Isekai’d Shoggoth - Chapter 99: Touching Base With Royals

Getting back to Parsee and settling down in the mansion goes basically without issue. The topics that father raises on the way, however… Well. Suffice to say, my participation in the ceremonies is not in any way optional, and I’m apparently getting some kind of recognition personally. According to dad, he and Abe had intended that to be a surprise for me, but neither had expected I’ll try to be outright absent from the capital during Year’s Unending. Well, at least now I know to stay put. Well, as put as put can be. Which is not very, given that we just got a summons from Abe. Apparently he had something to talk about with me and father.

“I’m coming too.” – Lily-Anne pipes up as I come in to tell everyone that we’re going to the palace – “Mother bade me to visit.”

“Um. As in, right now?” – I reconfirm as I hold up the coat for Lily-Anne to slip into.

She chuckles – “Sometime soon, she wrote. Don’t worry so much, it’s not a dastardly scheme to surprise you or anything.”

“Good. I don’t really like surprises.” – I mutter. The carriage is ready, dad’s already in, and no one else had the reason to go to the palace right now, so we board and depart. I… have a problem, I guess. Slaughtering my way through Alamut was enjoyable, but ever since I am feeling weirdly disconnected from reality. Not in a magical sense, that is, in, well… emotional? Maybe? Mental? It’s an odd feeling. I hope it passes soon. I’m not liking it.

___

At the castle, I am surprised to find out that instead of leaving to visit her mother, Lily-Anne sticks with us. I’m even more surprised to find out that the king and queen both expect all of us in the sitting room further into the palace. This is a little odd, the room we’ve been taken to is within the living space. Normally, this area of the palace is open only to royal family and servants. Then again, I guess I am marrying into the family. Somewhat. The final surprise is the presence of crownprince Alexander. I wonder what this is all about.

“Alyssa, Gerard. I have asked of you two to come because I believe it’s high time to make some plans regarding our plans for dealing with Sultanate.” – Abe begins without much ado – “I am slightly concerned about the lack of response from Sultanate. Salaadin is not in the habit of putting off revenge for long, and yet… No moves ever since you have thwarted that ill-conceived abduction attempt. So I have to ask, does either of you have any insights or news to share?”

We exchange glances, and dad goes first. “Not much from me, your highness.” – he proffers – “We had some suspicious strangers poking around the estate a while ago, but Alyssa took care of them.”

Abe and Alexander both turn to look at me. Abe’s reaction is obvious. What is slightly odd, however, is an expression of anticipation from Alexander. Wonder why.

“To clarify, the strangers in question were hashishins.” – I tell bluntly, making everyone flinch – “I’ve caught them trying to break into the estate and exterminated them, as they attempted to kill me on sight. Besides that, there were attempts to get to me at the Academy, which I also thwarted with extreme prejudice.”

Abe nods slowly. “I expected that much.” – he admits – “I am worried that the next attempt will be aimed at your harem. Oijans are not above taking hostages, as we had already experienced.”

“They had plans to that effect, yes.” – I agree – “I was not impressed.”

“So what do you plan to do about it?” – Alexander pipes up suddenly – “Perhaps I can offer the services of my knights as bodyguards for time being?”

“I appreciate the effort, your excellence, but it will not be necessary.” – I retort blithely – “I’ve already invaded Alamut.”

Abe jerks up, his eyes snapping wide open in surprise. Actually, everyone does that, not just him, but I was looking on him when I said that, so I see his reaction first.

“Come again?” – he asks faintly – “You… invaded Alamut?”

“Indeed. There were six hashishins in total attempting to sneak into our estate.” – I explain – “Four of them were breaking in, while the remaining two maintained their camp nearby. I have killed the four, cut off their heads and went to talk to the other two. They proved themselves to be… Longer on muscles than on brains, let’s put it like this. Long story short, I killed one of them and injured the other sufficiently enough to make him retreat. Oijans recover their dead for last rites whenever they can, so I saddled him with the four heads I collected earlier as a message. I have hidden a bit of magic within the heads to serve as a beacon for my teleportation spell. They were keyed to activate after the heads were subjected to last rites. When they did, I simply teleported into Alamut and spent a couple hours methodically slaughtering my way through the keep with golems. I… might have ended up coming across as sufficiently terrifying for them to try and placate me with the head of Old Man on the Mountain, once I backed up their remnants into one of the towers. But I have already located documents describing their plans to attack my harem, so I was not inclined to be placable.”

“So… what you are telling us is that you slaughtered the hashishins in their entirety?” – Alexander drawls slowly in the silence that follows – “Salaadin will be furious. He can not field the army, and his order of murderers is now extinct, so he has preciously few things left to threaten neighbors with. Fewer still are the options to do so without hurting his own country even worse.”

