It’s My First Time Being Loved - Chapter 4

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“Are you really sure?”

 

“O-Of course, madam. Whose safety would I lie about.”

 

Fifty days have passed since my 100th life began.

 

I heard my mother’s serious voice.

 

I woke up to that sound -because I slept while being patted by my mother again- and I looked up at the ceiling with the colorful mobiles and my ears perked up.

 

“Are you sure there is nothing wrong with our youngest?”

 

Subsequently, I also heard my father’s low voice.

 

‘So he was the one who spoke like that……’

 

When I first heard a profound tone that felt heavy, I wondered for a moment if I had heard it wrong.

 

It was difficult to see my father often, but every time he sees me, he’s either crying or making sounds with a short tongue.

 

Even three nights ago.

 

“My youngesh, do you recowgnize dad now? Dad wiw hab to twy hawder to see ouw youngesh mow owfen, wight?” 

 

[My youngest, do you recognize dad now? Dad will have to try harder to see our youngest more often, right?]

 

It was my father who wasted his statue-like handsomeness and smiled as wide as possible while acting cute in front of me.

 

‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen my mother speak like that.’

 

If my father was a person with the same color of spring, my mother was a winter like person.

 

With her red eyes, that was like the finest rubies and pitch-black hair.

 

But in front of me she would always talk with a gentle smile and a friendly tone.

 

Especially, the lullaby that she whispered to me to sleep, was very beautiful.

 

“Sleep well, my baby. The stars will brighten the sky and the silver moonlight will give you good dreams.”

 

My mother’s soft voice with a cozy melody.

 

With a skillful hand tapping my back.

 

‘And me falling asleep helplessly.’

 

I couldn’t help but sleep to my mother’s pat.

 

At first, I even thought that it was because I was a baby that I had no choice but to be weak for sleep.

 

However, seeing the two soft people talking in such serious voices in front of me, I thought that it must’ve been important.

 

I held my breath for as long as I could so I wouldn’t be caught awake.

 

Because those two used to notice that I woke up just by the sound of my breath, like a ghost.

 

“O-Of course. There’s really nothing wrong. Madam, My Lord.”

 

“Hmmm.”

 

My father seemed uncomfortable with the voice of the man who spoke in a flustered way.

 

‘Just what is going on?’

 

And who is that man…..?

 

He was a stranger that I rarely saw.

 

Because it seemed that no one but a few designated servants and family members could enter this luxurious and large nursery that was prepared for me.

 

“I’ve been working as the duke’s doctor for over 10 years. I am speaking from my experience.”

 

So he was a doctor.

 

And another thing, I found out that this was a ducal family.

 

I didn’t know their positions because they all called my parents ‘madam’ and ‘my lord’.

 

‘That’s a bit more likely to be troublesome.’

 

Ironically, I was often more comfortable when I was born as a child abandoned on the street.

 

I didn’t have a problem with surviving because of the hardships I had already experienced, and there were no people who cared too much as I was a child on the streets.

 

After living in moderation, I died once again when I used my power during the time of destruction, then it was over.

 

‘If I was born a noble, I get involved in strange troublesome things.’

 

Based on my previous life, there were a few things that I could teach on the subject of neglect.

 

‘But what was even worse was, because my father is such a nice person, isn’t there a big possibility of him becoming a pushover?!’

 

Originally, such people are more vulnerable to adversity and hardship.

 

I sighed inside, recalling all the bad cases in my mind.

 

But.

 

“The youngest lady is docile, but she is very healthy!”

 

Huh?

 

Were you talking about me?

 

I blinked at the unexpected fact.

 

“Are you sure your brain didn’t run out of use over the 10 years?”

 

Pardon?

 

I had to doubt my ears once more when my father’s voice followed.

 

“O-of course not! I’ve done my best so far–.”

 

“Then how come our youngest doesn’t cry properly and never laughs?”

 

Once again, I blurted out a foolish reply to myself.

 

‘No, what the hell are you talking about now?’

 

It was a question that far exceeded the number of scenarios I had in my head.

 

“There’s something wrong, and you’re incompetent because you can’t even figure it out!”

 

My father expressed his anger in a low voice, in case I woke up.

 

‘No, why are you accusing an innocent doctor. Father.’

 

Even though I was a little far away, I could imagine how flustered the doctor must be right now.

 

‘Isn’t it good if the baby doesn’t cry?’

 

I even whine from time to time.

 

Even though it’s because I wanted to say something.

