Memoirs Of Demon Lord - Chapter 11 How To Prepare Your Human

Hunting Human is one of my favorite pastime. If anything it’s the only way for me to acquire my weekly meal.

Before you do anything to your human, make sure it is dead. You may think it is dead, but there are plenty of stories out there about hunters who thought their human was dead, only to have it pop up and go berserk; in some cases, causing injury, or even death to the hunter. Worse yet, you even might have them escape and return with a group to hunt your own ass down. Of course, not that any of us Zombie type would be dumb enough to do that and still be walking about.

This is a second critical step in the process. Field dressing should be done immediately after killing the human. Make sure to carry a sturdy, sharp knife (or even two) with you to make sure you can do the job quickly and precisely.

One of the most important points to focus on in field dressing a human is to avoid puncturing any of its organs. If you do puncture an organ, it can result in a tainting of the meat and adversely affect the flavor.

Remove the internal organs and as much of the windpipe as is possible. During this process, try to minimize any dirt or hair getting inside the human. In case of having to abandon it midway to your freezer. It’s practically a wasteful action in any case, a hunter that must do that is no hunter and should obviously be put down as soon as possible.

Ideally the best way to transport a human is to lift it directly onto a trailer and drive it to your destination. However, often this is not possible due to the terrain or location. In many cases, hunters must drag their human out of the woods or field. If you must drag your human out of the woods it is best to lay it on a tarp to avoid contact with the ground, a tarp up kill also make less of a noise when being seen. Whatever you can do to minimize the amount of dirt and debris that gets inside the human, during transport, will be a benefit to you in the process.

Once the human is transported to your destination, you should immediately hang it, so it is not touching the ground. Some hunters prefer to hang it head up, while others prefer to hang it head down. The key is to hang it, because this lets remaining blood drain out of the body.

Once the human is hung, take a saw preferably a hack saw and cut through the it’s ribs. Then take a piece of wood or other object and pry it into the cavity to open it and keep it open. You also want to get the hide off the kill as quickly as possible, because their hide is an insulator, also quite oily as the decomposition process begin. With the hide, hair, and skin removed, the meat will cool more rapidly.

At this point, some hunters like to rinse their kills with water. While this does remove debris and cools the meat more quickly, moisture can also accelerate the work of microorganisms and increase the chances of spoiling the meat. To be safe, you can delay the rinsing process until later. If you do rinse it right away, make sure to blot as much moisture as possible from corpse to reduce the chances of spoilage. I cannot stress this point enough; rotten meat would give you quite literally explosive diarrhea.

To be clear, a Zombie like me would have absolutely no problem taking on dozens of bullets, or dozens of knives. It hurt but not that much pain once I have me some gooey mushy brain. Those wounds will just heal up like they never were there at all. However, internal pain are a serious problem, and explosive diarrhea is one of those, to be utterly honest, with our kind internal biology, the pain we get from diarrhea is can only describe by a single word as “Hell.”

Now, let’s return to the topic at hand. How long you hang your kill depends heavily on the air temperature. If the temperature is below 40 degrees you can age your meat longer, up to a week. Temperatures above 40 degrees will accelerate the spoiling process. In warmer temps, keep the aging process to a few days.

Once your meat is aged you can begin cutting and processing the meat, whether you do this yourself or bring it to a professional. If you are doing the job yourself, have a good plan for how you are going to use the meat and do the job in a clean environment to avoid contamination. Meat should be put in the freezer immediately, unless it is going to be used right away.