Maybe a Fake Gintama - Chapter 73

Chapter 73 – How Could There Be Such a Thing as a Love Guide!

[Train Samurai]: Fallen Angel Samurai-san, I’m a pathetic man who has never had a girlfriend in sixteen years. I don’t know how to deal with women. Can you teach me? What should I do? I’d appreciate your feminine opinion.

On the other end of the screen, a pair of hands that looked like they were utterly useless was typing fast on a laptop.

[Fallen Angel Samurai]: What a cute boy. Okay, let me teach you hand in hand.

After clicking send, the owner of this pair of lame hands finally couldn’t help but laugh out loud, “Hahaha, is this guy idiot? Does he really think I’m a girl? Hahaha…”

“Hey! Hurry up and settle the bills for me!” The customer in front of Madao scolded.

…

Just when Shinpachi had just finished reading the first message and had not had time to reply, Madao sent another message…

[Fallen Angel Samurai]: Do you want to meet in reality next time?

“Uh, what’s the matter, I suddenly feel that this person makes people feel very uncomfortable…” Shinpachi could not help but feel a chill.

[Fruit Chinpo Samurai]: Where do you want to meet?

“Why is this Fruit Punch Samurai not letting me go?!” Shinpachi could not help but complain loudly, “Didn’t you say that only Samurai’s belief can be discussed here”

[Fallen Angel Samurai]: I’m obviously lying, you are a moron! Wallow in porn for the rest of your life!!

[Fruit Chinpo Samurai]: Just kill yourself… Just kill yourself… Just kill yourself… Just kill yourself… Just kill yourself… Just kill yourself… Just kill yourself… Just kill yourself… Just kill yourself…

“What are these people doing?” The corners of Shinpachi’s eyes twitched, but when he looked carefully again. He suddenly found something different. “Ah, look carefully… It turned out that this was not [Fruit Punch Samurai], but [Fruit Chinpo Samurai]! ”

(TL Note: “Punch” is “ponchi” in Japanese pronunciation. “Ponchi” spelled backward is “Chinpo” which means “pen*s.”)

On the other side of the screen, the owner of [Fruit Chinpo Samurai]’s account was using his gorilla hand to frantically swipe the keyboard…

…

[Fruit Punch Samurai]: Who are you?! You actually dare to use a name similar to mine. You rude fellow!

[Fruit Chinpo Samurai]: It’s confusing. Change your name right now!!

Looking at the two people who were starting to quarrel but could not see the end, Shinpachi could not help but complain again, “Enough! How can such an indifferent dispute be so intense?!”

Shinpachi finally felt a little tired. He lay down on his back and sighed softly, “Sure enough, in this era where you only care about yourself, how could anyone care about this little trouble of mine~”

Just as Shinpachi was lost in his thoughts, the computer’s message sounded again.

[Silver Samurai]: Train Samurai, what are you afraid of? What are you panicking about?

Seeing this name, Shinpachi was shocked, “[Silver Samurai]… No way! ”

[Silver Samurai]: Are you afraid of failing your date? Are you afraid of being dumped? Are you so worried about being hurt? You idiot!

“Gin-san! Why… Why do you know…” Shinpachi stood up in disbelief and looked around, “Could it be here?”

[Silver Samurai]: There are two things that people fear, and that is death and humiliation! I feel that those who are not afraid of death are idiots, but I will never laugh at those who are not afraid of shame! I like these kinds of idiots! Go! Train Samurai! Don’t be afraid of shame! Train Samurai! Even if you lose someone, you will become strong at the same time! Go! Train Samurai!

Seeing this, Shinpachi finally mustered up the courage to walk out, but he didn’t notice [Silver Samurai] messages after that…

[Silver Samurai]: By the way, I, Gin-san, got a cute girlfriend by doing that. She’s an assassin. She wears glasses and is really good-looking~ She’s incredibly cute~ Seriously. She’s begging by my side right now~. (Heart)

Shinpachi would never know,

The text he saw was from a pair of pig trotters…

[FPS squatting samurai at home]: To add, there is only a sow upstairs.

[Silver Samurai]: Who is a female pig? You bastard! Only Gin-san can call a female pig!

[FPS squatting samurai at home]: What is this? Is this special pig meat?

[Silver Samurai]: Eh? Special… Are you saying that I am Gin-san’s special meat [Beep—]? Ah, why, why am I getting excited!

[FPS squatting samurai at home]: No, no one said that…

[Silver Samurai]: I didn’t expect to meet someone who knows me so well on this Internet. You’re not bad!

[FPS squatting samurai at home]: Not bad your head! No one said that!

[Silver Samurai]: PS: Last mention, anyone who sees this message has to make 10,000 posts in the thread titled [Sacchan and Gin-san are dating]. If not, Sacchan will kill you four days later at midnight. This is no joke~ PS: One of my friends went missing on the fourth day after reading this~.