 

I thought that I’ll try to say something once I am able to babble, because only crying sounds come out right now, I haven’t tried these days.

 

‘And about laughing…..’

 

‘…It’s not good to be affectionate with each other for nothing.’

 

I was wary of them, but also concerned.

 

For almost two months after I was born, my family didn’t just raise me for a day.

 

I too, had eyes.

 

Of course, when I was born, I thought it was unlikely that I was born into a normal good family.

 

However, I was not so twisted that I would look down on all the kindness they showed right now.

 

It was enough to accept kindness as they were, and to respond when bad things happen.

 

‘They won’t be able to hurt me properly anyway.’

 

It was a baby’s body, so it’s kind of troublesome if I use my powers, but it’s not as if I can’t use it well.

 

So I deliberately acted more insensitively.

 

‘Of course, such a miracle won’t happen, but……’

 

There was just one thing.

 

Since they are really good people, if they act like a friendly family until the very end…

 

‘It means that the end will be painful for us.’

 

Even more so if my father is an overly nice man as I thought he was and if my mother is a kind person just like how I’ve seen her so far.

 

‘I’ll die before I reach the age of 20.’

 

It was an inevitable fate that I can’t avoid.

 

I didn’t obediently give up my life for nothing.

 

It was because of the fact that I had been living for a long time and realized that there was no point in struggling.

 

And……..

 

‘I don’t want to see the face of a good person suffering again……’

 

It was just one of my many lives.

 

The only one who gave me affection and told me not to go while crying at my sacrifice.

 

It was a distant memory, but because it was the only one, it remained in my memory more painfully.

 

“Maybe there’s another way, so–.”

 

That person wasn’t even a family member.

 

It was just a stranger I briefly saw during my last year.

 

In that short period of time, we had bonded and hurt each other.

 

‘But if my parents were to be like that person…’

 

It doesn’t matter if I’m the only one hurt.

 

It’s because I’m used to it anyway.

 

However, I didn’t want other people to be hurt.

 

It was much better to part ways with shameless people like my 99th life.

 

‘That’s why I didn’t laugh…..’

 

I never thought they’d care so much about it.

 

‘It’s really strange.’

 

It even put a sane man on the brink of losing his job.

 

The doctor spoke to my father in a quivering voice.

 

“It’s the truth.I am willing to bet my everything. The youngest lady really is healthy!”

 

“Then should I take that useless head off?”

 

Oh dear……

 

Was my father a person like that?

 

‘It can’t be helped then.’

 

I didn’t cry out loud because I had so many experiences with swords on my throat.

 

But even so, I can’t just let someone else’s neck snap.

 

I gathered my strength on my stomach.

 

If I try to say something, it’ll come out as a  cry anyway.

 

I shouted out loud.

 

‘I’m really healthy! Don’t bother the person who feels wronged!’

 

Of course, the sound that actually came out was.

 

“Uwaaaah–!”

 

It was the sound of a baby crying.

 

“Oh, dear. My youngest. Were you supwised by dad’s voice?”

 

[Were you surprised by dad’s voice?]

 

“Anastasia, mom’s here. Were you surprised there was no one here when you woke up?”

 

My parents, who had been acting as if they were gonna eat the doctor a while ago, ran to me in a familiar way.

 

In the meantime, I was a little relieved to hear the doctor sigh in relief as if he had been spared.

 

Although…….

 

“My baby, you had such a loud and pretty voice.”

 

“Dad wanted to hear our youngest’s voice, too. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

 

Though I was a little ashamed of my parents acting as if they were really trying to soothe a crying baby.

 

It felt strange, though.

 

‘…Until now, crying this loud has always caused bad things.’

 

From the most ordinary first life, always.

 

“What did you do so good that you’re crying, if you fell alone, you should get up alone.” 

 

“How annoying. Should I just kill her?” 

 

“Saint, if the baby’s sound can be heard that much don’t you think she has enough spiritual power?”

 

That’s what happened but……

 

‘Why do you look so happy when a baby is crying?’

 

With a relieved face as if pleased…..

 

I felt something warm rising from my stomach to my throat.

 

A teary unfamiliar feeling unknowingly rose.

 

“Uwah, hing……”

 

Perhaps the reason was, it had already become a habit and there was no longer a loud cry, but a whimper leaked out.

 

“Yes, yes. My baby. It’s okay. Mom and dad will protect you.

 

My mother kissed my forehead and patted me on the back.

 

As I felt my eyes blinking again at the warm touch, I did not resist anymore and just put myself on my mother’s shoulder.