Maybe a Fake Gintama - Chapter 115

– Do What You Can for Drinking!“Otae, stop beating!” Oryou urged as she hugged Otae, “Take a closer look! Although he looks like a gorilla, he is undoubtedly Kondo-san!”

“Ha?! How dare he disguises himself as a human!” Otae became even angrier when she heard this.
…
“I heard from the hostesses the situation,” Kondo sat on the sofa with his arms crossed and continued, “Miss Otae, why did you not come to me? My passbook has already been shared with Miss Otae in the name of husband and wife~”
As he spoke, Kondo took out a passbook from his pocket and winked. If not for the big bags on his face, he would still look quite handsome.
“Don’t look at me like this. I still saved some money!” Kondo made a handsome pose.
“Gorilla-san…” Otae was a little touched and looked at Kondo gratefully.
“Why are you still calling me gorilla…” Kondo’s mood instantly dropped, “You still call me gorilla even now…”
“Then, Chimpanzee-san?” Otae tentatively changed the address.
“Isn’t it the same?” Kondo was even more depressed, but in order to please Otae, he still pulled himself together and shouted to the waiter at the side, “Give me ten Dom-Peri!”
The store owner at the side nodded and drew a strong stroke on the performance chart on the side for Otae, directly surpassing Ane.
“So powerful! Sister Otae surpassed Ane in an instant!” The hostesses cheered around their performance charts.
“Nani!” Ane put down her wine glass with a face full of disbelief after hearing the hostesses’ cheers.
…
“Hey, hey, I hate this kind of wine.” Kawaki looked at the ten Dom-Peri sent by the waiter and curled his lips.
“Eh? Haven’t you ever drunk such a high-end wine?” Kondo showed a proud face, “It doesn’t matter. Just drink it. It’s my treat today!”
“No, I only like Chinese white wine.” Kawaki shook his head and replied.
“Chinese white wine?” Kondo was a little confused, but in order to show his face in front of Otae, he still put on a generous expression, “No problem! If you like it, feel free to order! I have taken out all of my savings!”
‘In any case, that kind of Chinese white wine has such a high alcohol content. If you drink one bottle, you’ll get drunk. No matter how expensive it is, it’s still just one bottle.’ Kondo thought to himself. In the past, Kondo had also come into contact with Chinese white wine. After all, as a Bakufu employee, he had frequently come into contact with foreign things.
“Then thank you!” Kawaki was pleasantly surprised. He gave a few instructions to the waiter. When the waiter heard this, he quickly ran to get the wine.

“What happened to the two of them?” Kondo pointed at Gintoki and Hasegawa, who was still asleep.
“Probably drunk,” Kawaki answered casually.
“They are really useless. They were drunk when it’s just beginning.” Kondo sneered, “Today, let me, Kondo Isao – the new King of Nightlife lead you to victory!”
At this moment, Matsudaira came with an angry voice, “Kondo! You brat, if you want to outshine me in Kabukicho, wait another hundred years!”
“What are you arguing about! You perverted old man!” Kondo retorted with the microphone, “From today on, the King of Nightlife will be me!”
“What kind of joke is this! If you want to deprive me of the meaning of my life, even if it is the Shogun, I will not let you off! Add another ten Dom-Peri!” Matsudaira was not to be outdone.
“Miss Otae! We also want Dom-Peri here!” Kondo was unwilling to admit defeat and shouted at the top of his voice. However, he found that Otae was already holding Kondo’s wallet and shouting for wine when he turned around. Moreover, the table was already filled with empty bottles. It should be an empty bottle of Five Grain Liquor to be more accurate.
“He already ordered! And he even used my wallet! He didn’t even give me a chance to act cool! And why is it all Chinese wine! Why did he drink so much in such a short time!” Kondo shouted.
“No, you are really cool.” Kawaki put down the bottle.
He extended a finger and shook his head, then said earnestly, “If you really want to become the Night King, then I let you be the real Night…”
Before Kawaki could finish, a Kunai hit Kawaki in the head, “Don’t talk nonsense! You idiot!”
Tsukuyo walked straight toward Kawaki.
“Tsukki?” Kawaki pulled out the Kunai and looked at the person, “I thought you weren’t coming.”
“How is that possible? How can I refuse someone’s invitation?” Tsukuyo sat down and tried to look indifferent. However, anyone with discerning eyes could see that Tsukuyo was extremely nervous. Of course, this discerning person does not include Kawaki.
“Miss Tsukuyo~” Otae called out sweetly, “If you have anything you like to drink, feel free to order. It was originally to thank you for taking care of us.”
Otae held a bottle of Dom-Peri in one hand and a bottle of Five Grain Liquor in the other. She took a sip with her left hand and then took a sip with her right. She looked at Kawaki, who was beside her… and sweating a little.
“Speaking of which, the alcohol in China is quite high… Otae, if you drink like this…” Kawaki wanted to say something but stopped.
“High?” Otae put down the bottle, “I don’t feel it at all. It’s no different from drinking beer…”
“I see…”

