I’m an Infinite Regressor, But I’ve Got Stories to Tell - Chapter 51

The Trial I

Following on from the last chapter, let’s continue with the story of the Necromancer.

The reason I suddenly appointed the second craziest person in the Korean Peninsula (the craziest being the Sword Marquess of Yuldoguk) as the student council president of Baekwha Girls’ High was not because I wanted to become best friends with lunatics.

There were deeper and broader reasons behind it.

And I must remind you that I, the Undertaker, am far from being a villainous character.

I am not the type to devilishly revel in the destruction of my own plans that I have drawn up alone.

Such “dark-hero” type characters are nothing but adults who, having faced communication failures in their childhoods, have transformed their hope in humanity into contempt for mankind, ultimately never escaping their profoundly childish traumas.

“So, that’s what you say, but why are you looking at me like that…?”

“What’s important right now isn’t that, Ms. Do-hwa.”

“I see. Shall I gouge out those eyeballs of yours and pickle them in salt before dipping them in soy sauce…?”

“Too much salty food isn’t good for the body.”

“This fucking regressor bastard…”

Having had a rough childhood, Noh Do-hwa was quick to anger and curse.

Of course, as a morally upright adult, I knew how to respond calmly even to such fury.

“The one I’ve personally recruited this time, Cheon Yo-hwa, will be classified as a critical resource in our plan.”

“Why? Because you have a school uniform fetish, you pervert…?”

“I don’t like school uniforms. Try being my age, Ms. Do-hwa. Everyone looks like a kid to me.”

“Wait, you’re practically a thousand years old by your subjective standards, how am I supposed to reach that age…?”

“That’s not my concern. Anyway, the importance of Yo-hwa’s Necromancy is that it provides us with a stable ‘workforce’.”

“Hmm…”

Noh Do-hwa sipped on the coffee I had made.

Over the 1000 years (actually, at this point it was only 771 years), my barista skills had continuously improved, following an upward curve. Although I still couldn’t perfectly imitate Old Man Scho’s Café au Lait, except for that, my skills could be said to have reached their peak.

Even Noh Do-hwa, who generally maintained a cynical attitude as her signature, warmed up when drinking my coffee. “Shit, why is this so tasty…?” she murmured to himself.

Pleasing, isn’t it? This is the reward of a regressor.

“Is manpower really that important? Honestly, these days it seems like the only surplus we have is manpower…”

“I’m talking about the manpower of the National Road Management Corps.”

“Ah…”

Noh Do-hwa nodded, holding the coffee cup with both hands.

“Well, I’m slowly realizing it myself, managing this organization. Being a member of the National Road Management Corps is pretty much synonymous with being in a suicide squad. If you send them into the Void, there’s a 20% chance they’ll return as aliens with flowers sprouting from their heads or something…”

“Now, if we assign the more dangerous tasks to the zombie corpses, the survival rate will drastically increase.”

“That sounds plausible… Let’s try it.”

“Before that, there’s a condition.”

“What condition…?”

I looked around. Although there had been no dialogue until now, the Saintess had also been silently sipping her coffee.

I smiled reassuringly in front of the trustworthy ‘Regressor Alliance.’

“From now on, you are graduates of Baekwha Girls’ High.”

“……”

“Here, this is the graduation album of the 96th class, which I’ve manipulated in advance. You see the picture of Class 2? Just pretend it’s Ms. Do-hwa and the Saintess’s childhood. I was the vice president of the student council, and Ms. Do-hwa was the president while the Saintess was the secretary.”

“……”

“And this is the exclusive data I prepared for Baekwha Girls’ High. Dorm names, a list of teachers who frequently interacted with students, school-specific slang—it’s all written here, so memorize it.”

“……”

Noh Do-hwa looked at the Saintess.

The Saintess nodded.

“I have already memorized it.”

“Fuck, is this for real…?”

It was real.

“Hello! Sunbaes! Nice to meet you!”

A few days later.

We were able to witness Cheon Yo-hwa, who was heading straight towards us. Not only Yo-hwa but also the student council of Baekwha Girls’ High, which means the real survivors, were all lined up.

“Ah, yes… My name is Noh Do-hwa…”

“Speak comfortably, please, sunbae! Hehe. You were the student council president? We heard from Undertaker sunbae that you need our help. Command us like dogs!”

“How badly did you fuck them up…?”

Noh Do-hwa glared at me reproachfully.

