My Self Insert Stash - Volume 2
-SI as a bloody horse. Yes you read it right, SI as a Horse (with some sort of gamer power/cheats) in Brockton Bay.
Sypnosis: ???
Rated: M
Words: 7.5K
Posted on: forum.questionablequesting.com/threads/blackjack-does-the-worm-or-how-armageddon-came-to-brockton.11395/ (Xahn)
PS: If you’re not able to copy/paste the link, you have everything in here to find it, by simply searching the author and the story title. It sucks that you can’t copy links on mobile ()
-I’ll be putting the chapter ones of all the fanfics mentioned, to give you guys a sample if you wan’t more please do go to the website and support the author! (And maybe even convince them to start uploading chapters in here as well!)
Chapter 1
It’s one thing to write about waking up somewhere unfamiliar, in a body that doesn’t belong to you, it’s an entirely different thing to have it actually happen to you. Of course, it couldn’t be as simple as being punted into a videogame character, or a D&D PC. No, you write one story about being reincarnated as a f.u.c.k.i.n.g horse
I pray to God ROB that I’m not in a death world like Remnant, Worm, 40k, Berserk, Fallout, or worse, the Monster Reincarnation CYOA world. Seriously, P.o.r.noland is the worst. I do not want to **** my way to victory.
Instead of laying in what appears to be a trash filled alley, I stand up, try to shake the despair off, and only succeed in knocking the garbage loose. “Wait when I wrote about this I made a joke about bad My Little Pony fics” I twist my head around to stare at my flank. There it was. A cutie mark. In the shape of a horseshoe. Or no God no please no? But there it was, a stark white Omega branded into my side.
I headbutt the side of the building, causing a worrying amount of damage to the brick work. Worm. F.u.c.k. I kick at the trash on the floor and unearth a newspaper, Brockton Bay Herald, January 11th 2011. I bang my head on the side of the building again, this time shards of stone dig into my forehead.
-1 HP
“Ow!” what the f.u.c.k. Did Do I have a health bar? …And that’s when I notice I have a full on HUD, Three color coded bars at the bottom, minimap in one corner compass along the top, and a f.u.c.k.i.n.g quest log in the other corner.
A Learning Experience
Open the Menu, You Dingus
Read the F.u.c.kmothering Tutorial
Do something other than standing in an alleyway beating your head against the wall you giant p.u.s.s.y.
Rude.
“Menu?” Nothing “System?” Nope. “Status” Ding
WELCOME
Yes, YOU DIED. How? Doesn’t Matter. I was bored. This is your Life now. If you play along I’ll be nice. If not? I’ll stick you in a time loop a la Doctor Strange, and feed you to Scion.
Okay, my menu is sentient and an evil asshole. And considering the text goes on and on probably a long winded one who likes the sound of his own voice too.
First order of Business! Leveling up! Don’t worry, you’re not a **** horse. You gain EXP Fighting things, Exploring things, Building things, Learning things and yes F.u.c.k.i.n.g things. Think of the system as the bastard child of Skyrim, The Gamer, and Fallout, in survival mode, on Hardcore difficulty and Ironman mode enabled. Yes you’re f.u.c.k.i.e.d. If you’re lucky, in the fun way too.
So lots of ways to earn experience, but I still need to eat and sleep, and if I f.u.c.k up and die, which’ll be easy, it’s game over? What did I do to deserve this?
Gain enough EXP and you get to level up. Now in most Survival mode Rpgs (and pre-Fallout 3 Bethesda games) you need to take a nap to level up. Naps are boring! And I’m not interested in watching horses take naps. No, I’m here to watch horses take bitches. You want to level up? You’re gonna need to c.u.m. Preferably in something pretty. But I’m a Generous Deity(You can call me B.O.B.A. F.E.T.T. (That’s Short for Bastard of an Omniscient Being And a F.u.c.k.i.n.g Evil Timebending Torturer. Yes it’s a stretch. I like it, so f.u.c.k you, oh wait I already am.), I’ll let you blow your load how you like wherever you like.
What, the actual, F.u.c.k. I’d ask whose sick idea of a joke this is but apparently he lives in my menus and is constantly spying on me like a demented Santa Claus who is shit at acronyms. That’s more of a stretch than the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division…
Granted, You’ll get some bonus points if it’s in a pretty little v.i.r.g.i.n. Or a MILF, or DILF, I don’t judge. I’m less interested if it’s in a mindbroken f.u.c.kslave, but if you break a toy that badly, I’ll probably have given you some points beforehand anyway.
