Never Marry a Man With Two Tintins - Chapter 1

Volume One: Those in the Slums

Chapter One

The stench woke up Cheng Nuo.

It was the smell of rancid meat, rotten eggs, and other food was left under the sun for 10 days, then it was put inside a black plastic bag and opened under his nose. Stinky!

He almost fainted from the putrid smell. Quickly, he held his nose and opened his eyes. Above him was a bright moon like a place of ice.

He was stunned for a moment then hastily jumped up. He saw that he was on top of a boundless, undulating mountain of garbage. The hands that been lowered for three seconds immediately covered his nose again.

In just under a minute, Cheng Nuo was forced to face the fact that he had transmigrated.

But the thing is, he didn’t have a car accident, nor did he fall off a cliff. He didn’t fall into a river and he didn’t write a negative review cursing an author. He had just taken a nap under the hypnotic voice of his advanced mathematics teacher. How did he transmigrate?

He looked down at his present body and breathed a sigh a relief when he saw a familiar little scar on his right hand – this was his own body. But the strange thing was, his bones were small and the muscles he had gained from exercising had also disappeared. Based on his appearance, he looked around 13 to 14 years old. The white T-shirt and slacks he was wearing were too big for this body.

He pondered over his situation for a moment longer then pulled up his pants legs and decided to leave the mountain of garbage first. He took shallow breaths and made his way down, stumbling over the uncertain footing. Since he could not distinguish between the southeast and the northwest, nor was he familiar with the stars, he looked up at the position of the moon in the sky.

From time to time, he heard mice and wild dogs moving around. Even though Cheng Nuo has always been very brave, a chill still rose from the bottom of his heart.

Suddenly, his hair stood on end. Someone was staring at him!

He felt like a hungry wolf was staring at him, making him break out into a cold sweat.

He slowed his breathing, tried to calm himself, and kept walking at a normal pace. He looked around and, seeing a wooden stick from the corner of his eyes, grabbed it and turned around quickly – there was nothing at his back.

He sighed, somewhat relieved. Perhaps it was just his imagination.

However, he had relaxed too soon. There was sudden gust of wind at his back and as he turned his head, something hit the back of his head hard. There was the sound of a “thump” then he fell down on the mound of trash.

He tried to see who had attacked him and caught a glimpse of a wolf cub with bright bluish-green eyes and messy red hair. Looking at his figure, he should be a little boy. A pair of small hands soon grabbed Cheng Nuo and carefully patted him down from head to foot. When the boy found that he had nothing on him, he began to try to take off his clothes.

Cheng Nuo kicked the boy with his foot but the boy used an iron bar to hit him on his right knee. Cheng Nuo cried out. His whole leg felt numb. The boy quickly took off his T-shirt and his sneakers. His pants followed suit.

Cheng Nuo’s whole body was jolted from side to side by the other person’s rude actions. Even his socks and underwear weren’t safe from the boy. Without hesitation, the the boy put his hands on the elastic waistband of his underwear and pulled it down. Cheng Nuo feebly moved his bare legs to hide himself but the other person clearly saw that private place.

This… this is a female? The boy couldn’t believe it at first but he examined the other person and confirmed that it was true. His fierce green eyes widened in shock. For a moment, he was at a loss because he had never seen a female’s naked before. Looking at that person more carefully, he saw that the female’s well-formed facial features were very pleasing to the eye … He thought this was strange. How could this young female appear alone in this garbage dump?

Cheng Nuo’s head was still too heavy for him to lift. He was still seeing stars. He knit his eyebrows and groaned.

The shocked boy’s eyes finally moved up. He hurried took his hands off Cheng Nuo’s calf. He watched nervously as Cheng Nuo struggled to sit up. A conditioned reflex made his hand chop down at Cheng Nuo.

Holy ****! Cheng Nuo complained in his heart then passed out.

Where the **** did he transmigrate to? Even a little kid was this vicious?

And so when Cheng Nuo regained his consciousness again, he found himself being carried by that boy. The other person should be half a head shorter than he was but even though his figure was thin, the boy’s speed was very fast and seemed effortless.

The horizon was turning gray so it must nearly be dawn. Cheng Nuo noticed that he was wearing his clothes again.

He pretended to be asleep and squinted his eyes to look at the child’s profile. The boy’s face was dirty and he was certainly not more than 10 years old.

The sound of voices gradually became noisier. Cheng Nuo used the corner of his eyes to look around. It looked like he was in a slum, with short thatched shacks crowded up against each other. People with dusty faces and ragged clothes carrying bamboo baskets were scurrying to and fro on the narrow dirt road.

Their clothes were very strange, unlike any dynasty in ancient China. They were wearing short-sleeved long robes, similar to the ones in online games, but all tattered and dirty. Their hair was a variety of colors.

There were a few half-grown children talking to the boy. His name was Liu Guang and he seemed to be a child who lived in this slum. Someone asked him who Cheng Nuo is and Liu Guang said: “I picked this up. If he’s not obedient then I’ll cook him.”

The kid who has spoken wasn’t surprised. He even seemed happy and asked: “Alright. Then big bro Guang, can I please have half a bowl? I haven’t eaten meat for a long time.”

