Love Doesn’t Matter - Chapter 54 – If Only I Could Break You

The news that Nathan Malvin had visited the zelkova forest reached Hadius Meyer two days later. It wasn’t the cloth merchant nor Beppy Dilson who told him about it.
The mercenaries guarding the forest did not invade the privacy of the Bern family, but were thorough with their visitors. Upon receiving the report, Grozhang had no choice but to knock on his master’s door with a sigh.

“They said that the two of them talked for less than 10 minutes. They weren’t alone because Beppy Dilson watched them from the stable.”

Grozhang diligently explained things that his master did not ask.

“Even Mr. Malvin must have been conscious of the rumors.”

Hadius remained silent, without giving any particular reaction. The pen sliding on the paper did not stop in the slightest either.
But in Grozhang’s eyes, he seemed to see it clearly.

The cold eyes, the tensely tight shirt, the forearms full of tendons, things like that.

“I will find out in detail Mr. Malvin’s intentions for meeting with Miss Bern, and what kind of conversation they had.”

Hadius nodded.

“Is there anything else you would like me to do?”

The pen paused for a moment, and the achromatic pupils turned towards Grozhang.

“Go and tell Miss Bern. I want her to visit the Basilion House as soon as possible.”

Grozhang swallowed dry.

“If… she refuses… what should I do?”
“You can tell her that I know she met with Nathan Malvin. If she doesn’t come, tell her I’ll go get her myself.”
“… I understand.”

Hadius turned his head again and flicked through the papers. The pen, which had paused for a moment, continued its smooth movement as if it were skating.

*** 

The next day, Grozhang headed to the zelkova forest early in the morning.

In front of the being that symbolized Hadius Meyer, Emilia was stunned and nailed to the spot. Then, she gave him a look of giving up.

“If I don’t go, will Young Master Malvin really be ‘handled’? Like Sir Cavendish? Would Young Master Meyer… go that far?”

Grozhang answered with silence.

“You’re watching Young Master Malvin, right? Mr. Beppy was here all the time, so that’s the only answer.”
“… Forgive me for not giving any answer.”

Emilia sighed and followed Grozhang to the carriage.

She seemed fine, with her back standing upright and her hands resting on her knees; but on the inside, it was completely different.

After meeting Nathan, she felt like her heart was burning.

His proposal was like a dream. It was funny enough to think that she could receive support without being misunderstood.
A free Emilia with a scholarship, walking around the university with a thick book by her side.
Just imagining it made her heart race.
All she had to do was close her eyes and accept it, just reach out her hand.

The emotions inside her heart, which she did not know whether they were frustration or anger, were growing. That wasn’t the only thing that made her angrier, as time went on.
It was the Cavendish problem.

Hadius Meyer clearly promised. That he would leave the Cavendish issue to her.

‘These are the documents that prove that Bernen Cavendish invested in the Quirren wool business, and that there was corruption in the process. I want you to know that I’m doing my best not to take care of Cavendish as I please.’

Didn’t he write a letter with such warm words, and even tell Charlotte about caterpillars?

Emilia was very moved at that time. Regarding that matter, she completely trusted and had faith in him.
But, in the end, he didn’t keep his promise. He changed his words like turning the palm of his hand.

How could he do such a shameless thing? He made her feel at ease… He made her trust him!

Emilia arrived at the Basilion House without the slightest relief from the many things boiling in her heart.

When she opened the door to his study, Hadius was leaning against the edge of the desk.

“You really ‘handled’ the Cavendish. You broke your promise to me.”

Emilia said bluntly. Hadius responded by nodding his head.

“How could you go back on your word like that? How? Without even asking me once?”
“My patience ran out. If I had asked you, the answer would have been obvious.”

In front of his eyes, calm as if he were seeing ants passing by, Emilia felt a sense of disappointment.

“As expected, the Young Master is someone that can’t be trusted. You reassure people with all kinds of lies, and then betray them like this. Don’t even say that you did it for me.”
“… Yeah, it wasn’t for you.”

Emilia couldn’t believe the man who just casually admitted it.

“I… wanted to help the butler at the Cavendish mansion and manage the ledgers. I can read books there, I can study, and I even thought I could earn money by helping with bookkeeping.”
“You were going to work for them even after what happened at Lüen’s ball?”
“Yes, Mr. Haspel wanted to keep it a secret anyway.”

Hadius didn’t respond. He didn’t even move his eyebrows enough to take the breath away from the person looking at him.

“The Young Master took away all the good opportunities. To corner me like that and make me have nowhere to go.”

He didn’t deny it. As she faced the cold face that seemed to ask her, ‘So what?’, something hot rose from the depths of her heart.

“I thought I would be free… after breaking the engagement… I just thought I would be freed from the accusation of being greedy and go back to my normal daily life… However… How could you block me like this? Why are you trying to interfere and ruin my life now?”

