Merchant Crab - Chapter 138: Zombie Hunting for Dummies

“Alright, let’s do this,” said Balthazar. “But you’d better come through for me with that treasure chest.”

“My word is my bond, good sir,” the ghost said proudly. “I will hold my end of the bargain.”

“So, where do I find this zombie of yours?”

Sir Edmund pondered, bringing a hand to his chin, which went right through and to the back of his head. “Hmm, I’d start with the area around the edge of the river. It seems to dwell by that location the most lately. Perhaps attracted to the sound of running water.”

“Well then, lead on,” said the crab. “Show us the way.”

After a few minutes of walking, the merchant called out to the spirit.

“Hey, will you hold on?” he said, huffing and puffing as he tried to catch up to the floating apparition.

“Oh? Sorry, I did not realize you were falling behind,” Allard said.

“We wouldn’t, if you’d stop going in a straight line through every damn tree and boulder in your way,” the cranky crustacean said. “Not all of us can phase through solid things, you know?!”

“Ah, my apologies,” said the nobleman’s ghost, taking a brief bow. “I quickly forget the constraints of still being alive and carrying a physical body. I will account for your solid nature from here on.”

After catching up to him, Balthazar walked alongside the ghost, while Druma and Blue followed a few paces behind, looking at their party leader’s choice of company with cautious suspicion.

“Your pets do not seem to approve of my presence,” Sir Edmund said, glancing back at them.

“They’re just feeling protective, that’s all,” the merchant said. “And they’re not my pets, they’re my friends.”

Allard took another apologetic bow. “Forgive my mistake.”

“Once we find your old shambling shell,” Balthazar started, “I’ll get that big blue girl back there to give him a nice cremation. That should take care of your problem once and for all.”

The ghost suddenly stopped, turning to the crab with great concern plastered all over his semi-transparent face. “You mustn’t do that, Mr. Balthazar!”

“Huh?” the confused crab said. “Why not? I thought that the whole point of this was that you wanted to get rid of the zombie because he was cramping out your ghost style, or whatever.”

“While the objective is indeed to put my mindless doppelganger to rest, you cannot simply strike him down wherever you find him.”

Balthazar cocked an eyestalk at the spirit. “Why not?”

“Because that would put my entire plan at risk of failure,” Sir Edmund said. “You see, as far as I recall from my readings on ghosts and spirits back when I could still hold a book, we must properly exorcize the body at the location where its soul originally left it in order to ensure the passing of the spirit—meaning myself—to the afterlife.”

“That’s starting to sound way too complicated, mate,” the crab said, rolling his eyes.

“Well, it may be so, but needs must,” said the floating figure, as they continued moving through the forest. “I cannot risk finding myself permanently stuck like this because we did not properly dispose of my remains.”

“Would that even be so bad?” Balthazar asked.

“What do you mean?”

The crab shrugged.

“You get to hang out wherever, for as long as you want. Can’t get hurt. You can pass through any object in your way. It doesn’t sound so bad. You never even need to sleep. Never need to eat either. Well, maybe that last one isn’t so great…”

“It’s not all roses, my friend,” Allard said. “I cannot go wherever I please, as you suggest. I am bound to these woods, unable to move too far away from the place of my demise, forever stuck to it as a haunting ghost. It is a curse.”

“Oh. I… think I get what you mean,” said the suddenly somber crab.

Being able to relate to a ghost’s predicament was not something Balthazar had ever expected to find himself doing, but if there was one thing he understood, it was being stuck in a limited area, unable to leave it.

“Being able to pass through walls is indeed pretty fantastic, however,” the phantom said with a cheeky smile.

“Heh, I bet,” the merchant responded, cracking a smile. “Don’t worry, though. I’ll figure out a way to capture your worse half and bring him to that spring. I’m nothing if not a crafty crab.”

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

After a few more minutes of walking—and hovering—they began hearing the sound of running water, and soon after, the group broke through the tree line, arriving next to the river’s shore.

“We must proceed with caution now,” Sir Edmund said. “It must be around here somewhere, but we do not want to catch its attention before we find it. I would hate to watch any of you be attacked by my former self.”

“Yes, I don’t think this world is prepared to handle an outbreak of zombie crabs,” the crustacean said while turning to his party. “Thankfully, we got a good way to scope out the area. Blue, come here, please.”

The drake approached slowly, head held high, glancing at the phantom before fixing her golden eyes on the crab.

