Love, Simply - Chapter 13：Killing me Softly

“All I want to do right now is cry and scream and let it all out because it’s killing me inside.” Johna Jordan

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After Cyrus abruptly left, Louise had called him to know if he needed any help and if everything went alright.

He did not answer her calls or reply to her text messages.

Louise did not go to his house to look for him, and she did not call Kate to ask about him. She didn’t want to impose on his life too much.

She did not contact Cyrus for a week, nor did he.

‘Was that his answer?’ She thought. ‘I am rejected?’

~~~

During that week, Cyrus busied himself with grading assignments and spending time with his siblings. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to contact Louise, but he restrained himself because he wanted to think about his feelings through and made a decision.

So, he muted all of her messages and calls.

~~~

The following week, Claude called Louise, saying that her grandfather had fallen ill.

She again called Cyrus before leaving for France.

She called her best friend, Kate, letting her know that she would be out of the country. Though Louise wanted to ask about Cyrus, she did not. She didn’t want to force him.

He ignored her calls and text messages. Louise assumed that he didn’t want anything to do with her anymore.

~~~

“Did you call her?”

“Yeah, she is not answering her phone,” Cyrus sighed. “I shouldn’t—”

“Why did you ignore her for so long? Did you go to her house?” Peter asked.

“She is not there. She even left her phone,” Cyrus said, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.

“What are you going to do then?”

“I don’t know where she is, and she didn’t take the phone. I can only wait for her.”

“And, you never refused or pushed her away when she kissed you. You don’t tell her. Louise did what she had to do, but it’s your decision—if you don’t tell her—” Peter sighed.

“What was I supposed to do?”

“Louise is—patient—tolerant. If this was Mina…”

“Don’t mention her,” Cyrus warned, “Are you, my friend?”

Of course,” he laughed, “But friend, I have to be honest with you too. It’s your fault. You should have talked to her you should have told her how you feel. You love her, tell her. No, you had to complicate it.”

“Stop talking! I know it’s my fault.”

~~~

“Comment va t-il aujourdh’ui?” Louise asked the nurse. (How is he today)?

“Il va bien!” The nurse smiled, “Ne Vous inquietez pas, tout va bien. Il peut rentrer a la Maison demain.” (Don’t worry, everything is fine. He can go home tomorrow).

“Vraiment!” Louise sighed in relief, “Merci beaucoup, mais Je veux savoir s’il y a des medicaments qu’il doit prendre ou…” (Thank you very much, but I want to know if there are any medicaments he has to take or…)

“Non, non. Le medecin ne lui a rien prescrit. Il a seulement Besoin de se reposer.” (No, no. The doctor did not prescribe anything to him. He only needs to rest).

“Je comprends, merci.” (I understand, thank you).

“Loulou!”

“Oncle Claude, what are you doing here?” Louise asked.

“Your grandmother is worried about you. She wants you to come home,” Claude said.

“I am fine. Grandpa can come home tomorrow.”

“Mmh, you can rest at home. Your brother and I will come.”

“Thanks!” Louise said.

~~~

Louise did not want to think about Cyrus; she wanted something to keep her mind off of him. She started to clean the house, fold the laundry.

Miss, c’est mon travail. Qu’est ce que tu fais?” The housekeeper pleaded. (This is my work. What are you doing)?

“Miss, c’est mon travail. Qu’est ce que tu fais?” The housekeeper pleaded. (This is my work. What are you doing)?

“I am helping,” she said. Louise put the folded clothes down, realizing that she may be putting the workers in an uncomfortable situation. “Desole.” (Sorry).

~~~

“What’s wrong with your sister?” Claude asked Greg.

“I don’t know. I was with Dad last several months,” Greg shrugged. “It may have something to do with Cyrus,” he mumbled.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

~~~

“Do you have any work for me to do? How’s the business in America? Any problems that need my help?”

Claude stared at Louise. ‘She loved her job more than anything. Why would she be asking about the businesses back home?’

“Sure, the CEO is sick, we need someone temporary,” he said.

“How long?”

“A year.”

“I’ll do it,” Louise said. In a year, her feelings for him could have subsided.

“What about your business? Kate is pregnant, and you love your job.”

“Kate hired someone. And I need to get away from home for a while,” Louise said.

“What’s going on, Loulou?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t—” her voice cracked, “I thought that he could see my sincerity. If I treat him well, if I pay attention to him, if I consider his feelings, if I show him how much I love him, then he’ll think about it. He’ll consider a relationship—I don’t know anymore.”

“What exactly is going on, Loulou?” Claude asked.

“He doesn’t love me,” Louise whispered.

“Who? Cyrus?” She nodded. “A dude’s doing that to you?”

“I love him,” she said softly, “I do. Is it because I’ve never said it to him?”

“Well, maybe,” Claude said, not sure what Louise said. “Aren’t you making assumptions too early?”

“Uncle, that guy never told me how he felt about me. We got along well, and we used to hang with each other often. But, all of a sudden, he—he’s ignoring my calls and messages.”

“Well, things could have happened.” he reasoned. “You can’t conclude that. Did you talk to that guy?

“He ignored me for weeks. He didn’t reply to my messages or answer my calls. What more did he need to say?”

“Loulou, calm down! That Cyrus guy is probably in the middle of sorting out his feelings and needs time to think. Avoiding you now may help him make the best decision.”

“I don’t know. It’ so complicated. I mean, I’ve never said ‘I love you’ to Cyrus, but my actions should have made that clear, right?”

“Some people are dense and slow. They won’t know if you don’t tell them.”

“Cahir!” Claude said.

“Mmh!”

“You are not a child anymore. Back when you dated Gabe, you didn’t confront him and disappeared. You can’t make assumptions. Have a good talk to that boy when you get back.”

“What if he’s rejecting me? Huh, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Cahir!”

“What? You don’t know what I am feeling. You have never given your heart to anyone,” Louise shouted.

“Do you even hear yourself? If you were going to give up, why did you even start it? What if he wants to start a relationship with you?” Claude yelled back. “Calm down! Go back home and talk to him!”

“I know I am being—I am scared, Uncle,” Louise whispered. “I wasn’t even sad when Gabe left. But—I can feel that he doesn’t have feelings for me. I don’t know—I am scared that—”

“You can try one more time. Talk to Cyrus. If he still doesn’t accept your feelings, then let him go. But you won’t know if you don’t try,” he said, pulling her for a hug, “You can cry,” Claude said, gently rubbing Louise’s back.

“This is fucking embarrassing,” Louise cursed and wiped her nose and tears in his shirt.

“My shirt—Louise. Ah, that’ one of your dad’s new arrivals.”

“I’ll pay for it. If I remember.”

“No, you have that stupid kid pay for it,” Claude said, pushing Louise away. “Oh, my BJD shirt.”