Lines Crossed - Volume 1 Chapter 49 Inform You.
For me it was a day I could never forget. It was the day I had realized no one else would ever hold my heart.
That I finally understood what that four letter word called Love truly meant.
That longing ache as she walked towards me the cherry blossoms falling around us, the whole world fading into nothingness. As she pulled and tugged at her clothes. I had etched it into the walls of my heart, never able to forget that moment.
And just as she had etched herself on me, I etched the scene on my walls, unable to remove the picture that beautifully haunted me day and night, never. Until I stitched it on my wall, as a daily reminder so that every time I came and go, I would be reminded of that one beauty in the world that wasn’t for me. Stitching the wall had taken a full year, almost. I wasn’t fast; I had taken my time with it. But that wall was my love for her, and also a harrowing reminder of how fragile and delicate that beauty really was.
Delicate, and exposed, yet hidden beneath the canopy, its beauty raining down around us, obscuring the trunk that was the strong and firm love always there, always holding us together. Every flowering tree needed a sturdy base to hold its beauty.
She was my flower.
But just like the flowers of a tree she was unaware of the world she fell down on and touched.
Back then she didn’t know.
Back then all I could do was reach out and watch as her beauty blossomed around me.
She was nervous, probably because she knew what kinda background I came from. Knew my status and wasn’t sure she could admit her love. Wasn’t sure I would accept her. I had been cold and unfeeling, neutral with her on purpose too afraid to give her an okay to love me. And also too scared and foolish to recognize love for what it was. Instead, I had let her wallow, I could feel that anxious energy of uncertainty coming off of her in waves. The waves of nervous undulation as she stood in front of someone she thought she liked.
My heart ached for the wasted chance. If only I had taken it back then. If only I had asked her out.
I knew she liked me. I knew it from the moment in the alleyway. But she was a forbidden fruit, a thing you could desire and observe but never have.
More rare than the rarest substance in the universe.
Yet, I was greedy; I had wanted to keep it close to me, while also too scared to take the steps to actually, secure, and make it my own.
I wonder if she stared after those millions of threads and thought of me in the same way she had been on my mind as I painstakingly sewed every single one.
But I daren’t ask. Because it was the past. And her feelings could have changed.
I knew that thought was probably a lie, but I told it to myself in order to cope with knowingly doing what I was doing to her.
I caught her sometimes when she thought I wasn’t looking, when she dared to peek over that guarded wall of stone, more fortified than the Han River.
I saw it, her wistfully looking at me, the heartache in her eyes an echo in my own soul I dared not admit.
She wanted to think she was strong; she wanted to think she had made herself unbeatable. The perfect match for my side.
In ways she would never understand she truly had.
But she was still a weakness. Not because she was weak. But because I was.
I knew what kinda father, I had. I knew it like an unpleasant dream I couldn’t distance myself from.
He was a man who would do anything for power, and Miran was that bridge in between the thing he hated most and wanted to get rid of. And the thing he wanted most but would never obtain.
And because of that. I can never have her.
Mark could never be happy.
I could never be happy.
And if I wasn’t careful, that unhappiness would seep out and ruin my beautiful goddesses world too.
I couldn’t let that happen.
I would rather rip out my own heart every day than let that happen.
But she could never know. Never ever know that I loved her.
More than the very air I breathed to keep myself alive. I ached for her.
I gulped and settled my heart before straightening my tie.
“Miran. You said you had doc.u.ments Mark wanted me to look at for the Pharmaceuticals campaign?” I said clearly, my voice sounded curt and mean even to myself.
She broke out of her reverie and her eyes looked at me lovingly before fixating into their normal passive indifference.
“Yes, Mark ordered some changes to your proposal. So I went ahead and changed them and sent the new file to the firm, we already got their okay on it. Mark sent me here to inform you.”
I scoffed.