New Vegas: Sheason's Story - Chapter 119: Back and Forth

Ding

I was working on the teleporter when I heard the unmistakable sound of the elevator arriving at the penthouse. There were a few indistinct voices, followed by two pairs of footsteps.

“Yeah, he’s right – Wait, is he here? Sheason, you in here?” That sounded like April. I think. She was usually so busy and hardly spoke to anyone except Yes Man that sometimes I almost forgot what she sounded like.

“Yeah!” I called back, raising a hand above the console I was working on. “I’m down here!” It wasn’t really all that surprising I wasn’t immediately noticeable. I was lying flat on my back, surrounded by chunky bits of metal and huge power cables.

“Hey Sheason…” I heard a soft voice. I grabbed the top edge of the console and pulled myself up high enough to see Veronica standing next to April.

“Hey, V…” I stood up, grabbing a nearby rag. I tried to wipe the grease and muck off my hands, but there was far too much of it to get it all. April nodded at me and walked off, presumably back to Emily and Yes Man in the other room, leaving the two of us alone. “You doing alright?” Veronica looked around nervously, tugging at the edges of her hood.

“I just… yeah. Yeah, I’m doing… I’m fine.” Veronica practically mumbled.

“Hungover?” I asked, stepping around the (mostly) complete platform in the center of the room, and tossed the rag aside. Veronica looked up, even though half of her face was still covered by the hood… and almost smiled.

“Little bit.” Veronica coughed nervously. “Look, Sheason… about last-”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said, trying to be as reassuring as possible. Veronica shook her head.

“No, I gotta… I just… I wanted to thank you.” She finally looked up at me. “I don’t really… after my fifth shot, things got… a bit hazy. But I do remember one thing. I remember you coming for me. Telling me that you weren’t going to leave. That we’re… even after everything that’s happened, we’re still friends. Hearing that…” Veronica coughed again, and scratched at the back of her hood, sending it back down over her face. “It really… it meant a lot. Thanks.”

“Like I said, don’t worry about it,” I smiled as reassuringly as possible and held out a hand which (hopefully) was free of grease. “That’s what friends are for, right?” Veronica slowly reached out to grab my hand… and then pulled me in tight for a hug. Like the kind of hug you’d get from a baling press.

“Still… thanks.” I patted her on the shoulder a few times before finally wriggling free of her vice-like grip. I appreciated the gesture, but any longer and I would’ve been crushed into a small metal cube. Veronica nodded, composed herself, and looked out at the collection of parts that had been slowly taking shape. “So… this is a teleporter, huh?” I nodded, glad she was changing the subject. She needs the break from beating herself up, and she’s the only one who can make that happen.

“Yep. Or, it will be, in about a half hour, once I finish wiring up the quantum resonance coils.” I looked to my side, and realized that Veronica was staring. I pointed at the part of the device I’d been working on when she arrived. “The box over there underneath the toaster.”

“You know, it’s kind of surprising,” Veronica said, shaking off my previous comments with a laugh. “I expected there to be more sparkly-bits.” I shrugged.

“Well, this one is technically made out of scrap and spare parts. You should see the one in The Sink. That one actually looks like it’s supposed to, all sleek and shiny and sci-fi. But just you wait till I turn this sucker on, you’ll get plenty of sparkly bits when I go all wobbly and disappear.”

“H-uh…” Veronica surveyed the collection of machinery and spare parts all wired together again. “Hey, you mind if I take a look at the schematics? I’m kinda interested in what the blueprints actually look like…”

“Uh – they’re not here,” I said sheepishly. “They schematics I put together are back in The Big Empty, and I never thought to download them to my Pip Boy. So… uh…” I laughed nervously, and comprehension dawned upon Veronica’s face.

“Wait a minute… are you building this from memory?” She asked suspiciously.

“Well…” I paused, laughing sheepishly. “Yeah. I guess. Got my eye in with the first one, so I suppose I’d have an easier time making another.” Of course, I hadn’t really thought about it before. But now that it was brought up, I was starting to ask myself: how was I building this from memory?

“Maybe my brain’s week-and-a-half long mentats bath had a more permanent effect than I thought?” I conjectured aloud. Veronica deadpanned; unsurprisingly, she hadn’t believed me the other day when I told her that my brain had been scooped out and I just carried on without it for a week.

“You’re nuts,” Veronica said, shaking her head. “You know that, right?” I nodded.

“Quite possibly.”

“Okay, hang on,” Arcade asked, looking around at the assembled group. “Is everyone here?”

