My Status as an Assassin Obviously Exceeds the Hero’s - Chapter 165~Aspiration~ Tsuda Tomoya POV

I had always been weak.

I was extremely weak, not physically, but mentally.

Saying that I felt self-conscious, would that be somewhat easier to understand.

The thing that I’m most afraid of in this world was interacting with other people.

And, I hated myself the most.

I had always wanted to be manly, but recently, I have gotten used to being mistaken as a girl.

It’s not something I should be used to.

Although I did not seem like a man, I had someone whom I admired.

Asahina Kyrousuke-kun who was in the same class as me, and the same kendo club in which he had been the ace since he was a first-year student.

I met Asahina-kun when I was in junior high.

I, who could not reject the enthusiastic invitation to the club when I enrolled into my junior high school, joined the kendo club as a beginner.

TN: Junior high is like middle school, the grades between elementary and high schools. Starting from junior high, after the enrollment ceremony for the new students, various clubs would put up tables not unlike a fair, to recruit new members.

Even now, I still think that I’m a beginner, but I hated the parts of me that I was self-conscious about, and wanted to fix it.

If I did some type of sports, or some type of martial arts, wouldn’t I gain some self-confidence.

That was what I had believed at the time.

…the result was as you could see.

Fortunately, the junior high kendo club was, if I may say so, not that strong, and for the girls, there was only one person who had practiced kendo since elementary school.

The training was one that I, who had no stamina, could barely keep up with, and there were not many people in the club, so in the fall of my first year, I competed in the championship match for the first time.

As the one who competed fourth in the team competition, I matched up against Asahina, a first-year student who beat a third-year student in the individual match that was held in the morning, in the first round of my first match.

My first match, shrinking from the reverberating sounds and voices within the gymnasium, I, who did not watch the individual matches, knew that Asahina-kun would be the victor when I was being comforted by my senpai.

A veteran who won the individual matches, and I who was a beginner at my first championship game, the outcome was clear as day, and ten seconds hadn’t even passed since the match began when two points had been taken and I lost.

This was probably what they called “as fast as lightning”, which was what I recall absentmindedly thinking.

When I came back to my senses, I had bowed and left the ring. Standing next to my senpai, I took off my mask, and then bowed once again with my senpai who had finished their matches before I knew it.

TN: in any Japanese sports match, you would bow to the opponent before and after the game. So here, Tsuda bowed once after his individual match with Asahina and then together with his team to signal the end of the match between his school and Asahina’s. 

The result was a crushing defeat.

My school couldn’t even take a single point from our rival school, and was eliminated after the first match.

As the next match was about to begin, we quickly packed up our gear, not even having the time to be frustrated over our loss, but at that time, the substitute on Asahina-kun’s team said this.

「They’re not even our opponents. If it’s like this, then wouldn’t it be more worthwhile to have a match with elementary school students?」

I remembered that when I heard these words, I fell into a blind rage for the first time in my life.

Silent, my senpai next to me were gnawing on their lips in frustration as well.

However, I did not say anything.

Even though I felt angry, my own self-conscious disposition put a stop to it and I couldn’t even refute it.

I, who was not very good at speaking with other people, was quickly compelled to accept the situation.

I felt disappointed in myself, and hung my head.

「You want to go up against elementary school students? Then, you can just quit the club and go to a nearby dojo, right.」

Hearing those unexpected words, it was a matter of course for me, but my senpai also lifted their heads with their jaws dropped.

Or rather, for some reason, the substitute was extremely surprised as well.

He wasn’t scolding them; that person who merely spoke his mind had a strange look on his face, and was straightforwardly looking at the substitute.

Honestly saying what was on your mind, was something that required courage to do so.

I don’t know about ordinary people, but at the very least, this was the case for me.

Asahina-kun probably did not mean anything by it, but it was a situation in which he may be hated by that person if one was careless, and I thought that Asahina-kun who straightforwardly spoke this thoughts was cool.

Ever since then, even though we were in different schools, I admired Asahina-kun who I sometimes saw at the competition venues.

When there was someone who possessed something that you did not, people displayed two different reactions.

Envy and admiration.

I was the latter.

I wanted to be like Asahina-kun, and be able to directly say what I thought.

I wanted to be like Asahina-kun, manly.

I thought that it was presumptuous of me to admire Asahina-kun, but even so, I couldn’t stop that feeling.

Holding such admiration, I still had my shortcomings, but before I realized it, we were in the same high school, the same class, and the same club.

Asahina-kun competed in the National Competition, so I thought that he would go to a kendo championship school, but when I saw Asahina-kun at the same high school I went to, I was truly surprised.

TN: by kendo championship school, he means a school that has a strong kendo team that can win championships and trophies

According to the rumors, it seems that the school was too far away from his house, so he didn’t want to go.

Truly, thank you for recommending this high school, my junior high homeroom teacher.

I had no idea what he was talking about during mathematics, but his skill in choosing high schools was top notch.

In any case, I admired Asahina-kun.

Due to that natural airhead personality of his, every time he spoke, he touched on other’s sore spots, which was something that I didn’t comprehend, but maa, there was nothing I could do about that either.

I came to this world with Asahina-kun, and I felt that the distance widened even further.

I was afraid every time we were in combat, and despite the fact that my occupation was that of a knight, I was still working as the rear guard.

It may be that Satou-kun and Asahina-kun were too strong compared to the monsters, but I had never stood before a monster except that first time in the Continent Dungeon.

No, that wasn’t the case.

Although I said that I wanted to change the me who was weak, in the end, ever since junior high, I hadn’t learned anything nor did I change anything.

Even when I came to this world, I took the easy way out and just had Satou-kun and Asahina-kun protect me.

That’s why, I had found myself in such a predicament.

「Tsukasa-kun!! Tsukasa-kun, don’t move! Your wound will open! 」

I was the only one who was barely able to stand up.

Satou-kun was unconscious due to the heavy injuries, but even so, he was trying to stand up to protect us.

Ueno-san, who was frantically trying to stop him, also had an injury in her leg that couldn’t be considered light, and couldn’t run away.

The shield that I had equipped had shattered into tiny pieces just now.

And currently, we were surrounded by monsters that camouflaged as trees.