Limerence - Chapter 2

There’s a lot of things that I could have dreamed about but why should it be that moment.

Well, it must be that day because that’s the only thing that could possibly passed as a nightmare in my life. After all, it was the moment where it all ends. The moment that I have personally wished to never happen. But, guess what, there’s no secret that will last forever, it will always be made known one day. Unfortunately, that day is the day that our secret got revealed.

It was the day that Miggy learned the truth. There’s a lot of things that I wanted to do that day but in the end I can’t.

I wanted to be selfish and tell him that it was me who he loved for all those times that he thought that I was Alex.

I wanted to fight for him because I can’t ignore the reality that it was me who he dated before.

I can’t do it because I don’t have the courage to do so.

It may be Alex who he first knew but the girl whom he dated for so long was me. It was me, yet I can’t say it to him. I couldn’t hurt my sister for my selfishness. It was not her fault that I ended up falling in love with her guy. It’s funny because he was hers and would never be mine, but I still push my luck.

Even though, I can reason out that it was the real me, Gabby, whom he dated and not Alex because I was pretending as my sister before. I won’t say it because there are also things that are holding me back. My sister loves him, and I can’t just steal him away from her. Also, I’m not sure if he’s going to take me back if ever he knew about the truth, there’s a possibility that he’ll loathe us. If that will happen, then it’ll be better that I don’t tell him. It will be better that one of us could be happy than no one of us is happy.

In the end, I could just agree to what my sister told him. That it was the only day that I pretended as Alex, the only day.

Agreeing to that reason send a bunch of needles in my heart, each needle prickled deep in my heart. It hurts that I just wanted to cry at that moment, but I held it back. I didn’t want my sister to notice that I was hurting.

If I have a chance to go back at that moment, I will face it head on and I will never be coward again. Another thing is I would have never said such thing. Why?

Because it was the reason that cleared his mind from the confusion between my sister and me. At first, he was confused about us yet just an assurance from my sister and me. It vanished like it never occurred in the first place.

That moment, if I just stand up for myself and fight my love for him, to fight for what I think was mine. Then, maybe it wouldn’t hurt this much. There will be no regrets and what if’s.

Yet, this time again a lot of what if’s rush through my head that I can’t help but feel hopeless.

‘What if it was me whom he first met? Then, maybe it wouldn’t be so complicated’

‘What if I didn’t agree with my sister’s plan? Then, I wouldn’t have a reason to get to know him’

‘What if I didn’t start to feel comfortable with him? What if I didn’t let my guards down? What if I didn’t open up to him? Then, I wouldn’t have the reason to be hurt’

Looking back, all of us has our own sets of mistakes. It was a mistake, but I would not think twice to do it all over again because it can be a memory that I can hold onto. Those mistakes, those moment, it is stored in my memory that I can dreamed about. Millions of dreams that are stored not just in my head but also in my heart.

–

The greatest regret that Alex have ever done in her life was not considering her sister’s opinion. If she just didn’t panic, didn’t let her emotions overcame her, then maybe the outcome would be different.

Gabby was like a puppet that time, she would just agree with what her sister would tell her. Alex was the only one who called the shot before and Gabby would always give in to all her sister’s unreasonable decisions, idea etc.

It’s a known fact that they both know that she has involved her sister in that mess. They both know that the girl Miguel had been dating since then was Gabby, yet she didn’t even ask her sister about her feelings.

Looking back, that was the day that Alex realized that her sister will do everything for her, yet she can’t do anything for her sister in return. She was the only one who kept on taking her love, she didn’t even bother giving back some to her.

No wonder her sister got drained and experienced an emotional breakdown before. Because of that, Alex started to see things that she has been neglecting before. She already knew that her sister has a feeling with Miguel just from the way she described him and talked about him, her sister would always talk about him with a smile that can reach her eyes, yet she disregards it. Those signs were already a clear evidence that her sister fell in love with Miguel, yet she chose to disregard it and eventually cause her sister a heartache.