Missing You (BL) - Chapter 1：the only chapter

It’s early morning and I walk to the fridge to get a drink of milk, because it has needed calcium for growing.

Opening the fridge door, I grab the new milk carton and bring it to the kitchen counter, so that I can grab a cup to pour some into.

As I turn the carton to pull the tab open, I pause when I see it.

MISSING plastered onto the side of the carton, with a beautiful face and haunting eyes staring at me in black and white ink.

In an unnerving familiarity.

—————————-

BLvines continues:

“BaiEn? Could it be BaiEn Mu?!”

A look of shock was plastered on my face and I accidentally loosened my grip on the carton of milk, making it slip out of my hand and fall on the floor, exploding from the impact. The sudden explosion near my feet made me snap out of my haze.

“Shit! Look at all this mess!”

I picked up the exploded and now empty carton of milk from the floor. The outside of it was wet but the MISSING picture wasn’t damaged except of a small tear under the handsome face in the picture. I wiped the surface of the picture carefully, not to damage it, and after making sure it’s all dry, I began cleaning the floor of my kitchen with the mop I store next to the fridge. This habit, of keeping a mop in my kitchen where I can reach it easily, was formed after I met BaiEn Mu.

Who is BaiEn Mu?

BaiEn Mu used to be my high school sweetheart and was the reason I turned gay.

When I was a first year in high school BaiEn Mu was already a senior, 3 years older then I am. I wasn’t that popular, good looking, smart or athletic while he was the captain of the tennis team, first in his class with his grades and sought after by girls for his good looks.

“This must be an old picture, but, how can a dead man be missing?”

Everything was finally clean again and I was now seating in my kitchen on a chair next to my dining table, looking at the picture on the carton which I cut out and was holding now in my hands. I ran my finger across the picture’s surface, trailing the line of the handsome face in it a sad smile came on my face.

“This guy…I can still remember our first meeting.”

————————-

(10 years ago)

I was sitting on a bench in the large yard of my school during lunch. The sun was high in the sky and the temperature was a bit hot, but the soft breezes of the wind cooled me down enough so I could seat under it. My eyes were closed and I was listening to my music in my earphones, nodding my head and tapping my foot according to the beat.

My school allowed the use of phones during lunch and since I still haven’t made any friends, as it was only the first week after starting my freshman year here and I wasn’t good at making connections with others, I decided to explore the yard of the school and hear some music.

“Hey, what are you listening to?”

A shadow suddenly blocked the sun and I opened my eyes to see the cause.

“Huh?”

I was surprised to find the shadow belonged to another student. He was 1.85 meters tall, had hazelnut-colored short hair, which seemed to shine in the sun and golden phoenix eyes that seemed sharp yet playful. This person could definitely be a successful model one day.

“I asked you what are you listening to.”

He repeated his question for me. His voice was deep and a slightly hoarse, making me want to listen to him speak some more.

“Oh, I see. Sorry I didn’t hear you before. I’m listening to some James Brown.”

“It’s fine, I spoke to you while you were listening to music after all. So… James Brown huh?”

“Yeah, I know it’s weird, but I can’t help but think he is super cool.”

I felt awkward. It’s not like my taste in music is that weird but this cool guy suddenly asking about it made me feel as if I’m strange. I could feel my face growing a bit hotter.

“I don’t think it’s weird at all. I actually like James Brown as well! He really is cool!”

My eyes lit up at his words and I grabbed one of his arms in my excitement.

“Really? You think so too?”

“Haha, of course! Why would I lie to a cutie like you?”

“Huh?”

Maybe I heard him wrong? Me? A cutie? No way!

“I think I heard you wrong, can you repeat that?”

“I said that I think you are cute.”

My hearing must be really bad…

“Haha, sorry, I somehow heard like you said you think I’m cute…”

“You heard it cause I said it. By the way, you holding my arm like this mean you like me as well?”

I suddenly realized that I was still holding his arm and released my hold quickly, my cheeks growing hot with embarrassment.

“What could you possibly mean, talking like that? I’m not a girl you know… And I am at best average looking…”

Indeed, next to this tall and handsome boy I was barely even worth to look at. His eyes suddenly darkened and he set closely beside me on the bench, looking me straight in the eyes. I felt uncomfortable at this sudden intimacy with a stranger and tried to shift away from him, but My wrist was caught by a big and strong hand, keeping me from leaving. My chin was also grabbed, forcing me to look the stranger straight in his beautiful golden eyes.

