Love Untangled - Chapter 141

Saphira

Benjamin caressed my cheek and I closed my eyes. Maybe people saw me as a homewrecker, but I did not care. When I fell in love with him, I did no wrong. Our break-up was not my fault either.

“I am mostly mad because our break-up was unnecessary and stupid.” I had a hard time getting this through my lips.

His cologne smelled so intense. It smelt like winter spices and white musk. He smelled like home.

“You are right a lot today.” He said sheepishly. “But never the less…” He started to say. “You are married, I know,” I breathed. Tears welled up and I fought them back. His hazel eyes seemed like lava today.

“I just wished that… we could of have kissed… even if it just had been once.” I said husky. “When you were mine…all I longed for was to kissed you… it was like a yearning that did not go to rest.” I rushed through the words.

Benjamin pressed his forehead against mine and I saw that he closed his eyes. After a while he put some space between us again. “It is really good that we never did.” He told me.

My heart ached.

“I did not mean it like that…” He said when he probably saw that he hurt me. “You are not like all those woman I have slept with… if I were to ever kiss you, you know I would of married you.” He told me and seemed sincere.

“I am just a bit of a hypocrite.” He shrugged. Benjamin cocked his head and half smiled at me. That man was absolutely gorgeous.

“I want my wife to be pure.” He said. “I know I have no right to demand any of that, but I do and I did.” He said not even ashamed of admitting this.

“I hope.. that I am not hurting you by saying this… ” I whispered. “But wasn’t Jasmine already touch by..” I said almost inaudible.

I saw something flicker across Benjamin’s face. “I don’t know.” He whispered back. “I honestly have never asked her about what exactly has happened.” He said and I saw that he balled his fist. I needer to steer the conversation elsewhere.

“I love you.” I breathed. “I am…” He started to say before I interrupted him. “I know.” I told him. “But that does not change how I feel about you.” I admitted. “I know.” He said and playfully touched the tip of my nose.

“I should of asked you about Zachary when it happened… ” He finally said. “Yes.” I said feeling relieved he finally said that. “We could have been happy you know.” I said not knowing if I was crossing his line again.

“We would have been.” He agreed. “Uncomplicatedly so.” He added. I did not know if I should dare…. But I tried it any way. I stroke his jawline while I held his gaze.  I traced his lips with my index finger. I felt that he wanted to put space between us, but for some reason he did not.

“I wish we could share a kiss… just one.. ” I said as I felt the moisture of his lips. “Just to remember.” I told him. “We can’t.” He breathed against my finger. “It could be like a dream.” I told him.

He opened his mouth and kissed my finger. “No.” He smiled. I pouted my lips and his smile became even brighter.

I felt stupid for even bringing this up. Now I had ruined everything. “You are not going to save yourself are you?” He suddenly asked. “What?” I mouthed. His eyes darkened. “Have you and Zachary?” Ben askes sounding jealous.

“Of course not!” I said incredulous. “And even if I did.. or I mean.. you realize that there will come a time that I will marry someone else don’t you?” I said harshly. “I have never wanted anyone to kiss me but you, but there will come a time that someone else will.” I bluntly said.

“I don’t want you to.” He said so soft I did not know if it was meant for me to hear. “Why?!” I shouted in frustration. “Because you are mine!” He said without thinking. Benjamin closed his eyes and cussed. “Fuck. I take that back. I-  that was stupid.” He said shaking his head.

There it was… the reason he did not want me to date any other man than him.

Benjamin grabbed my face and clashed his lips into mine. His lips felt surprisingly firm, but soft at the same time. His breath tasted like the sweetest peppermint. I traced his beard with my fingers and Benjamin deepened the kiss, parting my lips.

I did not really know what to do and felt like an awkward fish. I felt that Benjamin smiled against my lips. “Good.” He breathed. I did not know what he meant. He slowly inserted his tongue in my mouth and he playfully met mine. It felt so satisfying that I needed more.

“Breathe Saphira.” He said in between kisses. Dazed, I started breathing again and Benjamin chuckled. He kissed the tip of my nose and then went back to my lips. He leaned in and then playfully held back when I leaned in as well. “Stop teasing.” I pouted.

Benjamin softly bit my lip and then kissed me again. I don’t know for how long we stayed like that, smiling at each other and touching each others face, kissing, but it started to get dark in the room.

“My dear Evangeline…” He said meaningfully. “Now this dream has to come to an end.” He spoke with grace. I did not say anything. “I will never forget.” I breathed. He kissed me again and then stood up.

His legs seemed stiff from sitting like that this whole time, because he was stretching. “I need to go.” He said. “Where to?” I asked him, already knowing the answer.

Benjamin walked back to me and planted a kiss on my forehead.

“Never doubt that I have loved you and love you still.. but this dream, must remain just that.” He told me.. He sounded like he regretted what we had done and that hurt me so deeply.