Not Good! The Villainess is Muddled - Chapter 21：Avalanche

“Yin Hua Lei, Have you no shame? Planned for her future? Does having my daughter adopted by a distant relative equivalent to planning for her future? While you wantonly chase after a man who will never look at you? Can’t you lie any better than this?”

He was leaning so close to her as he lightly held her neck with his ice cold fingers.

Yin Hua Lei received the greatest shock in her life.

The man in front of her almost whispered, his mellow voice flowed smoothly to her ears as though he was a lover whispering sweet nothings.

But the words he spoke were infinite needles directly and repeatedly stabbing her heart.

It was true, she planned for Tiandi to be secretly adopted by a distant Yin aunt. It was true that after she returned that year, she upped her pursuit of Xia Yu Heng because she was threatened by the attention he was giving Bai Chen Rong who just returned to the capital after living in the suburbs for many years.

What Yin Hua Lei wanted back then was to be Chang wangfei. She poured everything she got to seize Xia Yu Heng’s love.

It was all true but that was before! She had just recently given up and was looking forward to living alone all her life. Even if the Emperor planned to use her marriage, she could just request divorce after a year or two.

No one could force her to lie down with the man the Emperor would betroth her to. And she could still live as she wished even if she was married. Her princess title alone ensured that part.

But what she wanted the most was to retrieve her daughter no matter what. Only then could her heart finally be at ease.

Only then could she finally say that she really escaped the plot.

The original plot didn’t say anything about Yin Hua Lei having a daughter. Although she wasn’t sure why, it was still good as her child didn’t have any part in this cursed fate.

When she became aware of it and wanted to change what would become of her, she longed for the daughter that was gone from her. Now that she’d seen her again, how could she let go?

From the emotions running rampant inside Yin Hua Lei right now, the most predominant was actually regarding this man in front of her.

The feathery touch to her neck was also her main focus. She could feel how cold his fingers were and it was as though they were the channel that emitted all the rage Xia Lian Bei had inside his body.

The coldness seeped through her skin and settled on her heart. His anger was unlike any other. The scholars would often depict this kind of emotion as hot and burning like a volcano brewing and then exploding.

But Xia Lian Bei’s fury was like a single snowball on top of the highest peak of the winter mountains. The harmless little snowball innocently rolled down and the more it spun, the bigger it became.

The great avalanche all fell on Yin Hua Lei. It was merciless, freezing her blood to a halt, suspending her in the arctic chill.

Xia Lian Bei didn’t squeeze her neck, merely holding and even rubbing his thumb against her chin.

Yin Hua Lei’s pupils sank with this mere action. What shocked her the most was this man could actually take her life!

She knew herself best and rarely overestimated her abilities. But she was aware that with her education since childhood, very few in Da Xia could rival her martial arts.

She shunned this same ability when pursuing Xia Yu Heng because a princess should always be gentle and meek.

Then again, she was also forbidden to carelessly show off her abilities.

When Xia Lian Bei made a move earlier, she let him because she was guilty of her wrongdoings. But sensing his hand’s contact with her skin, just one touch and she knew. She knew that the prince had the ability to kill her if they fought one on one.

At most, she considered the royalty’s training to be better than normal martial arts training.

It was because she was confident of the hell she experienced in childhood which was what her grandfather called training.

How… How could Feng wang be this dangerous? To actually be on par with my abilities…

Like a predator, Xia Lian Bei felt her fear. He couldn’t help but be delighted as he licked his lips.

He wasn’t even aware how his hate and desire to trap Yin Hua Lei was merging.

He wanted her to feel pain, to tear the mask she always wore. He yearned for the raw emotions to be clearly written all over her face. He craved to rip the disguise she adorned herself with. And see just how bare she could be.

Yin Hua Lei’s hair stood on end, the alarms inside her brain blared.

She was about to pry his hands away when he spoke.

“In this life, you can never take my daughter. You left her once. You have no right to take her back.”

That’s when all hell broke loose.

Without warning, Yin Hua Lei clutched the man’s lapels.

“How dare you! Speaking like the most righteous father? How dare you! If not for you…! If not for that night… if not for me being weak… It was you! It was you!”

All the sentiments she carried since that year that she never dared to open and kept bottled up inside her surged at once. She was infuriated, shamed, indignant, sad, regretful, alone and miserable.

The disappointments she experienced all just toppled over one another and now that she was triggered, it couldn’t be stopped.

The innocence she lost, the child she could never hold for fear of society’s punishment, the love she could never have, the family she could never experience.