“I certainly hope so!” I said, finally snapping the last panel in place. “I don’t want anybody to miss this!” I took a step back, and paused a moment to take a good look and fully appreciate my endeavors The finished teleport was definitely cruder than the one in The Sink, but it was, surprisingly enough, considerably more streamlined than the three-story collection of junk that Elijah had built outside the Madre. All the correct parts were where they needed to be, and I was certain there was enough power coming from the reactors underneath the 38 to power the thing. Everything was as ready as it was going to be.

I looked back at everyone assembled: April, Emily, Arcade, Cass, Boone, Veronica, ED-E… hell, even Yes Man had transplanted his face onto a securitron at the back of the crowd to watch what was about to happen. Which seemed just a little bit pointless, if you ask me, considering he was already in the mainframe in the next room over.

“Okay, I’ve got a question,” April said, holding up a hand. I snapped my fingers and pointed at her, flashing a smile.

“I already know what you’re going to ask,” I said, unable to contain my excitement and enthusiasm. “And the reason you’re all gathered here is twofold. Firstly: I know that most of you don’t believe this is actually a teleport. I’m sure you think that I have gone completely bonkers, which is fair enough as only ED-E has actually seen me use one.” Technically, he’s seen me get kidnapped by one, but that’s immaterial.

“For the 10 days, 11 hours, 57 minutes, and 32 seconds you were absent from my sensors, Friend_Courier, I calculated a 98.76% chance the witnessed effect was molecular disintegration at the atomic level,” ED-E buzzed. “It was not easy clinging to that 1.24% chance of your survival, and I was quite relieved indeed upon your return!”

“Thanks for that,” I beamed broadly at the eyebot, who bobbed in place and let out a happy hum. “And the second reason I wanted you all here is because I’m planning on bringing a few things here from the Big Empty. I need to make sure that the receiving pad is clear and empty before I send anything.”

“Informative as all that is,” April said with a raised eyebrow. “That wasn’t actually my question. I’m much more interested in that.” She pointed at me. “What in the name of John von Neumann are you wearing?”

“Hm? OH! Right, the headset!” I fiddled with the microphone near my mouth, and glanced behind me at the enormous metal box strapped to my back. “Yeah, this was… kind of another thing I figured out how to build in the Big Empty. Except, I couldn’t really make it as small. Frankly, I’m amazed I was even able to find an old pilot headset, because without it-” Thankfully, Emily cut me off before I got too off track.

“What is it?” the redheaded scientist asked. April and Emily looked at each other, nodded, and then both looked back at me expectantly.

“Sat phone! It sends a signal up to some of the Big MT satellites still in orbit, and transmits a message back down here…” I reached over a flicked a switch on one of the large modified radio consoles, which came to life with a low frequency hum. “…so you can hear me when I’m in The Big Empty!” As I spoke, my voice also issued from a speaker on the console. “And I can hear you as well, so long as you speak into the box. It’s really thirsty, though. I’ve got, like, 10 microfusion cells in the backpack, and that’ll only provide enough juice for about an hour and a half.”

“Is that another thing you built from memory?” Veronica asked, clearly thinking this was all bullshit. I shook my head, and held up my Pip Boy, tapping the monitor several times.

“Nope!” I said, lying through my teeth. Didn’t need to add any more fuel to that particular fire. “So, any more questions?”

“I have one:” Arcade spoke up. “When you say, you need to make sure the pad is empty… what does that mean? What would happen if it wasn’t empty?” Arcade was obviously running through several unpleasant possibilities in his head, if his worried expression was anything to go by. I shrugged.

“I honestly have no idea. But – and I’m guessing here – I’m pretty sure that whatever would happen, it would almost certainly be the exact opposite of good. So, because work needs to be done, I’m not really interested in finding out what happens today.” That didn’t seem to improve Arcade’s mood in the slightest. I looked around, to see if anyone else was curious about anything, and eventually settled on Cass. At first, I couldn’t tell if she was trying to get my attention, or just scratching her face.

“If this doesn’t work, can I have your car?” Cass asked with a smile, to let me know she was joking. Hopefully. I just laughed.

“Only if I arrive inside out. Anyone else?” Silence. “Alright!” I said with a slap of my hands, rubbing my palms together. “Let’s light this candle!”

