Negative -Girls: To Live And Die - Chapter 19

Knock. Knock.

Clatter.

Knock. Knock.

KNOCK.

Grunt.

Jiggling.

Click.

Creak.

Urg.

As I turn around my weak body on the bed, I see an adorable girl with her pajamas, holding silver rods. Her hair is unkempt. The eyes were fully awake, and she do not like to see what’s in front of her. Me, still on my bed.

Lilly says in her jolting voice, “are you seriously still on your bed? It’s afternoon twelve.”

Is it twelve already? I try to look for an alarm clock but I’m not in a japanese drama, so I begin to look at the window. Ah, drapes. Too lazy to open it in this distance; I have to walk. Groaning, I decide to feel around the bed for my phone. I couldn’t before the comfortable bed hugged me to sleep once again.

“Wen!”

And her voice wakes me up once again.

I try to look her in the eye, only one of my eyes escapes, “yo…” yawn, “still in your cute pajama?”

She scowls, “don’t call anything about me cute, brother. And I see your sarcasm there. You’re just mocking me.” She comes closer to me, “let’s not talk about why I just woke up five minutes ago.”

You’re right, let’s talk about how oversized your pajama is.

“But,” she continues, “let’s talk about how an adult can still be on his bed. It’s afternoon.”

“You said that.”

“I could say it thrice.”

That’s a nice threat, not gonna lie. Three is worse than one.

But not enough. I can sleep how long I want to. Due to my age and capability to make a decision and the fact that it’s Saturday goddammit.

I turn around from her and pull my blanket over my head.

It’s not like I don’t want to wake up, spending time with my cute sister is fun in this life, distracting me from what’s actually going on. But as many author in a light novel love to put if they think of a person and a bed, the gravity around my bed is heavier.

It is, of course, very relatable. It’s just a bit off, don’t you think?

If you ask me then, it is not gravity’s work, but ours. The real reason is you might have a desire to die. That’s right, just like to sleep you have to pretend to sleep, To die you have to pretend to die. How? Dead people couldn’t wake up. So lying is the best faking it ’til you make it, and also slumbering on a bed is as comfortable buried beneath the earth. Don’t believe it, why don’t you try? Dig a hole, put yourself in.

Sometimes people can’t accept that. Lilly shakes my body as if a naive daughter digging her mother’s grave with her nails.

My blanket goes out and I am zombied.

“Five more minutes,” I suggest.

And completely reject, “YOU’RE AN ADULT, WAKE UP!”

I thought with that small body of her she wouldn’t pose a threat but dammit, she’s a pikachu. Her grips are strong, refreshing me that she’s a goddam karate master, and pulls me off the bed. My cheek met the cold floor. Again.

“What’s wrong with you these days?” she glares down at me, “always waking up late and depends on me to pull you off the bed as if you’re still onto your teenager self. I thought you’ve changed.”

I sit up and scratch my head so hard as if there’s something stuck inside.

Lilly just doesn’t like what I do. “You’re going bald if you keep scratching like that. Is changing your whole appearance is your plan, too?”

“No, no,” she shakes her head, “you changed again.” she studies me as if I’m a piece of a puzzle, “did being a tutor change someone that much?”

“I didn’t change.” I lie.

She lets out a doubtful face, “talking about wanting to rest forever or something close to the idea of dying, since when are you into those kinds of thing?”

I finally get up, rising above her. “Joke,” I explain untrue.

“Whatever.”

If this is any other morning, ‘whatever’ is a queue for her to leave with an annoyed expression, but today seems special. She stands with her falling sleeve hugs under her flat chest.

Does she want something?

“Don’t give me that look.”

“I mean, it’s Saturday.” What can I do? There’s no lesson today. I’m just as useless as a child waiting for food.

“The trash still exists even on Saturday.”

Oh yeah, Saturday means taking out thrash.

But my body feels greasy. “I want to take a shower. Can do later?”

“Great idea. Wash the dishes and then take out the trash?”

“Shower.”

“You don’t need that.”

If showering is a need then she’s true.

But did she say something other than thrash?

“Dishes and thrash?”

“Yeah,” I give her a disbelief look. She always does the dishes. And I do the thrash. She continues, “if not, then who would?”

I’m not smart but, “you?”

“Absolutely not,” she glares as if to emphasize that, “I never take out the trash, it’s your responsibility in this house.”

“Dishes?”

She punches my shoulder, so owychy. “I’m going to be late for my karate lesson so help me. It’s the least you can do for making me your alarm clock something.”

Not my ideal little sister wake-up call but all right.

And please don’t use the word ‘responsibility’ if you have to abandon it, too. But I can understand that learning how to punch the shit out of people is better than wiping plates.

“All right,” I sigh. Pulling out my shirt, thinking becoming topless could end this conversation.

She rolls her eyes, “whatever.” her eyes scan my body skin, “Consider working out soon.”

Hey, I’m not even fat. The only thing this body lacks is hard abs. I don’t need that if I’m equipped with big meat.

She left the room.

I take out my towel and walk out to the bathroom. But the shower is on, pattering the floor.

Lilly is inside.

That’s fast.

*–*—*–

“What are you doing?” says Lilly as she leaves the bathroom with a white towel that wraps her small fresh, lavandered body.

What am I doing?

Did I blank out?

Lilly still awaiting my answer. I shrug and come out for an excuse of why am I being a creep brother who seems to peek at her little sister in the bath, “waiting.”

“Can’t you do the dishes first?”

“Shower.”

As if had enough of wasting her time, she groans and says quickly, “make sure you do the dishes after.”

Her small footsteps slowly fade and disappear after a door closes.

I take a cold shower. Thoughts fall off my skin. Bad thoughts. Like when I see Lilly’s wet toothbrush. Like when I watch the mirror. Like when I watch the water pouring. Like when I watch the scissors hanging beside the sink.

Taking a shower is dangerous.

So I ended it sooner.