Never Live Up to Your Love - C154

I said, “I never blamed you.”

When Li Luo heard my words, his face did not look happy at all. Instead, there was a huge sense of loss on his face.

After a long while, he forced a smile and said, “Thank you, thank you for not blaming me.”

The two of us fell silent at the same time, as though we didn’t know what to say. There was a short period of silence in the room, and at this moment, Chen Su’s phone rang, he glanced at the call to remind him, then turned and walked out of the door. Around a minute or two later, he walked in again and reminded me in a light voice: “We should go.”

I looked at Li Luo, thought for a bit, and said quietly, “I should go.”

Li Luo didn’t ask any questions, he only lowered his head and stared at his hands, and gave a soft “En” in response.

After I followed Chen Su, he seemed to have thought of something and raised his head to ask me, “Little Wei!”

I looked back at him. “What’s the matter?”

He said, “We… Is it … Is it over? ”

It seemed as if he spent a lot of courage to ask this question. I was silent for a moment, then I said, “Yes, we are finished, Li Luo.”

When he heard me say this, the glass in his hand, which still had half a cup of water, fell from his hand and crashed to the ground as if it had shattered our past. He seemed to have discovered that his first reaction was to pick up the fragments on the ground. As soon as he picked up the first piece, his hand was cut by those fragments of glass, and the blood on his fingertip was wrapped by the transparent glass. His eye-piercing red color made him look for a long time without saying anything.

In the end, as if nothing had happened, he stood up from in front of me and said with a smile, “You can leave. I’m fine now.”

“Is it really okay?” I asked.

He smiled and said, “It’s really fine.”

I said, “I can send you back. Do you have any money with you? ”

He said, “Yes.”

I said, “Alright, then I’ll be going.”

Li Luo acknowledged his presence with a grunt, and blood continued to flow down from the gaps between his fingers on his clenched fist. I looked at the liquid that dripped onto the white marble floor, and was startled, but I didn’t say anything, nor did I look at him.

He then said to Chen Su who was at the side, “Let’s go.”

After pushing open the door to the private room, he supported me out. As I walked, I thought to myself, Li Luo, I am truly sorry. I can’t even apologize to you in front of you. Perhaps this way of seeing you again will be better for me and for him, at least it will be better than parting from me for life and death later on.

For so long, I had always treated him like my own brother. In this relationship, this was what made me feel guilty about him the most, but I believed that anything that was washed away by time would become lighter and lighter.

When I followed Chen Su out of the restaurant, Yu Jin had already been waiting for me inside the carriage for a long time. However, he didn’t ask any questions. After getting into the car, he took me and helped me to sit down. As if nothing had happened, he asked, “Is it cold?”

Actually, this kind of weather couldn’t be considered cold, but my body was probably a little weak, my body temperature was lower than normal people, but I didn’t want Yu Jin to feel weak on my body, so I said, “I feel fine.”

Yu Jin didn’t speak anymore, and directly wrapped me in a blanket. After that, when Chen Su sat in the car, he said two words, “Drive.”

After that, Yu Jin did not ask me about my past with Li Luo, and did not even mention the name Li Luo. Actually, I had already thought about how to explain it to him, but since he didn’t mention it, I felt it was a bit strange that he should explain it to me. That’s why I kept thinking about it on the way back.

Until the car stopped at the hotel entrance, I didn’t manage to find an opportunity, and Yu Jin didn’t even talk to me, I thought he was angry.

However, when I got out of the car, his tone was still normal. He gently asked, “Do you have the strength to walk?”

I was stunned for a few seconds before I said, “I can leave.”

Hearing me say that, Yu Jin did not ask anymore, and helped me out of the car, then we walked towards the hotel lobby. My body was not as weak as Yu Jin thought, of course, this was what I thought, but as for the truth of the matter, I did not know, although I understood myself, it was not as accurate as the scientific method that I used to analyze.

After Yu Jin brought me back home, although he didn’t reveal it, I knew that Yu Jin cared about the matters between me and Li Luo.

When we arrived at night, I took a shower and then went to the kitchen to prepare some fruits with my aunty before bringing them to Yu Jin’s room. When I went in, he was talking to someone when he saw me.