“I need you to fly up and see if you spot any shambling… man, let’s call it,” Balthazar explained. “I know daylight is practically all gone, so don’t go too far. Just let us know if you catch any movement below, alright? Can you do that for us?”

To his slight surprise, the winged creature bowed her head gently and took flight, rising above the trees as she scanned the area below them.

I wonder why she’s been so much easier to deal with lately. She even does almost everything I ask her. Could it be… Hmm, nah, probably not.

A screech from above broke Balthazar off his thinking. The drake had already returned, and was signaling them to an area upstream.

Quietly, the other three moved alongside the river’s edge, keeping both eyes and ears open.

“There,” said Sir Edmund, who was floating through trees and bushes, scouting the area ahead.

The crab and the goblin sneaked up to his location, ducking behind a large rock.

“Why did I not wait for morning?!” the merchant grumbled under his breath. “I can’t see a thing.”

“Look,” the ghostly figure whispered, pointing his ethereal finger towards a small clearing between the trees.

The crab squinted, until he finally spotted some movement and his eyestalks jumped.

There, amid the bushes and under the faint moonlight, he saw it: standing with his arms dropped and neck dropped to one side, a shell of a former man, clothing ripped and dirty, skin dirty and covered in dirt. As it slowly turned in place, Balthazar saw its gaunt face, eyes staring emptily at nothing, tongue hanging from the side of its mouth.

“Gah,” the merchant said quietly. “You’re not winning any beauty contests, that’s for sure.”

“Thank you for putting it so eloquently,” Allard said, with a hint of bitterness. “I’ve certainly seen better days, but I’ll have you know I was quite popular in the courts back in my day.”

They watched on as the undead walker turned its head, attracted by the sound of shuffling from a nearby bush.

“Brrraaains…” the zombie garbled, moving towards the source of the noise.

A mouse popped out of the leaves with a squeak, stopping to look around.

Seeing it, the shambling corpse ran towards the small creature, lunging towards it in an awkward way. “Brains!”

The rodent let out a yelp and skittered back to the bush, disappearing into the foliage.

“Brains?” the confused zombie uttered, chin still planted to the ground, where it had landed.

“Not the brightest one either, is he?” Balthazar remarked.

“What did you expect?” Sir Edmund said. “Its brain is rotting, and I took all the smarts when I left it.”

“Right,” the crab said, turning to his group. “I think I’ve got an idea on how to snatch him up, but I’ll need everyone’s cooperation.”

“Yes, yes,” said his goblin assistant. “Boss say what boss want Druma to do and Druma help!”

“Alright, here’s what we’re going to do,” Balthazar started, reaching into his backpack.

After all the instructions were given, the group split up to their respective positions.

“This better work,” the crab whispered to himself, while pulling up the skills on his system.

[Leader’s Voice activated]

[For 2 minutes, you and up to three of your allies receive +1 to all attributes, and all actions performed as a team receive a success bonus.]

“Now!” Balthazar yelled up to the sky.

Blue, hovering above the trees, nodded affirmatively and dove into the clearing where the zombie was.

The undead turned, attracted by the sound of the drake swooping down nearby. “Brains?!”

Blue screeched, hovering in front of it for a moment, before quickly whipping her wings and flying towards the trees.

The zombie stumbled forward, hungrily chasing the azure creature.

“Come on, girl, quick and easy,” Balthazar muttered to himself, while watching from the bushes. “Don’t let him get too close and bite a chunk off you.”

As she reached the edge of the clearing, the drake swerved and ascended back to the skies, out of reach of the hungry ghoul, whose fumbling chase came to a halt, looking up at her with confused frustration.

“Oi oi, ugly!” a voice yelled from the bushes near him.

Turning its bulging eyeballs, the zombie spotted a small goblin jumping from side to side, mocking it into another chase.

Without hesitation, it obliged, running towards the green creature.

Druma grabbed hold of his hat and ran into the denser woods, luring the dead body behind him.

Rotting knees were no match for the spry little guy, and the undead could do little more than chase him through the vines and branches, grunting in hungry frustration.

“Braaaaains!” Sir Edmund’s revenant yelled.

Suddenly, the zombie stopped, finding himself in another tiny clearing, no more goblin in sight.

It looked around in dumb confusion, when another voice called out.

“Hey, you, wanna buy some mouthwash for that breath?” the eight-legged merchant shouted, standing between two trees nearby.

The zombie turned, hungry eyes setting on the crab, and it broke into a sprint towards him.

“BRAINS!”

Balthazar winced but did not run, instead standing where he was as the undead rushed at him.

Please work! Please work!