I’m an Infinite Regressor, But I’ve Got Stories to Tell - Chapter 44

Returnee I

Among the Awakeners, there are many crazies.

I don’t know about other places, but the proportion of crazies among the Awakeners from the Korean Peninsula is definitely high. Like Dang Seo-rin, who is serious about her witch cosplay, or Cheon Yo-hwa, who calls her guild a girls’ high school.

But at least they are manageable because human language still works on them.

Today, I’ll talk about one of the most uniquely crazy figures among them—the Sword Marquess of Yuldoguk.

*SwordDuke has been changed to SwordMarquess. It’ll reflect in old chapters too once I get to fixing it.

As we’ve seen so far, the “Wheel Murderer” case somehow wrapped up nicely. However, the fact that the Saintess had become corrupted was a huge shock to me.

It’s been a while since I’ve taken such a mental hit.

To find a comparable case, it would be like when I believed Go Yuri was a “good person” and she hit me with a grand slam to the back of my head.

What this means is…

“It’s the holiday season.”

A shout erupted from the other side of Busan Station’s waiting room.

“You fucking asshole! What the hell are you talking about?”

“Hey.”

With a pop, a sound resembling popcorn exploding rang out.

The man who exited the world faster than anyone else, Seo Gyu, was disqualified.

“Screaaaaam!”

People screamed and ran in every direction, a familiar sight, because of a fairy who didn’t understand human emotions.

This marked the disappearance of any reason for the birth of SGnet. In other words, I had given up one of the means to control Awakeners, both directly and indirectly.

What’s to hide?

I, the Regressor Undertaker, had absolutely no intention of saving the world in this 108th cycle. The fact that Seo Gyu was gone was as good as a sign that I had closed shop.

“Besides, that guy… he’s too weak against women.”

Seo Gyu had completely fallen for Go Yuri and ended up betraying the Saintess’s information.

I could understand that. The mind-control beam that Go Yuri possessed was incredibly strong. I almost fell under hypnosis and nearly ended up in an explicit gore-themed doujinshi.

But last cycle was a different story. Thinking back, it’s clear now that Seo Gyu was 100% recruited by the Saintess.

He probably took on the role of cunningly manipulating public opinion on SG Net or fueling the fear of the Wheel Murderer.

There was nothing wrong with him cooperating with the Saintess.

The problem was that he hid it from me!

“Despicable guy. Ungrateful guy. After all I did for him.”

I had raised him as if he was my own blood, yet in the end, relationships with fellow guild members were more important to him than his life-saving mentor and teacher.

By the way, I tend to hold grudges a bit long. How long? Well… about 200 years?

When a regressor harbors resentment, not just in June but all year round, it brings hail, frost, and sandstorms.

Is it unfair that the self of the next cycle has to suffer for the mistakes made by the self of the previous cycle? Life is inherently unfair. That brother needs a good beating for a while.

Is there any hyung like me in this world?

Because Seo Gyu loved Italian-style pizza so much, I even went out of my way in Busan to save a pizza artisan and helped him set up a shop. Such was the depth of a hyung’s love.

“Pizza confiscated!”

As punishment for disappointing his brother, Seo Gyu would have to endure a pizza-free life for 200 years. That’s from the 10th to the 15th cycles.

Anyway, Seo Gyu got what he deserved from the fairy.

What really matters is how to make the most of this holiday.

As I crouched in a corner of the waiting room planning my vacation, Fairy number 264 approached me briskly.

“What are you doing, human?”

“As you see, I’m planning my vacation.”

“Vacation?”

“Yes. Since the world is ruined anyway, I might as well enjoy some peaceful and meaningful time. If I’m going to take a vacation, why not choose a course I haven’t experienced before?”

“Wow. You’re insane… I learned from my seniors not to even go near crazy people…”

The fairy scampered away.

As usual, I farmed some Silver Bells at the souvenir shop in the waiting room and then sank into contemplation.

