Negative -Girls: To Live And Die - Chapter 41

“Yes, I’m her homeroom teacher,” she looks interested in what my mouth is going to say, clasping her white hand to her good-lord chest.

Rude as I am inside, I wouldn’t be so bold to show it outside.

I can’t just ask her ‘where is Carrie now’ or ‘why is she so self-centred and stupid,’ that’d make me sound like a stalker, or a tutor who already had fallen for her teenage client so I use a different approach, milder, “how’s Carrie doing lately?”

“Carrie? Carrie Alter?” She grimaces, “well, the fact that she’s still in the reconcile program, not looking very stable. If I’m right, she’s going absent today, again.”

“Again?”

She sighs as if speaking about Carrie has made some weight in her heart. Xiao walks to her desk, looks around the colourful files and pulls the blue ones. She opens it, knowing full well I can’t see when she puts the file under her breast.

But I’m a man who can control himself, if not for those traits I had fucked Sohee in the reconcile room back then. I get a glimpse of the list of students for each page she flips.

She doesn’t stop flipping or change the pace, but I could feel the time slowing down when my eyes noticed Claire’s (the Crime Syndicate’s Daughter) profile passed.

If I’m right, only the homeroom teacher has the file for the list of students only for her class. It means Carrie and Claire are in the same class, H-3.

That’s a progress.

“If we see here,” she says, spoken like a teacher, which she is, “Carrie has been absent for two days. That makes it thrice if she’s not in the class today.”

“I suppose you don’t know why.” I can’t think of a single way Carrie told her teacher anything. Why other people need to care of our whereabouts anyway?

“We usually give them a call if it reaches more than three days. So, again, if she’s absent today I’m going to call her or her guardian.”

She notices my disappointment, “I–I’m sorry.”

“She’s been absent from the lesson, too.”

Xiao doesn’t reply because all I said was something obvious logically. Like I said, I need to make some impression, like, a tutor who passionately wants to teach his students but hard to because of my gender. A good plot to be sympathized by other. The more people see you like a lost puppy, the more likely they’ll cooperate with you. Human is just human, we believe in lie in fear for the truth.

“Do you,” I pick on her sunflowers, “know where I can find her?”

She tilts her head and blinks, “ah,” as if figured it out, she clears her throat. “Are you asking for her address?”

“Not actually but if that’s where she is then, yes.” People are not always at home anyway. Carrie could be somewhere around…I don’t know, arcade?

Xiao gulps down and slightly bows, “I am sorry, but as her teacher I’m responsible to keep their personal information safe.”

“Is that so?” I wouldn’t say she’s useless, that’d be blaming her for life’s disappointment. You can’t get what you want, that’s what life’s happiness is all about. Failure is what keeps us enjoying life. May sound masochist there but that wasn’t my point.

“Then, thank you and sorry to take your time,” I hesitate to either bow or just walk away, first polite second cooler.

Xiao crumples her face and twitches her lips. As it seems, she has to say something. Obligated maybe.

But I guess I’m too cool to stay so I turn around and ready to walk around the city on the look for a girl with dragon’s eyes. Good thing she’s…unique. It’s going to be easy catching someone with a dragon’s tail.

“Excuse me but,” her hand tries to reach me but getting my attention by touch is unnecessary when her voice is enough to turn my body around. Who knows, maybe she wants sex. I can cooperate with that.

Her body leans forward as if she’s going to say something top-secret that will change everything I thought was real now.

‘I’m free, can we have sex?’

“I’m free for half an hour now…do you have some time to chat?”

Different approach, eh? I can respect it.

“All right,” ready whenever you are.

She shakes her head, “not here.”

Oh, of course what am I thinking? Bed is all right, but I think on desk is hotter. But we’re both no exhibitionist.

She tilts her head, “why are you slapping your forehead?”

I didn’t answer that and she couldn’t care enough.

We walk out of the office and I find myself following a desirable female yet again.

The sun has the angle to blast my eyesight now. Why are we outside? Does she actually like to do it on public?

