It’s A Wonderful Life - Volume 3 Chapter 29 3.8
Despite the dire straights the kingdom was in, somehow the preparations for the wedding between the prince and the mermaid princess were going forwards smoothly. Ira wasn’t sure if that was a sign of how stupid these people were or if there were drugs involved. It could very well be either or.
The Queen was showcasing her disdain for her son’s actions by locking herself in her quarters and ignoring the world. Except, of course, when Ira came by to take advantage of her warm bed.
The winter was beyond freezing.
As the preparations flowed by, the rage of the citizens increased to frankly dangerous levels. They were absolutely furious with the prince and his fiance, to the point that assassination attempts became the norm. And these weren’t professional assassins either (nobody had the money for that) but rather, normal citizens attempting to violently murder their royal family. As the violent attempts failed one after another, they became smarter and started with subtler things.
Like poison.
Which was the reason the mermaid princess was bedridden with a fervor that was as likely to kill her as it wasn’t.
When the prince found out that it had been a member of his own country that had poisoned his darling mistress, he was horrified. It seemed like the idea that his citizens might be unhappy with him had never occurred to him.
Idiot.
Ira spent his days the way he always did, even as the kingdom headed down the highway of destruction faster than the speed of light.
The maids and servants working in the castle got progressively angrier as well, as they were actually in a position to see how unsuitable the mermaid princess acted. She disregarded common courtesy entirely, did everything solely for her own amus.e.m.e.nt and seemed to have no concept of manners. Not to mention how many resources were wasted on just her.
It didn’t take her long to become a symbol of hatred to the entire kingdom. There was not a person that still liked her, if they ever had. As a result, his Host suffered from the hatred as well, as she was still often seen together with the woman.
Curling under the covers of the soft bed, Ira whined a little when he felt somebody shake him. He was well aware that he had been lying in bed for more then a whole day at this point, but truly, it was cold and the people were miserable. And as fun as that was to see, miserable people were more likely to bother him in the pursuit of trouble. Ira had no patience for it.
“Come on. It’s time to get up now.”
The voice of the former merman penetrated the covers and Ira felt himself pout as he burrowed down deeper into his makeshift cage. He was very happy where he was, thank you very much.
He had absolutely no desire to get up.
A hand crawled through the warm covers and touched his shoulder, bringing the cold with it. “Come now, I’ll get you some hot chocolate.”
Blinking open his eyes, Ira felt his interest peak. “Really?”
“Yes. I would never lie to you.”
The process of climbing out of the mountain of blankets was made more difficult due to how he had surrounded himself in them. It took him quite a while to manage to disentangle himself from the mess.
When he finally succeeded, he found a ceramic cup held up in front of his face.
Smiling, Ira took a hold of the cup that was still warm and steaming and drank from it without hesitation. There was a slight sensation of burning in his mouth, but he frankly didn’t care. Ira would go through Heaven and Hell for chocolate, as much as the idea of going through Heaven was simply nauseating.
That was one place he never wanted to visit again.
It was far too… happy.
Shivering in disgust from just thinking about it, he swallowed another mouthful of liquid and relished in the burn on his tongue.
He might be able to turn off the ability to feel the cold, but doing so got boring after a while. Sometimes it was nice to be pampered like this by the people around him. He had seen his Hosts doing it plenty of times, exaggerating the effect of the cold to get advantages and he wanted to try it out for himself.
It wasn’t that bad.
As long as it was just the merman, anybody else and Ira had the feeling he would go straight to homicide.
As it was, Ira was already on the edge of regicide.
He hummed in pleasure as he swallowed the last of the chocolate drink and frowned down at the empty cup. A low laugh by his side made him turn his head to catch sight of the former merman sitting next to him. The merman’s eyes were sparkling with what was either delight or rage. He honestly couldn’t tell.
Frowning at him, Ira asked, “What’s so funny?”
“You. You are absolutely adorable.” the former merman responded without any sense of shame.
Ira glared at him and said, “I am hardly adorable. Say that again and I’ll kill you.”
The man just laughed harder. What insolence.
“Shut up!” hissed Ira at the former merman and held up the empty cup towards him. “And give me more.”
The former merman smiled at him and said unrepentantly seriously, “As my darling commands.”
While he waited for the former merman to come back with the refilled cup, Ira took the opportunity to check up on his Host. In his mind, he could see her sorting laundry alone on a deserted floor. She was frowning and had a distinctly unhappy grimace on her face.
As she folded the laundry, she hummed a song from another time under her breath. Ira watched as she shivered in the cold, even bundled up as she was. Her eyes, however, glowed with an inner determination. What that determination might be though, he didn’t know. Because he didn’t care to find out.