“What are you do-”

“Who told you that you are only average looking? Who told you such a lie?”

He cut me off, looking mad. His hold around my wrist tightened, making me twist my face in pain.

“Huh? No one told me that, I have eyes of my own you know! And also, you are hurting me. Can you release my wrist?”

Hearing my words, the stranger quickly released his hold on me. His hand left a red mark on my pale skin and I rubbed the place, trying to make the pain go away.

“Sorry… I hurt you.”

He looked at my wrist full of guilt and I couldn’t stay mad at him.

“That’s fine. Any way, I don’t even know your name…What is it?”

His mood shifted quickly again as he brightened up, showing me a smile full of white teeth.

“Sorry for not introducing myself before. My name in BaiEn Mu, a senior, nice to met you.”

“You are a senior? No wonder you look so mature and tall! My name is BaiAi Lang, a freshmen, nice to meet you as well.”

I smiled back at him.

“You think I look mature and tall?”

“Of course! You can totally be a male model like the ones in fashion magazines!”

“I’m glad you think that.”

“It’s true though. Girls must really like you…If I had your looks I probably would have already had a girlfriend…”

I sighed at the thought of me being single for life like I probably will be. Having a small build with a height of only 1.72 meters, oval face with chubby cheeks, big black eyes and pink lips, I was often mistaken as a girl. If not for my short hair and flat chest, nobody would have believed me if I said otherwise.

“What about a boyfriend?”

“Huh? I think I heard you wrong again.”

Did he just ask me if I’m gay? Why would he ask that? Is it because I’m feminine looking?

“Forget about girls. How about you get a boyfriend?”

“HUH?!”

He told me to give up on the idea to date girls?! Am I that bad?! Will I never get a girlfriend with this face of mine?!

“Are you telling me I’m too ugly to get a girlfriend and should settle for guys?! Why?!”

I don’t even know this guy! Why is he bullying me?!

“No,no,no! You got it all wrong! I was just trying to ask you out. You are most definitely NOT ugly and I will punch anyone who says otherwise!”

——–

(Back to present time)

“… Man, I think my brain went off at that point….how did I end up agreeing to date BaiEn Mu again? I can’t remember…it was 10 years ago after all, but still…”

I sighed as I looked at the picture in my hand.

“Come on…what was it?”

Suddenly a knock was heard on the door of my apartment.

“Who could it possibly be at this hour?”

It was only 6 AM, way to early for any visitors I might have. I got up and walked to the door, stopping by a full body mirror near the entrance and fixing my appearance. 10 years sure their impact in terms of appearance. My face lost its baby fat and had contours now, I began working out so I had a good body although being short and my eyesight wasn’t as good as before so I began wearing glasses.

I peeked out the peephole in my door only to see a ghost. I turned that second, pressing my back on the door for support.

“I.. It can’t be… He can’t be…”

My whole body was shaking, either from fear, sadness or something else altogether.

“You can’t-! You can’t be… YOU CAN’T BE HERE! YOU ARE DEAD! YOU CAN’T-”

As I screamed, my voice broke and I began crying. My back slid down against the door as my legs gave up on me and I sat on the floor hugging and burying my face in my knees.

“You can’t-…you can’t-…dead-…you are dead…”

I could hear a small thump on the other side of the door, as the person behind it also sat with his back to the door. The a familiar deep and hoarse voice was heard, speaking softly through the door.

“I’m alive. I never died.”

“Liar! Your own parents said you were dead! They said they burned your body and spread your ashes in the sea like you always wanted!”

I want to believe… But, I can’t….Not after all these years!…Not after… I’m almost able to move on…

The familiar voice spoke again.

“My parents-…these people, didn’t want us to be together. They sent me away to a boarding university shortly after I introduced you to them, after they pretended to like you, to support us-”

The voice also seemed to break in pain. I couldn’t speak anymore, I didn’t have the will to do that, so I just listened.

“After sending me away, they told me I should find a good wife while I’m away. They told me they had you tailed by a PI and he saw you kissing with another man, cheating on me, they said they only want to protect me. I didn’t believe them. Not after we’ve been dating for 3 years, not after I waited for our deal to finally come true for 3 years and only was a few days away from fulfilling it-”

His voice broke again and my mind trailed back.

So that’s how he made me to agree and date him… I forgot about that… About our deal…

————

(10 years earlier)

“You were trying to ask me out? But, I’m a guy….”

