the position of Head of the Apothecary, giving her priority over all ‘medicinal herbs’ produced or discovered in the archipelago.

My old friend, who had found her place back home, smiled shyly at me.

“How can I help you, Undertaker-san?”

To put it bluntly, a protagonist who searches for items themselves in various stories is a third-rate regressor. A true first-rate regressor has their connections bring the desired items to them.

Uehara not only sought out the ‘Hate Pill’ herself but also strongly requested cooperation from the Association.

There was an implicit threat that she might return to my side if they refused.

“Meow! If it’s for the Undateikeo, I’ll help too, nya!”

[It’s time to repay the favors I owe. Leave it to me.]

Manyo Neko and Phantom Blade also joined in. Both were top ten powerhouses in the Magical Girl Association.

“Here it is, Undertaker-san!”

As a result, within a month of arriving in Japan, the ‘Hate Pill’ was presented to me.

Behold, the greatness of connections.

I never understood why some novels had protagonists playing lone wolves. This was so convenient; why wouldn’t they cultivate relationships with their allies? Strange protagonists indeed.

Of course, I’d have to repay this favor later, but that’s what friendship was about.

“Hey, you used to be like that until the 6th cycle.”

“Hey, don’t judge someone by their naive younger days.”

“Those naive younger days were older than I am now, old man…”

Oh Dok-seo grumbled as he looked at the item on the table.

“So this is the Hate Pill.”

“Yeah.”

The Hate Pill was a bright red tablet.

It looked so dark red that it seemed as if it was made by the Demonic Cult. It looked ominous at first glance, and if something went wrong after taking it, it would have to be considered a natural death.

But for me, who was facing the impending judgment day due to the Total Luck Law, it was the world’s best elixir!

“What are you going to do? Take it right away? Honestly, I’m curious about what will happen if you take it. I actually love hate relationships.”

“No. Elixirs are dangerous if taken rashly. To brew its effects properly, you must consume it through the correct procedures and methods.”

“Uh… Were there such procedures for the Hate Pill?”

There were.

More precisely, I was going to create them.

From that day, I stopped talking about the Three Kingdoms.

No matter how much Three Kingdoms content circulated on SG Net, I didn’t join in. I didn’t even mention it myself.

This surprising change shocked those around me.

“T-The teacher hasn’t mentioned the Three Kingdoms even once today?”

Cheon Yo-hwa.

“Hyung, are you alright! I scraped together the remaining Ceylon tea and brought it!”

Seo Gyu.

[Are you really alright?]

[This is an emergency.]

[Mr. Undertaker, could it be that signs of corruption have finally begun to appear in you?]

Saintess.

“T-The guild master… is broken… I can’t fix it… I’m powerless…”

Sim Ah-ryeon.

“Boss. Honestly, I never liked the Three Kingdoms much. The Romance of the Three Kingdoms and Water Margin are too old. Aren’t they overly outdated content?”

Yoo Ji-won.

“Oppa, lately I’ve started to like Liu Bei. So it’s okay if we chat about the Three Kingdoms together.”

Lee Ha-yul, that cunning fan of Liu Bei and Sun Quan.

“Undertaker, I’m sorry. I haven’t been paying enough attention lately, have I? Maybe you’ll feel better if you eat something delicious.”

Dang Seo-rin.

And.

“……”

Noh Do-hwa.

While my other companions worried about me (I had no idea what they thought of me), only Noh Do-hwa looked at me with suspicion.

“You…”

“Yes?”

“Confess honestly. What crazy scheme are you up to now?”

As expected from a workaholic, she was unnecessarily sharp.

“You’re strange. Who’s been nagging me to stop going on about Three Kingdoms trivia?”

“Well, these days, your eyes look creepily sinister, so I’m concerned…”

“Hey. Please refrain from slandering, chief manager.”

“……”

To brew the ‘Hate Pill’ to its peak, stopping the Three Kingdoms trivia alone wasn’t enough.

I began to help my comrades openly, shamelessly, almost brazenly.