For once, she spoke incoherently, not really knowing what she was saying as she just exploded in front of this insufferable man.

Xia Lian Bei got his wish.

Yin Hua Lei broke down.

Yes, wretchedness was the only word.

The words tumbling off her lips couldn’t even make a whole sentence as her voice cracked and her shoulders shook along with pitiful sobs.

Xia Lian Bei thought he’d be glad to see her misery, how she’d shatter to pieces.

It was actually quite the opposite.

Her pain assaulted his very soul. Her tears weighed down his heart. Again, he was struck with realization as a huge force squeezed and gripped his chest.

Xia Lian Bei woke himself up. He couldn’t afford to be lured with casual salty tears.

He shouldn’t be trapped by emotions. Never again.

Breaking free from Yin Hua Lei’s clutch, he heartlessly said: “Even if you cry a bucket of blood, Tiandi is a Xia. She will remain that way. Maybe if you chose to stay by her side back then and told your parents of the tragedy that happened, she would have been by your side today.”

When Yin Hua Lei heard those words, the tears abruptly stopped. She felt herself tremor with the indescribable wrath she was feeling.

“You horrible beas-… was I the one who forced myself to an ill woman? Back then, just what did you expect me to do with the child born out of defiling me?!”

Should she happily go back to her family and deliver the news that she was pregnant with a child of a stranger? What would happen to her then?

Yin Hua Lei only did what she thought was right back then. She didn’t dare to kill her own flesh but she couldn’t just announce to the world that was corrupted by a devil she didn’t even know.

Xia Lian Bei’s back was already turned to her. She didn’t see how his eyes flashed a strange empty light with her utterance.

He didn’t say anything and left the small house, disappearing into the night.

No one saw how his lips trembled or how blood flowed from his overly clenched fist.

***

After that night, Yin Hua Lei locked herself in her Blazing Rain pavilion. No one ever saw her face as the days of autumn passed.

She feigned sickness and wouldn’t get out no matter who visited. She also rarely ate and looked like she had a death wish.

Her family was at a loss, sending imperial doctors and other healers who had great reputation. But they couldn’t find any diagnosis except for unstable emotions and ‘ailed with something weighing down her heart.’

The Yin clan was baffled. She was finally doing alright after the matter with the ninth prince.

So they assumed that it was likely connected with one of his Majesty’s missions. Yin Hua Lei probably met a hurdle she couldn’t pass so they respected her time alone for the mean time.

But who knew that winter was around the corner and she still refused to go out?

Only Yin Hua Lei herself knew what was happening.

It looked like she was moping around and sulking just because she didn’t get what she wanted but she knew just how much Feng wang’s words weighed.

In this life, it didn’t matter what effort she exerted. If Xia Lian Bei wanted, she wouldn’t even see her daughter’s shadow.

Yin Hua Lei earlier roughly guessed that Feng prince wasn’t an ordinary person, in light of his brother, the Emperor wasn’t someone so simple either.

But just that one on one encounter with Xia Lian Bei made her realize that Da Xia’s imperial uncle was a force to be reckoned with.

She even predicted that even if the Yin clan fought with him overtly or covertly, they wouldn’t necessarily win.

All in all, Feng wang shu’s words were akin to law. The little hope she had was powdered into dust.

Yin Hua Lei couldn’t even retaliate because she didn’t want the Emperor’s wrath coming down on her family. No matter what she did, as the daughter of Yin, her clan wouldn’t escape responsibility.

She promised to protect them and she would uphold it.

But by upholding it, she was giving up her child.

Wasn’t it tragic? One wouldn’t really get all the good things in life.

She even positively thought that once she found where her daughter was, she’d live with her for the rest of her days. And once the new Emperor was crowned, she would move out of the capital.

It was only wishful thinking.

Now, she didn’t even know what to do with her life.

Yes, she was a great asset for the Emperor. But even without her, his Majesty would still be fine. With his brain, he wouldn’t have just one ace up his sleeves.

Tiandi… Yin Hua Lei could only hold her once again after three years.

The lady who was listlessly lying down on her bed felt her chest. It was hollow.

Why did it feel so empty? Like she could reach in and actually snap at air.

She didn’t want this numbness. It was all futile anyway. Even if she wasn’t here, the Yin family would be safe now. Maybe this was what she should have done from the start?

Oh… she just remembered that she was supposed to be the villainess.

Maybe the villainess wasn’t really meant to have good endings. But either way, she liked the peace and quiet here.

Yes, this should end this way…