“Well, I did depopulate their headquarters.” – I demur – “I wouldn’t go so far as to claim I exterminated all of them, I’m certain there is a number of them left around the world. But without the leadership and expertise needed to train up more recruits quickly, I daresay hashishins as an organization had been severely hamstrung and will not be up to much. Well, other than some last hurrahs, I suppose. I can see those people deciding to go out in a blaze of glory once they get the news. Maybe warn sir Malachi and increase security for a while? And maybe make it pretty public that I’m touring for the winter and not anywhere near Parsee or Gillespie hold? Given what I found of their training and customs, current leadership seemed to prefer training hashishins up for unquestioning loyalty ahead of teaching them to think things through. I’d suggest to kill them on sight rather than try to take them alive, but I would guess it’s already a standing policy where hashishins are concerned.”

Abe grimaces. “It is.” – he confirms darkly – “There’s no use questioning them and they tend to be fine with suicidal charges if it means they kill their mark first.”

Alexander leans forward eagerly. “Lady Gillespie, since you have breached Alamut, could you satisfy my curiosity?” – he asks – “It has long been rumored that hashishins have secret training methods and unusually deadly weapons. What have you found within the keep? Is it true that they have enchanted weaponry?”

“Sorry to disappoint, but as far as I was able to ascertain, the opposite is the actual truth. Their training methods seem to be eschewing magic and focusing entirely on physical skills.” – I explain – “Their training facilities seem to be oriented first and foremost towards the use of daggers, throwing knives and bows. They also seem to be taking fencing with short swords pretty seriously. I found some training facilities that seem to be intended to tutor the recruits in basic alchemy, too. Very light on theory, they seem to be focusing entirely on memorizing the preparation of several simple types of poison and potions. I believe they were also taught how to properly dress up to be inconspicuous in the crowd, as I found a lot of assorted clothes in various fashions, from Champagne doublets to Krainian kaftans to Pharosian kandyes. They DO seem to be using some simple magic, as I have encountered alarm enchants, but I have found preciously little in the ways of enchanted weaponry and their attempts at magic were few and rather pitiful. What little they are taught seems to be primarily illusions and detection spells, with a smattering of basic utility cantrips. Light, air, earth primarily. I was unable to find out why, but it appears that their instruction outright bans the use of fire magic outside of fire-starting cantrip.”

I pause as I think back to the raid on Alamut. What else… oh, right. – “Oh, right. It appears that several of the inner buildings had been extensively used to train people to scale the walls quickly and take long leaps across the rooftops. I would think they regularly injure quite a number of recruits in that way, those buildings have a lot of old bloodspots scattered under them.”

Is he writing this down? He is. Golly, why.

“Much obliged, lady Gillespie.” – Alexander proffers gleefully – “This is very intriguing, and should be of interest to sir Malachi as well. I shall pass the notes to him after we conclude this meeting.”

Note-taking makes me recall something. I have had prepared a sufficient amount of tablets to pass on to king after testing them within the family, because I frankly can’t see Abe wanting to miss out on this, and I can’t see dad not boasting about it. So I bring out three and hand them to the present royals.

“…What is this?” – Alexander inquires curiously, looking all over the tablet. “It seems to be similar to the copperphones, but… larger? Why?”

“Next iteration.” – I retort – “Allows to transmit both voice and written text and has no limitation on the number of connections. Also has a couple of useful features.”

As I explain the basics of tablets, Abe’s face grows longer. Finally, he sets the tablet on the table gingerly, looks at me and shakes his head.

“Every time.” – he then complains – “Every time I think I finally surpassed that feeling of incredulous stupefaction you evoke, and you inerrantly go forth and bring something even more incredible.”

He pauses, shakes his head ruefully and turns to Lily-Anne, quipping – “Does she ever stop thinking about new things to make?”

“With much effort, father.” – Lily-Anne retorts with a wry laugh – “With much effort. While we are on the topic, is there anything else you need Alyssa for? If no, then kindly permit me to borrow her and mother for a while.”

Abe exchanges glances with Gerard. “Did you bring it?” – he requests suddenly. Father nods and withdraws a number of papers from the satchel he grabbed along. Abe nods back.

“Since Alyssa is already aware and on guard against hashishins, I do believe that’s everything I needed to talk to you all about at the moment.” – he then retorts – “If you ladies have plans, go ahead. Us menfolk will be here, sorting out the documents.”

Dad waves at me indulgently. “Go on, it’s just bureaucratic trivia about our promotion. Have to dot all is and cross all ts, lest someone grows jealous and tries to spoil the celebrations over it.” – he proffers – “If you happen to leave before me, go ahead, I had extra carriage sent to the palace already just in case we get split up.”

