Isekai’d Shoggoth - Chapter 95: Rite Of Builder (I Did WHAT With Cats?)

I’m paying visits and setting things. As really befits of someone who is expecting to be away from the capital for a considerable amount of time. The plan is pretty simple. The end of the year is in two days. My airship is plodding slowly over the Champagne right now, bound for Gillespie estate, where the entirety of my family will board it to come to Parsee. There will be five days of holidays, during which there will be an official proclamation that father is now duke, and after that, we will depart. A good deal of students had failed one or more of exams, and they will be busy, but not us. This is, in fact, a significant oddity I initially did not grasp the full implications of. The Academy semesters are subdivided into two parts, matching the seasons. The first half of each semester is a condensed, material heavy course, and it is generally expected that students will fail some of the midterms, that are held in the middle of the semester. Which is what the latter half of the semester is for. During winter, those who experienced failures will be getting tutoring and practicals specifically to address their shortcomings, up to and including learning by rote memorization if they are incapable of more efficient methods. Flunking out of Academy for academic reasons is very hard, actually, they will drag you up by the scruff of your neck if necessary. Explains how the hell people like de Brege were able to graduate in spite of having rather smooth brains.

Since all of my harem had passed the exams with flying colors, we essentially have all of the winter free. The first leg of our journey past the end of year celebration will be back to Gillespie estates, where we will spend a few days getting all of my harem more extensively familiar with my family and the Gillespie duchy in general. Including, yes, visits to the Grand Forge. Afterward, we depart for Evergreens. Moon Unit clears up the plan with the Dweezil, and he replies with acknowledgment, assurances that elves would be warned about the airship and a whole lot of incredulous befuddlement about the concept of the airship. After Evergreens, we fly eastwards, over the Kraut and Confederacy to visit Roxolane’s family, where we will stay for a few weeks. Then, we fly back over Kraut and stop over the Ashenvale. I have had sent my initial assessment of the situation there to Abe and Alphonse and got separate phonecalls from both of them. Apparently, both had expected that I would hire people to poke around and determine things. Getting back complete topographic maps with prospective tract laid out, complete with a tunnel that would circumvent the whole Great Gate entirely was not what they expected.

Funny tidbit. My burrowers had established enough listening posts that I was able to conduct partial surveillance of Klaus. His reaction to my plans is hilarious. He studies the proffered materials, sees the extensive workup I’ve done regarding the tunnel and has an episode of… something. A lot of frustration, incredulousness and despair were expressed. Apparently, he didn’t expect I could or would bore a tunnel, but expresses his ready belief that “of fucking course she would do that, the tricky witch”. Followed by frankly paranoid ruminations about me drilling a number of secret tunnels to ambush Kraut over pretty much the whole of their western border. Dunno why he thinks I would care to. He might be going spare there, because he keeps muttering something about cookies and how they apparently negate the need in sleeping. Crazy.

Anyway, right now I’m visiting the temple to let them know I’m going to be absent, and any inquiries should go to Lemand, unless it’s beyond urgent. For that last case, I intend to give copperphone to prelate Iohann with strict admonitions that it should be used only if they’re certain I’ll appreciate the call. Though… I’m apparently not at a good time, because the insides of the temple are full of assorted stacks and piles of building materials and other resources. Wonder why they’re doing this, there doesn’t seem to be much in the way of urgent repairs needing to be done, and holidays are going to happen before any significant construction can occur… Huh. Come to think of it, I can not see any scaffolding either, just piles of materials. Curiouser and curiouser. Still, they don’t seem to mind my visit in spite of temple chambers being suspiciously empty of visitors, and bide me to have a seat while prelate is being fetched… Ah, and here he is.

“Good day, most honorable prelate.” – I offer, as I stand up to greet him.

Iohann strolls up, all smiles as he offers – “Most auspicious, oh worthy lady Gillespie. I was about to send you a messenger.”