With a fawning expression, I slowly walked towards him. I placed the cut fruit in front of him and said, “I … There’s something I want to talk to you about. ”

He seemed to know what I was going to talk about, and he didn’t seem to want to talk about it, because the next second he said quietly, “But I’m still working.”

The implication of this was that he didn’t want to talk to me.

I hesitated for a few seconds, then I said, “Okay, we’ll talk after you finish your work.”

After a while, auntie brought Yu Jin’s coffee in, and Yu Jin asked her: “Have you drank Miss’s medicine?”

After the aunt placed the cup on the desk, she replied, “Not yet. I was just saying that I would wash the fruits for you.”

Yu Jin looked at me, frowned, and said: “Drink the medicine on time.”

I stood up from the chair in front of his desk and replied in a low voice, “Alright, I understand.”

After we arrived at the kitchen, Auntie gave me some warm Chinese medicine. I looked at the thick black liquid in the bowl, which still smelled like rotten wood, and I wanted to vomit before I could drink it. Auntie who was standing beside me said, “Aiyo, don’t be afraid, hold it? With a single breath, I’ll be fine. ”

I looked at my aunt, but didn’t say anything. I forced myself to drink it. When I took the last sip, I felt I couldn’t take it anymore, so I threw the bowl in my hand and vomited into the sink. My aunt kept patting my back, comforting me to take it slowly, slowly.

I threw up for a long time. When I realized that I had spat out everything I had drunk, my aunt was just about to pour me another drink. I stopped her and said weakly, “Don’t fall.”

When my aunt heard this, she looked at me.

I said, “It doesn’t matter, I know.”

Auntie still wanted to say something, but my hand had already slowly slipped off her arm, and I walked out of the kitchen exhausted.

When I went back to the bedroom, Auntie had prepared a dozen more Western medicines, which were all densely packed in there. Before I could take even one, my stomach would have to suffer a spasm, so I hugged myself and sat there looking at the pills for a long time. After Auntie left, I picked up the pills from the bathroom, poured them all into the basin, and turned on the tap, allowing the water from the faucet to wash away the pills.

Yu Jin only came out of the study in the middle of the night. When he returned to the room, I had already fallen asleep, but was woken up by his noise. I looked up at him, and coincidentally, he was on the bed.

I shook my head. “I just had a dream,” I said hoarsely.

It was very dark in the room, with no lights on. Yu Jin looked carefully at my face through the moonlight that was thrown in from the window and asked: “What did you dream of?”

I said hoarsely, “I dreamt they came to pick me up. The house in my dream was so big and warm, and my mother made me a table of delicious food, and my father was watering his precious flowers in the window.” I smiled and said, “Did you know that ever since they left me, I had dreamed of them many times. However, every time, they would look at me from afar and never come near me. However, tonight is different.”

I excitedly held Yu Jin’s hand and said, “Did you know? Yu Jin, I have never slept so comfortably before, but unfortunately, I woke up so quickly. Actually, I do not want to wake up. ”

My tone was full of pity, but Yu Jin didn’t say anything. I was too concentrated on enjoying the aftertaste, and completely didn’t notice that Yu Jin, who was by my side, didn’t say a word, and only when I lifted my face did I realize that his expression was extremely ugly. The wrist that I had grabbed was even trembling, and I felt that something was wrong, as though something was wrong.

Yu Jin looked at me coldly and asked, “Is it fun?”

I didn’t quite understand.

Yu Jin suddenly grabbed my hand and asked loudly. “Is it fun for me to ask you this?”

He let go of me, reached back into the drawer, and pulled out the medicine I took every day. “Why didn’t you take it?” he asked me. Why pour it out? “Do you really want to die that badly?” Yu Jin then smashed the bottle on the ground and said, “Alright, I’ll grant your wish!”

After smashing the medicine bottle in his hand, he still felt that it wasn’t enough and completely smashed the entire room. In the middle of the night, the entire room was filled with noises.