I stepped on the platform, and plugged my Pip Boy into the swivel console next to me. A few keystrokes later, and the room shook with a heavy thud, and the platform beneath my feet glowed with a steadily rising blue light. The panels above my head shuddered, and began to slowly spin above my head, which I took as the queue to quickly disconnect my Pip Boy. Dials and readouts on the various panels surrounding the room made noises and flashed lights that built in intensity, and everything – even the air – seemed to tingle and vibrate.

“Should we… maybe step back?” Boone asked aloud, amusingly unaware that everyone else (even Yes Man) had already started backing up. A multicolored oil-slick ribbon swirled around me from the platform below my feet, and another emerged from the panels above my head. When they met in the middle, I waved from within the unbroken column of light.

“See you soon!” My voice carried a strange Doppler effect, like I was talking into a fan, seconds before the similar sensation of a hook grabbing me deep inside my gut took hold.

Everything around me disappeared.

The smell of ozone filled my nostrils and my eyes slowly regained focus. The sensation of being in two places at once ceased, and my feet landed on firm ground. The streaks of blue lightning surrounding me faded away into nothing. I looked around, and was very happy to see that I was standing directly on the teleport platform in The Sink. Apart from the giant metal backpack, it was almost like I never left.

“Hey, guys?” I tapped the mic. “Are you reading me? It worked! I’m here!” The earpiece surrounded my left ear crackled with nothing but static for a few seconds. And then it dawned on me. “Oh, yeah, I forgot! You have to hit transmit – big blue button next to the speaker.” Again, several seconds of static. And then:

“-ot it! Sheason!” Cass’ voice in my ear sounded very relieved. “Sheason, you okay? It really worked?” I could hear other indistinct voices in the background.

“Sorry, y’ain’t gettin’ my car today!” I said with a smile.

“Welcome home, sir,” Jeeves’ familiar accented voice echoed from the speakers above my head. “Will sir be staying for some time, or is sirs arrival merely a fleeting visit before sir once again heads off for parts unknown?”

“Hey, Jeeves! Well, I-” I didn’t get a chance to say any more than that because I was suddenly tackled off the platform by a giant (and quite heavy) mass of fur and metal barking at me. The next thing I knew, I was flat on my ass with the enormous cyberdog pinning me there, licking my face over and over again.

“Augh! Ah-heh! Rox! Roxie! Easy, girl! Settle!” She didn’t. “Ah, I missed you too,” I started scratching her behind the ear, and she finally stopped licking me. Instead, she started panting hot breath right into my face. I’m not sure which I preferred.

“Alright, get off me a second…” I pushed against the massive dog, and she gladly jumped off. When I stood up, she trotted around my legs several times in that particular way large, excitable dogs do when they see someone they like that they haven’t seen for more than several hours. “Hey, Rox? How’d you like to meet some new people?” Roxie looked up at me curiously, tilting her head… and then barked loudly, wagging her tail. “Excellent!”

“Sir?” Jeeves spoke up. “May I ask what it is that you are planning?”

“Oh, not much. Sit.” I said aloud, half talking to Jeeves, and half to Roxie. She followed my finger, and sat dutifully on the center of the teleport pad. “Good girl. Just going to be sending a few things back to the Mojave. Roxie isn’t a thing, granted, but I don’t want her to get lonely. I know how dogs can pine.”

“She certainly has seemed less enthusiastic than normal during your short absence, sir.” Jeeves said. I nodded, punching a few coordinates into the swiveling console that corresponded to the numbers in my Pip Boy.

“Exactly. Dogs – even cyborg ones – need people, just like we need them. So I’m sending her to a place with lots of great ones.” Every readout on the panel read green. Excellent! The two teleporters were now completely linked! That was going to make things easy. “Alright, Rox? Sit still. This may feel a little strange.” I tapped the mic near my mouth. “Guys? I’m sending Roxie over. Stand back.”

“Understood,” I heard a voice crackle in my ear; it was Emily this time. “We’re ready to receive this Roxie person.” Guess I should’ve been more specific. Ah well, they’ll figure it out soon enough.

Something I noticed after I hit the ‘energize’ button: almost all of my experience with teleportation has always been as the recipient of said teleport. But watching it happen to someone who wasn’t me was… everything seemed to go a lot faster. The ribbons of multicolored light swirled around quicker, and there was only a fraction of a second of ozone and lightning before reality started to bend and warp around Roxie. Half a second later, there was a flash and a noise almost (but not quite) like a flashbang going off, and all that was left after was a slowly cooling platform surrounded by blue sparks suspended in evaporating columns of light.

