Love Doesn’t Matter - Chapter 88 – Peculiar Excuses

“Hah!”

Emilia lamented. It wasn’t that her brother had lied in the letter. It was just that he merely laid bare the dark reality of the Bern family.

He started with their little sister Charlotte, about his mother who had been warned by the doctor to quit working at the factory immediately, and included his immature self in his writing. The back was filled with even more desperation. He continued with the story of His Majesty the King cutting off their grant for a year, their difficult situation, and the poor girl who couldn’t even work or date like ordinary women because she was taking bridal classes.

Mitch Bern’s writing skills were excellent enough and marvelous, like an executive who had been in charge of the advertisement and publicity for the Annihilation Squad.

Emilia was unable to raise her head when she put the letter down, as her face was burning hot.

“Don’t blame your brother. No matter what you think, I was very moved.” Nathan stretched his arms across the back of his bench and grinned. A cool breeze ruffled his thin, soft brown hair, making him look like a naughty boy. “You can get to know a person by reading the text, and your younger brother will surely become a great writer. I really want to see what kind of guy he is.”

Emilia swallowed. His praise for her younger brother made her proud, but she was never happy with it. Her stomach started to churn again with her worries and anxiety.

“I understand now. How your life has been for the past five years, and why you can’t just leave for the New World.”

Before his friendly eyes her chest was wet like cotton soaked with water. On one hand, she felt sorry for him. Hadius is perhaps monitoring this person. To stir Hadius, she remembered her own frivolous words and deeds, even daring to say ‘Romeo and Juliet’ with her own mouth, and she broke out in cold sweat. Wasn’t that an unforgivable deception?

“You are more independent and self-reliant than anyone I have ever met. That must be why Shayla Cavendish childishly tormented you. Independent women are often laughed at in my world.”

His cold analysis and logical consolation numbed her heart once more.

“But Emilia, too much is not enough. I don’t think it’s necessary to be so sharp and build walls like that. No one in the world can live alone without the help of others. There is nothing wrong with asking someone for help.”

(T/N: Too much is not enough means that a person with a lot of something will want more.)

Emilia was a little shocked. Was I too sharp and built a wall? Me?

“I am not blaming nor condemning you. I was also drawn by your firmness.”

His soft eyes suddenly turned dark and a strange air flowed from him. An alarm went off in Emilia’s head. His extremely cold, silver-grey eyes began to fill her head. Whether Emilia knew such him, Nathan suddenly had a determined expression on his face.

“Let me help you. How can I pretend to know nothing when I even got a letter like this? I was also thinking of going to the Meyer’s. Whether it would be the Duke Meyer or the Madam Meyer, wouldn’t it be possible to reach a solution if we could meet and talk in person….”

Her heart sank. Emilia pressed on her chest with a trembling hand.

“Or we could also meet His Majesty the King. I don’t know about other people, but His Majesty shouldn’t turn from you. After all, the world knows that you and Meyer were used for political purposes.”

Emilia managed to hold back the groan that was about to escape. She was about to be burned into a giant fire by the small spark Mitch Bern threw.

“No, Young Master, I need to tell you something. The problem with my engagement wasn’t that simple.”

Nathan didn’t even pretend to listen.

“Why were you enduring like that? Even if His Majesty had no choice left… Hadius Meyer isn’t like that. They seemed to be having a conversation on the ball that day.”

Emilia felt her heart was slowly breaking every time that name issued from Nathan’s lips.

“Well, I heard that he was a wicked and sly fox. He only pretends to be gentle on the outside but treats you badly behind the curtains.”

“No, he isn’t like that. He never was.”

Shaking her head vigorously, Emilia was momentarily shocked. The words she said without thinking to calm Nathan came back to her like a boomerang and stabbed her in the chest.

“He… he’s not… he’s not that bad of a person.”

Emilia felt that it was ridiculous of her to say that. Didn’t she think the same way as Nathan a few days ago while sharpening the knife inside her?

But contrary to her blank mind, her mouth continued to move without stopping.

“He cares a lot about me. He was actually discussing my future with His Majesty after breaking off our engagement. It was thanks to him that His Majesty rekindled his interest in me and to my family, and he will surely help us in some way sooner or later. My younger brother had no idea about it because the breaking of our engagement was very confidential and was only recently decided.”