“Yo-hwa, I found out there’s a student at Baekhwa High School hiding a gun. I confiscated it because it seemed dangerous.”

“What? Really? Wow. Thank you, teacher! If it weren’t for you, it would have been terrible!”

“It was a close call, Saintess. Even if you can stop time, you’re defenseless against unexpected dangers.”

“Ah… Yes. Thank you for saving me, Undertaker.”

“Dang Seo-rin, I know you can use your lifespan to cast great magic. I don’t want you to die even a day before me.”

“…Undertaker. You.”

“Sword Marquess, shall we take a trip to Mount Hua?”

“Oh! Only the Undertaker understands me!”

“Noh Do-hwa, don’t you find it hard to work alone? I’ll help you as an assistant sometimes.”

“Damn it, I knew you were up to something, you bastard.”

After a year of stopping the Three Kingdoms trivia and brazenly flattering everyone around me.

Sure enough, ‘that entity’ descended.

“Teacher! I can’t imagine a world without you anymore!”

“Undertaker, I think the Inunaki Tunnel is a good hideout, but the surroundings aren’t great. How about moving to my train?”

“Hyung! We’ve renamed the free board to the Three Kingdoms board! Considering all the help you’ve given me, it’s the least I can do. Please accept my gratitude.”

I clenched my fist in my heart.

‘It’s here!’

That’s right.

The ‘Savior Syndrome’ had reappeared.

Just like how fish proliferate in clean water, as soon as the condition of ‘the Undertaker not talking about the Three Kingdoms’ was met, the Savior Syndrome returned.

“Hey, you bastard.”

Noh Do-hwa grabbed me by the neck.

“You said you knew how to deal with that. You said you knew how to exterminate it. So why did you deliberately bring it back, you idiot? Do you want to die? Is being strangled by me your new hobby?”

“To be precise, I’ve only been strangled by you three times. And since my neck is now protected by a self-defense technique, it’s impossible for a low-level aura user like you to kill me.”

“Three times? I thought it was only once? What about the other two… No, that’s not important. Just bring up that damn Three Kingdoms trivia again…”

“Hey. You should be more polite when asking for a favor.”

“Damn it. You son of a…”

Bang, bang, bang!

The Savior Zombies banged on Noh Do-hwa’s bunker door. Since I had already described this scene once, I’ll skip the details.

Of course, there were some differences from before.

Oh Dok-seo was hiding in the bunker, and the hands knocking on the door included the Sword Marquess’s powerful internal energy.

But aside from those small changes, there was still a significant difference.

“Noh Do-hwa, chief manager.”

Step.

I stepped forward.

“Do you remember what I said before?”

“What? That working with you is a pain in the ass?”

“No. When the day comes, I said I wanted to watch from a VIP seat to see how badly the side effects of the wish I made to the Monkey’s Paw would screw me over.”

“Ha…?”

“Thank you for waiting.”

Bang! The door dented.

The Savior Zombies breached the last barricade and swarmed towards us.

-Teacher… -Undertaker… -Hyung! -Great Master! -Guild leader… -Oppa… -Mr. Undertaker.

And. At this moment.

I took out the red tablet from my pocket.

My hand formed seals passed down from the Naruto era.

In the post-apocalyptic world ruled by entities, maintaining formal aesthetics was essential.

“Watch carefully, Noh Do-hwa, chief manager. I’m about to do something a bit violent.”

“……”

“Technique Sequence: Savior. Technique Reversal: Hate Pill.”

“……”

“Formality: Affection Reversal.”

Crunch.

I chewed the red pill.

“Mister!”

Oh Dok-seo shouted from behind me.

Her voice, filled with immense emotion, seemed to say, ‘I’m the one who introduced that guy to this genre!’

“Mister, you’re going to let the Total Luck Law win…?”

I smiled.

Oh Dok-seo. She, too, was a talent who understood the importance of formal aesthetics in defeating entities.

“Win.”

Regressor, victory declaration!

Amidst the frenzy, only Noh Do-hwa muttered coldly and quietly.

“You fucking bastard…”

Footnotes:

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