“It doesn’t matter. It was love at first sight for me when I see you at the opening ceremony last week, and I’ve been trying to find an opportunity to ask you out ever since. You are always staying in the classroom during the breaks, so I didn’t have the chance until now.”

“….. Love at first sight? With me? Aren’t you confused? How can you fall in love with another boy?”

“Haha, you sure ask a lot of questions! But I’ll answer. Yes, love at first sight. Yes, with you. No, I’m not confused. And for how can I fall in love with another boy… I just did, so I guess gender doesn’t matter.”

Gender doesn’t matter? Boys can fall in love with other boys?

“You never heard of gay or Bisexual people before?”

Gay? Bisexual?

“Haha, you are just too cute! How about, for now, you will give it a try? I mean dating me, of course.”

“Huh? But- but…huh?”

“Ok, I have an idea. Want to hear?”

“….ok…?”

This guy keep spouting insane things at a fast pace, I can’t keep up with him.

“How about, I will kiss you? If you will feel disgusted, I will not chase after your love anymore and we can stay friends, and if you won’t feel disgusted, you will give dating me a try. How about it? Make sense isn’t it?”

What he says actually seemed logical. There is no point in him chasing after me since I’m a guy and if I tell him I feel disgusted, he will become my friend and I won’t be alone anymore.

“I found your arguments logical so I agree.”

Although I spoke with confidence, my cheeks went pink with embarrassment and shyness. He looked happy and smiled charmingly again at me.

“Wait, this isn’t your first kiss, right?”

He suddenly paused, his face becoming serious.

“Of course it is. Why does it matter?”

“You don’t mind your first kiss being with me?”

What’s the big deal? I’m not like a girl and will make a big deal out for simply a kiss. What does it matter if it’s the first or not? Stupid.

“It doesn’t matter. Let’s get it over with so we can be friends.”

“So you don’t even consider the possibility of liking the kiss? I’m hurt.”

He put on a dejected face. I rolled my eyes at him.

“You want to kiss or not? The break will end in a few minutes.”

“I want! I want! Then close your eyes.”

“Why? Don’t try anything funny!”

He sighed at me.

“Don’t you think it’s weird to kiss someone with open eyes?”

“Oh, well… A bit, yeah…”

“So close your eyes.”

“Fine, but if you do anything funny I will haunt you after I’ll die.”

“Why only after you’ll die?”

“I’m no match for you now, but as a ghost, you won’t be able to touch me.”

“That’s sad, I want to always be able to touch you….”

My cheeks grew to a deeper shade of red and I looked away.

“You! How can you say such embarrassing things!”

“Haha, red sure suit you!”

“You know what? let’s just forget about the kiss! The break is about to-”

I didn’t have the chance to finish the sentence as my mouth was blocked with a kiss. BaiEn Mu’s lips warped around mine, soft and warm. The kiss itself was sweet and gentle, yet passionate and controlling. I found myself closing my eyes while enjoying myself, even wanting some more I reached with my hands and grabbed BaiEn Mu’s shirt, as if trying to pull him closer. Suddenly, the bell that signal the end of the launch break was heard and I regained my senses and cut the kiss short, slightly gasping from lack of air.

“You enjoyed the kiss, didn’t you?”

BaiEn Mu smirked at me.

“What make you say that?”

“For one thing, you are holding my shirt so tightly, and the other, I don’t think you can go to class looking like you do now. You should probably pretend to be sick and go to the infirmary until you will go back to normal.”

“Go back to normal?”

“You didn’t notice your little situation down there?”

Down there? Little situation?….wait, don’t tell me that…!

I looked down and he was right, I can’t go to class like this, actually even the infirmary is a bit far fetched now, I looked back up at BaiEn Mu helplessly.

“Oh god! What should I do?! I can’t be seen like this!”

I tightened my hold on his shirt, wrinkling it. We were still very close to each other, only a few centimeters away. The location I choose to seat at was very well hidden from everything, surrounded by trees and bushes. This is part of the reasons I chose this bench and now it saved me from farther embarrassments. It’s also a part of the reason I agreed to kissing even though we are outside.

“You want me to help you with it?”

“Huh?”

“It will go down faster this way, plus, I’m pretty sure it’s painful to be like this with jeans.”

It actually was painful, and waiting for it to come down normally will take longer, which means more pain, but what he was suggesting wasn’t really that good either.

