Meeting Again - 29 Failed

Sarah’s POV

“Miss Sarah? Miss Sarah??” I heard my nanny call me as I stomped into the house and banged the door shut on her face.

“What is it, Miss Sarah? Are you not feeling well? Should I get you some refreshing drinks?” she asked me in a worried tone from outside my door

“Just leave me alone” I yelled.

The voice stopped and I heard a footstep walking away from the door. I felt guilty for shouting at her when my bad mood is not even her fault. Angry and frustrated, I threw my pillow at the door and threw myself, face front, on the bed fully dressed and with shoes. I don’t get it. What is there in that guy that I don’t possess? Why does Robbie love him and not me?

I had loved Robbie since the second grade. He was my closest friend. We grew up together. I thought I knew him the best. But in the last year of my junior high, mom suddenly decided that I should receive my education out of the country and hence, without any prior warning he suddenly told me that I ll be going out of country for study. I didn’t wanted to. I loved Robbie and I wanted to spent more time with him but Mom’s mind was fixed and Dad didn’t opposed. No amount of crying, cursing or begging helped. In the end, I accepted it.

I decided to confess my feeling before leaving and ask him to wait for me but as fate would have it, Robbie’s family was going through a really tough time then. Robbie would always be in bad mood so I never got the opportunity to tell him my feelings or that I am leaving.

But after I returned successfully completing my studies and taking over my dad’s business, I revealed my wish to marry Robbie. He was happy with my decision and choice and immediately informed Mr. Walker. He happily agreed but to my utter shock, Robbie refused. Even after I met him and even after he recognised me and treated me as friends, he just didn’t agreed to the marriage at all. I was stumped. I thought it might be because he didn’t find me good enough, so I tried to be more prettier, and did excellently in my dad’s business but nothing watsoever got him interested in me.

I started doubting he had someone in his life and gave a surprise visit to him often compromising my own business affairs. I even asked about his whereabouts from Jane, his Personal Assistant and uncle Walker, who all said, he had never shown interest in anyone yet. So, I couldn’t fathom the reason as to why he would reject me. I even imagined to the extent of him having some embarassing male problem, due to which he avoided being in relation with anyone. But that was not the case either. I heard from uncle that he had some raging period of one night stands till his sophomore year of college before he stopped everything. It was no easy job to get that information out of uncle. I had to force it out of Uncle as he was worried I would break the engagement after hearing about it. Only after assuring him that I would do nothing as such, did Uncle Walker told me everything. So, I was left with no other choice but to make him fall for me. But the more I visited him, the more sour he got. I was at loss for what to do.

Finally, the reason for his complete aversion to me and my advances came to the fore. It turned out, that it had nothing to do with me. He actually did have someone he loved and it was a MAN!! As far as I remember, Robbie was straight. Even uncle told me that, he had had women partners for his night outs. So, how did he ended up loving a man and that too for eight years? Was the night stand period only to see if he was truly into man or not? Did Uncle lied about the women partners? Was Uncle being so adamant about this marriage and helping me out because he finds his son being gay embarassing?

There were several things going through my mind. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. What about my love for Robbie? Just because he loved someone for eight years, he wants that guy to be his partner and I, who had loved him for almost all my life, my love has no value? He would readily turn blind eye to my feelings for him? He couldn’t give up on that guy, then what about me? Was my feelings worth nothing?

I did everything that I did because I wanted to be with Robbie, but he chose to be with a random guy. I clutched the bedsheet and felt warm tears soaking my cheeks and the sheets. I saw my make up rolling down along with it. My heart felt like someone was squeezing it. My stomach was painful. I felt pain everywhere both physical and mental. I couldn’t take it It was hard to accept. It hurts so bad. I wanted to throw and break everything in the room. I got up, pulled the bed sheet out, almost tearing it. I threw everything in my dressing table, shelf, my shoes, the books on the table; smashed the vase, the show pieces and the mirror; tore the pictures on the wall and the wall hangings, making a huge mess of my bedroom.

I heard frantic knocking on my door and the panicked voices of my servants and maids calling,

“Miss miss, please open the door”

“Miss Sarah, I heard a glass break, did you get hurt?”

“Miss” I head almost a choking voice which was of my nanny, “Please tell me if your hurt! Are you okay? Please open the door…”

No Nanny!

I am not okay!

It hurts!

Damn it hurts!

Ultimately, I couldn’t hold it anymore and screamed in agony of my heart breaking. I crashed on the floor which was covered in glass shards. Some of them pierced my feet, legs and palm. Blood oozed out of the pierced parts, staining the carpet, glass and the accessories I was wearing. I couldn’t feel the pain, neither the tears which rolled down along with my make up and dropping on the back of my hand.

My scream scared my servants even more. I heard a male servant say in a panicked voice,

“Miss am very sorry to do this but I have to. I am breaking open the door”

I heard the thud of a human hitting the door. I remained sitting there, staring at the carpeted floor with my blurry eyes. I heard as the door crashed open with all my servant, maid and nanny filing in and then take in a terrified breath to see the condition of the room and me covered in blood and tears.

“Oh my God miss…” a female servant shouted

“Am calling doctor Troupe..” another screamed.

Most of them came and surrounded me and tried to get me up. But I didn’t want to. I remained sitting there like a lifeless doll, feeling them lifting me up, carrying me to the couch outside, everyone speaking something gibberish around me but I couldn’t hear anymore and someone tending to my wounds.

My mind was instead far from the situation I was in now. It was slowly getting covered in dark and sinister thoughts. My heart was getting filled with resentment and fury. I smiled which surprised my Nanny who was tending to me. She asked me hesistatingly,

“Miss, does it hurts?”

“Yes. It hurts. It hurts like hell and HE TOO WILL FEEL THIS PAIN!” I said, drying my tears at the back of my hand.