Nightmare System - Volume 1 Chapter 34 Looking Back

“You will allow this?!” Leon spoke as soon as he saw Hell walking towards himself. He had the same silly look on his face as if he was about to crack a joke. Leon, for some reason, hoped it would be different when it was really him this time and not the copy. Learning that it went back to get Hell gave him a slight hope. But, after all, with his speed, it wasn’t a big deal if he wanted to catch up to them, so it was understandable why he didn’t think it would be a copy previously.

“Look; Leon, Leila, I do like you guys, but we’ll have to leave soon and the army needs to eat. What do you hope to achieve with this?” Hell asked with a now apathetic look on his face, as if wanting to get back to relaxing back in the camp and this trivial business was simply bothersome to himself.

The vampires next to Hell were already quite hungry, eyeing the siblings’ every move during the brief time their Lord was gone. Leon and Leila also tried to appeal to their sense of mercy as well but failed to achieve any results whatsoever.

None of the vampires truly changed after falling under Hell’s rule. Sure, each was proud of their base, but strong had always ruled the weak. There was no Greenskin Rights Movement they could hide behind. The two siblings thought the vampires really would be different under the new rule, at least subconsciously, because of the polite and nice treatment they received, blind to the fact that they would be killed by the entire base if they were two random people stranded in a sea of these hungry creatures.

“Will you not let these people go?” Leila asked with a cracking voice and teary eyes. She remembered her own family and how they had lost them. Her big brother was all she had, so she embraced him, promising to never let go.

Hell turned to one of the vampires and asked: “Does it seem plausible if you let the ones behind them go? Is there enough running around?”

“We wouldn’t eradicate the entirety of the town anyway as per your instructions, but of course, they will not be touched if you deem it so,” the vampire replied with respect.

“Splendid, go away now. Go catch some tasty prey!” Hell yelled with a laugh, but he was still very disturbed by what was happening right now. The siblings were different.

It was their eyes. The specific gleam they had in their eyes showed an intrinsic disgust to how Hell liked doing things. The world would continue to revolve no matter what Hell or someone else did. So what if they continued their useless tribal lives and survived for a few more days only to die in some other war with another tribe or by being eaten by the predators all around? Life was just not as important as they deemed it to be.

The gleam in those eyes clearly showed that Hell was once more abandoned. It was his fault, he had let his feelings run wild and thought these people were accepting enough. Were all people expected to be compassionate and polite all the time? They surely weren’t, and Hell learnt it hard way that being kind was only viable if people around you happened to allow your existence around themselves.

His mind drifted into an earlier memory as he gazed into the eyes of Leila, still defending the Greenskin children behind her, seemingly even from Hell. She was the vampire, not himself, what was that about?

“F.u.c.k off!” the angry man yelled. “I am not going to let a shitty brat work here.” Helleborus stumbled down the few stairs in front of the shop as he lost his balance while trying to apologise for disturbing the man. He remembered the stories his grandfather would tell him before he died, that he would just walk into a shop and voice his desire to work there. It would work like a charm! Or so he thought back then.

“I am not a child,” Helleborus murmured to himself. He was 18 now, what was the problem? Sure, he looked younger with his babyface, but he even offered to show them his ID if they didn’t believe him. They were not very understanding as the times he went in such places with his father or mother.

Oh, how he missed them. His father was always knowledgeable and had opinions on many things. And his mother, his mother was a loving character whose love made Helleborus feel simply grateful, to the extent he would do anything for them. All the love he could have was provided to him and his little brother, any answer he would pose would be answered with a gentle smile. All he was asked in return was good grades and Helleborus, of course, did as such.

He cleared the dust on his pants and checked his phone. Although the sun was still up, it was already 8 pm. It was a good phone he was gifted by his parents for his success in school. The only flaw of his parents Helleborus could think of was that they didn’t like saving much and loved living in the moment. Helleborus did, too, but he also couldn’t deny it was irresponsible behaviour. They still had some money in their bank accounts, so the two brothers had survived with that money for the last few months.

Helleborus was a person who had always been grateful for any kind of love. Familial love was especially important to him and he would do anything for his family, ignoring his needs or desires if there need be. He had been like that since he was a toddler. He remembered his mother telling some stories about his childhood. Apparently, even as a toddler, he acted as if he was full so he wouldn’t get the last bite from any sweet and dessert. He would become happier as long as his parents could eat that bit. And they’d always act the part for Helleborus.