___

I’m honestly not sure why Lily-Anne wanted me along. She has a nice low-key conversation with her mother, and I’m just… here. Lounging around. Sniffing flowers, so to speak. Castle has very nice gardens, while we are at it. Exotic. Plenty of unusual flowers, trees and whathave you. Stuff that takes our weather, at least. Tender plants are over yonder in the hothouse pavilion… Hm. I wonder why Lily-Anne is giggling…

“…every time she gets distracted, without fail.” – I overhear the tail end of the tale Lily-Anne was spinning. Who gets distracted, I now wonder.

Aaand. I’m being waved at. By Monika.

“Yes? Sorry for being quiet.” – I offer a bland deflection. Lily-Anne, what’s up, why I’m here?

“So I see…” – Monika drawls – “Lady Gillespie, if you pardon the prying, how long did you have this aura for?”

Aura? What aura? I toss around a couple of basic detection spells, and fail to find anything. Except for Lily-Anne and Monika both laughing at me.

“Unbelievable.” – Monika finally manages – “You never knew you have an aura?”

“Would someone please explain what’s going on?” – I finally snap back, a little bit irritated by all that.

“You have an aura of purity.” – Lily-Anne continues, giggling – “Whenever you’re distracted, things directly next to you get scrubbed clean.”

What. The. Fuck. I’m not sure if they’re not just winding me up, either, come to think of it. This place is already clean.

“What do you mean, things?” – I clarify, because I’m confused. Really really confused.

In lieu of an answer, Monika lifts the trowel and holds it in front of me. “When we entered the garden, this thing was caked in mud.” – she tells me bluntly – “Now, it’s polished. The path we walked on had some leaves on it. Right now, it’s also polished. And brought to the same level. And squished together, for the lack of better term. It looks like it was just cobbled this very morning, not laid down by Abraham’s grandfather.”

This is very interesting, and I… FUCK.

The very next thing I do? Deliver a humongous bitchslap to the idiot who just jumped off the roof. I guess hashishins decided to go for all or nothing approach. Wonder if it’s something they planned on, or it was a reaction to me paying a visit to Alamut. Well, that was satisfying, at the very least. Cartoonish, even. Because instead of an assassin with a dagger, all I have is a dagger spinning in mid-air, while the assassin himself retraces our path along the garden by flying ass-backwards over the cobblestones. AAAnd hit! The moron meets the doors. The doors admit moron through. The wall behind the doors is less agreeable. And, if the shouting is of any indication, the guards are… excited about a sudden assassin from the garden.

Much to my surprise, the assassin in question survives my impromptu launch and appears through the very same doors, a number of guardsmen on his heels. He has another dagger in hand, pretty much the identical copy of the one I just caught out of the air. He… seems to be really really really intent on trying to stab me, or someone close-ish to me. Not optimal. Well, let’s return his belongings to him. Point A. The dagger in my hand. Point B. The knee. Specifically, the right knee of the assassin who is the nominal owner of this dagger. And a neat line connecting both, traced by dagger and underlined by a split bone and a shout of pain. He goes down like a sack of potatoes, and the guards are on him the very next second. Ooh, nice technique. Arms behind the back, a belt around the elbows to immobilize, another belt into the mouth, making him unable to close the jaw. Sensible, he might have had poison in his tooth or just bitten off his tongue to avoid interrogation.

“Outstanding throw, lady.” – the guy in charge of guards, probably. I think his title is lieutenant of the guard? A ranking knight, anyways. Specializes in bodyguarding the king and his family. He comes over and bows to all of us, continuing then – “I presume the initial appearance of his rapscallion through the doors was also your handiwork?”

I nod. Something bothers me. This… Oh, fuck it all with a rake, that’s a hell of a plan. And I have no time left to… Fuck it, let’s just improv further. I turn around, snatching the sword out of the lieutenant’s scabbard as I move. He begins to shout, but… Now, where is… oh. Here, I can SEE the shimmer of refraction! Have at thee, as… Uh, who said that, actually? Nevermind, I think I got it. I really got it. I DEFINITELY GOT IT!

…Ew. I got it, alright. Exhibit A. Knight’s arming sword. Light, sturdy and well-honed. Clearly a beloved belonging. Exhibit B. An assassin of subtle and rather frail stature trying to sneak up using an invisibility cloak. Exhibit C. Excitable shoggoth applying very considerable strength and speed to the sword on a collision course with the assassin. The result? Ew.

“Oh gods, what is going on!? Alyssa, are you alright?” – and Lily-Anne counterpoints this whole thing. Steeling myself, I turn around, wipe the blood off my face and smile sheepishly.

“I’m fine. He had to split.”