Liu Guang smiled. Of course, he wouldn’t tell others that this is a precious female. It’s not likely that he will cook this female since he intends to raise this person as his wife.

Cheng Nou was frightened as he listened to this scary conversation. ****! Did he transmigrate into a world of cannibals?! No wonder the child carried him so far away.

He was really anxious to run away but this boy’s speed and strength is too high. Cheng Nuo’s leg still hurt badly and it looks like other people will treat him as food?

In the end he decided to wait for a good opportunity first.

Liu Guang finally stopped at a thatched hut that was slightly larger than the others. He closed the wooden door then put Cheng Nuo on the thin, messy bed.

He looked carefully at that person. The female’s hair color was a rare color, pure black. The skin was a healthy light wheat color. That short black hair was very soft so he couldn’t help but keep touching it again and again.

Cheng Nuo got goose bumps at being touched by him. Is this cannibal child estimating how many kilograms of meat he had in his body? He wanted to wait for Liu Guang to go out before he made a move. The other person was standing at his bedside staring at his face intently, making Cheng Nuo’s scalp numb with horror.

He looked like a child but although he had only been in this world for a little over a hour, Cheng Nuo thought that if Liu Guang is a normal child then he, Cheng Nuo, is a fool. Liu Guang finally turned and left. Cheng Nuo listened to the sound of the door closing then quickly sat up and looked around. The shack was nothing much. It was dark and musty inside and in the corner were some dirty clothes messily lying on the floor.

He lifted the leg of his pants. Sure enough, his knee had a large bruise on it. The back of his head also ached so he probably had an internal injury there.

Cheng Nuo swore under his breath as he rubbed his knee, baring his teeth from the pain. He limped towards those clothes that he saw and began to quickly take off his clothes – he has to leave this place right away in order avoid becoming food!

Liu Guang’s clothes were too small and also very smelly. Cheng Nuo frowned. He messed up his hair, put some dirt on his face, then didn’t hesitate to push the door open.

The thatched huts in the street all looked the same and the numerous alleys were spread out chaotically like cobwebs. Cheng Nuo kept his head lowered as he walked. His instincts told him to go to the places where there were less people around. It was a pity that his sense of direction wasn’t very good. The houses all looked similar and although he walked for a long time he didn’t seem to go far.

After a few moments, he heard the sound of a lot of shouting and a familiar voice of a stinky boy. The tone was very angry: “His hair is black! Remember to bring him back alive! I have to deal with him myself!”

Cheng Nuo listened to this in a daze then he started to run. **** this primitive society!

If he gets caught, he’ll be made into a stew!

Liu Guang gnashed his teeth in anger. He was too softhearted in not wanting to tie up the female with rope. He just ran out to find some food and water but that person took that opportunity to run! He had arrogantly decided that this female would be his wife.

Later on, if he was still disobedient then he would sell the female in the black market. He could get at least 500 energy coins which he could live on for a long time.

The noises seemed to be getting closer and nearer. Cheng Nuo, pushed a door open and ran inside a house. Fortunately, no one was inside. He quickly closed the door and hid under the bed. He didn’t know how long he waited there for the noise outside to gradually fade away.

Cheng Nuo was relieved and began looking around him at the house he had taken refuge in. Suddenly, he realized that this place was strange. Although the thatched cottage looked quite shabby, it was spotlessly clean and all of the furniture and items were laid out in a neat and tidy way, in stark contrast to that messy shack he saw before.

Although the thatched cottage is as shabby as it is, it is spotless, and the goods are laid out in a neat and tidy way, in stark contrast to the messy thatched hut.

Cheng Nuo thought about it. The owner of this house must be female, right? Otherwise it wouldn’t be so neat …

The dilapidated wooden door creaked open and Cheng Nuo saw a pair of shiny black leather boots enter.

Cheng Nuo held his breath. The owner of the boot paused and went in the other direction. He breathed a sigh of relief.

But he had just relaxed when those boots suddenly appeared beside the bed. A person lifted the bed sheet up and someone grabbed Cheng Nuo’s neck tightly. His whole body was forcefully lifted up and out from under the bed. He landed on the floor with a loud thud.

Cheng Nuo was still dizzy from the fall when he felt a cold thing touching his neck, hurting his skin.

Startled, he raised his head and looked right into a pair of dispassionate golden eyes.

Translator’s Notes:

Hiya, everyone! This is my new project. It’s smut in the later chapters and written by the same author who wrote Transmigrating into a Mob Character to Rehabilitate the Villain Plan.

The early chapters only have kids in them. Therefore, there won’t be any smut for quite some time. Thank you for reading. Please let me know if there are any errors. I currently do not have an editor.

The title says “two 丁丁.” Now, this is slang that I have seen translated in many different ways. You could put JJ (since it looks like the letter J) or dingding (the sound of the pinyin) but I chose “tintin” purely because it sounds funnier to me. It means two penises. Yes, the males in this setting have two pistols. By the way, Cheng Nuo is a transmigrated/transported person from Earth so he obviously does not have two tintins. He also has only one chrysanthemum, as people from Earth do.