Maybe a Fake Gintama - Chapter 96

TL Change: Tsukuyo nickname “Tsu-chan” to “Tsukki”.

…

“Hey, where are you going to sneak off to?” Tsukuyo leaned against the corridor and asked.

“Huh?” Kawaki turned around and said gloomily, “Can you stop talking like I secretly ran out to steal fish? I came out of my room in broad daylight. Why did you say that I secretly ran out? Did you watch some melodramatic TV drama again?”

“What the hell! Look at your outfit!” Tsukuyo complained.

At this time, Kawaki was wearing a bear costume.

“It’s because of your subordinates that I can’t sleep well now…” Kawaki sighed and took off the headgear, “When you wake up in the middle of the night and see a few pairs of eyes shining with an evil light, you try that feeling! I’m so scared that I almost wet my pants!”

“Isn’t it very simple? Can’t you just come with them for one or two rounds?” Tsukuyo said casually, “You seem to be that kind of casual man anyway.”

“What the hell! Do you know how many members in there in your Hyakka? I’ll die if one person comes for one round!” Kawaki shouted angrily, “Can you please take good care of them?! They are your subordinates!”

Tsukuyo snorted and continued, “Who said yesterday that when you were not around ‘When you’re not around, I was lying on a Hyakka member’s lap and playing games while being fed~’, why do you start to dislike my subordinates now?”

“That is their conspiracy! An absolute conspiracy! They want to train me into a useless otaku! They want to take the opportunity to take my [Beep–] when I lose my resistance!”!”

“Who would steal your dirty stuff?” Tsukuyo retorted, but in the end, she let out a sigh of relief, “If you go out, remember not to speak nonsense. Recently, many of Bakufu’s spies have appeared. If they know that Housen is no longer here in Yoshiwara, it will be a matter of time before they attack this place.”

“What about the other side? That Harusame.” Kawaki asked.

“I don’t know. Housen rarely contacted them when he was still around, so they probably don’t know the fact that Housen is no longer here for the time being.”

“Is that so…” As he spoke, Kawaki put on the headgear and turned around, “Then I’ll go out~”

Just as he finished speaking, Kawaki heard the sound of messy footsteps and instantly stand against the wall.

“Boss, Kawaki-sama is missing!” A Hyakka member said to Tsukuyo in a panic.

“Ah, I got it.” Tsukuyo glanced at Kawaki, standing against the wall, and casually replied, “I’ll go outside to look for him.”

“We want to go too!”

“No, you guys stay behind and guard Yoshiwara! Don’t be willful!” Tsukuyo replied.

“Alright… alright.” The Hyakka members could only obey her orders.

“Hey, why is there a bear there?” A Hyakka member pointed at Kawaki and asked.

“It’s true!”

“Kawaii~”

“Is this surprise prepared by Kawaki-sama?”

“Cough cough!” Tsukuyo coughed twice, “This is just a performance tool that Seita needs in the private school. This morning, he left in a hurry and forgot to take it, so he asked me to send it to him.”

“I was happy for nothing~ I thought Kawaki-sama liked this kind of thing~”

“Enough!” Tsukuyo shouted angrily, “Don’t think about those useless things anymore! Where has your enthusiasm for work gone recently?! Don’t you know what happened to Yoshiwara recently?! Hurry up and go to work!”

“Yes!” xN

Then, Tsukuyo dragged the bear to the side and walked out.

…

“Hey, we’re already out.” Tsukuyo looked at the bear on the ground and reminded.

“Phew~” Kawaki took off his headgear and greedily took in a breath of fresh air. He then looked at Tsukuyo and said, “Thank you, Tsukki~.”

“Hmph, I’m not helping you.” Tsukuyo snorted coldly, “I just think that letting you stay at home will affect Hyakka’s enthusiasm for work.”

“…”

“That makes sense!” Kawaki nodded and then looked at Tsukuyo with clear eyes, “Then why don’t you let me go and give each other freedom~.”

“Sure,” Tsukuyo said casually, “As long as you compensate the damaged items according to the price.”

“Isn’t that the same as not saying anything!” Kawaki curled the corners of his mouth, “And that wasn’t ruined by me alone! Isn’t there still a share of Boss Housen and Gintoki? Why are you holding onto me and not letting me go?”

“Wouldn’t it be fine to reject them if you hated it?” Tsukuyo continued, “Can’t you just say that you hate them? I believe they won’t bother you anymore.”

“Don’t talk nonsense. I didn’t say that I hate them.” Kawaki stood up, took off his disguise, and said.

“Don’t you hate them?”

“I don’t hate people who want to work hard to live, no matter their identities,” Kawaki said as he walked straight in a certain direction.

Looking at Kawaki’s straight back, Tsukuyo fell into deep thought…

…

Dango shop.

“Haven’t you found him yet?” Toshiro asked.

