Natasha the Halve - 108 – Some cope with humor.

“Do you have anything planned?” I asked when we reached the building’s lobby.

Pokora sighed. “I wanted to seek your wisdom, O, mighty Protector,” she joked.

I chuckled and looked around.

Hanna was nowhere to be found, much to my surprise.

I can wait a bit, I concluded. “Let’s sit and wait for Hanna,” I offered, pointing at the seats near the entrance.

Pokora nodded and followed me.

We sat down at a table, keeping the entire hall within sight.

The smell from the stables just outside the main door were surprisingly not present. Maybe some enchantment prevented the odor from going in, which was nice.

As soon as we made ourselves comfortable, the concierge of the morning shift, a Faeton Elf, approached us.

“Good morning, esteemed guests,” she greeted us with a polite smile.

“Morning,” I greeted back with a nod.

“Azh vatar,” Pokora replied.

The concierge’s smile turned genuine and gave the Archer a nod. “We offer a selection of beverages for guests, if you’d like.”

“Then I’ll have tea, please,” the Elmari Elf requested.

“Blue Point, Hazel Tree, or Glevaz?” The Faeton Elf inquired.

“Glevaz,” Pokora replied.

The concierge nodded and turned to me.

“Same,” I said, assuming they were either brands or types or tea.

“I’ll come back with your order shortly,” she informed us, then bowed and left.

We observed the woman walk towards the counter and disappear behind a door.

“This place is pretty good,” Pokora praised with an approving nod.

“Mhm,” I hummed in agreement. “Anyway, back to what matters.”

The Elf turned to me and nodded. “Any advice on where to take Yolin?”

I scratched my jaw, thinking for a bit. “I mean, I can’t really tell you where to exactly take her since I barely know the city,” I pointed out. “I assume you already know she likes drinking alcohol, fighting, and food.”

Pokora nodded and leaned back on the chair. “Naturally,” she confirmed.

“She likes meat,” I added. “And I mean 5A meat, though she still enjoys dungeon meat. You know what I mean.”

She nodded. “Right. So, a fancy restaurant?”

I winced a little. “More like a BBQ place if you find one. A good one that’s popular, but not…” I struggled to find the word. “Posh?”

Pokora closed her eyes and chuckled. “That’s a word I haven’t heard in a long while,” she muttered and opened her eyes.

I stared at her for a second. “I bet,” I muttered.

She stared back. “Your eyes are so weird,” she commented. “How can you see with a line across your pupil?”

“I actually can’t,” I lied. “You see, I have an aura around me that tells me when something is approaching.”

Her eyebrows went up and she nodded. “Even if it’s something far away?”

“It has SSS+ range,” I explained with a shrug. “Around ten thousand kilometers.”

“Impressive,” she deadpanned.

“I can even know when you’re doing naughty things in your room,” I joked. “No enchantment can obstruct the all-seeing eye of Sau… I mean, Natasha.”

“Are you perhaps looking for a small man carrying a ring?” She joked back.

“Anyway,” I sighed. “I’m all for you derailing the conversation, but let’s stick to it.”

Pokora sighed.

“Who’s next after you seduce Yolin with your evil hands?” I teased her.

She blinked a few times. “You’re thinking too far ahead,” she blurted out. “I’ll need time to cool down after today.”

I nodded. “And that’s fine, but it has nothing to do with what I asked.”

Pokora sighed again, but longer. “Honestly, I think Lapia will pursue me shortly after. Those are some predatory eyes she got.”

I sagely nodded. “Indeed, young one. You are but a lamb, unknowingly throwing yourself to the slaughter.”

“Alas, I will lose my purity before you manage to dig your fangs on me,” she dramatically lamented, bringing a hand to her forehead.

I shrugged. “I have nothing against sloppy seconds.” I winced at my own words.

Pokora covered her mouth and held back a laugh. “No, Natasha,” she croaked. “That’s the peak of cringe.”

I chuckled. “I know, it hurt just saying it.”

The Archer chuckled for a while, then calmed down. “So, in all seriousness,” she sighed. “I’m not a fan of toys, you see. I prefer the warmth of people.”

I smiled. “You have something in common with Yolin, then,” I teased her.

The Elf blushed and smiled. “Good to know.”

I took a deep breath and let out a long sigh while running my hands through my hair. “I don’t share the sentiment, but I totally understand it.”

“Any tips on Lapia?” Pokora asked next, giving me a knowing look.

I scoffed. “I didn’t survive her,” I pointed out. “You’re asking the wrong person.”

She covered her mouth. “Oh, my. Are you that easy of a woman, Natasha?”

“You have no idea,” I assured her. “I am the sluttiest of sluts, I’ll have you know.”

The concierge popped out of the door carrying a platter. She approached us and set the table, then produced a pot and placed it between me and Pokora. Cups and saucers were next. After that, she produced a small metallic bottle and put it next to the tea along with a container.

“Thank you,” Pokora told her.

“Yeah, thanks,” I said with a smile.

The concierge smiled and left.

Pokora served herself some tea and brought the cup to her lips.

I poured tea in my cup. “Remember that video of the guy juggling apples, where he bit them every time he grabbed one?”

Pokora nodded and took a sip.

“I did that with dicks,” I confessed.

The Elf choked and spat her tea all over me.