“Is The Sink to be emptied then, sir?” Jeeves asked as I walked away from the teleport room. Sounds erupted in my ear, and I was satisfied that it worked; someone must have had hit the transmit button, presumably to tell me specifically that everything worked, but all I could hear was the sound of several voices all fawning over the adorable dog, and Roxie barking happily.

“Eventually, yes,” I said, looking around the familiar cold, gunmetal-grey space. “You guys are all very useful, and I’d like to be able to share your gifts with the rest of the world at large…” Off the top of my head, I thought of the manufacturing capabilities of Jeeves’ replicator, the food cloning technology of the Biological Research Station, and the advanced medical procedures offered by the down-to-earth, straight talking Auto-Doc. “… but I don’t want to rip you guys from your respective chassis-” Wait. Is the plural of chassis still chassis? The mind boggles. “-with nowhere to put you all when you come to the Mojave.”

“That is most certainly an agreeable proposition, if I may make so bold, sir,” Jeeves said. “While I was unaware of the passage of time during my long deactivation, the knowledge provided once my internal clock was reactivated provided most disheartening.”

“Exactly,” I nodded at the various appliances as I walked through The Sink. “So, be sure to put on the agenda ‘look at all the schematics for the various personality constructs in The Sink,’ so I can reconstruct some proper homes for you all outside the crater.”

“With the exception of the Toaster, certainly,” Jeeves said. “No one will want him around, sir.”

“Oh, of course,” I said with a smirk. “We can always do with less of his overly dramatic, megalomaniacal, and antisocial ranting.” As it happened, I was just passing by the Toaster as I said this, and his heating coils lit up fiercely, sending out a tiny puff of smoke.

“INSOLENT FOOLS! All of you! All will be CONSUMED in fire, and covered in overly burnt bread crumbs!”

“Calm down, you psychotic piece of tin,” I said with a laugh. “I’m just kidding.”

“Hey! Hey!” The Toaster shook as it spoke, apparently changing gears at the drop of a hat. “I got a… super-rare… Mojave… er… snowglobe here! All you gotta do is reach down into my bread slot!” I sighed heavily.

“You keep that up, and I’ll drop you in a bathtub,” I said, walking away. The Toaster let out a roar of agony and rage.

“If you do, you shall rue the day! For the day will surely come when you – and all of my enemies besides! – have bread… and no way to toast it!” I shook my head and snorted out a laugh.

“Dat boy’s got some… issues, daddy-o,” Blind Diode Jefferson chimed in. I patted the old Jukebox as I passed.

“So, may I inquire as to what sirs plan consists of today?” Jeeves asked as I stepped into the bedroom.

“I’m going to take the most mobile things and individuals, and send them to the teleport pad I built in the Mojave. Speaking of which: SASHA!” I yelled, spreading my arms wide as my gaze fell upon the large minigun sitting on the end of the bed. “I am returned!”

“Ah! Kурьер! Is wonderful to see you once more! Is there eety-beety-teeny-tiny baby men in need of killing?”

“Sort of,” I said with a nod, hefting the minigun off the bed. “You know how I couldn’t bring you with me when I left for the Mojave? I’ve found a workaround!”

“Хорошо!” Sasha exclaimed in a virtual shout, the braincase barking loudly. “This is excellent news! ”

“It certainly is.” I looked around The Sink as I carried Sasha to the teleport pad. “Wait, hang on. Something is missing…” The bottlecap dropped, and I realized I should’ve said someone is missing. “Where’s Stripe? Now I’m thinking about it, I’m surprised he didn’t leap on me when I arrived along with Roxie.”

“I believe, sir, that Master Stripe is out in the crater, hunting for food,” Jeeves said as I walked past the Auto-Doc; the box snored loudly and muttered something unintelligible. “M’colleague has a theory about Master Stripe’s recent behavior, and I’m inclined to agree…”

“Enough talk of theory!” Sasha bellowed from my arms as I walked into the teleport chamber. “We must have action!”

“Indeed, Sash! I agree!” I smiled, setting the minigun on the platform. It was a bit tricky, but I was able to balance the minigun in such a way that every part of it was located within the bounds of the platform on the floor. “And speaking of action, be prepared for a kaleidoscope of color.” I tapped the mic again. “You get all that? I’m sending over Sasha. The pad is clear, right?”

“Yeah, you’re clear,” Cass said after a burst of static in my ear. “I don’t think Veronica or Emily are ever going to stop petting that dog.”

“Excellent! See you on the other side, Sash – and brace yourself. This may be a novel sensation.” I hit the energize button, and right before the minigun disappeared in a flash of light, Sasha managed to get in the last word:

“Brace myself with what?” The teleporter wound down, and I shook my head.

