Love Untangled - Chapter 164

Benjamin

I could no longer hold this back for her.

Jasmine had every right to know that I was unfaithful to her and she had every right to leave me.

I was sober now, so I had no excuse.

I sat before her, on one knee. Jasmine was still unaware of what was happening and I had a hard time getting the necessary words through my mouth.

“Ben… I will never leave you.” She sighed. “Come on.. get up… ” She said touching my face.

I could not. “Habibie.” I breathed. My hands trembled. I was going to lose her right now. “I have kissed her.” I blurted out.

Jasmine raised her eyebrows, her huge eyes seemed like they were going to pop out of their sockets.

“You kissed who?” Jasmine said in a very scary calm tone. I did not dare to look at her as I pronounced her name. “Saphira.” I shrieked in a high pitched tone.

Jasmine walked away from me, leaving me empty handed. That was probably how it would be from now on and I had to accept that.

Who… She said walking towards a low cabinet and using it for support. She still seemed calm, deeply thinking.

“When?!” She asked me. I sighed. “I thought I was going to lose you…. And Saeed did this to us and I needed to punish him… I needed him to die a horrible death.… I could hear is bones crack and I vomited. I mean Jazz… I know he deserved it.. but I felt like a monster.” I rambled on, tears flowing down my cheeks.

I gulped. “And then there was Saphira… and baby I was so drunk… Our children.. and you… and the chattering bones… I drank more than I ever thought humanly possible without passing out… ” I went on.

“And I know.. I know…” I said pleadingly. “That it is still no excuse for what I did… but I did and I kissed her.”

Jasmine took a vase and threw it to my head. It almost touched me, but I did not move away. I deserved it all. The vase clashed in to the ground, turning into a million pieces.

“You promised me that the two of you were never intimate.” She said, still being calm. “That was not a lie… we had never been… and I… I immediately felt so guilty that I drank more… until I passed out… ” I admitted shamefully.

“For three days.” She gasped, connecting the dots. “Yes.” I breathed. “I have broken the connection between us. I have told her flat out that she could marry whomever and that I only want you. Habibie.. I love you.” I said hoping that she see that I would only want her.

“You kissed her…” She stated. “Yes.” I breathed.

“Was it at least good then?” Jasmine asked me. “What?!” I mumbled. “Was is good? Was it everything you had dreamed of?” Jasmine asked without blinking.

That was a trick question. I did not know how to answer her. If I said yes, she would throw me the vase that was standing next to her. If I said no, then I would lie and she would again throw the vase at me. I was doomed either way.

The truth it is, I thought. “Yes.” I said in honesty. “But the thing is… ” I could not find the words… what the hell was I trying to say?

“It is you… is has always been you.” I breathed. “I can not live in a world with you in it, not being by your side.” I needed her to understand.

“So you enjoyed her.” Jasmine declared. “Jasmine!” I shouted in desperation. “If I had enjoyed her that much, I would of taken her, wouldn’t I?!”

“No you would.” Jasmine calmly disagreed with me. “You would like her to stay an honorable woman, whatever that means.” She said looking at me like she was disgusted by me.

“Jasmine, let us be realistic. If I wanted Saphira, I could have had Saphira as my wife. I am the king, and those first wife rules do not apply to me.” I said getting up.

For God sakes… I was the king of Saudi Arabia.  “But I do not want her. I feel sick to my stomach that I kissed her. I feel like a criminal for treating you in such a way. I feel like I do not deserve you.” I said with a steady voice.

“But I needed you to know what I did, because I feel like a coward, if I act like it did not happen.” I said a now stood close to her.

“How did it happen?” She asked me. I wiped my hand across my  face and sighed. “It is kind of hazy, if I am perfectly honest.” I said.

Jasmine twitched her lips. “I honestly do not know. It was something like about that I had never kissed her and a dream or something?!” I tried to remember. “Not that it is any excuse, because I take full responsibility…. But I mean… I was more than drunk.” I offered some kind of explanation.

“No… being drunk was just partly the problem.” I sighed. “Jasmine… I actually grew to love her in Malibu.” I needed to own up to it. “It was not my plan and I have fought it… She is not even my type, to be honest with you.” I shrugged.

“Jasmine… you knew that I was going to marry her… She might not be you, the woman I had always dreamed of… but I could see myself grow happy with her.” I had a hard time swallowing.

“Saphira and I did not break up because we wanted to be rid of each other… but because others were jealous.” I went on. I looked at the ceiling.

“I know you see Saphira as the bad person in this situation, but Jazz… I am. I made her believe that there was no one else for me, but there was always you. Even if we had not broken up together… .I could of never loved her like I love you.” I shrugged.

“She did nothing wrong. I did not even talk to her when I saw a picture of her kissing someone else. It was not her fault.” I said defending her.

“But it is her fault that she keeps on going after my husband, when she knows that I love you.” Jasmine spoke.

“Fair enough, but I should of never given her the opportunity to do so.” I said pulling my hair out.

“So, the two of you are done?” Jasmine asked me. “Yes.” I said intently looking into her eyes. “She called me yesterday and I told her that she need not call me anymore and that she should go marry or whatever it is she wants to do with her life. I told her that I would always chose you.” I stated. “If… you would still have me, that being said.” I sighed.

“I am sorry that I am throwing this all on you right now.. but I do not want you to find out… I mean.. I am so sorry for what I have done and… ”

“And now what?” Jasmine said having a hard time staying on her feet. “You need to go sit down.” I said eying the bed.

“No I mean.. about you and me.” She said as she licked her lips. “You tell me?” I asked her, afraid of her answer.

“I do not know.” She breathed. I scooped her up and placed her on the bed. Before I could retrieve, Jasmine pulled me back. My heart drummed in my chest.

“Kiss me.” She commanded me. “What?!” I frowned. “Show me why I should stay with you.” She breathed.

My heart skipped a beat. I placed one knee between her legs and placed her further on the bed.

I hovered over her and studied her face. A sweet smile appeared on her lips. “I do not deserve you.” I blurted out.

“Then make yourself worthy.” She said as she stroke my arms. I took one of her curls in my hand and played with it.

It was like I saw her for the first time again. Her honeycomb hair was spread across the bed. “Your skin is like the sweetest milk creme.” I spoke my mind.

She blushed. I smiled. “May I?” I asked her as my hands were on the front buttons of her dress.

She licked her lips again and I noticed that she was eying my swimming shorts. I shook my head and smiled again.

I took her silence as agreement and one by one unbuttoned her dress. “Aghrr…” I howled as I saw my wife in her underwear.

“I need to be careful.” I said as I touched the tubes in her nose. “Now kiss me already.” She said impatiently.

I bit my lip.. my my my.. this woman…. I kissed her earlobe first and then traveled to her neck. My nose roamed across her face. I barely touched her mouth with my lower lip and she opened up, wanting me to deepen the kiss.

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