Emilia was on the verge of tears. There was also a plea and appeal. But the words that came from Hadius were only,

“Have you finished saying what you wanted to say? Is it my turn to speak now?”

Only that.

For a moment, Emilia became dizzy as if she had been hit in the head with a blunt weapon.

How can he be so indifferent? How can he be so insensitive to other people’s feelings?

While Emilia was unable to speak and only moved her mouth, Hadius straightened his leaning body.

“What the hell did Nathan Malvin say?”

Emilia was enveloped in anger that was close to shock.
That man doesn’t listen to her. He doesn’t trust her, he doesn’t sympathize with her, he doesn’t care about her pain.
There is nothing but absurd, irrational rivalry towards Nathan Malvin, which is even ridiculous to be called jealousy.

The moment she thought of that, her whole body cooled as if she were drowning in icy water. The frown on her forehead slowly flattened, and her tears quickly dried up.

Emilia looked at the man opposite her with eyes as cold as his.
She didn’t want to be immersed in her own thoughts, not be able to communicate with the person in front of her, and make all her effort go to waste.

In a state of resignation, anger, and despair, she opened her mouth.

“Young Master Malvin… apologized. He said he was sorry that strange rumors were circulating because of him.”
“Ah, is that so?”

In front of the man, who grinned, the last string that tightened Emilia’s chest was about to break.

“Young Master Malvin really apologized. He thought of me more than himself.”

She appealed with all her heart with her last remaining energy, but the other person was just indifferent as if he had heard the cry of a shepherd boy.

“He is kind, caring and upright. Completely different from someone else.”
“I admit it.”

The calm answer set her heart on fire again.

“He’s a really good person. He’s not the kind of person who can be sarcastic like that. Absolutely.”
“So, are you swaying? Towards him?”

At that moment, Emilia lost her mind.

“… Yes, of course. Who wouldn’t like a man like that?”

Hadius’ face suddenly turned cold. Emilia was somewhat delighted.

“Threaten me again, with how you’re going to handle Young Master Malvin. Because I won’t stay still any longer either.”
“What are you going to do?”
“You can imagine it. What will happen if a man and woman who have feelings for each other are forced to stop? Don’t you know Romeo and Juliet?”

Both she and the man froze at the same time at her impulsive words.
Hadius released his crossed arms and stood up straight. He wasn’t threatening or even approaching her, but he seemed to be suffocating.

“… It’s better to be honest. Now I just have to catch him and kill him.”

Emilia was deeply shocked, but she didn’t express it.

“What are you going to do? Are you going to ask for a duel?”
“Shall I do that?”
“Your bluff is great. If someone saw you, they would think you love me very passionately. The great Young Master Meyer.”
“I already expressed my feelings in the carriage that day, very passionately.”
“You crazy…”

She was even more surprised by the profanity that unconsciously came out of her mouth, but the only thing she heard as an answer was a low laugh.

“I don’t know if you remember, but you were no different that day. Who was the one who asked for more?”

Her heart sank.
Some scenes that were erased on the excuse of being drunk were revived, choking her. Emilia couldn’t control the burning sensation that was rising and had to bite her cheek tightly.

“Malvin’s ancestors were shepherds. Even now, they are making a living by doing things like taking care of sheep feces. I can step on such a common Count’s family if I want to.”
“Really… You’re too childish to listen…”
“You know how childish I am.”

Emilia snorted. But the next moment, she lost the strength in her legs. Because she remembered that he had really dealt with the Cavendish.

“No, I don’t think you’re being sincere. I believe that the Young Master wouldn’t go that far.”
“Well, he was already dead the moment he handed you this in front of me.”

With a thump, he put the ‘Principles of Accounting’ on top of the desk. Emilia felt the blood draining from her body.

“Why on earth… are you like this? Didn’t you see it at the ball? We didn’t do anything wrong… Young Master Malvin only came to apologize. What on earth did I do wrong…”

She muttered in despair, and then suddenly looked at him, fiercely.

“Give it to me, it’s mine.”

She stretched out her arm towards the book. But before she could reach it, her hand was caught.

“Let go!”

Twisting her arm was of no use. The more she did, the stronger the man’s grip got.

“Swear. Then I’ll give it to you.”
“Swear?”
“Yeah, swear that you won’t get swayed again by that bastard.”
“Ha!”

Unlike her, who snorted, Hadius was serious.

“Speaking of which, does that bastard know? How you allowed me here?”

His cold eyes touched her lips. Emilia swung her arm upwards involuntarily.
Just before she slapped the man on the cheek, Hadius grabbed her other arm as well. And then slowly lowered his head.

“…!”

Emilia’s heart seemed to stop in front of the man’s lips, which were slowly approaching her.

