INTOXICATION - Chapter 49: All Of This Is My Fault

Chapter 49: All Of This Is My Fault

Song Ju Han felt like he was holding a straw when he was holding He Gu, even if he is trembling with anger and trepidation, he did not let go. He drunkly whispered, “I only want you He Gu” and He Gu heard his heart break.

He Gu pulled all his strength, pushed him away and ran out of the study.

When he ran to the living room, he ignored the Indian butler’s face and rushed to the door. When he pushed the door open, he froze.

Outside the door there is a prosperous landscape and further into the distance, is the endless blue sea.

The housekeeper followed and said in fluent Chinese: “Mr. He, we are now on a small island in the Mediterranean. This is a private island. Without the approval of the Young Master, no one can leave here.”

He Gu went back and looked at him coldly: “Is there a boat on the island?”

The butler respectfully said: “Only a small yacht, even if you can get the key, you need to navigate and wandering around in the open sea the fuel will not be enough for you to return to the mainland.”

He Gu silently, went out.

“Mr. He.”

“Stop following me.”

He Gu walked into the garden outside the villa, the tropical plants were rich in color and fascinating, without a gardener, they were growing into a passionate and wild beauty, He Gu stood in the middle of the garden, feeling endlessly stunned.

His brain presented a brief period of blankness and he didn’t know why he was here. Between him and Song Ju Han, how could they fall to this point.

He took a deep breath and tried to calm his brain.

Song Ju Han took him to an isolated island. Is he planning to put him under house arrest?

Song Ju Han, the madman, he does everything with reciprocity, it seems that this time He Gu really irritated him.

He Gu thought about how to get out of here, he is afraid that Song Ju Han will retaliate against Zhou He Yi and he is afraid that Zhou He Yi will worry, He Gu was even more afraid is that his mother will find try to find him anxiously after losing his connection.

But he is surrounded by the sea, where is he going to gi? He is afraid that apart from Song Ju Han’s consent, he really can’t go back…

There was a footstep behind him, accompanied by a soft squeak of the leaves being stepped on.

He Gu looked back at Song Ju Han with a vibrant anger and his face looked liked a gray statue.

Song Ju Han’s eye were red, his face was wrong and He Gu felt guilty for making it like that.

He Gu tried to calmly say: “When are you going to let me go back?”

“After you swear to stop seeing the driver and come home with me.”

“Song Ju Han, are you crazy?” He Gu narrowed his eyes. “This kind of thing is what you think you can force on me?”

“You don’t love me!” Song Ju Han screamed from the throat and said, “Do you love me, are you willing to leave even if you say you love me? You don’t want to be with me!”

“I don’t want to be with you now.” He Gu looked directly at Song Ju Han’s eyes and say clearly in a word: “I don’t want to be with you…. ever.”

Song Ju Han’s expression seemed to be like he wanted to rush and eat him. His lips twitched twice and trembled: “No… I don’t want you to be with others, you can only love me, you can only love me all of your life!”

He Gu frowned deeply: “Song Ju Han, can you still be more of an asshole?”

He is obviously something that is not cherished and he finds it necessary to grip it by his hand and refuse to let it go. Why? Why? Just because he is Song Ju Han!

“You fucking bastard!” Song Ju Han pointed at He Gu while yelling. “I love you so much, I want to start again with you! You leave without a word, you go fucking with others… He Gu, I really want to strangle you.”

He Gu was screaming: “Do you want to start again with me? Make me watch you get married, have children and take your legal wife swaying through the city while l continue to be your underground lover? Song Ju Han, you have been so selfish for a lifetime, I understand it now, all people who think about you first, so you will always consider yourself first. I am the same. In the past years, I only wanted you, but I can’t do it now. I thought about my life. Can you let me go?”

“I won’t get married!” Song Ju Han hurriedly said, “I won’t marry anyone. I swear, I won’t touch anyone. As long as you come back, I can…” Song Ju Han licked his lips, his expression was sore and like a man wronged, “I won’t care about you and the driver… As long as you don’t see him anymore, as long as you come back, I will only have you, only you!”

He Gu felt like his heart burst into a sorrow and that sorrow spread to the whole body like a slimy snake. He closed his eyes: “Why do you want me to go back? You haven’t put me in front of your needs for seven years, why do you need me now??”

