Negative -Girls: To Live And Die - Chapter 59

f “Sunbae, I have to go. The student council needs me.” Sohee had said, “Today Sunbae is to go to chemistry and,” Sohee bites her own tongue. She sighs and shakes her head as she looks at me with the hint of guilt, “What’s wrong with me… Why am I treating Sunbae like an incompetent? Sunbae literally is the best man for the job.” She clears her throat and her sad lips shift to a smile. “I’m really sorry. Anyway, Sunbae already knows what to teach.”

I do?

“it’s Sunbae’s lesson anyway.”

We all bowed politely to her. I even say good luck despite the fact that I am the one who really needs it now. Luck. Because Sohee thought I was competent to teach and that I knew what’s up. I tell you what, I’m not. I don’t know what’s up. I don’t even know chemistry that much. Let me illustrate the level of my knowledge with chemistry: when I hear chemistry I hear a witch laughing and brewing and green liquid and explosion, and I see a white laboratory and many glasses, and it reminds me of the powerpuffgirl intro scene.

We all bowed politely to her. I even say good luck despite the fact that I am the one who really needs it now. Luck. Because Sohee thought I was competent to teach and that I knew what’s up. I tell you what, I’m not. I don’t know what’s up. I don’t even know chemistry that much. Let me illustrate the level of my knowledge with chemistry: when I hear chemistry I hear a witch laughing and brewing and green liquid and explosion, and I see a white laboratory and many glasses, and it reminds me of the powerpuffgirl intro scene.

So when Sohee closes the door, I feel the same as a child who has their parents have left home with their backs to your face. I wonder if Sohee is going to return. Of course, she would because she wants me. But will she be able to? Just saying, misfortune always strikes behind you.

The whole room stares at me.

Shizuka and Mei are waiting for me to do something.

“Uh…” is what I can say for now. You know, I can’t imagine living in this world without a Sohee now. She just completes… everything that I should do. You can’t blame me for taking advantage of her. There are a few little things you’d rather give someone else to do than yourself. For example, teaching the negative girls. I meant it as in acadamic. Yeah, not my kinda of thing, you know?

But now, it seems whether I like it or not, I have no other option but to carry and show my responsibility as a tutor. I have to say, after weeks of pretending to be one I still…

I don’t know shit how to be one. I thought I just had to sit and wear my appearance of an adult is enough. But it has never been the case.

This world seriously thinks I can fix the girls’ hate for studying. I can’t do that, I myself hate studying.

But I could try. I am going to convince myself that studying is fun. In other words, lying to myself.

It’s both unfortunate and fortunate that Shizuka has little suspicion of me not being a good teacher at all and that she has given up the idea to entertain it. She wouldn’t even care if I didn’t give her any lesson for the day and claimed to Sohee that I had. It would be good on any other day. But today is different.

There are three person in the room.

Shizuka, Sunbae, and Five-eyes angel holding a bloody and fleshing sickle.

Oh, Mei is also here of course. Forget to count her.

Mei is fidgeting as she looks around. Her fingers are rubbing on the chemistry textbook. Clearly she’s waiting for something because she expects something. That is me. She expects a lesson and the ‘Sunbae’ to start talking.

And I can’t just let her wait like that. Waiting is a pain. Or rather a torture. Depends on your patience skill. I don’t think Mei has a lot of patience. She looks like the person who always runs away from her problems without a second thought you know. Just like when she ran away from the assaulter.

That’s me saying running is not always a bad thing.

But I can’t run from my problem now. It’s too late. I have to make the impression that I’m a good tutor and want them to succeed in life. That’s what is going to be an excuse for me to just walk into their lives and change them.

That’s the plan.

But today’s plan is… to succeed at making them believe that I can help them with anything. I carry their bags to home. I can be a friend when they feel they need one. I can make them food. I can satisfy them. I can kill them. I can choke their neck and block oxygen from coming into them. I can save them from this world. I can kill everyone they want me to.

So in the end they think of me as the truth. The only truth. And in that moment, I will make them perfect. And I will be free.

That’s the plan.

The floor is grinning back at me, “Sunbae wake up. You have to act and not think. You have to do not sleep.”

“I know. Just shut up already.”

Shizuka chimes in, “Sunbae? Are you okay?”

No. Help.

“I’m fine.”

“Good. Not that I really care.” She says.

And she’s not a tsundere.

I clear my throat, “Okay, so–”

Shizuka raises her hand, her eyes still on her laptop. She still looks very uninterested.

“Shizuka?” I call her.

“I just get the vibe from you. But I’m not sure. Are you seriously going to give us a lesson? Or at least try to, again?”

Mei looks at her with a ‘what does she mean’ expression.’ Shizuka didn’t see it, if she did she’d tease. And Mei would suffer. But that’d be a distraction for Mei to have a suspicion on anything so I was hoping Shizuka’s mischievous self emerges. But it seems unlikely.

Mei looks at her with a ‘what does she mean’ expression.’ Shizuka didn’t see it, if she did she’d tease. And Mei would suffer. But that’d be a distraction for Mei to have a suspicion on anything so I was hoping Shizuka’s mischievous self emerges. But it seems unlikely.

I have to deal with it myself. And that means I’m going to gaslight the situation.

I reply with a calm tone, “Of course, that’s why I’m here, you know?”

Shizuka rolls her eyes and sighs, “Does this mean you’re going to force me to put down my laptop again?”

“Well, I never did, but yes. Not forcing,” I smile at Mei to assure her I’m not that kind of guy. She just turns away. I return back to Shizuka, who’s biting her lips seductively. I say, “You’d be not focusing on the lesson if that wasn’t the case.”

“Okay.”

. . .

It’s that easy?

Shizuka smiles disappear.

It’s not that easy.

But Shizuka keeps her laptop on her lap and clanks on her keyboard. When she said okay, I don’t think that’s her in agreement with me. Then what’s the point of saying Okay? Well, If you’re a fellow sadistic people then you might understand her.

If it was any other day I would just leave her alone, but like I said today is different. I don’t want Mei to take Shizuka’s rudeness to me as okay.

Shizuka is not really a good model.

I have to make them see even my silhouette is reliable.

More reliable than their parents.

So they will worship me at the end of this world.

W O R S H I P.

W O R S H I P.

W O R S H I P.

W O R S H I P.

W O R S H I P.

W O R S H I P.

W O R S H I P.

W O R S H I P.

Eyes from up.

Seeing everything.

Hear I thought.

But they are not gods.

They are someone.

Just like me.

People.

Human.

They cry, get angry and happy.

But somehow we’re different.

Somehow… they are more, real.

Clank.

My senses snap back to the room when Shizuka hit her key loudly (intentionally or not.)

I shake my head and clear my throat, getting ready for… what was I trying to do again? Ah, yes. Trying to discipline Shizuka.

With carefulness I call her name, “Shizuka.” A mild warning.

Shizuka doesn’t look up at me but I know she’s listening, that’s what her elven ears are good at.

“Put down your laptop.”

I say that as I pull out papers from the file.

Shizuka glances at me. And she smirks, “Make me, Sunbae.”

Oh man, this bitch…