It’s A Wonderful Life - Volume 3 Chapter 31 3.10

“Are you sure you want to go to this thing?” the former merman asked Ira, sounding honestly worried.

Ira nodded in response and answered, “If it goes horribly, I don’t want to miss the chance to see it with my own eyes.”

The man still looked worried, so Ira decided to do him a favor and smile reassuringly at him. Then again, it was his very first attempt in an uncountable number of years, so who knew what it actually looked like?

“There is no reason to worry.” Ira stated while walking up the steps to the castle entrance.

It was finally time for the new king’s and the former mermaid princess’ wedding. For the whole day, wedding bells had resounded from the highest tower of the castle, unrepentantly announcing the happy occasion to the world at large with no regard to the people’s feelings on the matter.

Ira was attending the wedding in the company of the former merman. He would have accompanied the Queen, but she had already gotten out of the country, not that this seemed to bother the new king.

Ungrateful jackass.

Rolling his eyes at his own thoughts, Ira watched on as the former merman presented the guard with their invitation at the front door. Ira was coming along as the man’s plus one, though he had no idea how he had gotten his hands on an authentic invitation. And out of curiosity, he had checked it out. It was one-hundred percent authentic.

Still, it was none of his business, so he hadn’t bothered looking into it further. Once the guard verified that they invitation was real, they were let in through the door.

As it was an incredibly fancy occasion (which had effectively bankrupted the whole country) Ira had gone to the effort of dressing up in a fancy black suit and wearing a pair of long dangling red tear-shaped earrings. He had found that he enjoyed the sensation of them dangling next to his neck, and in a traditional world like this, it was always fun to see people looking horrified at his daring fashion choices. They could make the stupidest faces, over a pair of earrings. At least they were a tasteful silver, unlike the gaudy thing that the former mermaid princess were wearing hanging from her ears.

Ira shuddered a little at the thought of that monstrosity and swore to himself that he would never wear anything like it. Tearing his attention away from such nasty thoughts, Ira refocused on reality as they walked through the long hall leading to the ballroom the wedding was to be held in.

It would have been held in a church, but even they were pissed off and they had faked a prophecy where if the new king got married in one, his beloved master would immediacy drop dead.

Talk about abusing ones power.

Well, Ira wouldn’t have done any differently. Except killing the new king, but to each their own, he supposed.

At the entrance to the ballroom (the same that had been the site of a massacre) another guard checked their invitation again. From what Ira could tell, they had really put n more effort for the security this time, hiring bandits and even pirates to take care of when the castle’s own security forces were so diminished. They had participated in the worst massacre this country had ever known as well, after all.

Just because they worked for the royal family as guards, didn’t mean that their families weren’t starving like everybody else’s.

They were let into the ballroom without any trouble. Which was a shame, because Ira really felt like stabbing somebody, but he supposed he would just have to ignore it. Unless some happened, the way he was high-key hoping it would.

Otherwise, this was going to be one boring wedding.

If there weren’t going to be murder involved, Ira really didn’t understand the appeal of marriage.

“This way, please.” the former merman took charge and lead Ira to their seats. This time, they were closer to the raised stage, sitting right next to the isle where the former mermaid princess was going to be walking pretty soon. And making a fool of herself, let’s not forget that.

That was, after all, the important part.

They sat themselves down on white chairs, Ira being the one to sit right next to isle with the former merman on his other side.

For the next half-hour, while they waited on the wedding to begin, Ira spent the time observing his Host. She was still in the middle of doing her duties, sneaking glances every once in a while at the ballroom. She was undoubtedly anxious to get in there, as she seemed to have enough smarts to realize what a perfect opportunity it would be for an assassination attempt.

Whether she would actually manage to get in there though, with all of her duties, was another question. And not one Ira was interested in, so he stopped watching fairly early. Instead he just searched through his database for a book he didn’t despise and read it in his mind while waiting.

And then the wedding bells rang seven times in a row, to invite good fortune and the people occupying the chairs all stood up, Ira included.

A soft, gentle melody emerged from the instruments of a band standing at the very back of stage. It appeared like the new king had entered the room while Ira hadn’t been paying attention, because he stood up there as well. And his suit had so much gold decorating it, it ought to be illegal.

Seriously, if he wouldn’t be dumping this body soon, he’d sooner gauge his own eyes out then watch it another second. Thankfully, he didn’t need to use such drastic measures, as he could just turn off his eyesight.

The music rose in tempo, still going slowly, and people turned as one to watch the entrance to the ballroom. As expected, the former mermaid princess stood there, glowing from all of the diamonds decorating her ghost white dress, while a huge tiara sat upon her head, holding down the several meters long veil. She was smiling as if it was the happiest day if her life, and to be fair, it probably was. After all, she was about to become a queen.