Suddenly, a conversation I had with the Saintess in a previous cycle struck me like lightning.

-All Awakeners like me!

-No, only 50% of the Awakeners like Mr. Undertaker. The strong ones are mostly in that 50%, but there are many among the rest who are eyeing Mr. Undertaker for an opportunity. Like the Sword Marquess of Yuldoguk, for instance.

Her words inadvertently pricked my pride.

I, Undertaker, a humble regressor, take pride in treating people without prejudice and helping them. Haven’t I always insisted on using formal language to everyone I meet for the first time, lest my personality become arrogant after such a long life of regression?

If I put my mind to it, I was confident I could make not just 50% but 90%, no, 95% of Awakeners like me.

“Alright.”

I stood up from my crouched position.

In this cycle, I would win over the heart of the Sword Marquess of Yuldoguk.

That the Sword Marquess was a crazy old man was clear just from his title “Marquess of the Sword”.

Those familiar with martial arts fiction would know that “Marquess of the Sword” is a title, but specifically, it’s a respectful title used only for female masters, not male.

However, our world’s Sword Marquess was a man over 60 years old with a splendidly grown beard.

Doesn’t that make you uneasy already?

“I am the supreme ruler!”

And this person used the first-person “I” as “this seat”.

Calling himself the Sword Marquess, he carried a sword around, but it was actually a fake sword made of aluminum, stolen from a bankrupt kendo dojo.

I believe it is perfectly explained why I haven’t been close with the Sword Marquess for all these cycles. He’s a complete mad old man.

“And also, the greatest in ancient and modern times.”

Now.

You might think, “Ah, I thought he was just crazy, but if we delve into his background, we might find he’s surprisingly normal, right? I know that cliché.”

If so, I’m sorry to bring sad news: you definitely have no talent as a fortuneteller.

A true madman is different from those pretending to be mad. Digging into their background is like approaching a radioactive exposure site—the madness level only goes up.

“And finally, I am the Sword Marquess of Yuldoguk!”

“Oh. What is Yuldoguk?”

“Ho, you don’t know Yuldoguk? Oh, what a great ignorance. It is a nation established righteously by His Excellency the Archduke, who rose in anger against the tyranny of those British fools.”

Upon further investigation, it turned out that the real name of Yuldoguk was “Sirland Duchy,” a micronation.

How the Sword Marquess found a fateful intersection between “Sirland” in English and “Yuldoguk” in Korean is something even I, fluent in eight languages, couldn’t understand. Even the laborers at the Tower of Babel construction site probably wouldn’t know.

By the way, Sirland… no, Yuldoguk wasn’t a democratic republic but opted for absolute monarchy. A class system was clearly present. It was a bit outdated compared to the global trend.

Taking a step further, the Yuldoguk government learned its statecraft philosophy from none other than the Romance of the Three Kingdoms.

In ancient times during the Three Kingdoms, there was an emperor named Liu Hong in Han, commonly known as Emperor Ling of Han. This ruler, considered advanced and trendy at the time, had intuitively grasped the principles of capitalism.

– The state is my property. Therefore, official positions are my private property.

– Shouldn’t one show sincerity when borrowing someone else’s private property?

The emperor firmly rejected the old practice of securing official positions based on blood relations. Instead, he relied on the only faith that existed in the world: money, and appointed officials based on it.

This reformist emperor sold higher positions at higher prices, and to accommodate his cash-strapped subjects, he even allowed them to pay for their positions in installments. Contrary to popular belief, the buds of capitalism bloomed in the East well before they did in the West.

Although Liu Hong’s reforms ended in failure, they inspired many revolutionaries afterward.

Even the home of capitalism, Britain, couldn’t escape its influence.

At the end of the 20th century, a Briton decided to establish a nation in a remote area, learning the wisdom of state governance from ancient sages.

– Wouldn’t selling noble titles help the state finances?