We find ourselves in the middle of a sheltered path to the GYM (knows by the look of it. It’s the second big building and also because there’s a sign pointing to it.) I thought we’re going there but she stops, looking at the field on our left side. Personally I like the right side because a couple of girls are there picking up littered thrash something.

“I–Im sorry for bringing you all the way out here.”

I shake my head, that’s not what you should apologize for. I’m still imagining our public skin-to-skin courses. But of course I had my doubts from the very first you asked to talk somewhere else.

“It’s good, I’m enjoying the trip anyway.”

She chuckles, “you’re a very likeable person, aren’t you?”

I am?

Her chuckle deflates into a sigh, “maybe that’s why they think you’re a better tutor.”

‘They’ here I can guess she’s indicating the negative girls. If that is so, then no, you may be thinking I got the position in a fair and pure trial (what they call ‘the recognition session’) but let’s just say, faking it until you make it has always been my favourite strategy to solve problems. If you’re sad and horny, just use porn and onahole.

She turns around with a tight face, her sunflower blooms into a real sun. “Why,” her voice tightens, “why do you want to teach them?–

“If–If you don’t mind me asking,” she gasps as if her own question suprises even herself.

The questions could be answered easily. Money (lie). But looking at her, she’s hoping it wouldn’t come out from me. I can give you that. I didn’t come to meddle in this forced life for money. I could burn them if that’s not going to call the justice league.

Because if I choose not to, I will never ever will

Die.

Her orange pupils dive deep into my head.

“It’s only human,” I say and snap her out of whatever deep thought she has, “to feel sympathize and help those who’re falling behind.”

She doesn’t say anything as if my words are some kind of chess puzzle.

All…right? I guess I can wait.

The girls behind us pass us, making their footsteps and discreet chats fill our silence.

“Isn’t that Miss Xiao?” one of them whispers.

“Is that her boyfriend?” says another.

‘Maybe her fiancee,” “But they don’t even wear a match ring,” “Yet. He looks handsome though,” “a perfect match for Miss Xiao, I agree.” Their chuckles fade.

“So you know it too…” Xiao starts with a sigh. She turns back to the field again. “The girls are…” she gulps down and choose a different word. But I can guess the word, I’m good with word. Broken, the girls are broken.

“The girls have something wrong with them. I know that,” she rubs her sleeve, “because I was once their tutor, too.”

That explains why Shizuka and her seemed mutual back then.

She continues, “At least it was an achievement to last three months there. I got to know each of them.

“But then they kick me out.”

She glances at my chest, “do you know why?”

“I don’t.” Maybe because you’re not immortal like me and have the gods forced you to do it.

Again she faces the field, “this is where I fail them.”

“This…field?”

She nods, “Shizuka and Claire were burying a cat on that part,” she points and I couldn’t pin point exactly where it is and I refuses to try. But more importantly, Sadistic Shizuka and Claire the crime syndicate’s daughter…read that again, have the heart to bury a cat? Maybe they’re better than me, I don’t even know if I feel guilty stepping on a dead cat, maybe I already had.

“It’s a stray, they told me.

“So it’s okay to throw it out the window.”

Woah, what the fuck.

Instead of asking, I look for answers.

I look up the building and find a familiar big window. The reconcile room is up there where she pointed.

So my guess is…

The girls throw the cat down and bury it afterward?

She takes a breath, “I went mad that time, and unfortunately for me, that day was the last day of the month. They have the reason to kick me out.”

I touch her shoulder, “well, evidently it’s not your fault.” or the girls, even I have the belief that cats are supposed to land on their feet. Well, maybe not with that height, reconcile room is three floors up and we’re talking about White Book’s building here.

“I wonder,” she says, “if I were to approach them differently and…more rationally, I still could the position and help them.”

She turns at me and I pull off my hand.

“Do you think you can do it?”

To respond to her sad eyes I smile, “I am doing it.”

Her lips are relief to hear my positive remark, “you’re a very likeable guy. Well, maybe,” her hand moves toward my face and touches the cheek, “maybe if these eyes were a bit more happy, you’ll look more positive on the outside, too.”

“Do I look that depressed?”

She pulls, “Outside. Inside, no, not at all.”

You assume too fast.