Love Doesn’t Matter - Chapter 42 – Useless Effort

“Don’t be nitpicky. I don’t know where you’ve heard that strange story… Don’t misunderstand on your own.”
“I was going to do that, but seeing this changes my mind. I can’t think of any other reason.”

As he was holding up the ring, he clenched it tightly.

“I heard. Nathan Malvin helped you.”

‘You said you weren’t watching me, you’re lying!’

Emilia certainly exclaimed that.
No, she thought she had. But like a cursed mermaid, she couldn’t say anything.

“I am not blaming you. Whatever your past or how you feel, I don’t care.”
“Past… There is no such thing. I have no relation with Young Master Malvin.”
“Then show me.”
“Wh…at?”
“That there is nothing. He’s attending the ball, right?”

Emilia kept her mouth shut for a while, as if she were speechless.

“The reason you insisted on going to the ball… Was it because of that?”
“It has become a reason now.”

A chilly smile blocked her way, like a wall.

“What if I… Absolutely don’t want to go?”
“Then I will handle it my way.”
“Handle?”
“I said I’m not blaming you, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to leave him alone.”

One chest slumped down, and the other rose in anger.

Why is she making excuses like a sinner? What did she do wrong?
Nathan Malvin is a good person. He is a true aristocrat with a righteous, honest, and pleasant charm. If it weren’t for that man, she might have gone to the ball with him.

“Yes, that’s right. I had a good feeling towards Young Master Malvin. He seemed to think the same. So what? Is that a mistake that needs to be ‘handled’? What does it have to do with the Young Master?”

Hadius’ neck twitched. She felt a prick in her heart as she noticed an emotional crack under his sleek face.

She didn’t want to make excuses like a guilty person, but she thought she could set fire to his speculation if she ended her words here.

“I have no relation with Young Master Malvin. I tried really hard to avoid being misunderstood. I did my best not to cause trouble to the great Meyer family.”
“So.”

A low voice, cold like a winter night, was heard.

“Should I thank you? Thank you for putting up with wanting to fool around with that guy?”
“I didn’t mean that!”
“I want to see it with my own eyes. What on earth you two exchanged. How close you are. Then I’ll decide. How I’m going to deal with Nathan Malvin.”

Emilia fell into despair.

“No, don’t do that. Please, I ask you.”
“It makes me feel weird that you keep coming out like that. If you do this, I may break my promise and handle everything my own way. Even the Cavendish.”

At that moment, Emilia also burst out.

“… Really… Do you know how childish and vulgar you are?!”
“Yeah. I’m vulgar. I’m shameful and mean. Didn’t you know?”

Emilia stared blankly at him with a bewildered expression.
It got messed up. Everything was a mess.

“I really do not know… Why is the Young Master being this…”
“I do not care.”

He spoke with his eyes as dark as the night sky.

“… Whether you know or not, I do not care.”

*** 

‘There are generally two ways to have a person. Doing a favor and making them like you, or pressing them with money and power, making it unavoidable. Which one do you think is better? Of course, it’s the former. There isn’t a more natural and ideal way than that. But there is also nothing more difficult and reckless than that.’

In the suffocating silence of the empty study from where Emilia had left, Hadius was thinking of the words his grandfather had left him as a will.

‘Because, Hadius. Favors don’t sit well with everyone. Humans want different things. The kindness I give may be nothing to the other person, and what is impossible for me may be something indispensable to someone else. The conclusion is that it is all an unnecessary and useless effort.’

His grandfather was weak, as if he would lose his breath at any moment, but his eyes were shining so brightly that it was hard to believe that it was his last moment.

‘Especially so to those who have climbed up high like us and have many things. Look at your father. He almost brought his life, and of course his family, into a helpless situation just to get a worthless woman. If it weren’t for your wise mother, our family would have ended sooner or later.’

Realizing that the struggling voice was full of remorse, Hadius almost burst into laughter.
His grandfather had always been a man of unparalleled authority. He had never given a warm look or spoke kindly to his blood relatives, including his grandchildren. But he, too, was infinitely weak in the face of death.

‘Don’t do unnecessary favors. If you want to have something, exclude your emotions completely. If you’re a real Meyer, just press them. So that you don’t get betrayed. That way you don’t get weak, and that way you don’t fail. Don’t repeat your father’s failures, Hadius. Continue our family’s prosperity. Please.’

The grandfather even grabbed his young grandson’s hand. The old man’s wrinkled hand was like something cold.
Hadius reluctantly took his hand, trying not to frown at the feeling of irritation it caused.

His grandfather died a week later.

The words he left as a will have faded with time. He didn’t even want to remember him because they didn’t have an affectionate relationship and he wasn’t particularly respectful.
But why did he remember him now, of all times?

Hadius looked down at the ring.