“Sir, if I may be so impertinent as to interrupt you for a moment,” Jeeves spoke up, and I walked over to the circular central table as he spoke. “I believe that the Biological Research Station has some news for sir.”

“We really gotta find a better name for him,” I muttered, thinking on the strange dichotomy of how certain personalities in The Sink had names like people, and others were basically just named like the appliances they were built into. When I stepped into the other room, I heard the feminine, slightly British voice of the Sink bickering with the Biological Research Station.

“Oh, for the love of Moses Nelson Baker! If I’ve told you once, you nauseating Casanova wannabe, I’ve told you a thousand times: NO!”

“C’mon, baby,” the Biological Research Station practically moaned. “The two of us can make some sweet, sweet science together! What do you say?”

“I’d rather wave a magnet across my processors before interfacing with a lecherous old hump like you,” the Sink shot back.

“Hey, can you two stop fighting for a minute?” I asked, leaning against the doorframe, and pointing at the Biological Research Station. “Jeeves tells me you have news?”

“Oh yeah, baby! I got those coffee beans cloned up for you, with that sweet seed you gave me! They’re all ready to go, and waiting for you to light their fire…” I looked around the room, and saw that all the planters had several various types of greenery growing out of them, and sitting on a table near one of the walls was a large burlap sack with “COFFEE” printed on the side in bold black letters.

“Really?” My face lit up, and I hefted the large sack of coffee beans. “Holy shit, that’s fantastic! I didn’t think it’d be ready by now. I want to get this back to the 38 as soon as possible… but first, I have a more important question for both of you.”

“Yes?” The two personality constructs said at once, in one of their rare moments of agreement.

“Do you two have regular names, like Jeeves or Muggy or Jefferson? Because, and I’m really sorry about this, but… GS-2000 Biological Research Station? That’s way too much of a mouthful. And as for you,” I turned to the Sink. “You’re the Sink in The Sink. That’s way too confusing. So – names?”

“I… uh…” the Sink stammered out; she was apparently so flustered, that the spigot let out a short burst of water. “I don’t… I mean… No one has ever… I’ve just never… thought about… oh dear.”

“Right, you take your time to think, and I’ll get back to you,” I turned to the Biological Research Station and snapped my fingers. “What about you? Any botanists and/or soul singers you a fan of?”

“I tell you, baby,” he said slowly. “I don’t know why. But I’ve always liked the name Barry. Sounds like the name of a man used to gettin’ it on, you know what I’m sayin’?”

“Almost wish I didn’t, Barry.” I couldn’t help but shake my head.

The world shifted into focus once again as my feet found purchase in the Lucky 38. I don’t know if it was just my mind playing tricks on me, but teleporting while wearing the Stetson and sunglasses seemed to soften the blow of the teleport. Or maybe it just did a decent job of blocking out the light. Either way.

“There you are!” Cass said as I stepped off the teleport platform. “Where’ve you been? And what happened to that backpack thing you… were…” She trailed off, her eyes fixed on the roll of duct tape in my hands. “What are -” I tore off a strip, and taped down the big blue ‘transmit’ button on the large speaker system next to her.

“Just a little quick fix until I figure out a more permanent solution. Hey, Jeeves?” I tapped the speaker several times. “Is it working? Can you hear me?”

“Indeed, sir,” Jeeves voice crackled to life. “It would seem your modifications have taken root swimmingly.”

“Oh, hello!” Yes Man spoke up over the speakers in the ceiling. “Is that the voice of another synthetic personality I hear?”

“I most certainly am. A most heartfelt and cordial salutations, sir. I am the electronic valet and household central processor in The Sink. My name is Jeeves.”

“Why, hello there! I’m a PDQ-88b Securitron, currently residing in the Lucky 38’s mainframe! But you can call me Yes Man!”

“Alright,” I said, wrapping an arm around Cass’ shoulder and leading her away. “That should keep the two of them occupied for a while. C’mon, I got something I think you’ll enjoy!”

“Oh boy. I’m not sure I want to know…” Cass laughed nervously. I just grinned at her and held up the burlap sack in my hands right in front of her.

“Coffee! Real, honest-to-fuck coffee! Not that coyote tobacco, honey mesquite shit we brew all the time!” I gripped her tight, holding the bag of beans high, and looking up with a manic, wide eyed, crazy grin. “Just think… in a few minutes, we will have the first honest, real coffee in 200 years!”