As for me, it was regrettable. It was a truly ignorant and ignorant response, wasn’t it? The Awakeners of the 109th run had not yet experienced what a lunatic group Baekwha Girls’ High was.

“Don’t let your guard down. If you don’t respect their concept, that’s when the real hell begins. I warned you.”

“No, they seem like really nice kids though…”

“They are nice, but it’s a limited-time niceness. They all turn into cannibals if they don’t consume human flesh at least once every four days.”

“……”

Baekwha Girls’ High joined the National Road Management Corps.

That very night, six members of the National Road Management Corps ‘enrolled’ at Baekwha Girls’ High.

The admission conditions were not too strict. Just needed to drill a hole in their skulls.

“What the fuck?”

Only then did Noh Do-hwa realize the seriousness of the situation.

“Awakener Undertaker, what kind of crazy fucks have you brought here…?!”

“I warned you beforehand.”

“I didn’t know it would be this bad…!”

“By the way, how did they end up dying?”

Noh Do-hwa handed me the report. How fitting for a former public servant. In this collapsing world, when something happens, it’s always documented.

—

Victim A: What? Is this a new member?

Cheon Yo-hwa: Hello! I’m Cheon Yo-hwa, the student council president of Baekwha Girls’ High!

Victim B: Huh? Girls’ high? Student council? What’s that, a role-play?

Cheon Yo-hwa: No? I really am the student council president of Baekwha Girls’ High!

Victim A: Geez. Our newbie learned some weird stuff from somewhere. You look too old to be just graduating from high school.

Victim B: Right. Role-playing should be done by those who can pull it off without bothering anyone. No one recognizes a low-tier Awakener like you as a student council president.

Cheon Yo-hwa: (Strange laugh)

—

Hmm.

Even reading this far was enough.

According to the attachments, parts of the corpses of Victim A and Victim B were found canned.

I diagnosed the cause of the victims’ deaths.

“This is suicide.”

“Is this for real…?”

Noh Do-hwa shuddered.

However, she was also an adept at dealing with lunatics, having maxed out her skills in ‘Lunatic Sociology’ specialized for dealing with lunatics.

As soon as she figured out that Cheon Yo-hwa was the lunatic from the Sword Marquess’s group, Noh Do-hwa immediately adjusted her stance.

“Cheon Yo-hwa, hubae…”

“Yes! Sunbae Noh Do-hwa!”

“How’s your college entrance exam preparation going?”

“Huh?”

“Oh my. In my time, if you were the student council president, you were naturally expected to get into Seoul National University. Cheon Yo-hwa, you must be aiming high as well…?”

“……”

Noh Do-hwa immediately disciplined her and put Cheon Yo-hwa to work like a dog. By the way, I also showed Yo-hwa a forged Seoul National University admission certificate.

It was a forged document again. So what? What can you do about it?

Besides, I was set up as a graduate of the German Language and Literature department. As you know, my German skills are perfect.

Moreover, with my [Complete Memory], I could even perform the feat of reciting Goethe’s Faust and Schiller’s poems off the top of my head.

I raised my eyebrows as if it were a hardship.

“Hmm. Isn’t this basic for a Baekwha Girls’ High student council president?”

“……”

Cheon Yo-hwa, overwhelmed by her sunbaes’ authority, broke down in tears.

If she had been ‘fake’, at this point she would have raised a white flag and dropped the concept. But Cheon Yo-hwa was real. In her mind, Baekwha Girls’ High existed, and naturally, the school’s traditions were intact.

“I will diligently receive guidance and corrections from you sunbaes…”

The monster of the academy city that once terrorized all Awakeners on the Korean Peninsula was nowhere to be found. Only a pitiful student remained.

That is exactly what is meant by being caught in one’s own trap.

“Oh. So the zombie corps really is useful…?”

And thus, Noh Do-hwa confirmed that there was indeed value in ‘maintaining such a concept’ with Cheon Yo-hwa.

Then there was no reason to hesitate any longer. Noh Do-hwa, the epitome of pragmatism, immediately changed the dispatch of the National Road Management Corps to ‘field training’ and forced it upon Yo-hwa.

The organizational structure of the National Road Management Corps evolved.

-Scouting party: Baekwha Girls’ High Guard (zombie). At least one Awakener commands the zombies, breaking through the void first to check for any dangers and reporting back to the main force. Zombies perform only the simplest tasks, as they cannot make detailed judgments.