Those things splattered in front of me. I had never seen such an angry Yu Jin, so I could only sit there and look at him helplessly while hugging my blanket. When the servants outside heard the noise coming from inside my room, they immediately rushed in and surrounded the door to watch, but didn’t dare to approach. It was because no one knew why Yu Jin was so angry in the middle of the night.

After Yu Jin finished smashing everything in the room, he rushed over and grabbed onto my shoulder. His eyes were bloodshot and his face had an uncontrollable storm as he said: “Do you know? How afraid I am that something will happen to you. Why, why can’t you think about me? Hm? Want you to think about me so hard? Tired? Are you tired now? Do you think you’re tired of me? All I want is for you to be healthy. I don’t want anything else! Why are you so unwilling to cooperate with me? “Why are you always like this? You will never see how hard I work and how scared I am.”

With a ferocious expression, he said: “Yu Xiaowei, after so many years, have I always been a beast without seven emotions and six desires in your eyes?!”

I was so scared that my entire body was trembling. I shook my head while crying and explained, “No, I didn’t, Yu Jin, I really didn’t think about it.”

I held his hand and said, “There’s no hope, don’t struggle anymore. There’s really no hope. I know, I’ve taken too many pills. I don’t want to make things difficult for myself, so just let me go with the flow. It’s useless, it’s really useless …”

The sound of Yu Jin’s hands pinching my shoulder rang out. His face was ashen as he said, “That’s right, it’s useless. I can go save someone who wants to live, but I can’t save someone whose heart is already dead. “Other than worrying all day long, what else can I do? Tell me, what else can I do?!”

His last sentence was shouted at me, and my body was on the verge of collapse. Aunt saw that the situation was getting worse, so she immediately rushed over and stopped Yu Jin, and told him not to do this, because my body could not handle his strength.

And in the process, besides crying, I just cried, because I didn’t know what else I could do to alleviate the situation, I was helpless. Facing such a Yu Jin.

Afterwards, under the persuasion of the aunties and the others, Yu Jin released me and his body unsteadily retreated a few steps back. Just like that, he looked at me, his eyes and face revealed helplessness from the inside, and a tear fell out of the corner of his left eye. He said: “Yu Xiaowei, sometimes even I myself think about how I should save you, no, I’m not saving you. He covered his heart and said, “Just treat it as helping me. But why can’t you do that? Why?”

I was crying.

When he had finished, he seemed so disappointed with me that he stopped looking at me and left the bedroom, his eyes empty and tired.

The rest of the aunty and the rest were trying to console me. I caused Yu Jin such a big trouble and I made him so angry again, but what can I do? I also wanted to live on, but the heavens didn’t give me the chance.

After I leave, what should I do, let Yu Jin face my corpse alone?

When I thought of this, I could no longer control myself. I lay on the pillow and wailed.

I cried from midnight until dawn, and then I cried until I lost all my strength. I curled up in bed, and for a moment I felt abandoned by the world. I had never felt so lonely or so cold.

After Auntie brought in the breakfast. He sat on the side of my bed and patted my shoulder as he said, “Miss Yu, it’s time to eat breakfast. Please wake up and eat some.”

I lay there without moving, and the aunt said, “Sir is in a hurry, so don’t blame him. He got so angry because he was worried about you. If you are sick, how can you not take medicine? How can you not take medicine? ”

The aunt sighed and said, “Now we don’t care about these things. Eating first is important, your body is just recovering. “It’s even worse not to eat.”

The aunt said a lot of things, but I just lay there and didn’t move. Those tears were like a tap, and I couldn’t stop flowing into the pillow. Auntie saw that I didn’t react at all, so she could only shake her head, place the breakfast on the table, and leave my room.

So what if they had eaten? Even though they had eaten, they could not live. Not only could they not live, they were half dead as well.

I don’t want to be a burden to Yu Jin, I don’t want to be a burden to him even when I’m half dead. He said he was tired, but I was tired too, too, so many pills to take, so many needles to shoot, and every time he got sick his arm was full of needles, and every day he was living in hell.

What use could such a me have? Why not let me die? It hurts to be left in this world, my entire body hurts.