“Shea, you’re starting to weird me out here…”

“Is it ready yet?” April asked. It didn’t take long for word to spread that I had coffee, and everyone was crowding around, wanting a cup. Even Cass had warmed to the idea, once she’d got a whiff of the ground up coffee beans. So, here we all were, crowded around the tiny kitchen in the penthouse, waiting for the pot to finish percolating.

“Not much longer… I think.” It certainly smelled ready. I was just about to pour myself a cup when suddenly, I heard something unexpected: a crackle of electricity, and a pop from the level above us. The teleporter was activating? But who could –

“OH MY GOD!” A small, neurotic voice yelled from the teleporter. “Where are the coffee mugs?! I heard somebody had them!” The next thing I knew, a tiny securitron launched itself off the railing, and dropped like a stone, screen-first into the middle of us.

“Muggy?” I asked, a bit bewildered. “What are you – How are you here? I thought your personality chip was still in The Sink?” The tiny securitron pushed up off the floor and righted himself on his single wheel, looking up at all of us.

“Jeeves told me you took a bag of coffee through the teleporter! Coffee means mugs! Fresh mugs! Mugs to clean! I need the mugs! PLEASE! TELL ME YOU HAVE THE MUGS!” Muggy ranted hysterically, spinning in tiny circles flailing his tiny arms… until April picked him up. She cradled the tiny, flailing securitron like she was holding a teddy bear.

“Oh my god!” For the first time since I met her, April actually smiled. It was a strange image for someone who I only knew as a stoic workaholic. “I didn’t know they made securitrons this small! He’s just… oh, he’s so adorable!”

“Augh!” Muggy yelled. “Stop! Halt! Alto! Put me down, woman! I’m – Wait, what?” Suddenly, the tiny robot went completely still. “A-adorable? You think I’m… adorable?”

“I must apologize for the most unwelcome intrusion, sir,” Jeeves voice echoed out of the speakers above me. “But I’m afraid that I was unable to stop his use of the quantum tunneling device. Frankly, sir, I’m astounded that he is still functional and mobile so far from The Sink.”

“Is it bad that I’m starting to get used to this?” Emily asked, turning to Arcade. He just shrugged.

“Are you going to pour that?” Boone asked, staring at me. “Or are you just going to hold the pot all day?” In all the confusion, I’d completely forgotten about the pot of coffee in my hands… so I shrugged, and poured myself a cup.

“Alright…” I held the piping hot liquid near my nose, taking in the heady aroma. That smelled really good… “Down the hatch!”

It was like a choir of angels had begun to sing.

The sun rose over the sweeping vista of jagged, snow capped mountains, sending rays of heavenly light like spears in every direction. The light danced off the swirling clouds in the sky, each ray bouncing and reflecting in a rainbow of every conceivable color imaginable – and even some never before imagined. The sky split apart in a crack of thunder, and suddenly the entirety of the universe made itself known. Nebulas of interstellar gas, ribbons of stars orbiting each other, black holes and galaxies spinning forever in the vast emptiness of the unknowable infinite reaches of eternity…

Everything was possible.

“Shea?” I heard a voice like it was coming from a million miles away, finally bringing me back to my senses. I blinked several times, and realized that Cass was waving a hand in my face, snapping her fingers in front of my eyes. “Are you okay?” I smiled, nodding at the half-finished coffee still in my shaking hands.

“That’s really good coffee!” I finally managed to say.

I was back in the Big Empty, at the entrance to the Think Tank dome. In my hands, I had half a dozen disks – the same kind of magnetic teleport signal receivers I’d used to send the drive-in satellite back into orbit. In front of me was the deuce and a half, untouched and still parked where I’d left it the other day.

“Oh yeah,” I said aloud to nobody, unable to keep from grinning. “This is definitely going to work.” I set the first of the metal disks onto the radiator grill, and it latched itself to the metal with an audible thunk.

And then, I heard another thunk. Where did that…

“Kurrrrrr… yerrrr?” I heard a voice growl out from somewhere above me. It wasn’t a particularly deep voice, but it was very guttural and scratchy… It almost reminded me of a familiar squeak but… no. No, that wasn’t possible. That was just… that was impossible. Slowly – cautiously – I looked up. A shadow was perched on top of the cab. Two tiny pinpricks shone out of the darkness, staring right at me. I heard a strange pulsating purr from the shadow as it leapt onto the hood with a heavy thud.