-Main force: At least two Awakeners form a strike team, traveling from city to city, checking roads, escorting migrants and merchants, and commanding the zombie scouts.

-Support force: Capable of immediately repairing any damaged roads. Basically, grunt work.

With the addition of the ‘scouting party’ by Cheon Yo-hwa, the National Road Management Corps made a tremendous advancement. The disappearance rate of members, which had been as high as 20%, dropped to less than 5%.

However, the proportion of zombies turning into real corpses increased accordingly, but no one cared. In a world where human rights had vanished, considering zombie rights was a bit too harsh.

“This is the true utility of corpses…?”

Corpses were a good thing.

They could work without eating, felt no pain, didn’t need their rights considered, and acted exactly as pre-programmed. Zombies were like an addictive drug once you got a taste.

Especially for someone like Noh Do-hwa, who pursued pragmatism more and more.

Noh Do-hwa had developed a new taste.

“Awakener Undertaker. What exactly is a zombie…?”

One day, I received such a question.

“Excuse me?”

“Think about it. The zombies created by Cheon Yo-hwa all perform their roles. Guards, students, teachers… They act only according to pre-entered instructions and can’t respond to unforeseen situations, but within the confines of their roles, they seem quite human-like…”

“What are you trying to say?”

“Well, isn’t this just like NPCs, not zombies…?”

Noh Do-hwa’s eyes gleamed darkly.

“You call them zombies based on their appearance, but I don’t think that’s quite accurate. Yo-hwa is a Necromancer, but she’s not mass-producing ‘zombies’… she’s more like a designer who creates ‘NPCs’. In some ways, it’s also like installing ‘AI’…”

“Hoh.”

NPCs, not zombies.

Such naming by Noh Do-hwa, who judged things solely by their usefulness, was typical.

“An interesting interpretation. But even so, does it change anything?”

“Well, we’ll have to see about that…”

Noh Do-hwa grinned.

“I think a lot of things can change…”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. In that regard, could you please call guild leader Dang Seo-rin…?”

Even as the chief of the National Road Management Corps, I couldn’t simply order Dang Seo-rin around. But since I was the only member of the ‘Epicurean Guild’, Dang Seo-rin would readily listen to me.

The next day, Dang Seo-rin arrived at the headquarters of the National Road Management Corps, clearly annoyed.

“What is it? I’m really busy these days.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I asked Awakener Undertaker to invite you. It’s just that only the Great Witch of Samcheon World can handle this task… Oh, and this is a copy of the Necronomicon I stumbled upon at an old bookstore last time. When I saw it, I thought it perfectly matched the Great Witch’s library…”

“As a guild leader living on the Korean Peninsula, it’s only right to cooperate with the duties of the National Road Management Corps.”

“Could you please cast a magic spell…?”

Thud.

Dang Seo-rin placed several large books on the table, the titles of which were unfamiliar even to a regressor like me.

[Supreme Court Case Law], [Three-Concept Latest Case Law], [Civil Execution Law], [Key Issues in Tax Case Law], [Criminal Procedure Law: Articles and Case Law]…

Each one was terrifyingly thick. Clearly, they had been created to destroy a person’s head both physically and mentally. Even Dang Seo-rin hesitated for a moment in front of their overwhelming presence.

“What are you using these for?”

“Heh. Don’t worry. Great Witch, you just need to use [Repeat] [Text-to-Speech] [Play]…”

“That so? Alright.”

Dang Seo-rin entered the warehouse and cast the Cursed Song Incantation.

Soon after, the many case law books in the warehouse began to turn their pages one by one, automatically supporting ‘text-to-speech’. Naturally, it was quite a magical sight.

And after sending Dang Seo-rin away, I immediately brought Cheon Yo-hwa to the warehouse.

“Cheon Yo-hwa, hubae…”

“Yes, sunbae!”

“Bring about three guards here and leave them. And could you please ask them to [remember all the sounds coming from this warehouse]…”

“Huh? Uh, inputting that much will really drain my energy.”

“It’s a sunbae’s order…”

“Ugh…”

And at that moment, I stood with my mouth agape, utterly unable to comprehend the kind of mind that could conceive such a notion, and thus I could only admire it.

“Noh Do-hwa, are you possibly…?”

“Yes.”

Heh, Noh Do-hwa chuckled.

“If the National Road Management Corps is getting established, shouldn’t we consider setting up a court too…?”

This person… was trying to create ‘AI judges’ using zombies!

Footnotes:

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