“Oh?” – now I’m legit curious. Putting two and two together, Iohann wants me to build something? I wonder what the hell this is all about, this is weird as fuck. I can understand maybe handing me a lump of gold or some such and asking to make some kind of enchanted item, I’m known for making those… but the piles are legit build materials. Timber, fittings, bricks, even stone blocks… Hrm, not all of them, though, here is a crate full of iron ingots… Not seeing what this comes up to, though.

“Lady Gillespie, have you ever heard about the Rite of Builder?” – Iohann charges, smiling at my headshake – “I admit, it’s more than a little obscure. One of the old and odd parts of religion that we have inherited straightly from elves. To sum it up, some of our older texts maintain that people receiving significant divine revelations experience listlessness and discomfort in the days to come. Those odd feelings can be calmed, however, by undergoing Rite of Builder. Forgive me if I am overly presuming, but rumors have it you’ve been easing off from the frantic pace of inventions and endeavors lately, were you not? I thought I should offer you to attempt this rite, mayhaps it can bring you some peace of mind.”

I quirk a brow at him. “So that’s why there are materials all over the place. And if I am disinclined to try? What will you do with all that timber and bricks and iron?” – I ask.

He chuckles – “Well then I just set the materials aside and task the acolytes with petty repairs during winter months. Do not worry about that, the materials will not go wasted in any case.”

“Alright then.” – I agree – “What is that you want me to build, exactly?”

Prelate chuckles – “Ah, but I have not the foggiest. That’s the idea behind the rite – to give you a chance to express whatever it was that gods have entrusted into your mind through construction. Our records are sparse, but they do describe several cases of this rite being enacted, and the end results are never predictable. Plinus the Older produced the famed Delfinia array, for example. An alley full of statues that are breathtakingly lifelike. Barakus Black had constructed a carriage and promptly used it to leave the temple and never return. Lady Olivia Marmosette had stitched a tapestry that shows different scenes depending on which angle you look at it from. Voivod Stefan Vukodlak had penned a set of laws that form the cornerstone of jurisprudence in the Transbalkan Confederacy even today. To be entirely honest, I am quite curious as to what you will construct.”

He pauses and gestures around – “Feel free to use the environs as you so wish, if necessary. The inner courtyard is also available through those gates over there, if you find yourself yearning to make your creation outdoors. As the rite commands, the areas are entirely yours to command, the whole temple will be devoid of anyone until you permit attendance.”

“Come again?” – I inquire – “And suppose I require labor to put things as I envision them? What then?”

Prelate chuckles – “Oh, there will be a brother or sister stationed at the temple gates at all times. If you require something or someone, simply tell them about it, and they will endeavor. As for the rest of us, we will be taking time to prepare for winter celebrations at the convent kitchens and barns. And awaiting the unveiling of your craft with bated breath, of course. On that note, since I presume you are interested in attempting, let me bid you farewell and good luck, oh worthy lady Gillespie.”

He clears out as I consider the hall with a critical eye. Ok, so… I have the temple all to myself… Or do I?… Yes. Yes, I do. Prelate was dead serious when he told me that they will be leaving it to me. The only sentient person left in the temple is this woman who is reading something at the gatehouse and very clearly not intending to move, if the basket of snacks is of any indication. A surprising amount of cats, though, all over the grounds… Hm. Hmm… Hmmmmmm?

HMMMMMMMMMM.

LET ME JUST… PUT IT LIKE THIS… AND… THIS. AND ABOUT THAT… YES, AND THEN… INDEED.

___

FUCKBISQUITS ON A STICK. It’s like… eleven in the morning. Of the next fucking day. My harem must be going spare! I… holy shit, where are they!? Ok, no panic, no panic… It all started with the prelate, let’s locate him and… Oh. Ooh. Huh. Go figure. Ok, so girls are at the convent, having a conversation with the prelate now. Well, Lily-Anne does. Bridgit and Roxolane are for some reason pitching in with kitchen stuff… And Moon Unit is… entertaining a couple of acolytes with knife tricks, apparently. Ooh, good throw. I wonder what this is all about. Oh well, let’s not… shoggoth on them too much. So I come out of the temple, brushing off my sleeves as I go… And then aboutface and march right back in to figure out the fuck I actually did, first.