“Don’t worry; the security is very tight. I believe it won’t be long before Katsura is arrested,” Sogo replied, “It’s only a matter of time before that guy reveals his tail.”

“That’s good.”

“Katsura’s foot is injured. He can’t escape.” Sogo noticed Toshiro’s shocked gaze and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing. I was just a little surprised.” Toshiro replied, “This might be the first time I’ve seen you work so seriously.”

“Hijikata-san, you’re the one who surprised me,” Sogo said as he looked at the bunch of Dango in Toshiro’s hands that were covered in mayonnaise, “Other than you, there wouldn’t be another creature that would smear this on Dango.”

“Is that so?” Toshiro didn’t care at all. He directly put the Dango that was covered with mayonnaise into his mouth. After eating one, he looked at Sogo and said, “Do you want to eat? It’s really delicious.”

“Thank you for your kindness. I still think…” As he said that, Sogo was about to get up, but Kawaki’s voice came at this moment.

“Ah hahaha, no wonder I didn’t find you after going to Shinsengumi, Sogo-kun~” Kawaki walked over and said, “And it doesn’t seem to be that you are walking a gorilla. What is this? Is it your new pet?”

“Who are you calling a pet?!” Toshiro roared.

“Oh my, how can a pet eat this kind of thing? It will affect their brain reaction ability~” Kawaki said deliberately.

“There’s nothing I can do about it. He likes to eat dog food. I can’t do anything about it.” Sogo sighed and replied.

“Both of you want to die!” Toshiro roared.

“Speaking of which, is there a reason why boss is looking for me?” Sogo asked.

“Didn’t you say yesterday that you wanted me to lend you some games?” Kawaki said as he took out a stack of game discs from his pocket, “These are pretty good.”

“Oh, thank you, boss,” Sogo said as he took the discs.

“It doesn’t matter. In that case, as long as you practice diligently, your hit rate will definitely increase.” Kawaki said casually.

“What are you two talking about? What hit rate?” As he spoke, Toshiro looked at Sogo and said seriously, “You are not a person who likes to play games, right? Don’t lose your will because of playing games, or else Seppuku! Those who lack Boshidou, Seppuku!”

(TL note: Seppuku, sometimes referred to as hara-kiri, is a form of Japanese ritual suicide by disembowelment. It was originally reserved for samurai in their code of honor but was also practiced by other Japanese people during the Shōwa period to restore honor for themselves or for their families.)

“This is the one. It is very helpful for practicing on moving targets.” Kawaki pointed at the disk at the top.

“Huh? Really?”

“Do you want me to demonstrate it to you?” As he spoke, Kawaki put away the umbrella and faced Toshiro.

“Are the two of you really listening to me?!” Toshiro was furious, “And why are you using me as a demonstration?!”

“There are no other reference objects nearby, and only V-shaped bangs can be seen…”

“Can you not practice if you don’t have a practice target?!” Toshiro retorted, “Can you not call me by that name?! Do you know that you are super rude?!”

“I know! I’m sorry, V-shaped bangs!”

“You don’t have the attitude to apologize at all!” After complaining, Toshiro’s tone changed, “If someone like you were under my command, I would have dealt with you long ago.”

“So does a V-shaped bangs. If he was under my command, he would have been squeezed out of mayonnaise by Yoshiwara’s women.”

“I see!” Sogo said, “Because Hijikata-san ingested too much mayonnaise, and all the mayonnaise was sprayed out of that place!”

“I see my ass!” Toshiro roared, “How is this possible! Even if you eat a lot of mayonnaise, it’s impossible to shoot out mayonnaise!”

“Tsk tsk tsk, that’s possible,” Kawaki added, “There is so much mayonnaise deposited in the body, maybe even the blood is full of mayonnaise, and the whole body may mutate. You should go to the hospital to check it out as soon as possible. Otherwise, it will be too late for you to regret it after your future wife gives birth to three bottles of mayonnaise! What will you do then?! Are you going to endure the grief and eat the triplets?! Can you even eat them?!”

“How could something like that happen!” Toshiro retorted, “And why must it be triplets!”

After saying that, Toshiro once again ate a Dango filled with mayonnaise.

“That’s really amazing. A man who can even eat his own child is worthy of being the Shinsengumi vice-captain!” Kawaki whispered into Sogo’s ear.

“After all, he’s the Shinsengumi vice-captain!” Sogo sighed softly, “I can hear Hijikata Jugo’s screams~ But Hijikata-san really doesn’t care~.”

“I heard everything! And why did you give my son a name without permission!”

“You are wrong~ Sogo-kun, that is not Jugo’s scream, but Juroku’s scream.” Kawaki corrected, but his tone really made Toshiro angrier.

However, right at this moment, the sound of a baby crying suddenly rang out, startling Toshiro.

“What’s going on?!”

“Looks like you heard it too. That’s right; it was the sound of Juhachi’s crying! Because he saw his two brothers being sent into your mouth by you!” Kawaki nodded and explained.