As a mermaid, this wouldn’t have been possible, as she had at least a dozen siblings, all of them older than her.

Behind her trailed a pair of really uncomfortable looking women, carrying her veil so it wouldn’t become dirty. They weren’t her bridesmaids, they were just doing their duty, and it was plain on their faces to see that they despised it.

The former mermaid princess utterly failed to walk in tempo with the music, and her steps were visibly unsteady because she hadn’t bothered to practice walking using heels.

Apparently, she thought she was so amazing that she didn’t need it.

As such, every single person in the room could see that she was on the verge of falling every single step she took. They made no effort to hide their gleeful smiles, either.

In this, Ira was no different than them.

As the women passed Ira by where he stood, he saw that even her makeup was uneven behind her veil. Evidently, this was a small piece of revenge from the maid that had been forced to spend five hours putting it on while the former mermaid princess complained every step of the way.

They had had to get up early this morning. Ira practically reveled in the discomfort the former mermaid felt in the face of this effort.

Eventually, there former mermaid princess reached the steps up the stage, and painfully slowly, she ascended them. With help from the new king, that had hurried forward to her as soon as she arrived. They held hands all the way up to the priest. This time, the man looked even skinnier.

Even priests didn’t have it easy in these trying times.

“We are gathered here today to…” Ira didn’t pay attention to the rest of it, as the priest recited the words in a tone so flat and monotone it was almost murderous. It was the sort of tone that put people right to sleep. He saw more then a few people stop paying attention nearly as fast as he did.

With everybody sitting down on their seats again, Ira didn’t resist when the former merman took a hold of his hand and gripped it tight. He had no reason to. And the warmth was kind of nice.

Ira had trouble keeping himself awake throughout the rest of the very long seriously, what wedding took four hours? ceremony, and eventually he just settled himself down and leaned his head on his merman’s shoulder, his eyes half-open as his focus wavered.

It was so dull.

Were all weddings like this? Why would anybody ever want to put themselves through this torture?!

Humans. Crazy, the whole lot of them.

It was the sound of a gong that brought him out of his self-induced trance. Ira blinked rapidly to bring focus back to his eyes and sat up straight in his seat. His hand stayed connected with the former merman’s through sheer force of coincidence, not because he liked it.

He started paying attention again just in time to see the end of the new king and queen’s very inappropriate kiss.

Disgusting.

Ira hurriedly pointed his eyes in another direction, which allowed him to see as an assassin came flying in through one of the many arched windows from a perfect vantage point. It was like something out of a movie, they guy just soared through the air and crashed right through it. And then laid very still on the floor, blood seeping from his body.

It was all very dramatic.

Checking, Ira was glad to see that he had managed to catch the entire thing on camera.

He couldn’t quite contain his laughter, and had to hide his face against the former merman’s chest to keep from people hearing him.

Just… so hilarious.

Screams rose around him like a symphony.

Another person came soaring through the air, missed the window that had already been destroyed and crashed through another one. Their broken body rolled meters on the floor before it finally came to a stop, just centimeters from the chairs, blood flowing in their wake. A third person followed soon after.

This time, due to the many people ducking down under their chairs, Ira could see that they swung from a tower of the castle, hanging on to a rope with a death-grip.

Another loud crash and one more broken body rolled all over the floor.

Ira could no longer keep from laughing, and his whole body shook from the force of it.

The next person to fly through the air managed to enter through one the already destroyed windows, and dropped to the floor without breaking anything.They pulled out a sword from their black clothes, yelled a stupidly loud battle roar and ran toward the new king and queen, who were still standing up on the stage, too stunned to move.

His Host had entered the ballroom at the first crash, and she ran toward the new queen with desperation giving her speed from another direction.

Guards intercepted the screaming madman, while another man flew through a window. Ira heard a vague crash from outside, as someone slid from their rope and crashed meters through the air to the hard unforgiving ground.

“Princess!” his Host screamed. “Run! Hurry!”

The new queen didn’t move an inch. Her eyes were wide, her mouth open as if she wanted to bark orders, and her hands fluttering like she was attempting to make them into claws.

Hist Host caught sight of someone else emerging from behind the stage, walking toward the new queen, and she sped up further. Throwing every inch of her energy into it, she managed to push the new queen out of the way, and the dagger stabbed her right through her lung and into her heart, killing her instantly.

Without more than a scant few milliseconds of delay, Ira’s soul was then promptly unconnected form this body, and he was sent on to another world while the words Mission Success blazed across his mind.

Damn it.