Office Diaries - Chapter 144

It was early in the evening and I just finished my work for the day. The steady whirring of the air-conditioning system reverberating throughout the whole room was drowned out by my own humming, as I leaned back on my seat.

The tiring day’s finally over as I half-closed my eyes, only to open them again, and the hustling and bustling sound of the busy street fifteen stories below reached my ears. I lifted myself up from the chair and trudged towards the window, my palms spread against the glass, my nostalgic doe eyes peering outside, and my humming turned into a soft song as I reminisced.

I loved Broadway music.

“I peer through windows, watch life go by

Dream of tomorrow and wonder why…”

The song was the first stanza to one of the songs in my favorite Broadway musical Jekyll and Hyde. I didn’t know why, but, lately, I always found myself spacing out and singing this song. It was as if it’s the theme song of my life.

Or the past— the one that I couldn’t seem to forget.

Someone like you…

This was the title of the song— and the very words that person said when he spurned my feelings. Yes, this was related to that someone back in time who didn’t accept my love because he couldn’t believe that I could love.

“How could someone like you, love someone like me?”

My eyes became murky with memories as a boy from long ago’s pained, husky voice echoed in my mind. His words dripped with insecurities carved deep within his heart. Even though I was sincere, he did not believe me. I couldn’t blame him though. It wasn’t like I did something to make him give his faith. I was more of a coward than him – me, who had been scared to step out and fight for that love.

“The past is holding me, keeping life away

I wandered lost in yesterday

Wanting to fly, but scared to try…”

But that was a long time ago. So much has happened ever since, and that boy I gave my heart to only belonged in my memories now. Though my youthful adoration had toned down to a bittersweet reminiscence, I’ve always wondered how he’s doing…

“Nixie?”

A soft, yet, stern voice penetrated my thoughts, and startled, I turned around to look at my unexpected visitor.

A man stood across the room, blocking the doorway with his over the six-foot frame of tanned skin over pure muscle. His electrifying stance made me painfully aware of my delicate-looking self, opposite to his, with my pale translucent complexion and skinny frame. The only redeeming quality I had that I could think of was my pair of huge doe eyes I got from my mother – but I didn’t think that’s counted as I had them covered by thick-framed glasses.

Yes, I was nerdy. I preferred it this way. I didn’t want the world to see the “me” who couldn’t even look at herself – not since that day.

“What are you doing looking like a guarded kitten?”

The man laughed, his almond eyes twinkling as he crossed the room to slump on one of the chairs in front of my desk, and I hastily adjusted my glasses over the bridge of my nose before I walked back towards my seat and sat there.

“How may I help you?” I asked carefully, ignoring his last remark, acting as if I didn’t hear anything.

I couldn’t understand why, but this man could upset me without so much effort, despite me, having a reputation of being calm and not easily ruffled.

This however made the other more amused. I realized too late as his pair of almond orbs only brightened in amusement, his lips twitching in suppressed mirth.

“Whatever happened to ‘Hello there JT, baby, nice to see you looking so handsome for me again today. Where are you taking me out for our date this time?’ Aren’t you even going to greet me properly?”

The smile the man called JT gave me was so bright, that my brain became haywire, totally forgetting what I had been lamenting upon just minutes before. The thousand-megawatt look never failed to render me into a bumbling idiot. Overwhelmed, I inadvertently looked away, gathering my thoughts, and preparing my mind. I knew this man would be up to throwing my resolve into chaos once more.

“Our business isn’t until Monday next week. I don’t remember setting an appointment with you today,” I told him, amazed that I was able to put a semblance of control to my voice. God knew I was starting to get upset again, and I wanted to get rid of him – to make him go away.

“Who said anything about business? Haven’t you been listening? I said it’s a date, remember?”

Unabashedly, JT flashed me another smile, and my upset only worsened. It’s not that I disliked the guy. In fact, amazing as JT was, there was no one who could ever dislike him, including me. But…

“Nixie, I heard you turned him down again. I told you to be nice, remember? You know what will happen if JTsuddenly changes his mind and decides to leave.” The reproachful voice echoed in my ear and I placed a hand against my throbbing temple.

“There are so many other people out there – beautiful people, so why do I have to be his playmate? It’s not in my job description to date him,” I reasoned out, and a derisive snort came from the telephone which made me frown.

“Job description? Haven’t you been listening Nixie Kim? If JT leaves, you wouldn’t even have a fuċkɨnġ job at all.”

Hey this was plain blackmail, right? Feeling a wave of resignation, my shoulders slumped.

“Why me?” I almost wailed.

There was nothing in this world I could ever think of as to why JT, one of the top artists of the country, the enigmatic, yet, most sought after actor, model, and our company’s current endorser was so attached to me.

As the head of the department ȧssigned to the product he was modeling, I was tasked to cater to this man who surprisingly accepted our company’s offer in spite of being a small corporation. The moment we got introduced to each other a quarter of a year ago, the man in question had been a constant presence in my life.

“I’m not sure why either, Kim. I don’t understand why someone like you can interest him so much. All I know is that I was right on taking you with me when I presented the project to him – and now, I’m just glad JT likes you enough to stay with us,” my superior said thoughtfully, thinking of the three projects JT did with the company before clearing his throat. The man was clearly exploiting this phenomenon, and I was getting more and more upset by the situation.

“But what about my sanity?” I complained.

“What about it?” my boss countered coldly, and I was taken aback. “What do you have against the guy anyway? He’s treating you nicely, isn’t he? I heard he’s even in love with you that’s why he’s been pursuing you. You’re one lucky girl – what are you complaining about?”

“That’s just it…” I sighed in exasperation. Honestly, my superior was right – except that I really didn’t feel right with any of what’s happening. I…

Even though I had a beautiful face, nobody had ever seen it after high school. After being turned down painfully by the boy I had admired before, I had lost confidence and decided to hide my real self from the world. I couldn’t even look at my own face, so how could people look at me? Why was JT even bothering with someone like me? I was and still am a coward.

“You have that wary cat look again.” Again, JT’s voice penetrated my thoughts and I had no choice but to look at him. “Do you hate me?”

The point-blank question caught me off guard, and I immediately shook my head.

“No.” Of course not. How could I?

Looking at him now, the way my heart pounded painfully against my ċhėst, what I felt about this man was a far cry from hatred.

“I don’t hate you,” I replied honestly as I turned my gaze away once more.

No, I didn’t hate him. I just felt that I didn’t deserve this much attention from him, and it was stressing me so.

“Really?”

Like a young boy given his favorite toy, the superstar’s face brightened as he stood up from his seat.

“Then let’s go and have dinner together. I’ve always wanted to try out the newly opened Italian place nearby,” he said enthusiastically, and I no longer had an excuse, much less energy left to turn him down.