It was a reversal of Eastern methods with Western tools, and Western methods with Eastern tools.

This Briton went one step further than his predecessors, opening the gates not just to his compatriots but to people worldwide. The British knew well that money should not have borders.

The power of this open door policy affected even South Korea, far away from Britain. The protagonist of this story, the Sword Marquess, is precisely that individual.

He spent a substantial amount of 250,000 won (about $250), including various options, to purchase a baron’s title in Yuldoguk. It was a triumphant return of a noble rank to a Korean since the fall of the Korean Empire.

The old man proudly held his head high.

“From now on, please address me as Sword Baron.”

Liking martial arts, hence Sword. Being a baron, hence Baron.

It was a crazy naming sense, but the tragedy didn’t end there.

While humanity was divided and conflicted over race and nationality, monsters treated all humans equally. When Seoul was wiped out in Korea, East Anglia in England was obliterated.

Naturally, the nearby micronation wasn’t spared either. Yuldoguk, boasting an actual population of four, disappeared, becoming a page in history.

It also holds the record for the fastest destruction of a nation after the Gate disaster.

“How could this be! My homeland has perished!”

The old man swallowed his grief after losing his nation overnight.

If he had collapsed here, he would have been nothing more than third-rate. Righteously, he stood up. A man’s tears for his ruined country were enough with just a single drop.

“From now on, I shall carry on the legacy of Yuldoguk!”

The shortest-lived nation experienced an equally brief revival movement.

“However, how could I, unworthy as I am, claim the title of Archduke in place of His Excellency’s grace? I will only claim a title less than that of a marquess. From now on, please call me Sword Marquess!”

Indeed.

Jumping from baron directly to marquess, skipping viscount, count and marquess, was unheard of even in Yuldoguk. Because the original Yuldoguk didn’t have a marquess rank.

Naturally, the official name of the new Yuldoguk became the Tributary State of Yuldo, the country ruled by a marquis. Of course, the only citizen of this backward nation who claimed such was the Sword Marquess himself.

If you’ve heard the background of how the Sword Marquess came to be, any sensible person would conclude, “If I get close to this old man, my registered address might be transferred to a mental hospital.”

However, surprisingly, the Sword Marquess survived. Even in these chaotic times when the world had ended and monsters ran amok, he firmly preserved himself. Far from being confined to a mental institution, the Awakeners couldn’t wait to take the Sword Marquess with them.

Could it be that he was a master of the sword as his title suggested?

The answer is NO. The Sword Marquess didn’t even know how to use Aura. What good would a fashion swordsman wielding a fake aluminum sword do in a fight? I guarantee that even a primary school student who just received a yellow belt in Haidong Gumdo would show more mastery than the Sword Marquess.

The Sword Marquess’s survival strategy was established in a completely unexpected field.

“Sir, elder.”

“……”

“……”

“…Lord Sword Marquess.”

“Oh, isn’t it a junior of the martial world? What brings you here?”

“It’s nothing much, just wanted to ask how this spring’s farming is going…”

“Gah! Farming is about care and attention. You should think that I, of course, am taking good care of it instead of coming here to spy!”

“No, it’s not spying…”

“Gah! Why is such a young junior so bothersome! Keep bothering me, and I might just cut off the food supply to your guild!”

Behind the loudly shouting Sword Marquess lay a golden wheat field.

The Sword Marquess’s ability was [Plant Growth].

Regardless of climate, land, or water quality, he could grow crops anywhere and accelerate their growth rate by three to six times, a ridiculously overpowered SSS-class ability.

This made the Sword Marquess evolve from a “crazy old man” to an “absolutely untouchable and undisturbed old man.”

“Do you understand? If I just wish it, all of your folks will starve! Want to taste a real famine?”

“……”

Sword Marquess.

Unfortunately for Korea’s Awakeners… this crazy old man was the only lifeline in a peninsula where civilization had collapsed.

Footnotes:

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