NOW! Onto stats you have 13 they are:
Strength
Dexterity
Agility
Speed
Constitution
Endurance
Perception
Wisdom
Willpower
Intelligence
Charisma
Lewd
Luck
Click to expand…
That’s a lot of stats, and aren’t half of them redundant? Of course this bastard, would make things more complicated than he needed too.
They should be pretty self explanatory, but if you’re an idiot unsure open your status menu when I’m done talking and look them up.
You Gain 10 Hp, 5 Stat points,and 1 perk per level, with Bonuses for how much of a Babe your C.u.m receptacle of choice is. But B.O.B.A., I hear you whining, that doesn’t seem like enough points! And you’re right it isn’t! Lucky for you I’m a benevolent god, you can gain stats by using said stat. Want to be smarter? Think harder! Faster? Go running! Stronger? Do you even lift, bro?
at least he’s living up to his name. Geez what an asshole.
The Level cap is 50 by the way. Survive long enough to reach it? You get to evolve, like a f.u.c.k.i.n.g pokemon.Geddit? F.u.c.k.i.n.g Pokemon? You have no sense of humor. Somehow make it to your FINAL FORM without being turned into glue? The level cap rises to 9999.
Now as a little gift to you, I’ll give you some starting skills and perks based on the absolutely degenerate story I stole your body from. Go Check them out. I’m tired of you standing in a dark alley like an imbecile. Entertain me. Or else.
Good Luck, Horse-boy, you’re gonna f.u.c.k.i.n.g need it.
As soon as I read the last word the giant wall of text faded away. Hopefully never to return. Now I could actually see my menus and by default it opened to my stats page. The numbers aren’t encouraging.
Name Blackjack
Species Horselord
Class
Horse of the Apocalypse
Strength 15
Dexterity 4
Agility 14
Speed 19
Constitution 13
Endurance 11
Perception 21
Wisdom 4
Willpower 5
Intelligence 17
Charisma 5
Lewd 37
Luck
ERROR NAN
I can feel a vein on my forehead twitching at the name and class, but it’s the error that gets my attention. With an aggravated mental poke I open the Error message under luck.
You’re My Bitch. Do you think you have any luck outside what I allow you? Get a crackin’ before you get a smackin’.
Sighing, I turn to the trait menu:
L.u.s.t
Regain Health and Mana during s.e.x.
Greed
You can shove anything into your inventory for later use. Yes, even living things. Keep your bitches safe in your interdimensional pocket equivalent. No Carry weight limit, Just be careful trying to fit the Golden Gate Bridge in. Guaranteed Carmen Sandiego proof.
Wrath
All attacks are one tier higher in Power during combat.
Envy
If you want something, you instinctively know how to gain it for yourself. Sort of. (You have a quest log with hints, and quest markers. Actually succeeding That’s up to you.
Pride
Stat and perk gains doubled. Once a month you can reallocate your stats however you please.
Sloth
Time doesn’t pass while sleeping. Gain the full benefit of sleep with just a blink of your eyes. Want to sleep in? Feel like sleeping for a week? A year? Go ahead and do it!
Gluttony
Doubled health regeneration from eating. Your stomach is literally bottomless, and you gain a small amount of stats for each new thing you eat.
MAGIC
Yer a wizzard Horsey. Despite lacking hands, and not being in a setting where magic even exists you can still cast spells. Watch out, in a world without magic mana only regenerates naturally with s.e.x.
Aura
You Project a single emotion in a 12 foot radius at all times. Defaults to l.u.s.t, requires concentration to switch to another emotion. Has a minimum power strength. Power strength can be increased over the maximum with the use of mana.
Addictive
Your blood,sweat, tears, c.u.m, and pheromones are all addictive aphrodisiacs with a side of caffeine. Look you’re a talking horse, you want to get laid you’re gonna need all the help you can get.
Click to expand…
Okay Not as broken as MRCYOA but still s.e.x themed, unfortunately. I guess I can live with it. Note to self, do not give Dinah, or Vista piggyback rides, I’d rather not end up in prison, The Birdcage, or a glue factory.
I take a quick glance at skills, there’s not much there, to be honest. Sword fighting, stealth, three schools of magic (black, white, pink) and Aura which at level one pushes 1-10 points worth of a single emotion can’t be turned off, constantly generates exp if there’s anyone in range,and judging from the noise coming through the wall next to me and the little ding as it levels up ( gaining another 6 feet to the radius, and boosting the effect to 2-20 and there they go
With a sigh I force the slider down to its new minimum of two. The happy couple on the other side of the wall calm down as well.
Okay Brave New World, Here I come.
I almost feel sorry for Earth Bet
