Isekai’d Shoggoth - Chapter 104: Slow Winter Day (And Mayonnaise Bonanza)

Farewells is weird. For me, at least. I don’t really have anyone I’d bother saying farewells to. Grandparents? Never knew them in this life, none of them survived long enough for me to remember them properly. Oh, I’ve been introduced to some of them as a toddler, I recall, but none played a significant part in my life. Dad’s father croaked before I was even born, gramma didn’t really live long enough to see me out of swaddling. On mom’s side, things were a little better, but neither of grandparents really lived all that long. I vaguely recall they died together in some kind of river-related mishap, but no one told me the details back then and I don’t really feel like asking now.

Mom and dad obviously have people to think back to, their parents and other assorted members of the family they knew well back in time. Bridgit has her father to think back to, doubly so considering this year he was properly avenged, and that is a sort of thing you really mention on Farewells. Her mother too, I guess, she mentioned remembering her vaguely. Lily-Anne went back to the palace for today, I believe there are people the royal family remembers together, but I didn’t pry. Moon Unit is similarly occupied, her parents were gone relatively recently for an elf, so I shouldn’t bother her. That leaves me, Roxy, Cy and boys as people without much to do this day… Oh, and Selene, apparently. Since Ed is busy with his family, she is at the loose ends, and promptly called me to see if I’m up to anything. So this is my coterie for today. And, I guess, I’m the designated adult.

“So.. What does everyone want to do?” – I ask.

“Maybe a long walk?” – Roxolane suggests uncertainly – “I haven’t really seen Parsee much in spite of living here for months by now. Always busy at the Academy or something else.”

“Yeah! Let’s explore!” – Antoine is up for the idea, I suppose.

“Maybe with a stop over at your shop, sister?” – Jean-Paul, are you trying to be sneaky?

“Fireworks, mom.” – Cy suggests, and I have to shake my head.

“During day?” – I retort.

“Making some, I mean.” – she corrects herself – “Tomorrow evening is clearly the best time for fireworks.”

Oh. Well. I ruffle her hair.

“It’s cute of you to think I didn’t make some already.” – I tease, – “But sure, if you want to, we can tool around with alchemy in the evening.”

“Soo… Walk, sweets, more walk, then making fireworks?” – Selene sums up – “Sounds like a plan to me! Where to, first?”

“That’s what I’m asking.” – I retort – “I’m pretty sure everywhere is closed, so we’re stuck with parks and streets and such. Just wander around aimlessly for a while? I’d offer a picnic, but I hardly think any of you wants to sit in the snow, food or not.”

“…Dangit.” – is Selene’s succinct reaction.

“Oh. That is a problem, yes…” – Roxolane agrees, as she looks outside – “We’re really on our own here, aren’t we?”

“Well, how about we walk around a little, see if it works or not, then come back here for lunch and figure things out from there?” – I suggest.

___

We ended up coming back to the mansion and having a snowball fight after about half an hour of wandering over sparsely populated streets. The city is sporting a somber mood on a day like this, hard to get any excitement going. And right now, me and Roxy are making lunch. I’m pretty sure that will cause Bridgit to grumble at me, hence why being sly and sneaky about it.

“…Mayonnaise? What’s that?” – Roxolane inquires cautiously. What the hell. I didn’t realize it, but apparently mayo isn’t a known thing? Well, darn.

“A sort of sauce.” – I respond as I look for things. Eggs? Here they are. Mustard? No problem. Vinegar… Vinegar… Oh, here it is. Hm. I wonder… Oh well. Salt, here… Oil. Oh, olive oil? That’ll do.

Now, let’s see about… I look around furtively. “Roxy, watch the door, would you kindly?” – I suggest – “I’m going to do unnatural things with my hand to prepare it quickly, probably shouldn’t be letting boys or Selene see that, lest they ask far too many questions.”

She raises her brow. “This I have to see.” – she quips, as she solves the issue by deadbolting the door.

So I crack the egg in and twist my hand into a blender head, sticking it into the egg. Roxy jumps up at the sound of the egg rapidly becoming a foam.

“What… how!?” – she demands. I lift the tip slightly, letting her see the bit of iron I conjured whirling madly in telekinetic grip, pouring vinegar in at the same time. Mustard goes in next, then salt. As I gauge the results to be uniformly whisked, I start pouring oil in, drop by drop. Roxolane watches in fascination as the whole mix thickens into an off-white sauce.

“Why are you pouring oil in so slowly?” – she inquires.

“If you pour it too fast, it won’t thicken, instead you will get a messy liquid.” – I offer – “It’s not particularly good-tasting either, so… Mayonnaise favors the patient. Of course, I’m cheating here by using a conjured blade to whip it up really quickly. If you tried to do it with a whisk, you’d end up with sore hands by the time it’s done.”

“So… how does it taste?” – she inquires curiously.

In lieu of an answer, I dip a slice of bread into freshly made mayonnaise and offer to her.

