Negative -Girls: To Live And Die - Chapter 16

Inside a room without any girls.

What do you call being alive is? Maybe a person or dog inhaling and exhaling oxygen, moving, and eating, is what you call alive? But I doubt only breathing thing we think is alive. What about your undependable car? Your silent doll? Do you call it a he or she? What’s up with that, calling unmoving and not eating thing as if it is…us.

Or maybe being alive means just simply being there and here. Exist. Seen. Known. Even though you are not breathing, unmoving, and not eating. Like Albert Einstein; he’s long dead but people are still talking about him in any type of feeling–admiration or hate–but despite him being a story of your great, great grandfather mother told you at night, isn’t he dead, isn’t he NOT alive? But he’s still here and there as if he’s still among us and the world.

Then, is your doll or dead Albert Einstein is alive?

Whichever you think is correct, it wouldn’t matter now. I’m supposed to be the only living being inside the room but the table and couch and window and wall are staring at me. Asking as if they have mind, what is the tutor doing here? If he has not one of his students is here.

That’s right, wall. It seems even Sohee is still not here yet.

Why not give Sohee a call? Asks table.

One, she may be busy and two fuck you, table.

Window laughs, you’re still mad at him about you tripping on his legs.

Which leg, the table says.

Enough, I say, I’m not sad or sulky. I’m confused about what to do now. If this keeps up, Life’s knife would find its dick inside my heart again. Should I find the girls or what? Why not a person is here? Did they die somewhere? Even Shizuka is not here. Or she may be late–but that never happened yet.

Shizuka–the only student who attended (Sohee) my lessons for these past days.

Bracketing of the devil, Sohee opens the door and, with a heavy body slams herself on the other couch. I swear her ass jiggles with the springs and mattress for a second there.

She lets out a joyful groan, “this is the best. Resting. Freed from work. The student council is very suffocating these past weeks.” She glances at me, “forgive me, Sunbae. I just feel to be like this again.

It is rare to see Sohee relaxing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her unbuttoned her coat and reveals the elegant white blouse. The ‘again’, of course, is never to me.

“I’m never really bothered, you look sexier when you’re more relax.”

Our eyes kiss each other for a whole minute.

Throwing away her red face, Sohee tries to help herself from the awkwardness with a sudden obvious question. “The girls are not here, yet.”

“Shizuka is not here,” I correct her.

Sohee shakes her head, “don’t worry, Sunbae. I’m sure the girls will come around with you. It’s…It’s just they must have need some little time to themselves.”

She almost looks at me, “a-anyway Sunbae are you going to take the lesson today?”

Delaying the time to think of an answer, I take the can of soda and slips it in my tongue. It doesn’t taste sweet but weird.

Speaking of weird, Sohee is acting differently today if that’s not obvious. Her face is rosier than other days I’ve been with her. Her baseball legs are swaying in the air. Her eyes darting around as if to catch time and stop everything so she could feel safe. But safe from what? There’s nothing and no one in here that could harm her. Other than me and herself.

I put the can down, “if you’re not busy, I would rather you take the lesson.”

“Oh, okay.” With a why she obey. With a wry smile, she says, “I’ve never got to see you in action, Sunbae.”

I see. The line is indirectly pointed out to covey her inner question. She found herself as if being used. But why is someone as awesome as me–or the old user precisely, is avoiding his responsibility, pushing it to her as if I’m a senior in an office, and slams down my paperwork on her newly appointed desk.

“I was in action all the time when you’re teaching Shizuka.”

She put a questioning look.

I have to convince her. I have to lie. I have to be an asshole.

I get up, walk to the space beside her face, and point the soft red out, looking at the confused eyes. “Is this spot also taken?”

She quickly sits up, tucking a pink strand over her ear. “N-no.”

“Sorry,” I say as if feeling guilty but sit, however. “Anyway, back to our topic. I have a different approach to make the girls better.”

Sohee rubs her sleeve, waiting for my explanation more. She is about to open her mouth when I ask her first.

“Have you ever thought why all the tutors can’t stay longer than a week or two in here, making no significant progress at all?”

Again, her mouth jerks, and I cut in first as if taking Claire’s role is not enough for me. “It’s never about the which is the better or right tutor. It’s about which of us come up with the best method to cover their flaw.”

“Their flaw?”

I nod, “you must have seen their. Mei is always anxious around her surrounding. Shizuka always tries to put others in a miserable shape. Carrie always put herself first than anything or anyone. And Claire just doesn’t give a care to everything.” I give a few seconds for Sohee then continue, “this is what the least I’ve seen. But it’s not enough. I have to see more. Why they can’t improve.” Of why could they live and die so unsatisfactory to the world.

Our eyes lock at each other again, “I’m not helping the school, Sohee. I want to help ‘them.’”

Her lips etch up. “Idiot,” she says, “saying something cool like that. Who wouldn’t have a crush on you.”

…

If that is supposed to be a ‘she mumbles’ or ‘she thinks,’ it doesn’t sound like it.

But her tomato face is getting closer. Her lips are puckering out. Her fist acts as her heart on her deliciously marshmallow-looking chest.

Wherever this is going, I like it already.

I catch her lips.