Is My Life Ordinary? - Chapter 126

“…”

The room was filled with a dark and gloomy atmosphere and in that silent room, a voice could be heard. It was faint.

A voice of someone shedding tears, with slight resistance from crying but the outburst of emotions couldn’t be controlled when leaked.

“Hic-Hic… I-I… sh- cou- why didn’t I…?” Peter sobbing like a 5-year-old couldn’t even complete his sentence.

“Is that all?” I asked him.

“… Why?! Why are y-you asking me this again…!” Peter’s lips trembled yet his voice wasn’t as shaky as his lips.

“I want to hear it from you. Is that all? Is that how it all ended on 10th March?” I asked him.

I want him to stand on the thin line that I created. The imaginary line that I made on Peter’s guilt. The more he feels the wrongdoing of his decision the more it’s going to be easy for me to manipulate him.

“W-Why! Why are you… doing this to me…?” Peter begged as drops of water came crawling out from his eyes. Even those tears seemed to be asking me for all this to stop.

“Peter, do you really admit it all was all your fault?” I asked him.

“…”

“Tell me? Is it all your fault?” I asked again.

“…” I noticed his lips turning into something much worse.

“Tell Peter, if you hadn’t touched the wall that Ryan built around him would he still be alive?” I asked him.

“…” The face he was making was full of regret.

“If you hadn’t shown him the light, would he still be alive with us?” I asked him.

“Yes…” he said in a low voice.

Even with the whole room dead silent, I couldn’t hear him, “What did you say?”

“Yes…! It was all my fault…! I shouldn’t have said those things! I should have stayed away! I shouldn’t have held onto his hand! I shouldn’t have talked to him! I shouldn’t have done any of that!”

Got him.

Right now his spirit is in its worst possible situation ever. He is most vulnerable right now.

It’s possible that he would have been able to overcome those feelings of regret and maybe something else as well, and he could have been able to suppress them with time.

So as the saying goes- Time heals all wounds.

But the thing many forget is that when the wound gets open, forcibly it is going to hurt even more. And that’s what I happen to do now. Reopening of his old wounds, his guilt, his all emotions of anguish are coming out. Bursting like a rainstorm.

Weakening him both physically and mentally.

“… Peter, I won’t say that it’s all going to be alright…” I said slowly, trying to immerse my voice directly into his wounded heart, “But you don’t have to carry the guilt all alone. It’s alright to leave it behind…”

I stood up and slowly closed my distance and extended my arm and wrapped it around him.

I don’t know the exact mechanism but when a person is at its lowest, human warmth and human contact can help it to relieve things that you couldn’t earlier.

“… I can’t say you have been redeemed but haven’t you suffered enough? Bearing this weight with you… it’s okay to set this down,” I said as I lightly patted him from behind.

“R-Really? Is that really okay for someone like me t-to… leave this behind…?” Peter asked as his hair rugged against me.

It tickles.

“I ask why not? When you went to talk to him, what were you thinking…?” I asked him.

“I… w-wanted to help him- That’s all!” he cried his balls out.

“There… there… it’s okay to let it out,” I said in a soft voice.

I, myself, can’t believe I can say those things with a straight face. I haven’t even tried to calm someone down. But I don’t care how I am able to do this but ‘I am able to do this is’, is more important.

The more he gets attached to me, the more I can act as his host. The more I break him, the more I will be able to use him.

“A-Allen…” Peter said but his voice was the same as before, shaky.

“What is it…?” I asked him.

“When did you become like this…?” he asked him.

“Why do you think so…?” I asked him.

“I… don’t know…” he said in a very low voice, even though I couldn’t completely sort out what he said I was able to feel the vibrations as his voice was echoing in the room faintly.

“Maybe I was also feeling down because of the incident. Or maybe I also blamed myself for the cause of that,” I said.

“…” he fell silent.

“Peter?” I called out to him since I was expecting some kind of follow-up.

“… So you were also holding onto this weight…?” he asked me.

“I said, ‘maybe’.” I replied, “You can guess whatever.”

“You are a nice person, Allen.” He said, “… I am fine now… you can let go…”

As he said that, I released him from my grasp and slowly distanced myself from him.

Now the cozy moment has been finished and the awkward moment has taken over the room.

…

With nothing to talk about he dashed out but the way we ended, things weren’t off on the wrong foot. It was perfectly placed at the place I wished for.

Since we couldn’t talk at the moment he called out to me again but this time he called out to me at the basketball court after the end of school.

…

I normally reached the court and saw a sole figure in the center. I guess that must be Peter.

Well, I wasn’t basically feeling awkward but Peter’s face was blushed and was twitching a lot.

“What is happening with you now…?” I asked him. As his appearance was giving me the creeps.

“Well… I haven’t really cried in front of someone so with you it was my first time…” he said as he covered his face in embarrassment.

“Dude, what the hell are you doing? Don’t act like that. If you were to act like that, what am I supposed to do then, huh? Just act normal,” I said.

“… Ahem! I will try,” he said, trying to regain his usual atmosphere.

“But why did you call me out here?” I asked him.

“It’s about the talk we had earlier and about the ‘incident’,” he said.

“Why have you been so concerned about this incident? It’s not like this will ever come to the surface and even if it did, why are you so worried about it?” I asked him.

“… Well all the commotion is getting larger and larger around you. And that day on the stage you were almost expelled-”

“Still escaped tho,” I intervened.

“Yes… anyway, so with all the development I thought the Student Council might try to dig into your past and if that were to be revealed I might as well be taken to the light and who knows I will be forced to say that you were the reason IT occurred,” he said.

“So what’s the problem? Just say it’s me and that’s all,” I said, “It’s not like we both are buddy-buddy.”

“I don’t want to do that. I didn’t want to do that. It was my fault and I don’t want someone else to pay for it,” he said with a straight face and was gazing at me with shiny eyes.

Maybe because the water left in his eyes with all those previous teary moments from earlier was now reflecting the sunlight. “Are you stupid?” I asked him.

“Huh! Why would you say that? Weren’t you supposed to say I am a man of my principles…?!” he exclaimed.

“No… you are just an idiot,” I said, “Just blame it all on the other person and get yourself out. That’s what you are supposed to do. Not the opposite.”

“Allen- you- are really… aren’t heartless are you as I hoped…?” Peter said as he was glancing out at the window.

“Huh? What’s that supposed to mean now…?” I asked him.

“You are practically saying to put all the blame at you and let myself escape,” he continued with his stupid institution, “I have misjudged you, Allen. You from the start were trying to help Ryan from the shadow as you slowly tried to push him forward towards the light while staying in the dark yourself.”

“?” What’s he going on at?

Where are all these conclusions coming from? I didn’t even think of those things. Also, even if I was trying to help this kid named- Ryan, why would I be still be staying in the dark.

“I just intervened and made the situation worse… you truly are a pure heart, Allen,” Peter concluded.

If he is going to praise, I won’t object to him but it’s also best not to tell him that the ‘pure heart’ he mentioned isn’t pure at all.

It’s the complete opposite. It has always been like this, it’s pitch dark in there. That’s the reason that I haven’t gotten close to anyone and never will be.

“Allen, I will do anything to help you. I won’t let those people ostracize you more. After knowing what you have done till now, I won’t allow you to suffer any more…” he said as he slammed his hand against his muscular chest.

And that’s how I completely gained a pawn to my party and whom I can completely control.

TO BE CONTINUED…