…
“Speaking of which, what happened to these two people?” Tsukuyo referred to Gintoki and Hasegawa, who were unconscious on the side.
“Don’t mind it, don’t mind it. They just drank too much.” Kawaki waved his hand and said indifferently.
“Looks like this place is no different from Yoshiwara.” Tsukuyo glanced around, “It’s all places for men to have fun.”
“That makes sense.” Kawaki nodded.
“No! This place is different from a place like Yoshiwara!” Kondo snapped.
“There is no difference other than not allowing anyone to touch it,” Kawaki replied casually.
“Touch as you please?! Can you touch anything inside of Yoshiwara?!” Kondo was interested.
“Tsk,” Kawaki said, “Didn’t I give you a coupon? Can’t you just try it directly?”

“That’s what you said…” Kondo looked at Otae and shook his head frantically, “No, no, no! I can’t go to that kind of place! I only have Otae in my heart!”
“Hey, I’m not talking about you,” Kawaki sighed softly and then advised earnestly, “You should also recognize the reality, right? Even if Otae really likes you, you should also consider the reality, right? What about the reproductive isolation between different types? When considering your own preferences, you should also consider your parents who have been sleeping in your hometown. They are also looking forward to you being able to pass on the inheritance.”
“What do you mean?”
“That is to say; you should at least find someone of the same type! Gorilla!” Kawaki said as he took out a few entrance tickets from the zoo, “There are a few gorillas with good appearances here. In terms of buttocks, they are definitely easy to raise! Originally, I wanted to keep them to look at pandas, but you should need them more than I! There’s no need to thank me. This is a friendship between males!”
Looking at the entrance tickets that Kawaki stuffed into his hands, Kondo’s entire body froze, “Do you also think I’m a gorilla?! I’m a human! The reproductive isolation type doesn’t exist! Moreover, it should be said that it is a friendship between men! What is the friendship between males?!”
Hearing this, Tsukuyo stuffed the banana she was about to take out into her bosom and pretended nothing had happened.
“Hey, were you going to take out a banana just now? Are you about to feed it?!” Kondo shouted, “I saw it just now! Don’t pretend to be like that! You are really rude!”
“I understand,” Kawaki wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes, “It must be very hard, right? In order to not create estrangement with the people around, it must be very painful to play the role of a human and integrate yourself into the surrounding environment. I understand it all! ”
“No! You don’t understand at all! What the hell are you thinking!” Kondo was so angry that he almost lost his mind.
“So that’s how it is… It really makes me super touched.” As she spoke, Otae began to cry while covering her face.