Song Ju Han’s lips shook and he bit his teeth and said, “I can’t leave you, are you satisfied? When you leave, I do not right… I don’t know what you did to me, He Gu, why do you resist it? Come back, you… I promise you to do whatever you want, as long as you come back.”

He Gu quietly watched Song Ju Han for two seconds: “Song Ju Han, do you love me?”

“I don’t know how to tell if its love but there is no second person in the world that can make me feel like this.” Song Ju Han looked deeply at him. “Is love not like this?”

He Gu felt that something was blasting in his chest, that made him even more sorrowful and pained, so that he simply wants to cry. For seven years, he has been imagining that Song Ju Han will say something similar like this to him one day, imagining that his sacrifice and love can be exchanged for a little affection, even if he is completely unequally and in the end he knows that he is just intoxicated in his own illusions. Ignorant people say that dreams are not the most sad. The saddest thing is that you lives in your own fabricated dreams. He Gu thinks that he is the first love in the world, thinking that his love is the most moving thing, but he finally finds that he only deceived himself.

Now that he heard such words from Song Ju Han’s ears, he realized the indescribable pain. It hurts that what he once wanted most, but on the day it came he didn’t want it. The biggest regret in the world has never been felt before.

Never been so.

Song Ju Han exhausted all his trust and hope. The only thing left is the lonely, desperate, dry love. He may have loved Song Ju Han for the rest of his life. It has become his instinct, but he is even more awake now and the high level of self-protection instinct makes him no longer want to be with Song Ju Han.

He can imagine the picture of “re-start” of Song Ju Han and he will likely experience the extended version of the past few months, Song Ju Han will repeatedly derail, deceive, persecute and in the end he will marry a girl, have children and live a proud life. And He Gu will fall again, continue to compromise, concede, guilty and finally return to the seven-year life model, he will reincarnate himself in endless pain and despair, never turn around.

He doesn’t want to live like that anymore.

He took a deep breath and said tiredly: “If you don’t know it yourself, I can’t answer you. I can only answer one of you question. I won’t go back to you ever.”

“He Gu…” Song Ju Han stunned. “Are you…were you tempted by the driver?!”

“No.” He Gu gaze into his eyes. “Just I am just tired of you, there is no expectation of us ever getting back together.”

“Go to fucking, get together!” Song Ju Han grabbed his hand and the handsome face has been distorted. “What do you want, what do you want! Let me ask you? Do you want me to beg you? Huh?!”

“I thought about my life.” He Gu quietly said, “I have spent the best seven years of my life on you and now I want to live for myself.”

Song Ju Han gritted his teeth: “What about me? What should I do? You can’t let me live without you and you don’t want me.”

He Gu smiled a bit: “Song Ju Han, you said that you don’t know what you love, then I tell you. I love to follow your eyes anytime and anywhere, I was afraid that you would be cold and afraid for you, I was afraid that you will not eat well, I like you. I was sad, when you are sad, I tried so painstaking to smile for you, when you were angry at me, I didn’t even think about tea, I couldn’t sleep for a few nights when you were sleeping with others, I still pretend not to care about them. Why is it, in the end, my eyes were red. I have lived for you, seven years and seven years in this life. You asked me what you did, I don’t know, I really don’t know, I don’t want to know, just like you didn’t care, I don’t want to know at all how have I been through these seven years?”

Song Ju Han looked at He Gu who was holding back the painful expression. The heart seemed to be pierced by a sharp blade. The blood was flowing out, but it could not warm the cold body.

Seven years… What did He Gu endure in the seven years?

He never thought about it, he remembered, only He Gu was good, all kinds of good, as for He Gu sadness, sadness, he…

He Gu hid his eyes with his hands and when he put it down, his emotions have returned to calm: “It’s boring to tell you that….. it’s too boring, just like what you said, it’s my wish, that seven years is all I am willing to spend for you, I don’t hate the world, I don’t hate the land and I don’t blame you. But now I’m reluctant to come back to the same treatment, Song Ju Han, if you have a little affection for me, let me go, don’t make me relive those days.”

“How can I let you live those days again?” Song Ju Han clung to him, he was anxious and distressed, his voice shivering. “He Gu…sorry, I didn’t know, I… I won’t be like that again. You are really important to me, I don’t want anyone, I only want you, come back, come back to me.”

