Office Diaries - Chapter 105

“Are you ready?”

Swallowing hard, Ria exchanged looks with her sisters as they gave her a squeeze for support before she nodded. They were sitting side by side at the doctor’s office where she would undergo therapy so she could retrieve all her lost memories, and if possible, cure her other malady too.

Honestly, she felt like a nervous wreck but her determination to get things over and done with was just as strong.

Ria already knew what was wrong with her. Her sisters told her that when she was a child, when they were still living in the US, their father had received a transfer letter to South Korea. She was too young then, and since both her parents were busy she and her other sister were left in the hands of a relative and her family to take care of them. Left alone in the hands of a nice caretaker, never had they thought that the very same person would abuse them. Since her older sister went to school, Ria was mostly the one who was hit.

Her sisters said that it was the shock and her denial of what had been done to her made Ria create another person— a stronger version of her to bear with it. At the beginning, none of them noticed the changes, until her personality transformed completely.

When they brought her to a specialist years ago, they had discovered that she had a mental disorder bordering on dual personality but they kept it from her since it was mild and the other Ria, aside from being more impulsive and mischievous was still a good person and she rarely came out.

Ria could remember her abusive aunt and her brood. But after those events when she had first been hurt, she couldn’t. Even when the abuse stopped when her dad finally got a bigger house for them in Korea, Ria’s memory ŀȧpses continued.

Thinking about it, she never really had a serious problem with that since the memory ŀȧpses weren’t grave. That was until she realized that she had completely forgotten fifteen months of her life.

“Let’s start,” her sister announced and she breathed in, a nervous smile curving her lips as she turned to the psychiatrist who looked at her kindly.

“This won’t hurt Ria. I will just make you relax and then put you in a trance,” the elderly doctor said and Ria swallowed once more before she nodded.

The plan was to get the other her out, let the doctor talk to her and by that maybe compromise with herself so that the two personalities would meld.

Ria knew this healing would take a long time but she didn’t mind. What she wanted to know was what made the other her disappear so suddenly. Aside from that…

“Will I remember after that?” she asked the doctor in a small voice; her heart and breath in a standstill as she waited for the answer. She wanted— she needed to remember her other self’s memories.

“That Ria, only you can answer,” the kind doctor told her. “It depends on your self-acceptance whether you’d remember or not. The reason why you made the other version of you in the first place was because you refused to accept what had been done to you,” he continued, and she nodded in understanding.

“I will try my best,” she stated with conviction. She wanted to know everything. She desperately wanted to know everything about herself, and she wouldn’t let any version of her run away anymore.

“I’m ready,” she said as she swallowed hard. Her heart pounded loudly in her ċhėst but she was more determined than scared now. “I’m ready,” she said again, this time in a much steadier voice.

In a few minutes, Ria was inclining against the couch, her body totally relaxed as she let the doctor’s soothing voice lull her. The next thing she knew, she was already somewhere far away— somewhere he’d never been before where everything was dark except for the area where she was standing. It was as if she was on a stage with the surroundings pitch black with a spotlight trained on her.

“W-where…?” her voice trailed off as she searched the place but she couldn’t see past a couple of steps from her.

Realizing she was alone, she once again felt fear in her ċhėst, thinking she’d been abandoned until she heard a rustling sound behind her and she turned.

“Who’s there?” she demanded.

Panic rose in her throat as the rustling noise became louder and she stepped back. As soon as she did however, the source of the sound showed itself— or rather herself.

“Y-you…” she whispered as she stared wide-eyed at her, the other Ria Davis.

Her other version looked exactly like her and yet there was this air of dissimilarity. The other one, although she bore the same face looked more drawn— wearier as if she had been shouldering a lot of troubles for a long time. She was paler, thinner, and more fragile looking than she was. But the most distinctive characteristic of the other her was her eyes. Her other self’s orbs were haunted.

“You’re finally here,” the other her stated as the two of them studied each other. “I’ve been waiting for a long time for you to realize I exist. I’ve been fighting for the two of us for so long. I already gave up hoping for the day you’d have the courage to face me.”

Hearing sorrow in the other’s voice, Ria gathered her courage and stepped forward until she was only inches away from the other.

“I’m… I’m sorry… I will not leave you alone anymore…” she whispered as she slowly reached for the other’s hand and took it in hers.

As soon as their flesh touched, their hands where they’re joined glowed and warmth started seeping into each other’s bodies. Their fears, their insecurities and doubts became one, the two of them became connected and Ria found it easier to understand the other as if she’d known about her for a long time.

She was ready.

Ria was ready to gather both pieces of herself and become a whole person. But before she could do that, she must find out what truly happened.

“Tell me. Tell me everything,” she softly implored and the other her closed her eyes. “Do you remember that time after the competition?” the other asked and she bit her lip.

“I only remember winning and then going out with my— our friends after,” she answered. “Our sisters said there was an accident. That’s where I got our scar,” she continued, referring to the scar on her temple as she recalled what her sisters told her.

Ria went out with her classmates to unwind and to celebrate their winning. But on their way home, the classmate who was responsible to drive their car got a little inebriated and their car collided with a truck.

“I totally forgot about the accident. I can’t remember what happened after that either,” she confessed.

“That’s right,” the other Ria told her solemnly. “Because the accident had been too painful for you. Whenever you feel hurt, you hide. It was my job to take over and make everything okay,” the other informed her as she searched her face. “I’ve taken over our body since that time. Unlike you, I know everything about us. It was easy for me to continue our day to day life.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized again. She felt ashamed of her own cowardice, but the other shook her head. Even like this, the other her still refused to let Ria blame herself.

“Don’t be sorry Ria. Because of that, I was able to meet him. I was able to meet the person you admired so much— to have a chance to get to know why your heart beat for him that day at the competition. Because of you I experienced how to fall in love and to be loved in return.”

With this, Ria’s eyes widened recognizing who her other self was talking about. The other her then smiled wistfully and they stared at each other.

“Are you talking about…?”

“Michael,” the other finished her question and she inhaled sharply. “Yes, I’m talking about him,” she said again, this time with a gentler smile on her face. “Before you disappeared, you had signed a contract with Charles Wong. When I took over, I continued with your plans. I came to work as scheduled and I was ȧssigned under Charles who works directly for Michael. That was when it started,” she said as he lashes lowered as if in reminiscence

“Only after two months of meeting each other, we fell in love. We knew we had to get married. Even if I knew that I was only borrowing your life for a while, I couldn’t resist. I had to be with him. We got engaged and we married two weeks after.”

Ria nodded, recalling what her sisters told her days ago when she first found out about her condition.

“Our big sisters said I would always call them and talk about Michael. They said I sounded so happy and so in love they weren’t surprised at all when I told them I was getting married,” she continued fondly and then the tenderness vanished from her expression, replaced by confusion.

“But then they said after marriage, my calls became infrequent until it stopped,” she said as she searched the other’s face. “What happened? What happened back then? What happened to you?”

“What happened?” the other repeated her question as her body glowed and Ria found herself a recipient of the other’s memories. “Michael’s mother…hates me…No matter what I did— no matter how hard I tried she just wouldn’t accept me…”