‘If I had a good feeling towards Young Master Malvin, or if he said he has special feelings towards me, what does it have to do with the Young Master?’

That’s right, Emilia. It has nothing to do with him. He is never swayed by emotions or anything.
He didn’t expect you to like him in the first place.
The life you want is nowhere to be found in him.
So, it’s only natural. That your feelings are not directed towards him, that you hate him and resent him.
He won’t try to change your feelings by force.
Even if you are looking at someone else, just throw it away.
He will bring you into his world. If necessary, he will just press you.

Hadius clasped the ring in his hand. Contrary to his burning will, his eyes were terribly cold.

Don’t do useless efforts. Never.

*** 

When Emilia came home, ironically, a tailored dress had arrived from Vinette’s boutique.
Despite being ‘cheap satin’, the soft creamy-colored dress, decorated with an apricot-colored lace, looked very beautiful.

“It’s really pretty.”

Only Kallia and Beppy were excited. Mitch knew right away that his sister was extremely depressed, and Charlotte continued to sulk.

“Will you try it on?”
“Later.”

Emilia passed her stepmother, who seemed a little surprised, and went into her room. She collapsed on the bed as she was.

A feeling of helplessness came in, pressing her chest. She never imagined that they would have such a conversation.

The word ‘mistress’ could not come out of her mouth. She forgot to ask about the rest of the evidence relating to the Cavendish corruption.

Strange misunderstanding or not, ‘handling’ Nathan Malvin or not, she should just leave it alone…
But she couldn’t. Neither Nathan nor the people of the Cavendish mansion should be allowed to be ‘handled’.
It wasn’t some random mercy. That’s for practical reasons.

Unlike the Meyers, who are not afraid of anything in this world, Emilia had to think about life after the breakup.
She wanted to keep helping Mr. Haspel manage the ledgers. The study there was also a regrettable thing to throw away.

Hadius must be completely shaken off.
It doesn’t matter whether he wants a mistress or not. Being curious about such a thing is just proof that she is being swayed.

This is the last time.
Whether it’s the ball or the graduation ceremony, she will do as she is told; but he will only realize that it won’t be going his way anymore.

So, do as you’re told. Just this one time, do what he wants.

It felt like her heart was burning.

There were things that irritated Emilia as she lay motionless.
The dog barking, the cupboard opening, the clatter…

Emilia covered her ears with a pillow. She wanted to be alone without thinking about anything.
But her stepmother’s coughing sound, which seemed to scratch her lungs, prevented her from doing so.

As Emilia opened the door and left the room, her stepmother, who was in the kitchen, waved her hand.

“You must be tired, so go and rest. As soon as Beppy arrives, we are going to make a mousetrap.”
“No, I’m fine.”
“I’m the one who’s fine. Come on, go on…”

Instead of answering, Emilia rolled up her sleeves.

“I can’t stop you, really.”

Her laughing stepmother suddenly coughed again.

“I think you should see a doctor.”
“… Don’t worry. I got some cough medicine from Mr. Schlemann.”
“Mr. Schlemann is only an apothecary, not a doctor. Let’s go see a doctor soon.”
“Yeah, I was planning on going to see one anyway, so don’t worry.”

Emilia took a tomato from the basket and began to cut it with a knife.

“Did you go meet Young Master Meyer?”

The knife that was cutting the pulp stopped for a moment. Then, it moved again without hesitation.

“Yes. The ring that I got on our engagement day; I went to return it.”
“Ah…”

The stepmother paused for a few seconds with her mouth open. Behind her back, she could feel that Mitch and Charlotte had their ears pricked up.

“I told him we should never see each other again when we break up. Still, I think I’ll have to attend the ball and the graduation ceremony. I didn’t want to go by all means, but the Young Master kept insisting. Until His Majesty gives us official permission to break up the marriage, I think we should keep our engagement.”

Is it because of her calm tone? Her stepmother nodded her head without saying a word. Her younger siblings also did not ask any more, as if they had made a promise between each other.

“Of course, you did well, Emilia. That’s really good. Actually… I was a little worried. The Young Master kept coming… You two kept meeting… Isn’t that a bit weird? I was going to visit them myself and ask them. I was going to either meet the Young Master in person, or Mrs. Meyer.”

Her heart sank again at the fact that her stepmother also felt strange.

“You have to be careful so that strange rumors don’t spread. You’ve been through this before. People tend to look strangely at a commoner woman next to an aristocratic man. Especially a pretty child like you.”

The sound of the knife got louder and louder.

“As I said before, you should also meet someone new. For ordinary women like us, a kind-hearted and generous man is the best. I want you to meet someone like that…”

At that moment, the knife cut through her flesh, not the tomato. Along with the cut, a stabbing pain pierced through her whole body.

“Ah…!”

Emilia dropped the knife and grabbed her finger.