Meeting Again - 70 Rendezvous 2

Robbie’s hand on my chest stiffened. I felt his breathing pause for a second before becoming normal again. He left me and turned me around looking me in the eye,

“Why do you ask?” he asked me in a soft alluring tone

I hesistated to answer. I asked because I wanted to know, know why he chose to keep the bond when Alphas had the advantage of breaking the bond. He could have just broken it and moved forward but to keep the bonding for eight years….it just feels strange.

“You could have broken the bond. Then, you wouldn’t have to remain stuck to me. You could have moved forward and got yourself another partner-” I was babbling not knowing what to exactly say when Robbie interrupted me by putting a hand on my mouth

“Enough” Robbie’s eyes were burning. He held my face with both his hands and said in a stern voice, “Don’t ever talk about me breaking the bond. Never!”

I saw Robbie’s melancholic look mixed with anger and felt a little guilty. I shouldn’t have asked this question. It must not be a comfortable thing to talk about for him. But then Robbie pulled me to a hug and said in a slightly trembling voice,

“If you want to know, I will tell you but don’t ever talk about me breaking the bond”

I nodded on his chest. He kissed my temple and left me. He held my wrist, took me to the bed and made me sit on it. He got down on his knees and held my hand as he said,

“After I rejected you, I became an insomniac. I just couldn’t sleep. Whenever I closed my eyes, I would see your grief stricken face and your words would ring in my ears. I would wake up in the middle of the night, an unspeakable suffocation choking me”

Unconsciously, my grip on Robbie’s hand became tighter. I never knew about all this. I thought, after rejecting me, he just went on with his life like normal until he met me and felt he needed to make up for the wrong he did. I have heard that sometimes guilt can be more painful than the sin itself! Today, I am hearing the living example of it. Robbie too paused as if remembering those days were hard on him. He continued while his eyes remained glued at our interlinked hand,

“Days after days, I would wake up feeling choked and breathless. The guilt of leaving you when you needed me so desperately, was crushing me. I don’t even remember how many guys and girls, I slept with just so that I don’t have to think about you. There was not a single intoxicating thing that I didn’t use, cigarettes, weeds, drugs, alcohol, everything that could make my head go blank and make me stop thinking about you, I tried everything. Many times during those days, I thought of breaking the bond, feeling that it will make me feel better. But I couldn’t do it. Even though, it was killing me inside, I just couldn’t break the bond!”

Robbie stopped to swallow his saliva. It was definitely not easy opening up like this. He must have kept all this inside him as he never had anyone trustworthy enough to share such personal matters. I was totally frozen. I had never known that Robbie had suffered like this. I always assumed that Robbie felt nothing rejecting me. I took it for granted that he rejected me because he didn’t care. What a stupid thought! Not everyone remains unaffected hurting others. As I was lost in my thoughts, Robbie had already started speaking again,

“….not until I was in the last year of my college that I realized that the reason I was so traumatized after rejecting you, so guilt ridden after hurting you and the reason I couldn’t break my bonding with you even after complating it so many times was simply because…” Robbie raised his head to look me in the eye. There was a strong emotion oozing out of his eyes, something I have never seen before. He said, his voice firm, “I had fallen head over heels for you. That you had already became a part of my life, a part of me. And just like not having a part of yourself, makes you feel empty and hollow, without you I was empty….Incomplete!”

I trembled. Frankly, whenever Robbie expressed his love for me during these last few days, I always doubted and wondered if I should believe it. The uncertainty in my heart was so great that even after him repeatedly telling me that he loves me, there was always a lining of doubt that stopped me from believing him completely. But now, looking at his eyes, where I could see his feelings so clear and strong, I couldn’t help but believe his words. Robbie got up and sat next to me and he went on with his story,

“I went to your welfare centre only to know that you have left it. I hired a detective to search you out but you had already left the city. I didn’t know where to look. Desperate, I ended up even meeting your dad and the pastor from the church you used to visit but no one knew anything about you. I kept looking hoping to get some clue about you and just as fate would have it, you appeared right in front of me, when I least expected it! The moment I saw you, I knew, that it was not a coincidence. This was Fate! You were my Destiny!! That’s why life gave me another chance to repent for what I did”

This was unbelievable. All this years Robbie was searching for me while I was trying to run away from him. But in the end we really did ended up meeting. Was this really fate? Was I destined to be with Robbie?

Robbie held my face with both his hands and made me look at him as he said,

“Have you heard the quote of Paulo Coelho from his book Alchemist saying, ‘When you truly want something, all the universe conspire to help you achieve it’. I was not a believer of such quotes and lines that too from a fictional book but now I believe it! I believe it ever since I met you again!”