1]….. Ooh reminds me of Yuan Yang

He Gu whispered: “You can do it, you are still young, you haven’t fooled around enough yet, people like you will not play enough in an entire lifetime.”

“I can do it! They are nothing to me, only you are the most important.” Song Ju Han tightened his arms, as if….if he loosen it, He Gu would disappear from his eyes, “I will never find someone else, never again will I throw a tantrum, you believe me, He Gu, you continue to love me, I will not let you down again.”

When he closed his eyes, He Gu slowly and firmly pushed Song Ju Han. He lowered his head and silenced for two seconds before he made a dull voice: “I can’t go back to you.”

“He Gu!” Song Ju Han was anxious. “Why are you so stubborn!”

“If I was not stubborn in life, I would not love you for so many years.” He Gu voice croaked, “I admit that I have decided it and I will not turn back… I’m leaving you Ju Han, so I can get my self together.”

Song Ju Han was so angry that he was about to burst. He clenched his fist and bit his mouth alveolar pulling his cheek and he was hurting. He screamed out from his teeth and said: “No, OK, can’t do it.”

“You……”

“I also confess on death, what I want, it must be mine.” Song Ju Han pinched his chin. “I want you to spend the rest of my life with me.”

He Gu glared at Song Ju Han in anger, full of powerlessness and helplessness.

Song Ju Han took him into his arms and pressed He Gu head on his shoulders. His eyes were deep and firm: “If you want to go on holiday, we will be staying here, everything is good here.”

He Gu: “Do you want to imprison me on this island?”

“Of course not, I will take you by my side, wherever I go, wherever you go, I will not let you leave me again.” Song Ju Han put a soft kiss on He Gu forehead.

He Gu felt a cold feeling.

There are only seven or eight people on this island. Other than that all people serve Song Ju Han.

He Gu can move freely on the island. No one looks at him because he has nowhere to run. It is said that there are helicopters to transport things every week. That is the only way they can leave, but he knows he can’t leave unless Song Ju Han agree.

In fact, he wouldn’t go anywhere. He had been on the island for four days, except the garden when he woke up and he never stepped out of the villa.

He eats, sleeps and reads books. Apart from not going out, it is almost like a vacation – since Song Ju Han has made him forcefully enjoy “holiday.”

Song Ju Han also tried his best to talk to him at the beginning. After he learned his ability to be silent, he also began to become silent. Sometimes he just stayed by his side, and afternoon passed then holding him hard, sleeping dark and dizzy.

He Gu didn’t play a naive cold war, he was too lazy to talk to Song Ju Han. He knew that Song Ju Han could not stay on this island all the time. Song Ju Han was much more busy than him. When Song Ju Han couldn’t help but leave, it was when he would also leave. Before that, he was doing nothing, it was better to save some strength.

Song Ju Han held He Gu from behind, grasping the hand hard cutting his nails and sighing softly against his ear.

He Gu felt like his nails were cut by dogs paw, but he was too lazy to resist. He resisted Song Ju Han and never succeeded. He just decided to let him cut his nails.

Song Ju Han did not wait for others in this life and suddenly cut a finger, He Gu pain made him pull his hand back, Song Ju Han threw a nail clipper and put the bloody finger into his mouth.

He Gu withdraw his hand and got up and went to the bathroom to rinse. n.-0𝒱𝑬𝗅𝑏1n

Song Ju Han grounded for a while and he held a band-aid in his hand. He said, “I just saw it.”

He Gu reached for the band-aid, but Song Ju Han didn’t give it to him, but he pulled his hand and helped him to put the band aid.

He Gu didn’t react when he looked at his clumsy work.

Song Ju Han pinched his finger and whispered, “I’m sorry… you used to help me cut my nails.”

“Its okay.” He Gu turned and left the bathroom.

“He Gu?” Song Ju Han chased him up. “I may not do a lot of things. I don’t know how to be good to people, but I will learn. What you do for me, I am willing to do it for you. Isn’t that okay?”

He Gu stopped, didn’t look back, he just plainly said: “Don’t waste your time.”

1]…. God this bitch cold as hell.

Song Ju Han took a breath and secretly clenched his fists. His heart was filled with turmoil.

He Gu becomes like this and they became like this.

All this… is his fault.

1]…. Bitch everyone done know about it you da only one who lived in his own darkness.