Nathan’s eyes widened in surprise. He stared at Emilia with a straight posture and lowered his arm that had been hanging on the armrest.

“The problems that my family and I are experiencing will be resolved soon. I know why the Young Master came to find me… but intervening in that way will only complicate things.”

She thought that Nathan would understand since he was a sensible person. But his reaction was completely unexpected.

“Then there is no problem.”

“What?”

“If you follow what you said, you will break your marriage soon, and your family problems will be resolved. So it’s okay now, isn’t it?”

Emilia’s face showed her confusion.

“I’m talking about leaving with me to the New World.”

Her eyes widened.

“Ah, no. I can’t.”

“You can’t?”

Nathan frowned.

Emilia seemed to understand why he was like that. There was a subtle difference between ‘no’ and ‘I can’t,’ and it would be impossible for a sensible man to not notice.

Just as expected, Nathan looked at her with a slightly different expression than before.

“Is there any other reason? That you can’t leave with me?”

Emilia suddenly felt nauseated under his piercing gaze. Emilia struggled to keep her mouth shut even as she continued speaking, “No, there is no such thing. Something like a problem….”

“Emilia.”

His voice strangely sounded so distant. Emilia licked her dry lips, trying to calm down.

“I’m sorry, Young Master, I think I have to go now.”

Emilia gave strength to her wobbly legs and raised her body.

“Again, I won’t go to the New World. There is no such thing as another reason. It was just that… I don’t want to go to such a remote and dangerous place. I am really sorry that my brother sent you a letter like that. But… I hope that you don’t pay too much attention to me from now on. If Young Master keeps on doing this, I think my gratitude toward you would disappear.”

After coldly expelling those words, her heart was pounding against her chest and she felt like she was about to cry again. Emilia bowed her head, swallowing her guilt and her apologetic heart.

“Goodbye then.”

The hem of her dress drew firm concentric circles. She noticed that his glowing green eyes suddenly darkened just before she could completely turn around. Emilia had no choice but to close her eyes tightly.

* * * 

Caitlyn was somehow moved. Enria was the same. The two of them were close to a tragic couple that was forced to break up by the royal order. They had been robbed of countless hours to develop their feelings for each other and make memories.

Ahem, coughing without any reason, Caitlyn winked at Enria.

“Oh, why don’t you show me the newly decorated tapestry room?”

Enria noticed it immediately and stood up.

“Oh, right? I almost forgot.” Enria looked at the young man and woman. “We will be back after a while. It has also been some time since you two had a conversation.”

The two women quickly disappeared from the drawing room. The door closed and silence descended inside. Bianca had led the atmosphere and conversation just until now, but she felt like she lost all of her words and felt awkward.

Her helpless gaze went over to the man’s shoulder and then back to her teacup. Just before she was about to blush by herself, Hadius opened his mouth first.

“You must have been filled with lots of emotions coming back here after a year. I heard that the Lady had been doing very well in school.”

“Uh? Yes, ah….”

“The dean of Burge, Sir Neuschwan, attends our family dinner every year. He had a lot of praise for the Lady.”

Bianca looked at Hadius blankly. Then she said something unexpected.

“What are you doing now?”

Hadius was not agitated. He just stared at his old fiancée with a terribly sober expression on his face.

“Why are you talking like that again? The awkwardness is killing me!”

“Are you uncomfortable?”

“Yes, so stop it.”

Hadius blinked and immediately replied, “Okay, fine.” Bianca let out a relieved sigh at his sudden change of attitude with a turn of a hand.

“Yeah, you were always like that. I completely forgot who you are.”

She brought the teacup to her mouth as she grumbled. She swallowed the cold water, trying to calm her nervousness.

It was the same when they were children. Bianca threatened the child, who insisted on using honorifics and calling her, ‘Lady Reinen,’ that she would hit him if he didn’t call her Bicki, and Hadius replied with a casual look just as he did right now. At the same time when they met a few days later, they started talking without using honorifics.

Bianca realized then – the fact he wasn’t paying any attention to the title nor honorifics or actions was proof of his indifference.