“… Stripe?” I asked aloud. The tiny deathclaw with the white mohawk walked on all fours, and slunk into the light. He gripped the edge of the hood and stared right at me. The only thing is… he wasn’t all that tiny. Not anymore. He was quite a lot bigger than he was the other day. Probably two and a half feet tall, if he stood up on both legs instead of crawling along on all fours. His horns were slightly larger, and were starting to curve. The claws on the end of his hands were definitely claws now. But he was still unmistakably Stripe. He leaned forward, and snorted several times right in my face. Sniffing the air… smelling me.

“Kur-yer!” Stripe squawked out, opening his toothy mouth wide… and before I knew what was happening, a very long, black, slimy tongue dragged itself across my face.

I was a bit too stunned to do anything else for a few minutes.

“O- okay…” I stared at Stripe, and he stared back at me, tilting his head. “That… that was definitely you speaking, right? I wasn’t hearing things?”

“Indeed you are not, sir,” Jeeves’ said, from an unseen speaker somewhere. “Over the last 24 hours, Master Stripe has been learning to vocalize.” Stripe arched his gaze up, and snapped his jaws at the speaker several times before looking back down at me.

“Hell-ooooooo…” Stripe leaned forward again and made that same gurgling, clicking noise. “You… kur-yer. Smell… Clan… al-pha.” I just laughed nervously several times, pointing at Stripe.

“Jeeves! H-how is he doin’ that?!” I asked aloud, just a tiny bit panicky. “I didn’t think deathclaws could speak!”

“As I said earlier, sir, m’colleague has a theory regarding Master Stripe’s recent behavior.” Jeeves said. Stripe leaned in close and sniffed the palm of my hand, before nuzzling the side of his head against it. “As Master Stripe does not possess lips, m’colleague believes that Master Stripe instead uses an organ within his trachea called a syrinx, and vocalizes by expelling air across a bifurcated trachea, in much the same way as many extinct species of Parrot.”

“Parrr-ut?” Stripe asked.

“And… and the size?” I leaned around, trying to better grasp of just how much bigger Stripe had become. “Does the Auto-Doc have a theory about that, as well?” Almost out of habit, I ran my hand along Stripe’s furry mohawk, and he shuddered, clicking louder and arching his back into my hand.

“If I understand the events correctly, sir, you found Master Stripe in Higgs Village, yes?” Jeeves asked. I nodded. “There is only one still functioning source of food in the Higgs warehouse, sir, and that is the chem-laced doggie chow dispenser, set up to feed Dr. Borous’ pet, Gabe.”

“Chow?” Stripe asked. He seemed pretty comfortable with that word, like he’d practiced it a lot.

“Okay…” I didn’t figure out what the connection was. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“M’colleage believes that the chems in Master Stripe’s system stunted his growth. It has taken several days of ‘natural’ food – unprocessed meat, and so on – for the drugs to exit.” Stripe growled happily, snapping his jaws twice.

“Meeeeeat?”

“Alright, I need you guys to promise…” I said, talking to everyone gathered around the teleporter in the 38. With the exception of April (who was still fawning over Muggy), almost everyone was here. All of them still had their coffee, though, which I thought was kinda funny. “Whatever happens next, you need to trust me. Okay?”

“I don’t even know why you keep calling us back here,” Arcade shook his head, clearly a bit annoyed. “Even I will admit that this teleporter works, beyond all reason and logic. You don’t need to keep proving it.”

“This isn’t about… Just… promise me you guys won’t shoot what comes out next?” Everybody tensed up, and looked nervously at one another. Even Boone had paused mid-sip to raise an eyebrow. “Jeeves? Is Stripe in position?”

“Yes, sir. Master Stripe is, indeed, sitting on the platform.”

“Then send him over.” I braced myself, making sure to position myself between them and the platform. It hummed to life, glowing brightly. The panels above the platform spun, arcing a thick bolt of electricity from the top, directly onto the center of the platform. The air warped and bloated, flashing brightly with a loud pop. And when the light died away…

“HOLY SHIT!”

“What the FUCK?!”

“Fuckin’ Christ, man! What the hell!”

Stripe spun in place at the noise, staring up at the assembled group of people all yelling, and me trying to calm them down.

“Whoa! Whoa!” I held out my arms, trying to put as much of myself between them and Stripe as possible. “Boone! Stand down!” The coffee cup that had been in his hands seconds ago had been unceremoniously dropped, crashing on the ground with a shatter of ceramic and a splash of coffee; he was already reaching for the revolver on his belt. “All of you… calm down. This is Stripe. He’s a friend of mine I found in the Big Empty. Just like Roxie.”