The last family member he had left, his brother, was shattered after the death of their parents. It was an unfortunate accident that changed the two brothers. Helleborus has been quite in control of his emotions for the majority of his life and crying on cue was something he discovered while he was entertaining the idea even, one of his odd quirks.

It was all easy, once you did realise that controlling one’s emotions wasn’t a feat by itself or hard for that matter. Everyone could do it, they just didn’t, preferring to wallow in shame, guilt or sadness when they were struck by them. “Just don’t be sad,” was indeed a viable option to one that could control his emotions. Of course, this didn’t mean he would prefer to shut off all those negative emotions. Helleborus loved both positive and negative ones, finding the beauty in each of them.

His brother was only four years younger than himself, 14 years old, but was still a cry-baby. It was all right, Helleborus would protect him forever if he had to. He had taught his little brother to be kind and polite as they were growing up, like Helleborus himself was taught by his parents. He always had a mature mind compared to his peers, and enjoyed doing anything for his family.

The little sibling cried his eyes out throughout the first month and was depressed in the following two. It was the third month when Hell realised the money in the bank would barely last them this month, coupled with the almost reckless spending of a loving big brother. It felt as if the money was crumbling away into nothing with unfathomable speed.

They didn’t have to pay for rent since they had two apartments and chose to stay in one. Helleborus was trying to sell the second one, but it was hard being so unknowing about the world, people always tried to scam himself, so he would shut down most of the prospective buyers as soon as he figured something was amiss. It was same with realtors, he couldn’t bring himself to trust them, either.

Helleborus would spend most of his time tending to his brother, being by his side at least so that he could have a shoulder to cry on. Seeing the crying face of his brother was the only thing that could almost make Helleborus weep uncontrollably. Being unable to keep his brother from crying would surface as an untameable fury against himself in his heart. Of course, he would quell it and try not to make any more problems for his little brother. He innately knew that he had to take care of his brother, no matter what.

He walked the streets and tried to apply for a few more jobs. He was polite, but he would never beg for anything. Why he wouldn’t do so wasn’t as simple as a matter of pride, but he couldn’t explain it very well himself. There was no yield in his search, he was either rejected or he was told that he would be “called back”. He was sure he was qualified enough for a myriad of other jobs, too. But without a degree, it was useless to even ask for those jobs that were on the better side. Minimum-wage jobs were all he could go for.

He was fine, however, he simply dispersed all emotions within himself and became a wall that would guard that little brother of his from all attacks from the outside. Granted, they weren’t in the worst shape at the moment, but the last thing he would want would be that his brother would be depressed once more when he realised they were broke when he finally showed a few signs of recovery after three months. It would be fine, Helleborus would provide. His only problem was his more frequent than ever nightmares and that he could only sleep around 3 hours a day now. But it would all be fine, as long as his brother was fine.

“Welcome, sir, what can I get you?” the beautiful waitress asked. She had a bespoken dress that complemented her curves and a face looked to be almost shining. Her presence explained the excess number of men in the shop.

“Hello,” Helleborus said. “If it’s no trouble, I wanted to apply for a job here Would that be possible, do you think?”

“Oh,” the waitress said, her smile almost completely disappearing. “I wouldn’t know, go ask someone else behind the counter,” she said and dismissed Helleborus.

Any beauty she exuded outside abruptly turned into ashes before Helleborus’ eyes. There was no reason to be rude to someone else when he was being so polite. In fact, why was he even polite? Would his parents disapprove of it? Was that his reason for being polite to people? His brother surely wouldn’t care, so why would he continue his shenanigans?

Helleborus walked toward the counter and was promptly rejected after the owner saw some dust remaining around his pants. It may sound trivial, but this was a finer establishment, and apparently, that was enough to kick Helleborus out.

It was another disappointment and another day spent with no gains. He called his brother and said he would be late, that he should make some food for himself and eat.

“Okay,” his brother said and hung up the phone.

“At least he’s talking,” Helleborus mumbled under his breath.