The man, who was approaching her as if he was about to kiss her, stopped at a close distance as if making fun of her. The breath that touched her lips was terribly lustful and terribly cold.

“Was it only here?”

He lowered his gaze. The feeling of being bitten and licked in the carriage was revived, and the pit of her stomach heated up. Emilia fell into extreme self-disgust.

“Stop it.”

His lips, barely brushing against hers, twisted, and he gave her a bitter smile.

“You didn’t say that at the Elver. Isn’t that so?”
“… I said it clearly. I told you I was just drunk that day and made a mistake. That’s what I want to erase the most from my life… No, it is a memory that must be erased. Do you know why?”

Veins appeared along the man’s neckline. It looked like he was going to strangle her at any moment, but she didn’t care.

“We have Mrs. Meyer between us. My sister Charlotte Bern, too. People who can never get mixed together until either one of them dies.”

He froze as if he had been hit with cold water. Then, he slowly released the strength of the hand that was holding her wrist.

Emilia, who was released, gave strength to her legs and straightened her body in order not to stumble. Her blurred vision gradually became clearer, and her breathing returned to normal.
The emotions that had reached the extreme slowly subsided, and the atmosphere that had tightened between the two of them began to loosen up.

“The whole world calls Charlotte a deformed person, hates and despises her. Especially the Young Master’s world. I feel like the person I love and cherish the most in the world is like some kind of infectious disease… I can’t stand being treated like that.”
“…”
“We have a relationship where we can only be happy when we break up. We have to live freely in our own world.”

Emilia was sincere in every word.

“I beg you, sincerely. Stop doing these crazy things. Before all the remaining good feelings I have for you are gone.”

Emilia put her trembling hand inside her pocket and took out the ring.

“Take it. I can’t accept it thoughtlessly just because it fits my finger.”

Far from accepting the ring, Hadius stood motionless, with his eyes darkened like an abyss.

“I have a different opinion than the Young Master. We never had each other, so it’s easy to let go.”

Emilia reached out and tucked the ring into the pocket of his jacket.
The cold air disappeared, and darkness swallowed him.

“… Do you still not know what I really want?”
“Yes, I don’t know… No, I know one thing. The Young Master wants a sow. That you can have messily.”
“No, I want the ‘you’ at the Elver. The only moment in my life that was close to happiness.”

The man laughed. It was a bitter laugh that she had never imagined she would see in Hadius Meyer.

“I need to have that again. Otherwise, I’ll have to forcibly get on top of you, like a pig in rut.”

Emilia was astonished.
She even struggled to tell him about Charlotte… How can he be so calm as if he didn’t hear it?

“What? Do you think I can’t?”

It was completely different from the carriage. The extremely restrained, calculated gaze gradually frightened Emilia.

“I will give you time. You have one week, no more.”
“No, no way… The Young Master wouldn’t do that…”
“What is the problem? We’re engaged.”

A wet voice climbed up like a snake and choked her.

“Come to the villa in Sitmer. It’s a place prepared for you.”
“Are you out of your mind?! Do you think I would allow such a thing?!”
“I don’t need any permission. There are countless ways to break you. I know it from experience.”

*** 

That night, Emilia fell ill again.
Charlotte was the first to find her lying in a cold sweat. Kallia realized that it was because of a fever and hurriedly prepared a lukewarm towel.

“I’m fine, I’ll get better after I sleep…”
“What are you talking about? Your body is burning hot!”

Mitch shook off his sister’s reluctance and went with Beppy to pick up the doctor.

They wandered around town as well as the rich Dill Street, but failed to meet the doctor doing house calls. Coincidentally, everyone was on a business trip or visiting another place.
In the end, they had no choice but to be content with getting a fever reducer from the apothecary.

Fortunately, the medicine worked well. The next day, the fever that soared overnight subsided as if it had never happened, with the family’s heartfelt nursing care.

Emilia put down the towel that had been placed on her forehead and struggled to get up from the bed.

Kallia, who was making oatmeal, saw her daughter and rejoiced.

“Where is Charlotte?”
“She went raspberry picking with Beppy. I asked her because I thought they would lose all flavor if I delayed it any longer. Mitch went to the shed.”
“Ahh…”
“How do you feel?”
“I’m fine now. Mother should take a break too. You worked a lot because of me.”

Kallia was relieved by her daughter’s faint smile, but she was saddened by her gloomy eyes and emaciated face.

“You’re the one who needs to get some more sleep. You won’t be able to sleep when the children come because it will be noisy again.”
“… Yes, I will do that.”

Kallia waited for Emilia to fall asleep before leaving the room. After tidying up the living room, she was about to starch the clothes when she suddenly heard the dog barking.
When she opened the door, an unexpected face was standing there, smiling widely.