I produced a napkin and cleaned my face. “Well… it usually ended like this, but much happier.”

“Pffftt!” Pokora covered her mouth. “Hahahaha!”

“Come on,” I complained, changing my shirt. “Control yourself.”

She calmed down and cleared her throat. “I’m sorry about that…” she muttered while wiping her mouth.

I nodded. “They used to say that too,” I recalled with a smile.

Pokora closed her eyes and chuckled. “Please stop.”

I sighed. “Yeah… got a bit carried away. Anyway, you’re on your own with Lapia.” I looked at her. “Unless she makes you uncomfortable?”

She shook her head. “Nah, she’s fun if anything. Kinda pushy, but in the good way.”

“Good,” I muttered and checked the contents of the bottle.

It was milk.

I brought the bottle close to my cup and Pokora placed her right hand on top of it, blocking the milk.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” She demanded in a serious tone. “That’s a sin.”

My eyes widened a little. “You’re joking, right?”

She shook her head. “Not at all.”

“Sheesh!” I put the milk away. “Fine.”

“This is Glevaz tea,” she chastised me. “You don’t put anything in it unless you’re an actual psycho.”

“Alright, I got it,” I conceded with a chuckle. “Fucking hell.”

She harrumphed and took a sip of her cup. “Ah, that’s the good shit.”

I sighed and drank some.

It was bitter, a little sweet, and earthy. Good tea.

“So, after your inevitable fall to Lapia, who’s next?” I inquired while taking another sip.

“Probably you,” she revealed.

I nodded. “Sure. Why not Alyssa, though?”

Pokora squinted her eyes at me. “Alyssa scares me a little.”

I froze for a second, then looked her in the eye. “Why?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. She has that aura about her, you know. Women with big breasts are dangerous… in a way.”

I gave her a confused look. “The fuck you on about? She’s the sweetest woman I know,” I argued, defending my girlfriend.

Pokora nodded. “That’s how they lure you in,” she whispered in a conspiracy-like tone.

I glanced at the Elf’s chest. “Is this some deep-rooted envy speaking? Have you forgotten everything about being allies instead of competitors?”

“I haven’t,” she scoffed. “And it’s just an impression… I’m not saying that’s how she is. Just the feeling I get from her.”

“Hmph!” I shook my head. “You better.”

“And well…” Pokora thought for a second. “With how my older sister and mother turned out… I may be speaking too early. My future is bright on that aspect, at least.”

I took a sip of tea. “What do you mean?”

“I’ll have big Elf milkies, too,” she commented with a smirk.

I stared at her, then at her humble chest, then back at her. “How?”

She chuckled, “Genetics, my dear Futasha.”

I frowned. “What’s with that nickname?”

“Futanari, Natasha… Futasha,” she supplied. “You insist on calling me Poko-Poko, so I came up with a cringe nickname too.”

I nodded, a little impressed. “Fitting,” I commented. “So not all Elves are the same size?”

Pokora sighed. “Okay, first of all, that’s racist? Check your privilege.”

I chuckled and shook my head. “Fuck off.”

She smiled. “Any tip for you?”

I nodded. “Yeah, let’s skip that and go to the sack right away.”

“My, oh my,” she laughed. “That desperate for this?”

I sighed dramatically. “I’ve never felt the touch of a woman. I crave that Elfussy.”

We laughed at that.

I sighed. “But yeah, going out for a drink would be nice.”

Pokora nodded. “Noted.”

I drank more tea. “You know, you don’t have to speedrun the four of us. I know Lapia will jump headfirst, but don’t feel forced and all that.”

“That’s so nice of you,” she sobbed. “I feel like spreading my legs for you right away.”

I stared at her for a second. “You’re really nervous about today, huh?”

She blushed and slowly nodded. “Very.”

“Keep the sex jokes to a healthy minimum,” I advised her. “Yolin gets clingy after a few drinks, so if that’s not something you like, you now know to avoid it. Maybe take her out to eat, then have a sparring session, and end it with a visit to a tavern or pub or bar. Not necessarily in that order.”

Pokora nodded. “Okay.” Her face turned deep red and continued. “When do I tell her I like her?”

I shrugged. “Whenever you feel comfortable? I don’t know about that. My first meeting with her wasn’t exactly romantic if I’m honest. We met, fought, then kissed. All within like half an hour.”

She sipped her tea and sighed. “I wish this was that simple.”

An idea popped in my head. “You could… make a form,” I suggested. “You know, the one you make to find partners. Like, you make one and give it to Yolin, and in the ‘interests’ section you write her name.”

She looked into my eyes and a smile slowly formed on her face. “That’s… actually not a bad idea,” she agreed.

“You could also put cheesy shit like ‘My target is your heart’ and shit, since you’re an Archer,” I excitedly pointed out.

Pokora winced. “They don’t have cupid here, or anything like it. That’d make me look like a psychopath.”

“Ah,” I uttered in disappointment. “That’s a shame.”

“They don’t have the cute hearts either,” she lamented.

I nodded. “Yeah, I know. Chocolate hearts were a big miss for me.”

We kept quiet for a while, sharing the tragedy that is the loss of traditional ways to express love and affection.

Steps coming from the entrance caught our attention.

We turned and saw Hanna walking into the lobby… Followed by six Watchers.