Helleborus took a bus after that, arriving at the cemetery, visiting his parents again. It was pouring and no one else was there. Their presence would be a problem, after all, he would be uncomfortable with others around him.

“It’s unfair,” Hell said looking at the graves. “I wish I could trade my life for you guys.”

There was no answer from the graves neither from the soil around himself. He wasn’t expecting an answer, but he just had to find a place to vent.

“I can’t find a job, it’s nothing like my granddad said, dad…”

“I don’t know how to take care of Devlin like you would, mom”

“My anger is swelling up again, it’s killing me as if the feeling itself is real enough to scorch my insides”

Helleborus has always been a kid with uncontrollable anger as a child, only learning to control it in his later years. It was to the extent that he wouldn’t even remember the things he did while he was angry, he would blackout. But he learnt to control it, eventually. Everything would be fine as long as he didn’t allow his anger to surface or take control.

He stood there on their graves, unable to shed tears, albeit feeling them welling up in his eyes. He felt if he gave up once, all would pour out, and he would become weak. He couldn’t ever become weak. He couldn’t afford to. If he was strong, everything could be possible. He knew the dead could neither reply nor would they be able to help. This was his only way of getting closer to his parents. They were now rotting beneath the earth, gone forever. He couldn’t yet allow Devlin to visit them, he couldn’t handle it.

“I just need to have my priorities straight, don’t I?” Helleborus murmured. “I will handle it, please just rest easy, wherever you may or may not be.”

Helleborus always wanted to believe that the body was not the end of a person, more so the end of himself and his family. He checked his watch and saw it was already midnight. He had to leave now to catch the last bus, otherwise, he would be stranded here until morning.

“Farewell,” Helleborus said. He never liked bidding farewell to anyone, separations always bothered him. He, however, made an exception this time, one that he would never forget. “I will take care of Devlin.”

He walked fast and without interruption, listening to his music. He loved listening to music and found great joy in it. After walking a while, he saw the bus stop and the bus arriving from the distance. He had just made it, as he guessed. The bus would be at the stop in a minute.

“Nice phone,” a man commented from behind him. He seemed to be a homeless man in his late forties.

“Thanks,” Helleborus said, keeping to himself and putting the phone in his pocket once more.

“Can I see it for a second?” the man said as he walked next to him.

“No,” Helleborus said and started walking once more, only to be stopped by the man and pulled into a corner. The man’s clothes were torn and looked to be patched in most places. The man’s foul stench wandered into his nose and cause him to suddenly jerk with disgust. It was quite impressive, considering the pouring rain they were under.

The man drew his knife and pointed it towards Helleborus. “Give it to me now!” he said.

Hell’s heart raced, anger swelled and turned into blazing fury, his eyes dilating as he looked at the man in fury. All he could think was: “If I died, no one else will take care of my brother. I can’t die! I can’t die!” he screamed in his mind as adrenaline rushed into his veins.

His migraine started acting up again as the adrenaline rushed him as the world seemed to be flowing much slower than usual. This man before him wasn’t acting according to the norms of the world? Why? Why would Hell do that, then? He only knew one thing, he couldn’t risk dying, or even being hospitalised. Leaving a person in pain alone with his thoughts? No matter what Hell did, he could never be that cruel to his little brother.

His heart pained and he could almost the heartbeat in his ears.

“Give me the phone, or die like a bitch!” the man yelled as he laughed. Seeing that the kid before him froze, he took the initiative to yank the phone off his hand. As soon as the man touched him, Hell was thrown back into reality once more and reacted quickly, and harshly. He took the knife that was flimsily held in the man’s hands and stabbed him with the knife. The man started punching Hell, not even realising he was stabbed as he looked for his knife.

Hell stabbed him again and again while being punched, then lodged the knife in the man’s throat. The hoodlum fell over finally, and Hell was shaking. He had a huge grin on his face, experiencing the thrill and fear of taking a human life. He looked at his body to see if he was hurt anywhere. Seeing the blood on his coat, he left it with the corpse on the floor and started running after the bus that was just leaving. Everything had happened so fast, but Hell now knew that to survive, one needed to be decisive.

Taking a step forward, he would never let himself be bullied again. He would find a way of his own to earn money for his little brother. He was sure that he was already more qualified than the average graduate, albeit that being not very impressive, it would at least mean he could find something to do.