Ok, so… This is a thing. I poke the key, and the resulting tone makes me jerk back. Joy fucking joy. Epic church organ – constructed. Actually… Wait. What the… Just… How?! Oh. Oh, that’s clever of me. And… huh. Ok, so… here’s the drum section, controlled from this part of the keyboard… And those are string sections… Why two of the… Oh, one is strikers like a piano and the other is pinchers like harpsichord… Aaand here are more pipes, hrm… That covers a LOT of range, actually those red keys in the end should… Hah, ok, that explains why they’re red. Tones so low are… interesting. So… Oh. OOoh, I’m being possibly TOO clever… or maybe not. That should work pretty well. Ok, so… Ah. Wait, what… The fuck. The fuckity fuck is THIS? So… harmonics and… oh. Huh. HUUUUH.

So. Prelate was WAY too fucking right for my tastes. This is a straight up artifact thing. Simply putting up a musician to play simple tunes would be continuously blessing and healing people who hear this. And more complex music will have more complex benefits, too. Up to and including straight up buffs to strength, agility and most remarkably intellect. Go listen to temple music, come back inspired. Ok… So… prelate is definitely not going to be disappointed, but… I can’t play this. As in, straight up can’t… But I think I know someone who does. OK, sorry, girls, but you’ll have to take advantage of convent hospitality a bit longer.

“Hello?” – I offer, as I peek into the gatehouse. Yesterday’s woman is gone, and if my nose is right, this is the fourth shift change… And the guy is napping. Thankfully, not too tight.

“Aaah!… Oh goodness gracious, many pardons, oh worthy lady Gillespie.” – he yelps as he jerks up to hop off the chair and bow hastily – “How may I serve?”

“I need someone to go to Academy and fetch lady Selene.” – I tell him – “I require her advice for the rite.”

Much to my relief, he just nods and hurries outside. Well, either he decided to do it personally, or he’s gonna catch a boy on the street and give him a denier to run an errand. Either way, that’s handled. Let’s see what else I did… Oh. Ohh, huh. Wait, what?… What… WHAT?! What the fuck… Why?! Just… but… That… OK… WHAT KIND OF JOKE THIS IS!?

I hurry inside, climb to the rafters and crouch next to the inconspicuous set of cat flaps set into the wall… Cats come out. Lots of them. All of them with a distinct coloration change. Arranging themselves across the grid etched into this quiet section of rafters with, admittedly, outstanding acoustics to hear the instrument clearly but without being overwhelmed regardless of what notes come out.

“Mew mew meow.”

So… I accidentally feline clergy. Who are continuously intellect-bolstered by this organ, capable of adapting “worthy cats” from the street which will bestow intellect enhancement and the “priestly” coloration, and most importantly – all of them are capable of bestowing minor blessings all of their own. Presumably, the covenant being that humans provide food and cats boost up the temple’s blessing capability by milling with the crowd of people visiting and giving them minor blessings they seek. Oh, they also have hierarchy and elect a hierophant who possesses the ability or right to communicate with humans via this oija board like thing. Which is a straight up enchantment, because he pokes the letters and they light up on the marquee.

“So… no hard feelings?” – I inquire mostly out of mental inertia.

“Much joy, the great one. It be cat destiny to be godly.” – they write back. Well… fine then.

“What’s the plan?” – I have to ask.

“We home. We bless. We teach. We spread.” – they respond. Hm. So they intend to settle in, try out how it goes, and then start taking in cats from the street to teach them and send them out to other temples to catify them? Oh well.

“Sounds good to me. Let me know if there is any problem.” – I tell them and they take a synchronous bow, then retire back into their domiciles. Which are pretty spiffy. And magicked up the wazoo… And I have apparently made arrangements to bring up cat artificers who can set up similar things… Ok, this is ridiculous. First dwarves, and now cats? The second being a straight up case of uplift?… Just… Gah. Just GAH! Fuck it all with a wrong end of the broom, just… WHY ME!? Why do I keep doing this weird shit, I’m not even from Japan!… Arglbargl.