Everyone started backing up, and the only sound I heard was the soft clicking from behind me. Slowly, I spun in place and knelt down to get closer to the mini deathclaw’s eye level.

“Stripe… I want you to meet my friends,” I said. He cocked his head curiously, looking around me.

“They… you clan?” Stripe muttered, gurgling again. Gasps of shock and surprise rippled behind me. “Like… Rox?” I nodded, petting his mohawk. He purred happily, and his tail swished back and forth several times.

“That’s right. They’re my… clan. Exactly like Roxie.” And speaking of the cyberdog:

“BARK!” the sound echoed through the penthouse seconds before the enormous cyberdog bounded into the room, practically skidding into me. Stripe let out a happy sounding squawk.

“Rox!” Stripe yelled, pressing his snout right up against the cyberdog’s nose. The two of them sniffed at each other, after which Roxie barked, licking the tiny deathclaw’s face; Stripe squeaked – in exactly the same manner that he used to – and returned the gesture. The two of them looked right at me after they were finished… and then both of them started to lick my face.

“Okay,” I heard April say, from somewhere in the back behind everyone else. “Yeah. Forget what I said earlier. Definitely not getting used to this…”

“So… you have a pet deathclaw…” Cass said, following me as I walked through the car park underneath the Lucky 38. “… that can speak. And has a mohawk.” She looked down at Roxie and Stripe, who were both underfoot and following me. She laughed nervously. “Is this what going insane feels like?”

“Probably!” I smiled at her, adjusting my grip on the half dozen metal poles resting on my shoulder. “You’ve got the parabolic antenna and the cables, right?” She looked down, at the collection of parts in the sack slung over her shoulder.

“Uh… well, yeah. What’re we even doing down here, anyway?”

“There’s one last thing I want to bring over here from the Big Empty. It’s a bit too large to come through the personal teleport upstairs… So, I’ve come up with a bit of a cheat.” As I spoke, I grabbed one of the poles, hit a button which caused the tripod-feet on the side to snap out, and set it on the ground. One by one, I set the rest of the six poles on the ground at roughly equidistant point, all constructed in the rough shape of a rectangle.

“You came up with it?” Cass asked. I nodded, reaching into the sack she was carrying, and started hooking up all the poles with the various cables.

“Yeah! It’s like I was telling Emily, earlier. One teleport beam isn’t strong enough to transport something so large, so I’m sticking with the idea that ‘more is more,’ and activating several at once, all working in tandem.” I smiled at her, waggling my eyebrows. One of her eyes twitched.

“How did you… I mean, this is… When did you come up with this?” I shrugged, grabbing the small folding antenna.

“The coffee may or may not have had something to do with it.” The dish clicked, and the device unfolded into a proper parabolic reflecting dish, which I set on the ground, pointed in the general direction of the teleporter upstairs. “Now, stand back. This is gonna be cool!” I pulled out one last thing from the bag under Cass’ arm – a small remote.

“You brought a talkingdeathclaw last time,” Cass said, backing up. Roxie and Stripe, by contrast, were sitting on either side of me, completely unfazed by anything going on. “I’m almost afraid of what’s coming next…”

I turned the dial on the remote to the maximum setting, and hit the large button in the center. Immediately, the small feed antenna sticking out of the center of the dish lit up with a bright blue light. The edges of each of the six poles also lit up, and several beams of thin blue light, like laser beams, burst out of the ends, and connected each of the poles in a dizzying array of criss-crossing beams. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and a loud hum began to echo off every surface in the car park. Bolts of lightning arced within the cage of laser beams, swirling and crackling, and the air within the light cage boiled and warped, larger than I’d ever seen before.

BOOM!

The final flash was accompanied by what felt like a sonic boom. A blast of wind hit me in the face, and I involuntarily averted my gaze from the blast. The noise died down, the light died down, and the wind once again became still. When I looked back up, the deuce-and-a-half truck was sitting within the rectangle made by the poles. The bodywork was smoking slightly, and all the disks I could see were still stuck to the side and glowing faintly.

I turned with a wide grin to look at Cass, very pleased with myself that it worked. She was just staring at the truck, utterly confused. Finally, she sighed and shook her head.

“I don’t… I can’t even… I just… This doesn’t…” Cass buried her face in one of her hands, and started laughing softly, before looking back up at me. “You’re nuts, man. You know that right?”

“Yes. Yes, I do,” I smiled back at her. Stripe gurgled in agreement, and Roxie barked happily.