“Just because I liked your kiss and the deal says we are dating now, doesn’t mean I will let you do stuff like that to me.”

“The deal?”

“Wasn’t it a deal? Then it doesn’t ma-”

“IT WAS, IT WAS!”

He cut me off quickly.

“Then we will date for now, until you will get bo-! What are you doing?!”

BaiEn Mu hugged me tightly, my small body being completely warped by his own. It took me by surprise so I didn’t resist.

“Don’t hug me so suddenly! We only know each other for a few minutes, plus….you are pressing ‘it’ down there, and it’s not making it better for me…”

It was already embarrassing enough that a simple kiss with someone who is almost a stranger, could make me like this, but now that our lower parts were pressed together, the situation got worse, much worse.

“Sorry, I got exited as well…”

My eyes went wide as I felt something big and hot pressed to my smaller one down there. I squealed in panic and pain since my jeans couldn’t contain the situation anymore and were now hurting me badly.

“Fuck, the pain!”

“Will you let me help you now?”

“You are practically a stranger, although we are dating. It’s too weird.”

“Don’t you want the pain to go away?”

I paused. The pain was unbearable and I really wanted it to go away, but letting a stranger touch me? He is also in the same situation like me, but isn’t complaining or asking for my help at all.

“Aren’t you also in pain?”

“I can take care of it easily. But you are already too much for it to work for you.”

“I see…”

“I want to use my mouth to help you.”

I was still in his hug but as soon as I heard those words I tried to break free in panic.

“No, no, no, no!”

His strong arms won’t let me get away and my movement just caused friction, making it worse again.

“Why not? It will feel really good, I promise.”

“That’s not the problem! We are both guys! We can’t do stuff like that!”

“We are dating now, if I can’t use my mouth because we are both guys, how can we do sex later on?”

“SEX?!?!?!?! HOW THE HELL WILL TWO GUYS HAVE SEX?!?!?!”

“Shhhh! You are shouting! What will we do if we are found like this?”

BaiEn Mu’s words made me cover my mouth with my hands, quieting immediately.

“Good boy. Now let me tell you. You are still a minor, so we can’t have sex anyway, but if we are still dating 3 years from now, I will definitely take your virginity.”

“Is that something you can tell to a stranger you met only 15 minutes ago?!”

I whispered angrily to him, only amusing him to my dismay.

“3 years is a long time. By then we will no longer be strangers.”

“Your logic have holes in it… Guys can’t have sex. We don’t have a ‘hole’ for doing that.”

“Think well, don’t you have a hole that can be used?”

“No…the only hole is the b-….. NO…?”

“Hahaha….yes.”

I could feel said hole tighten in pain at the thought of such things. I looked at him with horrified eyes.

“Never…”

“Huh? What did you day?”

“I will never, ever have sex with a guy!”

“Really? How about we make another deal?”

“Don’t wanna!”

“At least hear me out!”

“No! Don’t wanna!”

“Come on, don’t be like this…”

He coaxed me by softly patting my head until I calmed down.

“How did you do that? Do you have magical hands?”

“It depends, want me to show you their magic?”

“Yeah. I like magic.”

“Ok, but first the deal, ok?”

“Fine.”

He patted my head again before speaking.

“The deal is: if I can bring you pleasure now with only my mouth or hands, in three years, if we are still together, you must let me top you, if I cannot bring you pleasure now, we will break our relationship as a couple immediately, and remain as friends alone. Also, if I hurt you in any way, I will walk around school as I am right now. How about it? Sounds fair?”

That’s actually really fair, since if it hurts he will have to walk around school like this which is painful as well as will ruin any good reputation he might have.

“That sounds fair, but I’m still not sure about it…”

“How about I will also go with you later to talk to your teacher and tell her the reason you missed class is because of me? Missing class only one week after enrollment is not really acceptable here, you know.”

“….”

I totally forgot I’m missing class now!

“Fine. You broke me. Just get it over with.”

As I said that he smiled brightly, released his tight hug from around me and before I knew it, he was kneeling on the ground between my legs, his long fingers opening the zipper of my jeans for a period of time that seemed to take forever. My face that managed to regain their paleness before, we’re now once again deep red. I covered my face with my hands, too embarrassed to see what is happening. Suddenly, the cold wind was breezing on my exposed member, making me shudder. After all the pain, freedom felt great.