Before he could see anything interesting, the former merman returned and handed him the cup again. Grabbing it, Ira started drinking the warm fluid immediately.
He closed his eyes in bliss and sighed in pleasure. This was the life.
“Satisfied?” asked the former merman by his side again. Ira just nodded in response, his eyes still closed.
In search of entertainment, he checked up on the prince of the kingdom. The prince was currently in a meeting with his ministers in the castle, discussing their nation’s problems and trying to avoid the topic of his wedding with them. The ministers were well aware that the first thing to do to fix this crisis was to renounce the mermaid princess, but the prince blatantly refused to even consider it.
He was so wrapped up in his own love that the mere suggestion was offensive to him. Time and time again, he rejected the proposal, getting increasingly violent in each turn. His distrust of his ministers increased with each time they suggested it.
In addition to the wedding preparations, there were also preparations for him to succeed the throne and finally become king. The mermaid princess had convinced him that it was his right and that his mother had been stealing it from him, and now he was determined to become king so that his beloved owner could become the queen.
As was to be expected, those in the know were not taking the news well.
Sensing weakness, the surrounding kingdoms had renegotiated the trade agreements with the kingdom in their favors, which just led to more loss in the long run. Because the prince was getting increasingly paranoid, he had demanded to do the negotiations himself and had failed spectacularly, not that he even realized it.
Yes, Ira was getting very close to committing regicide. Idiocy was one thing that he simply couldn’t stand.
He felt a hand brush through his hair and redirected his attention to the former merman now man sitting next to him on the bed. Ira gave him an odd look when the man did not desist in his caressing. Frowning, he asked, “What are you doing?”
The man smiled softly at him. “Getting your attention.”
He furrowed his brow in confusion. “But I’m right here.”
“No.” the man smiled softly again and if it had been anyone else, he would have gagged in disgust. “You were somewhere else. I don’t like it.”
“Hmm. That’s not up to you, though.”
This time, the man’s smile was sad. “I know.”
Ira stared at his otherworldly features for a while longer before he directed his attention elsewhere.
The kingdom was gearing up for civil war and the only people unaware of it were the prince and the mermaid princess. Even his Host had caught on and had been trying to talk sense into the mermaid princess, which everybody could tell was in complete vain. Besides, that wasn’t the mission, even if his Host had forgotten it. The mission was simply to die. What happened to this world after the mission was irrelevant to his Host.
And Ira didn’t care enough to find out anyway.
Rolling his eyes at the mushiness going on right now, he gave the former merman a cold look. “If you were anyone else, I would kill you for saying such cheesy crap.”
For some reason, this made the man look unbearably pleased.
Ira just diverted his eyes from the picture of happiness and let his mind wander again. The prince had concluded his meeting with his ministers and was now in the mermaid princess’ chambers. As they weren’t yet married, this was a wildly inappropriate thing to do in plain sight, but as he didn’t posses a brain, he didn’t realize what a scandal he was causing.
Not to mention that, due to the rumors, the noble girl’s family was even more spurned, as they now thought the prince had been cheating on her. This was not just a scandal, it was a personal offense that would not be forgiven.
This was the sort of thing that caused feuds that lasted for centuries.
The prince sat himself down on a chair next to the mermaid princess’ bed, where she was leaning back against a wall of pillows. Her room was warm thanks to the fireplace that was always lit and the many candles. Ira wondered how nobody was concerned at what a fire hazard that was, but then he realized that was probably the hope.
Stick enough candles in there and one was bound to fall over eventually. It was the perfect untraceable assassination plan.
The prince took a hold of mermaid princess’ hand and asked in a disgustingly gentle voice, “How are you feeling?”
The mermaid princess smiled gently back. It made her face look like that of a doll. The prince just squeezed her hand tighter and leaned towards her on his chair. “If you are in pain or require anything, just let the servants know and they’ll help you, alright? I’m sorry I haven’t been around much lately, there are just so many things to prepare for the wedding. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather decide these things?”
She shook her head and smiled again.
The prince smiled back and said, “Alright. All you need to concentrate on is to get better, okay? Recover, and we will get married after my coronation, and then you will be the queen.”
Her smile brightened and the prince looked at her with a stupid vapid face. What a sucker. Ira honestly hoped the rest of the human race weren’t this incompetent and vulnerable to love.
If they were, they were straight up doomed.
Ira pulled his eyes away when they started kissing wildly on the bed and touching under the clothes. Did they have no shame? No sense of propriety?
He wondered how hard it would be to erase these images from his mind. A lot easier then if he had been human, he supposed, but still, to think he had seen something so gross. Humans just possessed no self-control.
Ira felt nauseous.
