Meeting Again - 89 Destined to lose

I was feeling tired, weak and my legs were still numb. I felt fuzzy and thirsty. I could taste something salty and liquidy in my mouth and realised with shock that it was blood from my hand. I suddenly felt cold near my genitals and realized that my trousers were not on. I felt naked and exposed. I tried to cover myself up with my uninjured hand which Robbie noticed. He buttoned his overlong coat that he had placed over me and which fell till my knees, to cover most of my bare skin. He carried me ‘princess style’ in his arms and walked out of that hall like room.

Robbie didn’t look at me with hatred or disgust….He told me he loves me no matter what and said I wasn’t dirty….but I was taken by that man….I even took him by mouth…. suddenly the memory of it made me want to puke. I quickly placed my hand over my mouth ending up in a fit of cough. I heard Robbie’s concerned voice,

“Tony, what happened? Are you okay?”

I wanted to say ‘Yes’ but I felt nauseous. I nodded trying not to vomit all over Robbie. He gently placed me down on one of the stairs and spoke in a tensed hurried voice,

“Are you feeling suffocated? Do you want to vomit?”

I looked at Robbie, his eyes were round with worry. I shook my head but not removing my hand from my mouth. He patted my head gently and said lovingly,

“Don’t worry! You can rest a little. I’ll sit with you”

Robbie sat beside me and pulled me to a hug. My head rested on his chest and I could hear his rhythmic beat of heart, which soothed me. I felt a bit calm. However, I felt too undeserving of this kindness. I am not the person he should pour his love over. I am filthied by that man. Just like broken crowns don’t adorn kings head, I am not fitting anymore to be by Robbie’s side. Unconsciously, I held onto Robbie’s shirt, as tears started spilling down my cheeks again. I wish….I wish I had understood my true feelings for Robbie a few days back then I could have atleast held him, unstained!

“Do you feel better now?” Robbie asked, putting my hair behind my ears, softly

“Yeah” I answered hoarsely

“Shall we go out then?” he asked, kissing my head

Again, the image of that man caressing my hair flashed by my mind and unintentionally, I moved away. Robbie looked at me, surprised. I gasped, my eyes widen and I wrapped my arms around myself, as if I was feeling cold,

“S-sorry, I-I didn’t-”

“Relax Tony. It’s ok! Its totally fine. Come lets go out” he said, lifting me up.

What do I do? Whatever happened seemed to have branded itself in my head. I can still feel and recall all the places that man touched. My hair, my face, my lips, my mouth, my neck, my back, my chest, my….out of nowhere, I was gripped by the strong desire to wash myself. Robbie shouldn’t touch me when that man had sullied me. I must clean myself. I wanted to bathe myself off of all that man’s touches. Robbie noticed my restlessness and held me tightly.

“Calm down. We are almost out” Robbie cooed near my ear, like a soft breeze

He just said it and I immediately breathed in fresh night air. I could hear the loud siren of the cops car and without even looking I could feel presence of several people. From somewhere nearby I could hear the angry growl of Fred. It appeared as if he was arguing with someone but I couldn’t be sure. Robbie didn’t bother to stand or see, he quickly took me past it and placed me in the backseat of a car.

“Stay here for a while. I’ll go have a talk with cops okay?” Robbie said

But I was not listening. I looking at myself. But whether I see my hands, palms, arms, thighs or legs, I only remember what happened. I closed my eyes and placed my hands on both sides of my face, speaking almost to myself,

“Robbie, I wanna bath. I-I wanna bath” I breathed

Robbie looked stumped but then his face twisted in a strange painful expression. He held my shoulder and made me look at him speaking in a harsh yet constrained tone,

“Tony Stop! Stop thinking yourself dirty!” Robbie’s eyes flashed with some complex emotion which in my current state I was not able to decipher, “You are NOT dirty! You get me? You are not at fault! Olsen is the dirty one, he is filthy, he is sick lowly pervert….NOT YOU!”

“Bu-but Robbie, how will I face Tw-Twen like this? What will he think of me? He will be so ashamed of me-”

“Twen is our son, YOUR son, have faith on him. I am sure he will be just as furious at Olsen as I am. You did whatever you did for him, he will never ever blame you!” Robbie said sternly, before his voice became mild and he spoke softly, “And frankly, he doesn’t need to know. He is too young for this”

“I-I am scared to se-see hi-“I couldn’t say it all before Robbie’s lips covered mine

My eyes widen as the image of me taking Mr. Olsen by mouth flashed in my head and I pushed him away, “NO Robbie! I-I-”

Robbie again didn’t let me complete and pulled me to a kiss again. No amount of my resistance budged him. He moved back only after kissing me properly and looked me deep into the eyes,

“I don’t care what that bastard made you do. You will never be dirty in my eyes!”