I lay there until there were no more tears in my eyes. I sat up from the bed and glanced at the food on the side. I didn’t touch it, but got out of bed and started rummaging through the cabinets. After searching for a long time, I found my ID photo at the bottom of one of the books in the cabinet.

When I found my clothes and dressed myself, I went out as usual. There was no one in the living room, and the house was cold.

After I went out, I took a taxi from downstairs and had the driver take me to the hospital. When I arrived at the entrance of Tan Wan’s ward, Shi Jie was walking out of Tan Wan’s room with a washbasin. When he saw me, he was stunned for a few seconds.

I said hoarsely, “A little cold.”

Shi Jie sized me up and said, “But you don’t look too good right now.”

I said, “I’m fine, I’m here to see Tan Wan.”

After all this time, Shi Jie’s hatred towards me seemed to have lessened a little, and he didn’t say anything bad to me either. He glanced at the ward, and then said to me: “I just wiped her face.”

I said, “Can I go in and see her?”

Shi Jie hesitated for a moment before saying: “There’s no doctor here right now, it’s not the time to treat him. You can go.”

I said, “Thank you.”

She then passed by Shi Jie. He walked towards Tan Wan’s ward.

It was probably because I looked too terrible, that Shi Jie could not help but turn his head to glance at me, but in the end he did not say anything, and continued walking forward while holding the basin in his hand.

I was afraid that the moment I opened the door, I would see a lifeless corpse lying on the bed. I had hurt her to this extent, but I was unable to help her in the slightest, nor was I able to repay her.

How can I face her?

I didn’t go in. I just stood outside the door and looked at her from afar. She looked much better than last time. At this moment, other than some scars around her eyes, she seemed to be sleeping soundly.

I looked at it for a long time. When Shi Jie returned, he came to my side and asked, “Why aren’t you going in?”

I snapped out of my daze and turned around to look at him. I immediately wiped the tears off my face and spoke in a hoarse voice, “I have a cold. I’m afraid of infecting her, so I won’t enter.”

Shi Jie frowned, “Are you really alright? I think you’d better see a doctor. ”

He thought for a moment, then said, “Let me call your brother.”

Just as Shi Jie was about to grab his phone from his pocket, I pressed his hand and said: “No need, I’ll be going back now.”

Shi Jie looked at me in disbelief.

I said, “It’s true.”

Shi Jie didn’t seem to want to interfere too much in my affairs, so he didn’t continue to insist. He said, “Alright, you should go back and rest early.”

I passed by Shi Jie’s side as if I was sleepwalking and was about to leave, but after walking a few steps, I seemed to have thought of something, turned around and looked at Shi Jie, and said: “Goodbye.”

Shi Jie also looked at me strangely, and replied with two words: “Goodbye.”

I didn’t know where I was supposed to go when I got out of the hospital. After hanging out on the street for a while, I went back to the airport. After casually buying a ticket to a city, I got on a plane and left. When I left, I threw away my cell phone and brought my ID and money.

When the plane landed in a strange city, I was so tired that I found a random hotel to stay in and slept through the night. When I woke up the next morning, I didn’t dare watch TV or read a newspaper. After wolfing down the food.

I sat in the room for a while and after who knows how long, there was a knock on the door. I was a little nervous as I looked at the door for a long time, until the Lady Boss’s voice came from outside. Then I got up from the bed and walked in the direction of the door.

The Lady Boss said, “This is a tourist attraction of our city. If you feel bored staying in the house, you can go for a walk. “Not far, it’s nearby.”

I took the newspaper from the lady’s hand and looked at it and thanked her, and the lady didn’t stay long, but went on to the other rooms to bring hot water, and when I came in with the kettle, I closed the door and closed it behind me, and sat on the bed turning the paper over for a long time, my eyes falling on a beautiful lake on the paper, and my fingers hovering there.

I thought to myself, this sort of place would be very beautiful.

I stroked it. He slowly put down the newspaper, packed his things and left the room.

The lake was not far away, as the Lady Boss had said, and there were a lot of tourists nearby. I sat there all by myself since morning, and when the evening was over, I took off my shoes and socks and put my feet into the water to test the temperature.