Love Hate Relationship - Chapter 37：Goodbye Michael

Three months later, Sasha walked into Michael’s room to help him take his medicines. Belinda has called to notify them that she would be late that morning and that Sasha has to be with Michael till she arrives. Michael was sitting up in the bed, there was a pillow in between his back and the headboard, he had already trained himself to do that. His laptop was on his laps and he was typing into it.

“Belinda called. She will be late this morning” Sasha reported but the man on the bed didn’t even acknowledge her “I will stay with you till she arrives” but yet, she got no response.

She walked to the table and poured a glass of water for him, she turned and passed it to him but he didn’t even raise his head to look at her. Gary had visited that morning and had brought him breakfast and some documents. Michael had ordered him to always bring food for him along with some documents to keep him busy, so the one he was working on now was brought by Gary this morning “you need to take your medicine Michael, it’s for your health” she added, she was tired, not physically tired but emotionally tired.

It’s been one good year but no progress in her marriage, she had thought maybe in his condition that they could get close to each other since he was always at home but no, he doesn’t even let her stay at home, always ordering her to go to work, he had gotten Gary to place a table before his bed and there, he always put his laptop and his medicines. He could sit up on the bed on his own now, so he had set his alarm to wake him up in the night for him to take his medicine. He just doesn’t want her helping him and she knows and it hurts her that her husband can’t even depend on her in his condition.

Michael’s busy fingers paused on the keyboard for a second before continuing with his typing “why do you hate me so?” She asked again.

Michael stopped typing and looked up at her “why all these questions?”

“Is because I’m tired” a tear dropped from her eyes “I have tried. I have tried to make this work, but you have just decided to hate me. You have concluded never to look at me. Why, what did I ever do to deserve this? One year” she showed her index finger to him and tried to keep her tears from falling “three hundred and sixty five days, I stayed with you, I endured your silent treatment, I lived like everything is okay, I stood by you. I swallowed everything but it’s not enough for you right?”

Michael wanted so badly to tell her his reasons, to tell her he is also not comfortable with the way they are living but remembering all his past pain and again, that she married him for a stupid contract, he remained shut, he looked back at his laptop and continued typing.

“Do you love her that much?” Finally she asked the question that has been troubling her all these months.

Michael looked at her immediately “who?”

Sasha chuckled without humor “the girl, the one you love so much. The one you filled your closet with her clothes, what happened, why are you not with her?”

Michael furrowed his brows, where did she hear all these? Who told her he is in love with someone? “Who told you all these?”

“I can’t live like this anymore Michael” she avoided the question “I tried, heaven knows I tried but I guess, you can never cheat nature can you? We were never meant to be and I’m forcing it. But even after sacrificing a year of life, nothing changed. So what’s the use? What’s the use of fighting when nothing is working?”

Michael felt his heart missed a beat at her words “what are you talking about?” Where is she going with all these?

Sasha smiled through her tears but it was pained “I have been thinking” she sighed “I told myself to persevere at least a few more months, maybe something different might happen but no” she shook her head lightly and closed her eyes “I have decided” she looked at him “I’m moving out.”

Michael went into shock when he heard that and asked after he recovered “what?”

“I’m moving out” she repeated “we can take the time to decide if we both still want this marriage or not. I will give you some space and I will also check myself. If we can do it, I can always move back in but if you decide we can’t, we can always have a divorce. But for now, let’s separate.”

“When did you decide this?”

“Right now” she answered “I can’t go on like this. I have lowered myself enough for you, I have lost my pride just to satisfy you. I have contributed a lot in this marriage but you just don’t want it. So for now, let’s separate. I need some time to think, if I decide I can go on then I will come back but if I find out that I can’t, I will send you my lawyer.”

Michael mulled over her words, of course, she will leave him, he has been waiting for this day, he knew she will leave but why does it still hurt like hell now that it is finally happening? But why will she leave, don’t she want the contract anymore? He swallowed his pain and continued typing on his laptop “do whatever you want.”

Sasha felt her heart shattered into a million pieces at those four words, she had wished he will ask her to stay, that he will grab her hand and tell no, that they will figure it out together, that they can make it work but guess she has been wishing too much, he doesn’t love her and he never will.

Sasha took a deep breath and let it out slowly before nodding “fine” she turned and walked to the door, she paused and looked at him one last time “goodbye Michael” she said and left the room. Michael looked up then at the door, why does her goodbye sound like it is the end? He kept looking at the door and involuntarily, his fingers shook and his heart broke once again.

Sasha walked into her room and threw open her wardrobe, she brought out her box and packed every clothes inside, she didn’t even spare some time to fold them neatly, she just wanted to live. She had tried, she thought she could do it and she could have if only he had given her just a little of his love was not asking for much.

She paused and stared at the packed bags and her eyes welled up again, she tried to hold the tears but they forced their way out of her eyes. All along for many years she had been telling herself that things didn’t work out for them because one, he is gay and two, they didn’t have the opportunity to get to know each other. It was one of the reason she had decided to stay all this while, she believed that if they share enough time with one another that he will learn to love her, guess she she has been wrong, they were just not meant to be.

She picked up her phone and wiped her tears with the back of her hand and dialed a number, the person picked at second ring “I want to book a room. Sasha White.”

She dropped the phone on the bed and arranged herself, she picked up her car keys and handbag, she picked up the phone again and wanted to dial a number before deciding against it, she shoved the phone into her pant pocket and dragged her bags out of the room, down the stairs and out of the house.

She left for the garage and dumped every bag in her car’s trunk, she paused for a while and wondered if she was doing the right thing, she looked at the house and her eyes revealed longing but she shook it off, this is best decision for her. She walked to the driver’s door, opened it and got into the car, she inserted her key into the ignition and heaved a deep sigh “it’s for the best Sasha” she told herself.

She started the car and reversed from the garage, she stopped in front of the house and looked up at a particular window, a tear dropped from her eyes and she wiped it away, “he will never love you” she told herself as she remembered his words that morning after the night of endless passion, “you are not in my heart and you never will be.”

“Guess he really meant it, he will never love you, so no need staying any longer” she told herself, she heaved a sigh as a tear dripped from eyes, she wiped it away quickly again “fine Michael, then I will stop loving you” and then she sped off.

Michael rest his head on the headboard, he had heard the sound of the car and knew she was gone, gone for good. His heart hurts but maybe it’s for the best, there were never meant to be anyway. He had just been forcing nature, he shouldn’t have agreed to marry her in the first place since he knew they will never be together.

When his mother had showed him her picture, he had been shocked and had thought, maybe they were meant to be, since his mother brought her picture to show him for him to marry her, maybe she can he his. Heaven knows that when he accepted to marry her, he had told himself that this time, he is going to do his best to make her love him. He had wanted to use their marriage to show her how much he loves her but then, he had received a report that she had rejected the marriage but accepted immediately the contract was mentioned.

His heart had been shattered, so if wasn’t for a contract, she will never had agreed to marry him? That pain had reminded him of his past pain and how many times she had given him hope but only to shatter it and leave him in pain and so he swore that he is not going to call off the marriage but he is going to use it to give her a taste of her own medicine, to let her feel a little of the pain she had always inflicted on him, to make her life a living hell till she decides to give up.

He had told himself that he will never let his love for her surface and will never let her climb back into his heart, but why, why is he feeling heartbroken that she has left again? Why does it hurt like it always do?

He knew he hate her but also love her, he miss her when she was not around and feel angry when he sees her, he had been thinking of a name to give his feelings for her but now, he has finally gotten it, he loves and hate her and their marriage was nothing but a LOVE HATE RELATIONSHIP.

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