The sound of a camera taking a photo was also suddenly heard and I panicked. I opened my fingers slightly, looking at BaiEn Mu between my legs. For some reason he was recording the situation on his phone.

“What the hell are you doing? Did you think it’s funny to get me to an embarrassing situation and then record it in order to-mmm!”

Before I managed to complete my accusations, something warm and wet was warped around my member, making me moan in pleasure instead. BaiEn Mu’s mouth was warped around my member, and he was sucking on it while shooting the whole thing on video. For some reason, the thought of being recorded made me even more excited and more sensitive to his touch, and I found myself moaning in pleasure nonstop. He pulled his head back, freeing his mouth for a minute to talk to me.

“I am not recording your face, it’s on selfie mode. Jerk-off material for later.”

“I… I see…”

That’s a bit weird…maybe it’s something like his fetish. I heard most people have a secret fetish when it comes to sex and stuff like that.

In the end he continued until I came. I couldn’t deny the pleasure, so our relationship was kept, he took responsibility in front of my teacher for making me miss class as well. By the way, It seems he jerked off while doing that stuff for me so he was ok as well now.

Three years later we were still a couple. The stories of our struggles are innumerable, including a fight on who told who they loved him first, and more ridiculous stuff. Unfortunately, our happy times were over sooner then we thought.

About a week after BaiEn Mu introduced me to his parents, telling them we were planning to get married after I’ll finish high school in a months time, BaiEn Mu was involved in an accident and died. I participated in his funeral, spread his dust on the sea which he loved so much, and cried for so long I had to be hospitalized for dehydration and exhaustion. It took me 6 years of therapy to get over his death, and I was about to join the dating world again soon, listening to my psychologist’s advice.

But now, this. First, a picture of him as a MISSING person that didn’t make sense, and now, somehow, he is outside my door telling me it was all faked by his parents.

(present time)

“-They told me you were cheating on me and I didn’t believe them, I fully trusted you, then they showed me pictures, pictures of you kissing other guys, and I still didn’t want to believe them. After seeing my loyalty to you, they just used their connection to keep me from contacting you, from returning to the country. It took me seven years to build enough connection of my own to return to your side. By the way, I tried letting you know I’m alive by posting my picture as a missing person on your favorite brand of milk, I don’t know if you seen it. So, will you please open the door BaiAn Lang?”

I was crying like I never cried before. I thought I lost BaiEn Mu forever, and suddenly he was back by my side, alive and well. If this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up ever again.

I opened the door with tremblings hands, greeted by the sight of a familiar white smile.

“Ten years late and you still look the same with this stupidly charming smile of yours.”

I said those words with a trembling voice and tears covered face. He just smiled at me quietly before reaching both his hands and warping me in his warm hug.

———

(10 years later)

“Honey, don’t forget BaiAn Ling have the ballet performance tonight. You must come back before 8 PM, got it?”

“Got it, can’t miss our daughter’s first performance after all.”

After looking around to make sure BaiAn Ling wasn’t there, BaiEn Mu warped his hands around my waist and pulled me to a deep kiss. After a minute or two I pushed him away.

“Come on now, we both got work to do.”

“I know, but ever since we adopted BaiAn Ling 8 years ago it became hard to find time and kiss with you like this. We also stopped having date night this year since I got promoted, I just want some alone time with you…”

BaiEn Mu pouted at me, making me chuckle.

“Well, let these be our worries in life. And if you want some alone time, BaiAn Ling is going to sleep at her friend’s house after the performance tonight, so if you want we can do something about not having alone time together.”

I smiled at him suggestively and he kissed me again.

“DAD! Yack! Stop eating daddy’s face!”

A small voice was heard and we looked down to see a cute round face with big brown eyes, two black and straight ponytails and a pouting expression.

“Haha, ok, ok, I’ll stop. Are you ready for school Lingling?”

“Yeah, let’s go! You are dangerous to daddy!”

“Haha, why is dad dangerous to me?”

“Because if he keep eating your face I will have nothing left to kiss goodbye before school every morning.”

BaiEn Mu and I both bursted out laughing.

“How are you coming up with these stuff, God, hahaha.”

“No kidding…hahaha.”

“Hey, stop laughing! I’ll be late for school!”

We calmed down a bit and I walked with BaiAn Ling and BaiEn Mu to the door, kissing them both and waving at them as they got into the car.

That night BaiAn Ling’s performance was great, and my time alone with BaiEn Mu was not second to it at all.

I wished everyday would be like that.