___

“…Cheating, blatant cheating, and you.” – Selene repeats numbly as she takes in the entirety of organ and accompanying instruments – “So… this is some kind of unholy abomination that is an organ, fortepiano, harpsichord and drum set? Oh, and assorted pipes and bells that would require extra training just to figure out when to use them and what for? Oh, and all of it is magic and will actively bamf everyone with assorted benefits as the music twists it? No problem. It’s just an artifact piece of music machinery that makes me wet at the knees… I mean weak at the knees, shut up!”

She reddens up and swats me on the shoulder – “So anyway, my point is.. this is ALL? Right? There is no extra strong punchline coming after this? Right? Please?”

I ruffle the back of my head sheepishly, offering – “…I think I also accidentally cat clergy.”

Selene.exe had stopped working.

…

…

…

“You WAT!?” – is the end sum of her consideration. So I take Selene up to the rafters, show her the cat area, introduce her to cats, who promptly respond that she is “First Musician” and I wonder just how the hell did they figure that one out…

“Alyssa, be honest with me.” – Selene demands – “Are you some kind of eldritch abomination delighting in depriving the world of sense and reason? Cat clergy, really? What did you DO to poor critters!? How… why… Just… why!?”

UUUH… “Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies?” – I hedge – “I legit don’t know how far on the scale of “eldritch abomination” does instinctual bioplasticity go.”

She stares at me. For a while. “…Can you do tentacles?” – she then inquires curiously.

“…Yes. Yes I can. And yes, I know how to apply tentacles to schoolgirls, to preempt your next question.” – I deflect.

“…We will be discussing that at length later. Much later.” – she promises – “Once things with everyone’s marital status settles down.”

I… What? Is she… Just… What exactly she’s implying?!… Fine, whatever, we can figure this out later. So long as she’s not telling me she has second thoughts about marrying Ed, we’re fine.

“If you say so. For now, can you please poke around that thing I built and try playing something simple on it?” – I request – “I understand it’s stupidly sudden, but I have literally no one else who would have even the beginnings of a clue on how to do it, other than you.”

“How do you manage to build all that stuff without knowing how to play?” – she huffs as she sits down at the keyboards. A bit of poking and tapping follows. Nabad, nabad. She stops, turns and looks at me – “And how do you manage to make the instruments perfectly in tune if you have no clue how to play them, for that matter? Alright, fine… I suppose this is going to be a good ad for me too. Gonna have me a busy winter teaching the acolytes here how to play this musical monstrosity, I hope they have a couple with decent enough sense of rhythm.”

She turns back to it, running her fingers over the keyboard from one end to another, producing a clean scale. “Ok, this works out even better than I thought… and I have a good tune in mind, too.” – she mutters – “Ok, so go call in prelate and whoever else is going to be dealing with this insanity you wrought upon the temple.”

“Fine, fine. What are you going to play?” – I request.

“Surprise. I’m pretty sure you know the tune, let’s just say it would be seasonal. And a little bit nostalgic.” – she grins at me – “Shoo, go fetch everyone. The sooner they get here, the sooner you hear what I had in mind.”

___

So… the end collection is my entire harem (like they would miss a chance to see me showing off, heh), prelate Iohann and pretty much the entire management part of the temple. Aka, everyone who isn’t currently cooking or cleaning up the convent territory. I’m guessing they would be providing a part of celebration feasting, given the volumes of food prepared.

“…Well… This is certainly… elaborate.” – Iohann offers after taking a look at the refurbished hall, now neatly lined up with pipes – “But what is the purpose of this machinery?”

“Lady Selene is here to demonstrate this, actually.” – I explain as I point her out sitting at the keyboards off to the side – “As I’m unfortunately not good with music.”

And that’s the cue for Selene to hit it… Ooh. That IS a familiar tune. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, if I am right. Given we’re about to have this world’s equivalent of Christmas/New Year, it’s fitting, I suppose. Not that anyone else recognizes the tune. Everyone is mondo impressed, though.