“Let’s say hello again. We finally met again. Nice to meet you, Hadii.”

Boldly calling him by his nickname, Bianca waited for the person sitting opposite her to call her ‘Bicki’ too. But Hadius only looked at Bianca with a weird gaze.

“How come nothing has changed like this? That’s plain and uninteresting.”

The corners of the man’s mouth twisted slightly upward.

If I confess that even your crooked smile makes my heart flutter, what kind of face would you make, Hadii? Bianca suddenly stood.

“Would you like to go for a walk?”

Hadius stood up with his long body instead of answering.

Bianca put her hand on his forearm, pretending to be alright. Of course, she regretted it right away. It wasn’t just his height that had grown, but also the tight muscles under her hands choked Bianca. Bianca stilled her flustered mind and followed him.

Their images were reflected on a large mirror in the middle from the drawing room to the garden. Bianca proudly raised her chin. She was tired of hearing that she was beautiful and pretty after she lost weight. Only God knew how difficult it was to get there.

The last five years had never been pleasant. The Burge Convent was an inhumanely cruel and strict place. There was only one thing that became her driving force to endure and transform into a swan like this.

Hadii did his best to break off his engagement. He jumped into the battlefield, got the mining, and had to negotiate one last time with the serpent King. That fact always relieved Bianca.

“I know you had a hard time.”

Hadius glanced at her as the words came out of her mouth.

“You are doing your best to break off your engagement.”

Someone naturally came to mind with the phrase ‘breaking off.’ Every time the story about that person came up, Bianca struggled to stay composed. Hadii, what would you do if you knew that I was obsessed with jealousy over a woman whose face I don’t even know?

Contorting her twisted mind, Bianca wrinkled her nose. Come to think of it, their relationship wasn’t so special beyond being each other’s betrothed. They visited each other’s homes but were always accompanied by adults. Except when playing chess, they never played together nor were left alone.

This meant that there wasn’t any chance for Hadius Meyer to give his heart to his fiancée. Wasn’t she said to be fat and unusual at that time? So it wasn’t something to be upset about. There was no need to rush. They could start building their relationship from now on.

“Don’t worry about the dinner party. I am also comfortable that you’re not coming. Instead, let’s meet secretly like this. Like tragic lovers,” Bianca chuckled. “Next time, let’s meet over the chessboard.”

Bianca spoke and pulled her hand away from him. She continued walking lightly, but it felt like she was stepping in mud. With every step she took, something unpleasant clung to her. What it really was, Bianca had no idea about it.

Their short walk ended without meaning. Hadius immediately said goodbye to her as they exited the garden. Bianca tried not to look at the bright noonday sun just past its zenith.

“Well then.”

Bianca said goodbye to him in a friendly manner, and Hadius responded by bowing like a gentleman in front of a Grand Princess. As he left the garden and headed for the entrance, the coachman immediately recognized him and rushed out.

“Are you finished?”

“Yes.”

Noting the expressionless face of his master, as if wearing a mask, the coachman felt a chill in his spine.

“Then, I will take you to the Basilion House.”

The carriage soon departed.

With his legs crossed, Hadius’ mind was filled with the image of the three women, his mother, Bianca, and Enria Reinen. They got along very well. Their conversation was very natural like flowing water, and no one seemed uncomfortable. But he felt uncomfortable as if he was swallowing sand all the time. He couldn’t concentrate on their conversation and his mind just floated.

Thinking back, it had always been like that. The daily life of the social world as represented by salons and club houses did not arouse any interest in Hadius. The only time his heart lit up was the annual dinner party or the ball at Lüen’s.

Emilia suddenly came to his mind. Yes, this may be an unbearable boredom because you weren’t there. So maybe that’s why I wanted to draw you in my world….

Hadius loosened his tie. At one point while casually looking at the passing trees outside the window, he stretched out his arm and rang the bell of the carriage. The coachman stopped the carriage and rushed toward him.

“I’ll have to turn the carriage around. To Ricardi Palace.”

“What? Now?”

Hadius nodded. The coachman blinked in surprise, then grabbed the reins again. The carriage turned and set off vigorously toward Ricardi Palace.