“Hmmm? MMMMMM! Good! Very good! MMmmmm!” – well, guess Roxolane likes it.

___

“What the… Mayo? Just… HOW!?” – Selene demands, as she sniffs the bowl.

“Fun fact. Mayonnaise is actually pretty simple, just takes a lot of effort and patience to whisk up properly.” – I explain – “Or cheating.”

“There’s cheating, there’s blatant cheating, and there’s you.” – Selene retorts with a smile – “What did you do?”

“Conjured a blender, essentially.” – I explain and she groans.

“…Of course you would.” – she grouses – “Of course you would. Teach me the spell, would you kindly?”

I peer at her. “Not a singular spell, duh. First you conjure a blade, then you spin it with telekinesis. Simple as that.” – I explain to her, and she groans louder.

“That’s just unfair.” – she then complains – “You always know the best cheats… Bleh, I gotta practice this. I’ve had a hankering for smoothie something awful.”

“You know, if you figure out a proper mechanism for this, it would sell well.” – Roxolane muses – “Everyone likes whipped cream, having a way to make it on a moment’s notice… I think every girl in Academy would buy this.”

“After the lunch, though.” – I retort, as I pull up the lid and check on the potatoes. Butter dissolved properly, now all that we need to do is call in the kids. Wonder what they will say about the Kraina-styled meal.

___

“Mistress…” – Bridgit is exasperated – “I’m supposed to serve you a meal, not the other way around.”

“And I let you do that most days, dear.” – I retort gleefully – “So let me take care of you every now and then, alright?”

She peers on the potatoes, at the cup of mayo, at the toasted bread.

“Very well.” – the then agrees – “But teach me how all of this is prepared later, please? I’m quite certain I don’t know how to make this sauce, and this is just not right.”

“Sure, but try it first.” – I offer.

“MMMM!”

Heh. She likes it.

___

“Oooh, I haven’t eaten like this in years.” – Moon Unit quips – “Did Roxolane help? This feels like a Transbalkan dish… well, except for this sauce, I never had anything like this before. What is it made from?”

“Eggs, mustard, vinegar, salt and oil, essentially. And a lot of whisking.” – I explain.

“MMM…”

I guess she likes it, too.

___

“…Alyssa.” – mother facepalms – “First, thank you for the meal, second, why in the name of all that is sane did you cook? We have servants for that!”

“Well, for one, they wouldn’t know how to make mayonnaise. For two, since when did I do things normally?” – I tease. She sighs and chuckles.

“I’ll give you that, dear. You’ve always been odd. Good, but odd.” – she agrees – “Mayonnaise? Now I’m curious… So, do I just… Oh. Oh, it’s thick. OOOH! MMm… MMmm~!”

And I guess she likes it as well.

“…MMm!… What is this made from!?” – father finally pitches in.

“Eggs, mustard, vinegar, salt, oil and lots of whisking.” – I offer.

“Teach the cook, please. This is wonderful.” – he requests – “…Ooh, it’s also good on bread! I wonder…”

“Yes, it’s even better if you add some garlic in, but not everyone likes it, so I put garlic separately.” – I tell him and he nods eagerly, far too busy with his meal to respond.

He likes it too.

___

“MMm! Moom, so good!”

“Mnyam,mmm!…Yesh!”

“Yummm!”

Good grief. Mayonnaise. A great success all around, I guess. I’d pester kids for the opinions more, but they are in a great hurry to stuff themselves. I suppose a couple hours of snowball fighting does bamf up an appetite a lot.

___

Finally, it’s evening. Selene left an hour ago, citing the need to return to her domicile and fall over. Roxolane essentially did the same. I guess kids have worn her out. For that matter, Antoine and Jean-Paul are also exhausted and offer no resistance when mother decrees an early night for them. In the end, only me and Cy retained some sort of energy. Score one for unholy abominations, I guess. So now, we’re quietly sitting at my alchemy table. I’m granulating the metal salts, Cy is slathering up the paper strips with glue. A little bit of trial and error had confirmed that guncotton works for fireworks, but needs to be rolled up tightly with pigment to produce different flame colors. A bunch of dried reeds are already stuffed with guncotton, they will be the basis of our bottle rockets.

“Mom, do you ever get the feeling like you know something… against the expectation?” – Cy wonders suddenly.

“Like what?” – I inquire.

“Well, like… Things out of blue.” – she muses – “Like, everyone expects you to do something and you plan on it and… just sort of end up doing something else first that no one expected you to do…”

“That’s called life, I believe.” – I joke back, crumbling the granulated cobalt over the prepared petard. I conjured the metals, a bit tiring to make them last for two days or so, but well worth the show tomorrow, I think.

“Well, you’re going to have a life.” – Cy retorts – “I’m kinda really certain about it. Like Pinkie sense certain.”

I pause. Put things down. Turn to her and pat her head, offering – “If at all possible, mind holding back on channeling that particular pony until I invent the camera? I have a hunch it would generate a lot of photo-worthy moments.”

She grins – “I’ll try, but no promises.”