[FPS squatting samurai at home]: A real female pig! PS: If the people who see this here don’t come to Yoshiwara XX shop to spend a million yen, they will be dealt with by Yoshiwara’s [Hyakka] two days later. When they wake up on the third day, they will find that they will become naturally wavy hair, whether top or bottom. PS of PS: This is true! I have a friend because he didn’t come to consume, his hair, and even his personality became naturally wavy hair…

The gorilla and Zura who saw these two messages felt as if they had been struck by lightning…

[Fruit Chinpo Samurai]: I say, Fruit Punch Samurai, have you seen it? ! If you see it, can you cooperate with me to go to Yoshihara and forward it 10,000 times!

[Fruit Punch Samurai]: Okay! We need to discuss it! Let’s meet in person at one o’clock in the afternoon, I will wait for you in the front of Ieyasu statue!

[Fruit Chinpo Samurai]: Alright! Then I’ll be holding a Fruit Punch in my left hand! Fruit Punch Samurai! Make sure to hold the Fruit Punch in your right hand!

[Fruit Punch Samurai]: Understood!

…

“Hey, Tsu-chan, I want to go out for a while~” Kawaki walked to the door of Tsukuyo’s room that was half-closed and shouted inside.

However, there was no reply for a long time. Kawaki curiously poked his head in and saw Tsukuyo carefully tapping something on a laptop.

“What are you doing?” Kawaki asked curiously.

“Ah!” Tsukuyo didn’t expect Kawaki to come in at this time. She couldn’t help but be shocked. “It’s nothing, I’m just trying to find a way to get some guests for the girls who can’t find them, but I’m not very proficient in this…”

“Huh?” Kawaki glanced at the screen curiously, “Not a bad method. Use the Internet to attract guests~”

“Oh right, what did you just say?” Tsukuyo asked.

“It’s nothing. I just want to go out~” Kawaki waved his hand and said casually, “I thought of saying hello to you when I saw your door was open.”

“I see. But this time it’s best not to make any more amnesia episodes.

Seeing Tsukuyo’s slightly threatening expression, Kawaki swallowed his saliva. He quickly patted his chest and promised, “No, no! Absolutely not!”

…

“Hey, hey, is that kid going to fight a war?” Gintoki looked at Shinpachi, who was wearing Terakado Tsuu’s personal guard uniform and holding a wooden sword not far away, and continued, “There is an unusual aura around him…”

“So that’s how it is. No wonder Shin-chan has been acting a little strange recently.”

“According to the time mentioned in the letter, that girl is almost there too!” Kagura took out a letter that she had secretly stolen from Shinpachi.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Kawaki had just finished buying the game, but he found Gintoki, Kagura, and Otae on the side of the road.

“Ah, isn’t this Kawaki-san?” Otae turned around and greeted Kawaki with a smile.

“Pachi wants to abandon Gin-chan and climb up the ladder of adults by himself-aru,” Kagura concluded very well.

“Huh?” Kawaki did not understand at all. However, when he looked into the distance and saw Shinpachi with cat ears, he instantly understood, “So that’s how it is~ Shinpachi-kun went on a date. But, what are the three of you doing here?”

“That’s it, let’s not be a third wheel here,” Ginto said, turning around and preparing to leave, “Let this bastard treat us to some good food. I only need three glasses of strawberry parfait…”

“Then I want an Italian mellow cuttlefish egg soy sauce durian flavor-aru!” Kagura raised her hand and said.

“What kind of flavor is that!” Kawaki couldn’t help but ridicule.

“Then I can barely be satisfied with the codfish sandwich with cheese, mushroom, soda, and natto flavor-aru!” Kagura said again.

“What kind of strange flavor is this again! And the main point is not this!” Kawaki was really impressed by the young lady in front of him, “Don’t think about treats or anything recently. After the last Amnesia chapter, my activity funds have been deducted to a certain limit. Now, I just bought this [Counter-Stike Rules of Survival Crysis Half-Life Hunt Showdown Horizon Zero Dawn], so I’m out of money…”

“Your game name is similar to the strange flavor that Kagura mentioned!” Gintoki complained.

“That girl may one day bear the Shimura family’s heir. I want to see her with my eyes.” Otae crossed her arms and said.

“You’re getting hasty. You’re acting like a sister-in-law.” Gintoki waved his hand and said.

“What would you do if that girl’s name was Ken? It would be the birth of a great comedian.” Otae retorted.

PS: Ken Shimura is a Japanese comedian.

PS of PS: Otae’s father’s name Shimura Ken is a spoof of this artist.

PS of PS of PS: You may know, but I just want to add a PS. If you have the ability, then hit me~

“No woman is named Ken!” Gintoki retorted loudly.