“I didn’t expect you to have such a story. Your willpower also moved me.” Tsukuyo was so moved that she squeezed out two drops of tears and secretly stuffed the two bananas into Kondo’s arms, “Don’t worry, no one will see it. If you want to eat it, eat it.”
“Hey!” Kondo was really angry, but after seeing Otae’s gentle gaze, he suddenly felt better.
‘Be a gorilla, and you will gain Miss Otae’s sympathy!’ Kondo was secretly delighted and looked at Kawaki with gratitude. ‘It’s not bad to be a gorilla!’
Before Kondo could finish being moved, Otae said awkwardly, “What should I do? The wallet seems empty.”
“Eh? Really? I took out all my savings…” Looking at his deflated wallet, Kondo was in a bad mood.
“Hahahaha! You don’t really know how to drink wine, right? That’s super expensive. I’m not joking with you. When it comes to buying things, your wallet will become empty! Hahahaha…” Matsudaira mocked but then turned his face away and said with tears streaming down his face, “What should I do? My wife is going to scold me to death…”
“It turns out that you can’t do it too!” Kondo shouted and then looked at Otae apologetically, “I’m sorry, Miss Otae…”
“Kondo-san, it doesn’t matter. You have already done enough for me.” Otae shook her head and said. In Kondo’s eyes, this was full of understanding.
Before Kondo could be moved, Otae burped, raised Kondo’s sword, looked up, and said with a smile, “In the end, as long as you sell this, it will be enough!”
“Sell that one…” Kondo muttered, “That’s a Samurai’s soul…”
“Soul? You can just buy a new one.” Otae replied with a smile.
“No! I can’t do that…”
“That’s right!” Tsukuyo lowered her head and shouted. Then, she raised her head and continued, “Didn’t the cocktail party just start?! Do you want to run?! Whether it’s a gorilla or a man, come and have a drink with me!”
“Tsukki, you…” Kawaki looked at Tsukuyo, whose face was red, and then looked at the empty glass in front of her. He instantly understood something, “You can’t drink…”
“What are you talking about!” Tsukuyo slapped Kawaki’s head on the table, and the whole table was broken, “I have been unhappy with you for a long time! What is that? All you know is to stay in the room and play games all day long. I have had enough of you! At least go out and breathe fresh air. Work hard and make money, you bastard!”
“Hey, what are you talking about? Why do you say that I am the same as your useless son who doesn’t leave the house!” Kawaki raised his head and retorted. His entire forehead was covered in blood.
“Hurry up and drink! You bastard! Don’t you have any eyesight?!” Tsukuyo cursed and took out several Kunai from his body, “I just started drinking, okay! If you don’t, I’ll kill you all~”
Just as she finished speaking, Tsukuyo had already thrown Kunai out. None of the four men present, including Kawaki, Kondo, and the fainted Gintoki and Hasegawa, were spared.
“Sorry, I’ll take her back first.” Seeing that the situation was not good, Kawaki wanted to drag Tsukuyo back. Otherwise, this store would be demolished by Tsukuyo in a while.

“Don’t touch me! Do you want to force yourself to follow me…” As she spoke, Tsukuyo revealed a smirk and teased, “Kawaki-sama is a pervert!”
“Who would be interested in a female tyrannosaur like you?” Kawaki felt inexplicably furious.
Just as he finished speaking, there were two more Kunai was thrown.
“Kawaki-sama, drink quickly!” Tsukuyo picked up the bottle of Don-Peri on the table and poured it into Kawaki’s mouth. Kawaki choked several times.
‘Ah, this is bad.’ This was Kawaki’s last thought…
…
After a long time, Gintoki and Hasegawa slowly woke up. Looking at the ruins in front of them, they felt extremely puzzled.
“What is going on?” x2
…
The next day, Kawaki and Tsukuyo stood in front of the store owner’s bed to compensate for the owner’s losses. The losses included the staff’s lost work compensation, the store’s re-construction compensation, and… everyone’s medical compensation.
Kawaki and Tsukuyo promised never to come to the Snack Smile again. Similarly, Kawaki and Tsukuyo were also marked on the Snack Smile’s permanent blacklist.
It was said that the owner of the Snack Smile did not say a word at that time. There was no sign of sadness or joy on his face. As for why it should be that his whole body was broken and he could not speak. After all, he was tied up like a mummy.
It was also thanks to the disturbance caused by Kawaki and Tsukuyo that neither Ane nor Otae had been fired. As for why it was because the two drunk people had implicated many hostesses. There were already quite a few who had their bones broken… It was already unrealistic for them to be fired… If he removes any of them, the store would probably close down…
Yoshiwara.
Kawaki and Tsukuyo vowed in front of Hinowa that they would never drink again. (PS: Forced)
“It can’t be like this! It has nothing to do with me at all! It’s all Tsukki’s fault!” Kawaki retorted righteously, “She doesn’t know how to drink, and she insists on trying. In the end, She even implicated me!”
“That makes sense.” Hinowa nodded, then raised her head and continued with a smile, “But in terms of destructive ability, Tsukki is far inferior to you~ I heard that Tsukki only tore down the sofa and beat you up. You seem to have demolished the entire store~.”
“Sumimasen…”