Love Untangled - Chapter 142

Benjamin

I should not have done what I just did.

This day was full of terrible choices and I was afraid that they would hunt me for the rest of my life.

Kissing Saphira was the most stupid thing I could do of all. I do not know what possessed me. I did not dare to go and see my wife. My conscious was eating me alive.

This was exactly what Jasmine had meant.

The trouble is, that I had lied to myself about my feelings for Saph. No, they were not that all-consuming kind of feelings that I had for Jasmine. I burned for Jasmine. She was everything I wanted and I knew I could not have. She always seemed to be out of grasp for me.

Saph was like the opposite. She was nothing like the woman I had wanted, but she wanted to give herself to me completely, without any hesitation.

I sighed as I laid in bed. It did not matter if Jasmine had hesitations about me anyway. By the way I had behaved just now, I had hesitations about myself as well! She was right, I did not deserve her. I thought about how I should tell Jazz about what I had done.

She would never talk to me again. And I deserved that. She had every right to be that angry at me. I felt so utterly confused that I only came out of bed to pour myself more alcohol for three days straight.

When I woke up, I saw that Saphira was sitting on the edge of my bed. I eyed her, confused by what she was doing here.

“I did not think I would ever say that, but you stink.” Saph said plugging her nose. “You reek of a combination of vomit, alcohol and sweat.” She said gagging.

I blinked a view times. “Why are you here?” I muttered. “You need to shower.” She said not answering my question.

“Mgrrr…” I grumbled and placed a pillow on my head. “I am sorry I made you kiss me.” She whispered.

“I am not worthy of Jasmine.” I said feeling worthless. “I always let her down… She warned me you know… she did not want us to have any contact… she warned me you know.” I stumbled through my words.

Saph was quiet for a while. “Can you please go away?” I asked. My mouth felt dry and my head felt like it was about to explode.

“You need to shower.” She said tilting her chin stubbornly. “Not now Saph, just go.” I muttered. “No.” She whispered.

“Saph… I really need you to go.” I pleaded. I felt guilty enough without her being here.

Saphira seemed to contemplate on something. “I am not going.” She said deliberately speaking the words. “Get in the shower.” She said with unfamiliar authority.

I gazed at her and raised an eyebrow. “I mean it.” She said not backing down.

“God damn man… what died in here?!” Daniel said gagging when he, without notice entered my bedroom. “I have told him that he need to shower, but he is not listing to me!” Saphira argued.

“Fine.” I agreed. “Fine.” I said again. I dizzily stood up, and walked towards one of my bathrooms. I chose the walk-in shower, wanting an easy clean.

When I reached the shower, I smelled my armpit. I did reek indeed. Holding my arm up, I realized that I was not wearing anything. Fuck it, without realizing it, Saphira had seen me naked.

I stood in the shower and let the water splash on me. To be fair, I was in no state to move. So I just stood there for a while. “Is there anything you need your highness?” Daniel said joking around. He stood before me with his arms crossed.

“Stop smirking.” I ordered him. “Or else?!” He mocked me. “Or else I’ll smack that smirk off your face.” I warned him with a glare.

Daniel burst out in laughter. “You are not in any shape to even remotely hurt me.” He snickered.

Daniel picked up my toothbrush and put some paste on it before he handed it to me. I eyed, him, not wanting to admit that I needed his help

I put it in my mouth and started brushing. “You should of seen her eyes.” He said smiling. I frowned. “What do you mean?” I said with a full mouth.

“Oh.” I said realizing what he meant. “She looked shocked to see that royal snake of yours.” He joked. I swallowed. How could I sink this deep…

“It had been a long time since she saw him, right?” He joked. “That she forgot how big it is.” He went on. I gathered some water in my hands and threw it his way. Daniel only seemed to be more amused.

I finishes brushing my teeth and Daniel handed my shampoo. I was glad that he kept his mouth shut. He brought me a sweatpants and a V-neck t-shirt.

When I walked out of the shower Saphira sat on the couch while maids were changing the sheets of my bed.

The water had done me good. My thoughts seemed more coherent than before. “Daniel can you give me a minute.” I said hinting him to go away. Daniel nodded disapprovingly and headed out of my chambers.

I brushed my hand across my face and sighed. “Saph, I-” I started to say.  She walked up to me and placed her hands on my cheeks. I took her hands and put them down. “I am sorry.” She whispered.

“You don’t need to be.” I sighed. “I am the one that needs to apologize.” I said. “For everything really.” I said feeling frustrated.

“I need to know.” She whispered. I narrowed my eyes at her. If she thought I was going to declare my love to her again, she was dead wrong. I had been an idiot, but I was not about to make that mistake again.

“What?!” I asked with disinterest.